Church Retreat

HEY GUYS...so I'm leaving tomorrow for my church's summer retreat and won't be back till Monday afternoon, and probs won't even have time to blog that day cuz I'll still probs be out and about. I may blog on my phone if i find time, but feel free to follow me on twitter @RTtheRealest for whatever ypdates I tweet. I really can't wait...it's gonna be so nice just to get away from Markham...and just chill with my church homies, no sleep, board games, talks, things of the sort...I'm so pumped, just finished packing. I have a tendency to overpack...which I'm pretty sure I did...yet I still always have that lingering feeling as if I'm forgetting something, which probably leads to more overpacking lol. This is the first time in like a year or two that our retreat is 3 days 2 nights...the past few years it's only been 2 days 1 night...so that extra day and night will be fun...cuz we get a full out day to just chill and have fun and bond together as a church and as a fellowship. I pray that God really reveals Himself to my brothers and sisters this weekend...may He use this weekend for us as an opportunity to grow closer together while giving all the glory back to Him. Anyways, till Monday...or possibly Tuesday lol...later guys!

Player vs Coach

So this year is my 3rd year playing softball for the church my church is branched off from.Last year I was an assistant coach, but didn't really do much, this year I'm the coach. And a lot of the times...I find myself torn...torn between being a coach and being a player. Today we had a friendly scrimmage against another team and we lost, we lost pretty bad. As a coach...I can't let emotions take over...I have to be strong and support and encourage my team, let them know that it's okay, that's why we practice, keep your heads up. As a player, it's frustrating, I'm super competitive, so I know come actual season time, it's gonna be hard to keep my emotions in check. Seeing people miss easy balls or mess up easy plays sucks lol..,,as a player, I wanna be out there every inning contributing to the team, in success and in loss. But as a coach, I have to be fair, I have to put my needs aside for the team. And I think that's gonna be the biggest challenge for me this season, but at the same time it's gonna be the biggest thing in helping me grow this season...as a person and in my walk with God as well. It'll be great...especially with amazing brothers and sisters on the team to help keep me accountable.

J. Cole - Sparks Will Fly feat. Jhene Aiko

It Always Comes Back To You...

So tonight I went to crossfit at my friend's church and after crossfit atlike 10 ish or so, I saw my ex...I haven't seen her in quite a while...but we've talked here and there. The thing I love about her is when we see each other, we'll chill, we'll talk and we'll treat each other like nothing's changed...and nothing has changed. But something about her...we just have natural chemistry...when I'm with her...i'm comfortable, something about it just feels right.We sat there for like 45 min ish just talking while they were playing dodgeball and we were just catching each other up with what's been happening. I dunno...it just felt weird...but a good kinda weird...I had butterflies in my stomach a bunch of times. Everything just flowed so naturally, and it felt good. We were talking and she was telling me that her birthday is coming up, so I sent her a message after asking her out pretty much...for lunch or dinner to celebrate her birthday if she was free. Every time I think it's over or I've moved on and the feelings are finally locked up for good...I see her and she's back in my life and the feelings are like free and floating around again. It's like I've been trying to close that door for the longest time, but can never bring myself to completely close it shut...cuz part of me still has a soft spot for her. I don't know where this is going...I don't know how I feel about her...but I'm just going with the flow...my brain is telling me one thing, my heart is telling me another. Damn this sucks...but this song illustrates how I feel perfectly.

Too Cool For...

So I consider myself a generally likable guy, that's not to say I'm super popular...it just means I know a lot of people. can chill with different groups and am liked by everyone, or mostly everyone who meets me, at least I hope. Anyways, so there\s this guy who has a somewhat history with me. In like grade 9 or 10, I remember he took a deck of cards from me and I knew it was mine, but when I confronted him about it, he said it was his, but I knew it was mine, so I never really liked him since then. But in university, I saw him a few times cuz my friend is boys with him, so I tolerated him, and I was like,, that beef is dumb, whatever. Then I find out that he doesn't like me. And it wasn't until like a week or so ago that I found out why cuz my friend is pretty close with him. He said...he thinks you\re took cool...like you wear all these brand name clothes or something and you think you're so cool...LOOOOLWHAT...then I had a talk with my other friend and he said the same thing, he's like yeah he thinks you're too cool cuz you\re so into your clothes and what not...LOOOL, again I said what. How does that even make sense...you hate me cuz I like clothes...that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. That's like me saying oh I hate you cuz you're into computers, cuz you make games...you're a geek, that's why I hate you. Man you're really immature, you need to grow up...you don't even know me dawg. But regardless...you not liking me...for possibly the dumbest reason of life...has no effect on my whatsoever lol. I just thought it'd be nice to address it...and show you guys this...an episode of Recess called Nobody Doesn't Like TJ...TJ, who's a troublemaker is also a super popular guy and very likable. When he finds out there's one kid who doesn't like him, he goes crazy and tries to do whatever it takes to get him to like him...and just watch, I don't wanna ruin it. But yeah/...I ain\t even sweatin' you dawg.

