The Longest First Date

So...I kinda gave up on the whole 'posting every day' only because it was legit hard and stressful trying to think of a post everyday and I honestly didn't wanna just put on something uninteresting or boring just for the sake of putting it out and I def didn't wanna recycle posts either. Like by stressful I mean I'd literally sit in front of a blank word document trying to think of something to write about...so I decided not to do that and instead put out quality content. As well, it's just been a busy week with work and Christmas so there were a lot of events and things going on so I really didn't have much time. But Merry Christmas, hope you're doing well, hope this reaches you well...let's move on.

So this was a couple years ago and it was probably one of the longest and most fun 'first dates' I've ever been on and it's funny cuz everything was super unplanned, last minute and spontaneous which kinda made it a good time lol. So I made plans to go out with this girl for dessert one night, I had an event till like 9:30 so I was like how about I pick you up at 10 and we can grab dessert. So that was the original plan, she texted me at like 9 saying her family had friends over and she couldn't leave until they left so I was like oh okay, lemme know when they're close to leaving or we can always reschedule. So I went out after my event with my friends to this dessert spot and it was like 10 pm so I was like oh she hasn't messaged me yet so it's probably a flop I'm guessing. She messages me at 10:30 and says oh they're leaving soon, I can be ready for 11 are you still down? So I picked her up at like 11 and we grabbed bubble tea and sat at a table. I don't know how or why but we started playing coin hockey, which is where you have 3 quarters on the table and you try to flick one quarter through the other 2 quarters consecutively until you can shoot it into the 'net\ the other person creates with their index and pinky fingers on the table, does that make sense? Google it if it doesn't lol...anyways, I remember she like heavily insisted to pay for my drink for being late and also since I picked her up so I was like alright cool. I remember the dude beside us was like trying to talk to her while I was like sitting across from her LOL...she ended up saying oh it's pretty loud in here do you wanna get out of here, so we did. I started driving and she's like oh where're we going...I was like oh, it's like midnight, I thought I was driving you home LOL...she's like nah, I'm down to chill longer, so I was like alright true, we didn't really know where we wanted to go I kinda drove around aimlessly while we talked and jammed to music. Suddenly she was like oh are you into scary movies or horror stuff, to which I said not really. She was like oh there's this haunted bridge where this girl supposedly died and she was like yeah legend says you can hear her crying or something when you are standing on the bridge LOOOL. So, against my better judgement...we went to this 'haunted bridge' and bro it was pitch black...no lights of any kinda and it was such a narrow road only one car could fit on it. But she said that apparently during the day, cars go onto this bridge all the tie because it's a shortcut and if an oncoming car comes, one of them will have to pull to the side so the other can cross. So we get to this bridge...I kid you not, pitch black, my high beams are on and I'm pretty terrified I won't lie. She said “let's get out and take a walk”...BRUH WHAT...I was like nahhhhh, I'm not doing that nor am I letting you do that cuz I don't want either of us to die LOL. So we sat in the car on that bridge for a good 30 minutes debating whether we wanted to get out of the car or not LOL...in the end I was like nah, I really don't think this is a good idea lol so we flopped on that. By then it was like 3 am...she looked at me and she was like are you tried, do you wanna go home? I was like oh I'm good for whatever, she was like do you wanna grab food, so we went to this breakfast spot that is like open 24/7 apparently and surprisingly it was hella packed at like 3 am lol. We got food, chilled and continued with the night...evening...morning? We ended up leaving at like 5 am and I drove her home lol. I remember she didn't have keys so her mom had to open the door for her, she told me the next day her mom was so tired she just shook her head and let her in, then the next morning was like where'd you go and why'd you come home so late lol. I got home like 5:30 and pretty sure I didn't sleep that night after showering it was probably like 6 am...my mom was what'd you do last night, I was just like oh, chilling lol...so yeah that's the longest but one of the most fun and tiring first dates I've ever been on lol.a

Indulgence

Chasing after happiness I wonder what I’ll find
Temporary joy, but I’m ignoring all the signs
Running fast and with a purpose, not looking left and right
Tunnel vision clouding both my judgement and my sight

Following my heart, sometimes I don’t know what that means
Wandering aimlessly until my logic intervenes
Temptation grows as forbidden fruit gets more appealing
Going with the flow and giving in to my gut feeling

Indulging in a life I’ve always seen but never known
Living a life my old self would certainly not condone
Blurred lines and mixed emotions, confusing wrong and right
The path is getting darker, I can’t really see the light

When it gets too much and I’m in too deep
Don’t even ask, just pull me back
Set me straight and point the way
So I can get back on the right track

