God's Plan vs My Plan

Man this is so frustrating...when things seem to be finally going good...after finally clearing my plate, the waters are looking calm, clear sailing ahead...God's gotta throw a wrench into my plans. Dang this sucks...I've been reminding myself every minute of everyday that everything is happening for a reason...the testing of my faith is producing perseverance inside of me, but man it's so hard. It's not even getting everything that I want exactly...I really do trust in God\s plan for me...but dang...sometimes it gets frustrating how hard, unpredictable and such it is and can be...but that's where faith comes in I know...dang...I\m reminded of this picture tho...

PS: Pray for me...that I'll stay the course, as hard and as long as it may be...as many trials, hurdles and detours I gotta go through...to keep my eye on the finish line and trust God.

In The Lonely Hour

If the title sounds familiar, that's because it's also the title of Sam Smith's album. I don't know where these moods or thoughts come from, they just kinda do lol. I'm a weird kinda guy...some moments, I love and prefer being around people...could be anybody, could be close friends...other times, I prefer to be by myself...this is one of those times. I like to just sit in my own silence...over the years I've grown very comfortable with silence...whether in groups or whatever...I see people panic or just get very uncomfortable with silence...I enjoy it...sometimes I crave it cuz crowds can get pretty hectic. This is one of those moments where I crave alone time...silence...to just sit by myself. Like how I'm feeling right now is I kinda wanna just go on an island by myself and just lie down and watch the ocean...watch the waves go by...watch the sun rise and set. It's a nice and needed break every now and then from everything...not to say everything in my life annoys me...but sometimes it's nice to turn yourself completely off, shut down and just think about...nothing. Then again...this is called in the lonely hour...cuz it'll pass...in an hour or so...probably lol.

How Do You Know When It's Over?

I know it's been a while...exam season, what can I say lol...exam tomorrow and last one Sunday night. This is a post that I've avoided for a bit...just cuz there's so much to say but I'm not sure how to put it into words you know. To be honest when I first thought of this topic...I was thinking specifically of friendship...but this can apply to a whole lot of things. How do you know when something is over...how do you know when a friendship is over...when a relationship is over...is it when you've stopped thinking about it? Is it when you've 'moved on'? Is it when that person is no longer in your life? What if that person comes back...what happens then? I stopped taking math in grade 11...in my head I was like it's over...I'm never gonna have to deal with anything like this ever again...and here I am 6 years later taking a stats course. There's this one girl in my life who I've told myself it's over way too many times to count...but somehow every time I see her I get butterflies, old feelings re-emerge and I question myself...is it really over? How do you know when something is over...say you break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend and you're past the breakup stage...it's been a couple months, you're good, hanging out, dating again...your ex comes and says they want you back and all these thoughts and feelings come swirling into your head...when and where do you draw the line...how do you know when it's over? When you're playing a video game, it's over when you lose and it says game over...that is until you decide to restart and play the game over again. In school...the day is over when the bell rings and the last class finishes. At work...it's over when your shift is over and you go home. Certain things in your life are set...you know when they start and you know when they finish...sometimes, you get chances to restart and redo something and even though it's over, it's not really over. I started thinking specifically towards friendships like I said at the beginning...how do you know when it's really over? How do you know it's not just on hold...or on a very long break? I've had friendships I thought were over...we literally didn't speak for months...these are close, best friends I'm talking about...but it turns out it wasn't over...we were just on a break...on hold. Then there are the friendships that you think are over...and guess what, they really are over. But how do you KNOW when it's over is what I'm asking...is it when you've stopped thinking about them...is it when someone else has filled the place they used to hold...is it when you've stopped talking to them completely and say removed their number from your phone...or...is it when you see them...and feel absolutely nothing...all the moments you shared, all the times you spent together...is irrelevant, you see them and you feel absolutely nothing for them or for what you used to be...they're merely a stranger...someone that kinda looks familiar...but not really.

Tell Me About Yourself

So you guys know way too much about my life...lol...one thing that is always in the back of my mind is I wish I knew who you guys were...reading my posts, visiting my blog. Like I wish I could have a meet and greet LOOOL...tho no one would come probably. The biggest thing that is probably on my mind is all you people who read my blog and aren't from Canada...so this post...is my attempt, hopefully to try to get you guys to let me know about yourselves. Kinda like when youtubers be like...post in the comment if this or that.