Downtown Chilling...

What's good...today was a great day...went downtown with my 2 friends. Driving down there, it was raining and we were like man, this sucks...then as soon as we got there, it stopped. We went to this all you can eat sushi place where you order with iPads...how sick is that. Then we shopped around and stuff...it was soooooo hot outside lol...we walked around outside for a few hours, then went to the Eaton center and shopped around a bit more. Drove back around 7 ish and played ball at church. Today was some great ball runs...I really felt nice and had my game going. Such a great day...on another note...I'm so excited for my church retreat this weekend...it'll be nice to get away for a few days and chill with my church homies.

Lebron James: Game 7

I saw this gif on Bleacher Report...of all of Lebron's baskets in one gif...I thought it was gonna be like a highlight reel of all his buckets,but...just take a look

To Whom It May Concern...

Sometimes I wish I could meet you...you, the reader, you reading this post right now. I know a good chunk of people who go on this blog are my friends or people I know. But it'd be nice...just to know who you know. I'd love to hear your thoughts, just to connect with you. Regardless, I want you to know that you visiting this blog and reading this post is encouragement alone for me...for me to keep going, when I feel down or when I don't feel like blogging anymore, I think of you...and it motivates me to continue. Thank you.

Jealousy Is Powerful

I don't know...when it comes to certain people, I can be very easily jealous...not even just girls either. Seeing my friends who have like more than one best friend or something like that...not saying I want my friends to like chill with me 24/7 and have no other friends, but you know what I'm saying right, someone out there reading this right now has to understand me. But when it comes to girls...it's a much different kind of jealousy...a jealousy that hurts, that aches...that kills you, or me lol. Sometimes it literally kills me...to know you can care about someone so much, but they'll never see you that way...or they'll never truly appreciate or understand how much effort and heart you put into the things you do or say...that no matter what happens...someone else will always be on their mind...and that sucks, it's an absolutely terrible feeling...cuz you want what's best for that person, but you can't really do anything about these feelings either. I remember beginning of high school, I was really clingy to my one best friend cuz we grew up together...he was like the outgoing, popular one which everyone knew, I was like just a regular guy. So when he got a girlfriend in high school...things changed....we didn't walk to school no more...didn't have time to chill...it sucked. And another instant would be when I like latched onto my friend who would chill with his girlfriend every lunch...she was cool and would sometimes make a joke about it, but I sometimes felt weird cuz I knew they wanted to chill alone but I had no where else to go. Then comes to you....I don't even know how I feel about you anymore...but one thing is for sure is I try very hard not to get too close...again...cuz it hurts too much. I know if I get too close, the feelings will come back, the questions, the stress, the heartache...all those words I never got to say to you will come flooding back...and it hurts...knowing how much I cared and still care about you...genuinely care for you...yet your mind always seems to be on that someone else...it sucks. So my solution I guess is to just distance myself...from people.

Venting...

When I"m mad...usually certain things will comfort me or relax me...like playing ball, working out, playing UFC on xbox...what else, taking walks, talking with people. But sometimes you just really wish you had a punching bag...where nothing else will do and you just literally wanna hit something. I'm slowly feeling that right now...like at this moment. My brother brought his girlfiend home again to sleepover, 2nd time...I think I already explained the story..but yeah.It's different this time, I'm not freaking out, I'm not gonna lose sleep over it. But I'm someone ticked off and annoyed...cuz there was no notice, he literally came home like 10 minutes ago, I was in the basement trying to sleep, I hear more footsteps than usual...I go upstairs and I see her...it's like 2 am...I really hope that they work tomorrow and I won't see them...if they don't and it's both their days off and I have to be home with just the,...then I may freak out and flip tables. But yeah...right now, not feeling to great...like I'll sleep and my freakout meter is at like a 55% right now whereas the first time she slept over which was also the first night I met her, I was at like an 85%...but yeah. I just pray you know what you're doing bro. My heart wants you to have found something real and something beautiful. Cuz I do notice that you are happier, but a good chunk of me knows you well enough to believe and say confidently that this is just a phase. No matter how hard you try to convince me and yourself that you really like her and it's real, despite the age gap...I give you guys 2 months tops...but we'll see...I'm not trying to be a downer, but I'm being realistic. It;s like you're a late bloomer and you're experiencing everything that a normal high schooler is and you're getting excited about all the same things as well. I don't know man, just be smart and remember what I told you, please.

