This is a topic that's really personal to me and a topic I'm sometimes really sensitive towards. But this blog represents me and everything that I am...but yeah. If you know me personally, or you have seen me or at least know what I look like, you'll know I don't look like your average guy. I have a skin condition called eczema, not sure how to explain that...feel free to google it. But yeah...that's why my face or my body or whatever may look a certain way. Why am I talking about this...well I wasn't born this way...I somehow got it when I was really young and have had it ever since. I bring this up because my mom and dad here and there always tell me, hey let's go to the doctors, let's try different creams and lotions and stuff...it annoys the heck out of me. Because I've been to so many doctors, in Canada, in Singapore...spent so much money on creams and lotions that don't work in my opinion and is all BS. But my parents constantly harass me telling me...well don't you wanna have good skin, you could be so handsome if you cleared up your skin. I get massively annoyed...cuz as I grow in my spiritual walk...I'm learning to love the skin I'm in...and just really embrace who I am you know. If someone is going to decide whether they wanna be my friend or whether they like me solely based on my looks...then I certainly don't even wanna associate with someone as shallow as that. Yeah sometimes, I sit and think about...if I looked normal...would I be more popular...would I have more friends...would more girls like me...would I be a ladies man you know? A lot of questions come up...sometimes I use to doubt God and question why he made me like this...and gave the really douchey people good looks and stuff...like I'm a good person right? But again, as I grow older and wiser hopefully...I'm learning to live with it...I'm not saying there is no cure...I'm just saying...I'm not making it my life goal to find a cure. If somewhere down the lines of life...I stumble upon it...sure...but I'm not going to go out of my way and become a completely different person solely to look good. I think of it like this...if I didn't look the way I am...would I still be the same person, have the same morals, personality, friends. Would I be one of those stuck up douchey, self centered, cocky guys who's all about looks. Sometimes I do get real sensitive and awkward when people bring it up, talk about it or ask me about it. But that's like...this is me you know. There was a point in life where all I wished and hoped for was to look normal...but then I realized...this outward appearance...doesn't define me. Yeah it may attract people at first, but it's what's inside that really keeps them there, it's whats inside that defines who I am. Just because I'm not the most handsome or good looking guy doesn't make me a bad person, and I sure as heck don't feel bad about it. I think sometimes, it's really hard when girls go all crazy over the cute celebrities or cute guys and stuff like that...it hits me sometimes...but again as I grow closer to God and grow stronger in faith, I believe that He has a plan for me...that everyone in my life is in it for reason...that there is a special girl out there for me. As much as I used to wish I looked normal and cute and handsome and or whatever...I'm glad I'm different. It helps people to remember who I am, I stand out, I'm different. Yeah there's the occasional people who'll brush me off or whatever...but most people who take the time to see past the surface. I think back then I was so concentrated on looks...because I knew I didn't have it, I tried to make up for it everywhere else, the clothes I wore, the people I hung out with, everything...was to look good. But now...at the age of 20...this skin condition I have...is something I live with, something I embrace...not ashamed of, but not necessarily proud of either...just kinda accepted it in a good way...where if you don't wanna be seen with me cuz of it...it's cool cuz I don't wanna associate with someone like you either. I just hate that my parents think it's so important for me to fix it and once I do...suddenly my life will be all better. I think of it like this...if I wasn't like this...I may be a completely different person, everything about me might be different, so I'm proud and happy about who I am and I'm definitely in no rush to change it.
Kanye West has a song called Everything I Am...and the lyric that sounds out to me is when he goes "Everything I'm not, made me everything I am."
So it's like...the fact that I'm not the most good looking guy instilled in my good morals, to not be shallow, to not judge a book by it's cover but to really get down deep and get to know a person. But yeah...that's just me man...got so much more to say, but just can't put it into words.
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