All my international viewers....where're you from...how'd you even find out about this blog...why do you keep coming back lol...leave a comment, it'd be greatly appreciated.

For everyone else...who are you...well you don't have to state a name I guess if you want it to be anonymous lol...do we know each other...how'd you find out about this blog...why do you keep coming back?

I legit don't expect much response...if any...but I'd be super excited if there was...I mean c'mon, it's harmless and anonymous lol...I just wanna gauge who I'm talking to you know...are you like a 16 year old teen....a 20 something year old like me...a grown adult? These things interest me you know..especially the international viewers again...how the heck did you find me lol...but yeah, be bold, leave a comment!

What Do You Really Think Of Me?

People are gonna have their opinions...positive and negative...the worst you can do is let it affect you...and make it your objective to act, talk or dress so people will have positive perceptions of you. You'll never truly know how people really perceive you...even your closest friends. Sometimes my friends will say things about me like yo...you're this or you're that...and I'm like really? Wow I never knew you saw me like that. People are gonna have their opinions...whether they know you or not. Someone can walk past you on the street and automatically have a solid idea of what kinda person they think you are based on how you look, dress, walk or simply how you look in their eyes. What I'm trying to say is just do you...this is especially important for you kids still in high school...I say these words directed to you because I've been there...I've been that kid who does things to be liked, to be accepted, to be looked at a certain way...it ain't worth it. Changing yourself...not liking things you do like...liking things you don't like...doing things you don't wanna...not doing things you wanna...because you're scared of how people will perceive you...do you. This blog...over the years...has taught me to be comfortable and confident with who I am...flaws and all...embarrassing and stupid stories and all. Couple of my friends always tell me that they admire me being so honest and open on my blog...thank you...but that's just something I've learned in time...this blog has made me comfortable in my own skin...mentally and physically...I'm not ashamed to say that this girl broke my heart or I did something stupid or I failed some grades or whatever...that's me...that's my life. I'm not gonna lie to make a good story or so people will think my life is interesting. Do you for you...nobody else. This is especially true and a constant reminder for me when it comes to this blog and quote unquote popularity and the numbers...yeah it's nice looking at the stats on my blog...seeing how many people have seen particular posts or visit per day...but that's whatever...that stuff is trivial...it won't last...and that's something I gotta remind myself of every single waking day...to invest in the things and the people that will last and that are worth it.

Happiness in Contentment

I told y'all how life has been so peaceful as of late...so drama-free...and I've been feeling so good as of late...so happy...so content. People always like to ask me what's up with the mindset that something has to be up, that something has to be wrong lol. But legit...I've been having such a relaxed mindset as of late...not carefree...cuz I still have things on my plate...but it's more the mentality and attitude in which I approach 'stressful\ situations. Like as of late...studying...as time consuming as it is...I just do it, no complaints you know. Going into and walking out of tests...I feel very relaxed...very calm. Though I'm busy with school, tryna graduate, things of the sort...it hasn't been like overwhelming me you know...I've still been very peaceful...borderline carefree lol. Like today in my exam...I was sitting there...very peaceful...cuz in my head...I thought...whatever happens happens...I prayed the day before and right before my exam...I asked God for peace...that whatever happens happens. If fail...so be it...obv that's not the motive...but it's moreso...God, if I'm meant to go the wrong way...if I'm meant to stumble a bit...if I'm meant to take longer than I'd like to to get to my destination...so be it...it's all in your hands. And that's how I've been attacking life as of late...and it's been very peaceful...that with the addition of no real drama or nonsense in my life....has me at a real good place. Aside from the regular stresses of life which I've gotten used to cuz it's normal...my mindset has been pretty good...approaching things easy and slowly...and it feels good...knowing schools' almost over...summer school around the corner. I shared this past Sunday how last summer waas super stressful....borderline more stressful than the school year lol...just cuz lots of things going on, fam, friends, drama...all that good stuff lol....this summer...I plan to make the most of it...like I always do lol...but really just have fun all the way through...this is gonna be one of the last summers before I'm done school...one more step closer to adulthood lol...but I thank God...cuz  life has been so calming as of late...so eye opening...but nice, and I'm happy.