Prayer Journal: Day 7

Rdtm: I know you'll probably never read these words, but my heart breaks for you, cuz you're my brother. I love you, and I wanna see you succeed in life, as a big brother, you're supposed to be a role model. I really don't know what you're doing, where your head it at or what your plan is for this whole thing. As much as it weirds me out or makes me uncomfortable...it scares me even more...I've told you before that I don't care about her, I care about you...and what this whole thing is doing to you. Like part of me is so mad and angry at you, because you're so stupid. But part of me is worried and scared for you, because I don't know what to do, I don't know what you're thinking or what you're doing. I pray that God has a plan for you...for this...for all of this.On a completely different note which I didn't wanna tweet...one thing that pisses me off is he didn't give no notice of him bringing her home...like c'mon man.

Tycn: I pray that you are continuing to desire God as hard as it is, and as far away as you are. I pray that through trials and temptation, you will remain faithful to God. I hope that God gives you strength to endure exams and just whatever stresses you may be feeling. Know that your brothers and sisters in Christ are praying for you and supporting you and are always here for you. Stay strong bud.

Logic - Roll Call

Ephesians 4:17-32

This is just something I've been really meditating on a lot lately, with all that's been going on with my brother and just a bunch of things around me from church to my softball team. It really reminds me to be an example of God, to show the world what it means to be a disciple of God cuz not everyone may or will understand that. They are blinded and too caught up with the ways of the world. This chunk of verses really encourages me to not get caught up in the heat of the moment and say things I may regret, and not to act on emotion, but to put myself in Jesus' shoes and to forgive and approach everything with a calm, patient and humble attitude.

Instructions for Christian Living

17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

25 Therefore each of you must put of falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 "In your anger do not sin". Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Hold Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get ride of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

My Perfect Girl

I've struggled for the past 3 days trying to write this post lol...half of it is laziness and the other half is I don't know how to put it into words.

So like a few weeks ago I was out with this girl I haven't seen in a really really long time. She's a real good friend, and I would never see her as anything else...I just wouldn't lol. So we were catching us with each other and how we've been doing and we got onto the topic of our ideal girl and guy. She was going off about her ideal guy and what not at dinner, she went on for so long that we ended up carrying the conversation past dinner cuz the restaurant was about to close. So in the car, after she had finally said everything, she was like what about you...lol...I told her I didn't know...this is something I've never seriously thought about before...it's something that has probably crossed my mind, but never something I really sat down and thought about. So yeah, I told her I didn't know and she started like listing out qualities for me LOL. I dunno...as I've gotten older, what I look for in a girl has changed dramatically and my quote unquote "perfect girl" is something I've only dreamt about, but never taken the time to like bring her to life through words or whatever. I guess one of the biggest things that has changed about me in what I look for in a girl is someone that loves God. She doesn't have to be the most spiritually faithful person in the world...but someone who may or may not be around the same place as me in their walk with God. So we can share with each other our struggles, grow together and walk together as we strive to be closer to God, that's probably one of my biggest things. Now obviously, in our day and age, looks is what draws us first, but personality and stuff is what we look for in the long run. My friend mentioned oh you probably want a girl who plays sports lol...now that's not something I have to have...but it would definitely earn you brownie points with me/be a huge bonus. But hmm...what do I look for in a girl...someone who understands me, like inside out...where we can just sit and watch the stars and not say a word and know what each other's thinking. Someone I can just chill with an entire day and not do anything...just sit around at home, make food, watch shows, play board games. So I guess someone's who's not that high maintenance, but at the same time will put in the effort to make the relationship work and grow and not become stale. There are obviously things that I like such as a girl who can cook, that is super sexy...I myself can't cook that well, but it would be definitely fun to learn and try and cook with her together. I don't even know what else...someone I can be myself around as cliche as that sounds, someone I can like go to the gym with, play videogames with, but still go on a walk on the beach with or take out on a romantic dinner, you know lol. I honestly don\t even know lol...someone who's not super loud, but not super quiet either...who picks and chooses her moments depending on her surroundings and the people around her...kinda like me lol. But at the same time, I don't want someone exactly like me, they say opposites attract. And I remember in one episode of Boy Meets World, these 2 guys go on a double date and realize that their friend's date is exactly like them, so they switch...and realize like what the...why are we dating someone exactly like us, there's no fun in that....there's no growth or excitement in that cuz everything would be the same and so predictable. So as much as I want someone who'll play sports, go to the gym or play videogames with me...at the same time, I guess I just want someone to compliment my personality.

Prayer Journal:Day 6

Shwu: My heart literally breaks for your loss and I can't imagine what you're going through or what you're feeling right now. As beautiful and amazing as life is...a big part of it is also death unfortunately, know that she is in a better place, watching down over you...and she wouldn't want you to hold your head down and mope in your own sorrow. You may or you may not read this...regardless I'm still going to speak from my heart as if you aren't reading this. I pray that you really embrace God's love...run to him with open arms and just surround yourself with Him and His people. The last thing you should do is to isolate and seclude yourself from everyone...it's nice to have personal space once in a while, but you need the support and encouragement of your family, friends and brothers and sisters to help you get through this tough time. Know that I'm personally praying for you and sending you spiritual strength, I know you can and will get through this, keep your head up

Jetn: Today, you really left me speechless, I didn't know what to say or how to respond to you. Every time I talk to you, I get more and more shocked, excited and amazed at how mature you are for your age. An old man's soul trapped inside a young man's body as you so eloquently put it. I honestly see God's love radiating from you. And despite you being really young, I admire you so much my friend.I admire how much you love God and how passionate you are about the church, your fellowship, your family, your brothers and sisters, your teammates. It's so encouraging and beautiful to see, you honestly have such a good head on your shoulders and God is really working in you. I love your dedication and the heart you have...everything that you say, I can tell is genuine. I pray that you always have this desire and fire for God...that you will continue to heed God's calling and go and make disciples of other people. I pray God continues to teach you and help you only to grow closer to Him and to share His love to others.I'm so amazed by you man, you inspire me, thank you.

Jyyu: I hope that you really get your priorities straight man.That God will really speak to you and reveal himself to you this summer. It's time you really started to take responsibility for your own actions, I pray that you keep yourself accountable when it comes to doing devos, reading the word or coming to fellowship and things of the sort.I'm praying for you bud.

Melanie Fiona - Priceless

Macklemore - Same Love feat. Mary Lambert

Elementary School Choir Swag....

I know I've been mad slacks with posting lately...but these past few days have actually been an emotional rollercoaster...didn't do nothing out of the ordinary these past 2 days...gym, ball, softball, chill pretty much, but today I remembered this funny story. So in elementary school, like grade 5...I remember my school (which was only like 2-3 years old) wanted to come up with a school song...and they wanted a bunch of people to perform it at some assembly. So my teacher, who I never really liked...goes hey guys, because you guys are such nice kids and willing helpers, I signed you all up to be apart of the choir...I was like wtf....I was pissed. We had to go to like practices and rehearsals...so I remember it was like my class and the other grade 5 class doing it...me and like 2 of my friends were really pissed and really didn't wanna do it...so during one meeting...which was during recess, we literally ran out of the library where we were practicing to go have recess LOOOL. My teacher got sooooo pissed lol, but I told he r straight up you never asked us, you just signed us up, I don't wanna do this gay stuff LOOOOL she got soooo mad, she's like okay if you don't wanna do it don't...so me and my friends didn't LOOOL

A Few Thank Yous...

I'll start with this one...on Friday me and our new pastor had a good talk...it started with basketball and just his feelings towards it and how the upper and head pastors are on his back and he just wanted to get a feel of it. He told me their point of view and his point of view. He said that because he's from this generation, he understands us more and understands also that their "demands" are a bit unrealistic.At that moment, my guards dropped and I felt like I was slowly and could slowly begin to open up to him because he really tried to relate to us and could relate to us. So after that, we had a good talk to just get to know each other more and we just shared with each other the things we were struggling with and stuff, so thank you for that, I appreciate it.