This Is For You...

Two posts in one day? IT'S A PARTY IN THE U.S.A...wait I live in Canada...just said that cuz it rhymed lol...

Everyone has those friends on social media we don't talk to...we aren't really sure why we\re friends with them, why we follow them on twitter or instagram...you never like any of each other's activities anything. I\m reminded by this one friend who has a boyfriend who has a sister that is my age and went to the same high school as me. When she asked if she knew who I was...she's like who? My friend was like....Rodmond, you're friends with him on facebook...she goes huh? Sees a picture and goes ohhhh....yeah I don't really know him. Which brought me to this post...and how there are SO many circumstances like that. Well for me...I'm pretty good with names and faces, so I have at least some memory or notion of who you are and who my facebook friends are. But it got me thinking like...when I share my blog links on facebook or twitter...there are some people who may never ever click those links...heck, there may be some people on my social media networks that have NO IDEA that I have a blog despite the fact that I spam your newsfeed every single day lol. It just made me think lol...facebook friends...twitter followers...how meaningless is that ish...I have like 800 or so friends on facebook...some people I know have THOUSANDS of friends of facebook...if I were to pick like 5 random names out of that hat...would they know who those people are? This post is called this is for you...because this is for you...my friends...who know who I am...who know of this blog...who've shared in my experiences, my joys, my struggles, my triumphs and my failures. This isn't an arrogant perspective where I'm saying oh...too bad you'll never know me and how deep I am and how honest and ish I am or how big my blog is...heck no...this is more for you...who takes the time to read my blog post. This is for you...it always has been...sometimes I get too caught up in numbers like I always say...wishing it would reach the wide variety of facebook friends I have...but in all honesty who cares. My blog is there out in the open for you to view at your own discretion, if you wanna,,,I'd be happy and encourage you to take a thorough look, if not...s'all good lol, have a nice day.

Dreams and Nightmares

As of late I've been having weird dreams...like I've been waking up pissed off LOL. Like today for example, I woke up super pissed off, but I can't even remember what I dreamt about. Like immediately after you wake up, I've read that you forget like 60% or so of what you dreamt about and it only gets higher as fully wake up. So what I usually do is like if I wake up in the middle of the night like 3 or 4 am, I'll grab my phone and write down my dreams right away so when I wake up, I'll read it and be like OH YEAH, that's what I was dreaming about. For example, a couple days ago I wrote down this one dream I had where I was dating this one girl, we broke up and she was super pissed, so she like cut up all my clothes and stuff and drew on my shoes...and I was pissssssed lol. Another one...I recently finished watching Attack on Titan...so I dreamed about myself being like attack by titans and jumping from rooftop to rooftop trying to escape...so I woke up and I was like feeling nervous as heck lol. Another one which I told my friend about cuz it involved him...I dreamt that this guy we both don't like was talking ish about my friend, so I got mad and like started a fight with him in defense of my friend LOL. Trust people I've had some interesting dreams...ONE recurring dream that I've been having here and there is that I'm a contestant on the bachelor LOOOOL...I've never watched the show, but I know what it's about....so presumably, I'm on the bachelor and the potential girls are all people in my life that I know...whether met them once, acquaintances, peers, classmates or really good friends. I can never really remember FULL ON super details in my dreams...but I just know like, similar to the bachelor I'll go on dates with girls and have more chemistry and such with certain girls and have to eliminate girls as well LOL...legit tho I haven't gotten too far in that dream as to eliminate a bunch of girls...it's moreso me going on a bunch of dates with these girls and seeing if I have any chemistry and if there's any potential in them. Weird I know lol...

1/4

It's been 5 years and a bit...I always say I never really started putting my heart into this blog until 2011...but man it's still crazy looking back lol. I'm the kinda guy (a lot of people will attest to this) who likes to see both sides of the fence. So I'm the kinda guy who sees the cup as both half full and half empty and will try to justify both. Some of my friends HATE me for that LOOOL...they're always like just pick a damn side...but I like to try to see and understand both sides lol. That being said...as EXCITING as 250,000 is and as memorable as it is...I know it's just the beginning and I know there's still such a long way to go. As usual...I am super appreciative to all of you...without you, where would I be...forreal. Y'all are a good chunk of the engine that drives me to keep going...and I appreciate y'all. God is so good...through the good and the bad...he's always there...despite all the changes in my life...he remains the same...through it ALL...he's always there...this blog...as much as it is my life...it's also an EVERYDAY picture of how he is changing me to be more like him...from my attitudes, my perspectives, how I deal with things...everything...looking back...it's a reflection of the man I am today and am becoming as well. For you guys....I hope it's a refection of me as an individual...my faith...and my God and who he is to me and how he works in my life. Thanks for 250,000....here's to a million!!!!