Before I start this round of thank yous...let me explain. Long story short, my 29 year old brother started dating this 18 year old girl...it's been 3 weeks and a few days ago he brought her home and it made me super uncomfortable, upset, angry, etc. Not only did he bring her home, she slept over...and they did...things. So yeah...I barely slept that night...was on the phone till 4 am ranting to my friend cuz I was so mad and grossed out, etc. But yeah...I ranted on twitter and a bunch of people really comforted me and stuff. So firstly...OO...you were the first person I called when I didn't know who to go to or what to do...thanks for being there even though I know you had fork in the morning, thanks for comforting me and encouraging me like you always do and giving me advice...lol vice versa now eh. AY...after he went to sleep...you were the first person that popped into my head to call...thank you for staying up with me till like 4:30...and listening to me rant and just go off...thank you for simply being there and understanding me and comforting me. I really appreciate it, I honestly would have been so lost and I wouldn't have known what to do, I would've legit gone crazy without you, thank you. BT...thanks for checking up on me and taking me out to talk cuz you knew I didn't wanna me home lol. I always tell you just how easy you are to talk to, something about your personality makes it so easy for me to open up to you. I honestly love hearing your perspective on things cuz it's different, good different. You truly are a great brother in Christ, thank you. TW...thank you for not only messaging me, but taking me out to go run some ball with your boys...it was definitely a good stress reliever and it helped me clear my mind. Thanks for also going with me to Canadian Tire to spy on her LOOOOL...and thanks for the hour in your car outside my house just chilling, talking, playing games, music...thanks bro, I'm glad I've known you for so long and that we still keep in contact. Lastly, in no particular order...SL, KD, TC, HT...thanks for messaging me....whether through text or twitter...to check up on me and see how I'm doing, thank you for the encouraging words, prayers and advice...it really means a lot to me. God really surrounded me with great, caring and loving friends...thanks guys.

Lastly...my friend hit me up at like 9:30 or 10 and asked me to go to the park with her...to which I was like sure...whatever lol. So we chilled at the park till like 12...just talking about everything from life, school, problems, relationships, friends...and just getting to know each other more and more. It was nice...to just chill with someone at the park, so calm and relaxing. Thanks for listening and being there as well, I'm glad we've become as close as we have.

From Me To You...

Words can't describe what I'm feeling right now...and I know you'll never understand. It's almost 5 am and I haven't been able to sleep and I probably will barely sleep tonight, thanks to you. You know what you did. You disgust me, you disappoint me and most of all you piss me off with that smug little smile of yours. You...easy piece of trash. You're just a kid...and immature little baby...what is wrong with you...what is wrong with both of you. How dare you I should say...I can't even say anything anymore...all my words have been said...and now all I'm feeling is just frustration, disappointment and most of all anger. This house is not a home tonight...and I am not related to you tonight.

Slacks, Loaft and Busy-ness

Hey guys what's up...so I know I haven't posted since Monday...or late on Sunday. What have I been up to these past few days...well Monday, hit the gym with the friend, then walked around the mall. Went to play ball at church at night.Tuesday, went to the gym again, was supposed to go to York for an academic advising appointment cuz I had a few questions, but I knew what they were gonna say, and didn't feel like going all the way to York so decided to just bus home from the gym. Then had softball practice, then we wanted to go get wings and watch the game at a restaurant, but it was crowded so ended up going to Mcds with 3 other friends and just chatting and stuff. Today...woke up super early to meet up with a friend at the mall. We bussed downtown to meet up with friends for our 2 friends' convocation and UofT St.George. It was nice...I got to catch up with this friend who we've been pretty distant as of late, so that was nice. Got to just chill with our friends, take pictures and have lunch together. Came home and just loafted the rest of the day cuz I've been so tired. Still owe you guys that post...will get to it..eventually.

Bonding and Fellowship

Hey guys, so at first I wanted to write about something else, but I'll save that for tomorrow cuz it's a longer post and I'm really tired right now. Today, had church and after that I taught Sunday School. For the most part, they paid attention, were quiet and participated a lot, I think it's gonna be a good 3 months teaching these kids. They talked and got involved and I'm slowly getting to know them more and more. After that, during worship practice, the lack of sleep began catching up to me. After, we went over to someone's house for a barbecue to celebrate my friend's early bday. We had fun...lots of meat, food, board games, talks, jokes and a time of prayer for our friend who's grandmother had a stroke and is in critical condition right now. Today was just a great night of bonding with each other as a church and as a fellowship...the love that was showed today through encouragement, support and prayer was really nice to see. That's what being brothers and sisters in Christ is all about.

J. Cole - Born Sinner feat. James Fauntleroy

Prayer Journal: Day 5

Shwu: I can't imagine what you're going through or feeling right now, you and your family both. I pray that God gives you the strength emotionally, physically and mentally to get through this. Trust that God has a plan, and whatever happens is in His plan. I never know what to say in situations where I can't relate to the person, because though I have witnessed death, never to someone close to me...so though I cannot sympathize with you, I want you to know that I'm here for you and I'm praying for you. I've always admired how easy to talk to you were and how down to earth and simple you were. You always seemed to have a lot on your plate and though you would get stressed, it never seemed to overwhelm you completely, you would always have a calm head on your shoulders, but now...I can't imagine what's going on in your head and in your heart. I pray that God lifts up the boulder on your shoulders, trust in Him...He will guide you and your family through this.

Oali: You're the type of person to keep a lot of things bottled up for some reason. It's interesting that you told me you stress about people problems and that's pretty much it aside from the usual like school and stuff. I similarly struggle with the same thing as well, and I pray that God will guide you through this. That you will find comfort in Him and in His people, and really continue to grow and mature in Christ. I've seen you grow so much and seen you change so much...and as we both seek and desire Christ more and more, I see that our friendship has changed as well, in a good way. I pray that God takes you down the path He sees fit, and you will trust that He will never fail you.

Cllm: Where is your head at lately? You say you want change but you're not proactive about it, you only talk. Same with the problems you see in life, in church, in our friendship...I dunno. I'm trying, I pray God softens both our hearts and helps us let go of our pride. My perception and view of you still hasn't changed, you're still that person I can truly trust and open up to...no matter how distant we are...it's just...something about you, us...chemistry or something...it's just naturally easy and simple to open up to you. I pray that God renews that fire in you and you in turn continue to grow and do His work.

Tyli: I'm so scared for you, but I know God has his timing and His timing and His plan are perfect. I pray that God breaks down whatever walls and barriers you have up. That He will soften your heart and really reveal Himself to you. Don't lost hope man...He never has in you and He never will.

Molm: I continue to pray for you and your family. I can't read you, I don't know what you're going through or what you're feeling. But it can't be a good feeling...I hope that God strengthens you and your family in this tough time, that you will continue to walk and trust God especially...even through trials and tough times, know that God is faithful.

Old Friends, Same Deal.

Hello there...today was a great day. Well there was no crossfit this morning and I was really looking forward to it...so ended up loafting for most of the morning watching shows and stuff. My 2 friends came over in the afternoon to just chill, play some video games and some board games...then our other friend joined us later cuz we haven't seen her in a while, so it was just a nice time to hang out. We ended up playing Risk and I know it's a long game...but we played one game and we didn't even finish it lol...we played from 4 to 7 or so...went to grab dinner at this small place my friends always hype up about called Papa Changs and it was nice...we stayed there for a good like 3 hours as well...just got a chance to catch up, talk about a lot of things from school, church, problems and things like that. It was really nice, we never got to go back to my house to finish the game cuz we left at like 10 so everyone had to go home. But yeah...just the car ride there was really nice...my 2 friends went in one car and I got to go into the car with my other friend and her and I got a chance to talk and catch up, though we already talk on a somewhat consistent basis lol. I was just telling her about my school dilemma and how if I play my cards right I can graduate in 2 years...but then we just started talking about what I wanna do after that and stuff...she's a really smart girl and she's really hard working, so her input and her advice was really helpful cuz she knows me pretty well too...so she's like well I don't think you like this so you should do this and things like that. I honestly love talking to her and chilling with her cuz she's so down to earth...and she's super strong in her faith, though she has her problems as well...I definitely admire her a lot and it means a lot to me to have these kinds of conversations with her. Anyways, she was like yeah you're a good listener...and that just got me thinking how in most situations, people say I'm really quiet, but I guess I just like to take everything in, I don't like to speak just for the sake of it, but only if I actually have something productive to chime in about. And it just reminded me of my short term missions trip when the whole team was in the room and we were going around in a circle saying what we admire about each other and the pastor looked at me and said that he admired that I was a good listener...that my eyes, it says a lot about me...I analyze a lot with my eyes and yeah, something along those lines. But yeah...I'm just thankful for friends in general that I can talk to and be real with. Friends that will tell you what you have to hear, though it may not necessarily be what you want to hear.

Laziness is Powerful

What's up...so my biggest demotivating factor for not going to the gym is having to bus home. And I've noticed that Mondays - Wednesdays seem to be the days I go to the gym the most frequently and consistently cuz I usually have a ride home and Thursdays and Fridays I don't...yesterday for example...didn't go cuz it was raining and didn't wanna bus home, but I had a ride there. Today, same thing...set my alarm like I did yesterday...my mom goes it's raining later, you sure you wanna bus home...I'm like nah, and went back to bed lol. Spent today just watching shows and movies on youtube...so productive I know. Went to fellowship, then dinner with them...just a regular Friday night and a very boring Friday afternoon. Tomorrow got some friends coming over...haven't seen a few of them in a while...gonna just chill, eat, play videogames and board games...just have fun.Gotta also prep for Sunday School too. Oh right, I did finish the second verse to the song I'm performing at my church's retreat. Honestly, if I put my mind to it and really sat there and focused, I could finish a whole song in a day. Like I wrote the whole verse today...and the first verse I'm pretty sure I wrote in a day or two...I'm just lazy a lot of the times lol...and I don't like forcing myself to write when I have nothing in my head cuz then it'll be garbage. But yeah, today was great...home alone...bumped the song really loud, vibed to it for like 10-15 minutes...played the instrumental and the words started coming together. I'm excited to perform it...