Album In Stores Now

I was thinking to myself a couple days ago...while thinking about how I had barely posted in March. I thought to myself, posting on this blog is a lot like releasing an album. You know when you download an album...you listen to it thoroughly and say there's like 15 songs on the album but you only like 7 of the songs, you'll most likely delete the songs you don't like from your itunes. Once in a while you'll find an album where you legit like EVERY SINGLE SONG on the album...for me atm, it's Sam Smith's In The Lonely Hour album. Blogging is like that in a sense...where I'll write posts...and sometimes people won't like it or people won't find it interesting. Which is why sometimes I'll go a long time without posting...because as a writer...as an artist...your goal is to make every post or every song you like a hit...you want your audience to like every single thing you put out. Which is why sometimes I take a while to put stuff out...cuz I don't wanna just put out random words just for the sake of it...if I'm going to put something out...I want it to be my best and I want people to like it. Like Drake when he was reflecting on his Thank Me Later album...he said he knew it wasn't his best work because he had rushed it...and that his next album Take Care would be better cuz he got to put more time and effort into it. That's where my mentality has been as of late...yeah I may put out 10 posts in a month...but I'd hope those 10 posts were of quality, effort and heart you know. Don't get me wrong though...if I went like a couple months without posting, people would be like wtf...which is why I do understand once in a while...I have to put something out just for the sake of putting something out...even if I don't want to, have nothing on my mind, or know it's not my best. As a writer...a rapper...an artist...whatever you wanna call it...I'll look back to old posts sometimes and be like wtf was I talking about or dang, why did I put that out lol...well I guess it's also all about evolution right and improving.

Dear God

Late night talks...late night thoughts...God, whatever your plan is for me, I trust you. Whether it may take longer than expected...my life is in your hands. Guide me in whatever path you see fit...whether that means going down the wrong path and having to turn around and start over...or having many roadblocks in my path, I have faith you will guide me through all circumstances. God the fear of failure is scary...it holds me back...it makes me play things very safe and comfortable...because it's easy. God, if I fail...if I make mistakes...if I stumble...remind me that you are always there to catch me...to be there for me to lean on. The real world is a scary place and it's literally just over the hill...I can see it, I'm almost there...I don't feel ready, but you tell me I am...this what you've prepared me for my whole life.,.God I trust you with all of my plans and all of my goals and my hopes and my dreams. I know you'll come through...I have this confidence because you always have...and I know you always will.

March Madness

This post has nothing to do with college basketball...unfortunately, like I know nothing about college basketball lol. What's a Jahlil Okafor? The only Okafor I know is Emeka...only basketball fans will get that. Any ways...the March Madness I'm talking about is my school going on strike and me having pretty much a month off...or me only posting 10 times in the month of March....YET you guys still showing my a SURPRISING amount of love by making March 2015 the most viewed month in this blog's HISTORY. The most viewed month previously was July 2012...with 8905 hits..March 2015, despite me posting a sub par 10 times...accumulated 15482...this blog was viewed 15482 times in the month of March...even tho I barely posted...lol...what happened...dang. But yeah, I'm sorry, March was hectic with my school being on strike...I still tried to stay on top of my readings and stuff, but for the most part it was a real slow month...constantly checking updates, my email and stuff...worried about graduation, summer school and all that. I did have a lot of posts lined up...but a my attention was much elsewhere. But life has been good...surprisingly...it's just been peaceful...like to paint a picture for you...imagine me just sitting in a boat by myself in the middle of the ocean...a fishing rod just danging, waiting for a bite, even tho I don't fish...and it's just mad quiet...it's just been a nice little while...quiet is the way I would describe it...sometimes lacklustre, lacking a purpose...but it's been so calming and clearing for my head. Thanks for sticking with me...