The Finish Line

I'm gonna be going to 2 of my friend's graduation in like a week or so and another one of my friends is graduating this summer...it just has me thinking of my school year. I was just looking for something in my room, ended up cleaning my room, ended up looking through my university acceptances and all that ish. It's crazy that I'm going into my 4th year...has it really been that long...damn...it feels like just a year or two ago I was in first year taking all these courses, slowly getting to know my way around. And now I'm going into my fourth year...and if I play my cards right and work really hard, I can graduate in the not the coming year but the year after that. That's crazy to me...seeing everyone around me grow up, grow old...graduate, just start university...damn. Where did the time go...soon enough we're all gonna be graduated, full time jobs, married, slowly settling down, kids...man...10 years from now meeting up with the homies is gonna be so different lol...we'll all be like adults...dads possibly...damn.

J. Cole - Crooked Smile

One of the biggest reasons J. Cole is my favourite artist is because he raps with so much substance and he talks about actual issues and stuff. He's widely known for having bad teeth and was named the top rapper with bad teeth, hence the song crooked smile. But he was saying how with the money and stuff, he can fix it but he rather not because everyone has their flaws and they need to embrace it. He talks about girls and how they do things to change themselves for a guy and they shouldn't. It seems like the usual message, but the way J. Cole delivers it makes him just a great rapper.

Deja Deja Vu...

What up guys, sorry I didn't find time to post these past 2 days. Tuesday what did I do...I think I went to the gym in the morning, then had softball practice and then went to the movies with my friends. We saw Now You See Me, which was pretty sick. Yesterday, woke up super late, didn't go to the gym cuz I was feeling sick, I don't know why...is it from sleeping in the basement, or my house too humid, eating poorly? I dunno...anyways yeah, went out for an early father's day dinner cuz my parents will be busy on the day of. We went to some chinese lobster restaurant...it was pretty sick. Didn't go to crossfit at church cuz it was too late and I was feeling sick. That whole night I couldn't and barely slept. Went to bed at 12 in my own room...got up at 1, moved downstairs to sleep, ended up on youtube till like 2...tried to sleep again, ended up playing videogames till like 3 and finally went to bed. Skipped the gym again cuz I was way too sick...I don't know what's up. But anyways, as of late, I've been having thoughts of situations that have already happened and situations that are currently happening and it feels like deja vu...on 2 separate occasions with 2 different people. One is you...that fateful day...yeah fateful LOL...that day is where I peg the moment where everything changed, where it all went downhill. For some reason, I never finish the dream...I always get to that one moment and bam, I wake up or zone back into reality. Sorry I can't be too specific about that, you know how it is. But the second instant I can. This girl I don't and never used to talk to have been talking a lot, I don't know how or why lol...it's nothing serious or personal, just random and fun conversations, but the way she texts and the way we're talking, its progressing pretty fast and just her mentality towards it reminds me a lot of my ex when we first started going out...lol so yeah, that\s pretty much it lol. Called my school today to talk about picking courses cuz I had a few questions and she answered most of them and it was a big relief. Called another person to book an appointment to ask more in depth question and the lady on the phone was mad rude...she's like what time do you want to book it, I was like what times do you have...she's like morning and afternoon, so I asked what times in the afternoon and she said them, then I said what time sin the morning and she's like can you hurry up, I have other calls...like what a jerk...but yeah, gotta talk with advising and get their input about my course selection this year.

Basketball Never Stops..

Today was a long and fun filled but real draining day...went to the gym in the morning, got a good workout in, played some ball, then got lunch with my friend. After that, went home and chilled for a bit, then went to the park and played some more ball for a few hours, went home and rested for like half an hour before going to church to play ball lol...my feet are so tired right now.

Fabolous - Diamonds

Prayer Journal: Day 4

Molm: My heart honestly breaks for you...I pray that God gives you and your family strength. That in this tough time you will really seek and trust God, that He has a plan for you and your family. I don't know what you're going through or what you're feeling, but I pray that you remain strong and trusting of the Lord. Whatever happens, know that it is in God's will. I really hope you and your fam stay strong through this experience...I know it'll only help you understand God's will and His plan for you. Just remember that He is ALWAYS in control.

Lolg: For someone as young as you...I can't imagine what it's like not to have someone that important around you to see you grow and teach you about everything. I pray that you grow in Christ...that you bear much fruit. Like the parable of the sower, I pray that you stay on the right path and don't get distracted or choked out by your surroundings. I pray that you and your family will be reunited and that you learn to love God.

Cslm: I don't know what's up with you lately...you're so distant...and isolated and reserved. I pray tht God gives you peace in whatever you're struggling with. That God will continue to teach you and help you grow in the areas that you seek. I pray that you trust in Him and you continue to surround yourself and embrace the people around you...embrace the love and the positivity, know that we are all here, we love you and we care about you. You aren't alone in this.

Tycn: I pray that you seek and desire to know God more on a daily and consistent basis. That you break free of the barriers that are preventing you from knowing Christ. I pray that you renew your flame for God, know that He is always with you. I pray that when you feel alone or lukewarm, that you will pray and ask God for strength. Half of it is up to you to take the initiative to want to know God more...and to know His Word...and His people. I'm praying for you brother.

As of late, I just have this vibe that lately...a lot of people are just feeling lukewarm...or really content in their faith...and some people are even falling off. My prayer is that God...you will reveal yourself to them, show them how magnificent You are and how amazing You are. You know when each person's time will come, I pray that the church, Your people...will come back to You with arms lifted high, praising You with all our hearts. I thank You God for never abandoning me despite the numerous times I closed the door on You.I thank you for always being in my heart...and always fanning the flame inside of me...I thank You for the people in my life who help me grow as a christian and help me seek You more.Thank You God for all these blessings in my life.

Insomnia...

So I think I had one of the worst sleeping experiences in a long while today...was tossing and turning the entire night till like 1:30...got up at like 3 and went to go get a drink...woke up spontaneously at 5 and was literally wide awake tossing and turning,decided to get up...play one game of 2k...went back to bed at 5:45 ish...tossed and turned till like 6:30...played some games on my phone and now it's 7 am...I have like 30-45 min to sleep if I want before getting up to get ready for church and eat breakfast.I was gonna just go off on twitter, but I decided to blog about it instead...I don't know what's wrong...it wasn't hot or anything, I'm sleeping in the basement, I just literally couldn't sleep.

When One Door Closes, Another One Opens...

So yesterday this story randomly popped into my head....so in grade 7, all the grade 7 classes went to Mansfield for a 3 day, 2 night camping sort of thing...just a chance to enjoy our second last year of elementary school and stuff. It was like an  outdoorsy, forest kinda place cuz that's what my teacher was into...he liked outdoors and hiking and stuff like that. So anyways...we're all sitting in one big group one day and we're going to have this huge scavenger hunt and all the grade 7's are in one room and the guy's like okay for this scavenger hunt you're going to be in pairs...but he decided that he was going to choose the pairs for some reason...and he picked boy girl pairs as well, which was weird. Anyways, we're coming down to like the last 6 people and I'm one of them...so there's 3 guys and 3 guys...one of the girls is this cute asian girl I've had a crush on for the longest time and went to one of our school dances with. So he pairs off another guy and girl leaving me, my crush and another guy and girl...he then calls her name...and my palms are like sweating right now cuz I had a 50/50 shot of pretty much spending an entire day with her just chilling and talking and stuff...and he pairs her with the other dude...and I get stuck with this brown girl. So for the we first while, I was just not into it...I didn't care about the scavenger hunt at all, whether we won or lost...but this girl was really nice and she was really outgoing for some reason. Time passed, we talked and she was a pretty cool girl...we ended up not only finishing the scavenger hunt, but placing 3rd out of all the pairs while my crush and her partner like finished really late. Me and her finished early and we got a chance to sit and talk and stuff...and I told her that I was glad I was her partner cuz I had never talked to her before and it was nice getting to know her. Reminiscing now...it's just like any other situation...we assume and judge in our head how people are and we never really give them a chance. But if it wasn't because of that dude who randomly paired us together, I would've never known she was such a nice and cool girl. And I guess what I'm trying to say is that looks can be deceiving and you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover...people can really surprise you with their personality...give people a chance and take the time to really get to know someone before imagining what they're like in your head.