10 YEAR ANNIVERSARY

First off, sorry for not being able to put out a post these past 2 days, it's been real busy with a lot of moving parts as of late so I haven't had much time to really sit down and write. But anyways, let me take y'all through a behind the scenes of the night before the blog's 10th anniversary. So honestly, leading up to and on the day of it was such a rollercoaster of emotions...I started thinking of wanting to have some sort of party for the blog's 10th anniversary like months ago. I went back and forth between having a huge ass party with just anybody and everybody to celebrate this 'momentous' occasion, but it was stressful looking at different venues, air bnb's and all that jazz. I was totally down to splurge a little bit and book a place and have just a huge party, but the more I thought about it, the more I began to think to myself well why, is this just an excuse to have a party lol which it definitely is as well don't get me wrong. As more time passed, I began to settle on the idea of having a smaller party with just close friends and people I enjoy being around, that way I could have it my place and use the money I would've spent on a venue to buy food and drinks for everyone. Let me tell you tho, planning and hosting a party sucks lol and it's really stressful. So many thoughts go through your mind like oh who should I invite, I don't want people to get offended, how many people, how much food and drinks do I need. The worst is like when people aren't communicative and don't let you know if they're coming or not or say maybe lol. The day of the party, everything leading up to it gave me so much stress and anxiety lol...I dropped my phone in the toilet for one, the weather was really crappy which made me think people would flop and I was right...but at the same time other people flopped last minute cuz of other reasons which is totally understandable but just kinda adds to the stress factor of hosting a party and wanting it to turn out well and shit. I'll touch on this briefly cuz it is what is...the people that didn't respond or didn't say anything to me...I mean you're not obligated to, but it would've been nice to receive the courtesy of like oh I can't come or oh I'm busy...now obvs the flip side is I could've reached out to each people and be like hey are you coming, but I feel like I made the first move by sending the invite, it's like sending a double text like oh hey, you there? But yeah that's all I'll say about that. Honestly, when it came down to it, it was such a great night...old friends, new friends...having fun and just chilling. It was super dope and I was really happy. I think I get and got too caught up in just like the logistics and wanting everything to be perfect and wanting everyone to have fun that I should've just bee like yo, relax and enjoy yourself...and I did haha.

On a different note...and to quote my coworker when I told him the blog was turning 10, “you're fuckin' old bro” LOOOL. I started this blog when I was in high school...writing corny poems about girls, making cringey rap videos, writing and recording semi dope rhymes...sharing my life, my journey, my innermost thoughts, feelings and emotions on everything from life, family, friends, relationships, struggles, failures, triumphs, victories...you've seen it all on this blog and it's a timeline of my growth and my journey. I'm sure one day when I hang it all up and am able to look back at all of this...it'll be so crazy to see the progression and the chnnge. But I mean for now, I'm still having fun, I'm still enjoying it at times and it still gives me some sense of purpose and encouragement, so I'll still be here and I hope you'll continue to ride with me till the wheels fall off...cheers to another year, PEACE!

To Whom It May Concern

Day 13/31

Found this in my notes from ages ago and tbh I don’t even really remember who this was about tbh, I mean I vaguely remember but it’s fun to guess and try to think about who it could be lol. I have a bunch of random notes like these on my phone lol, a lot of random stuff about girls and random poems and rhymes and raps that I never really finished lol, here you go,

The Power Of Perspective

Day 12/31

So I was at the gym this morning after my exam and I finished my workout and I kinda had a moment thinking to myself, man...isn't it crazy how like your own perspective and how you see things can drastically change and affect your mood or even your self esteem. For example, at the gym...I can look at a smaller dude or someone lifting lighter weights than me and think to myself...well damn, I'm huge, I'm the got damn world's strongest man LOL. But then I can also look at a bigger dude or someone lifting much heavier weights than me and think to myself well damn, I got sticks for arms and legs lol. And this kinda way of thinking can be applied in any kinda context really. You get an 80 on your test...you look at the dude beside you and he got a 60, you're like damn...I'm Albert frickin Einstein...or you look to the person on your other side and they got a 96 and you're like damn...I'm dumb as rocks lol. It's crazy how our perspective can impact our moods, attitudes and self esteem so greatly. But more than that, I think it's also what you do and how you respond to that perspective. For example, seeing a dude bigger than me at the gym can either make me think to myself that I'm hella small and weak...or give me motivation to work really hard or take steroids or something LOL jokes. But you get what I mean tho...you control that entire aspect. You choose how you want to read into a situation and you choose how you want to respond to it as well. I remember in high school, seeing people who were better at basketball than me or better shooters than me made me want to work that much harder to improve my game and be better. But on the flipside, something like softball for example I see how good people are and I'm not even that passionate about the sport where I'm like yeah, maybe this sport's just not for me. But again, you can apply this mindset to any kinda context, doesn't just have to be sports, it was just really interesting to me to think that our own perspective can shift our mood and attitude so drastically. Just some food for thought for today, till tomorrow...DEUCES!

Best Foot Forward

Day 11/31

I really like watching certain people's vlogs because it's like a glimpse into their life, seeing their daily interactions and lowkey living vicariously through them lol, as well some of them just have real dope personalities and I feel this weird connection witht them. But at the same time, the one thing that I've learned is to not take it at face value...because it's exactly what I said it is, just a small glimpse into their daily life. And usually, it's the best, fun and most entertaining parts of their life. Kinda like instagram how a lot of us only show or post our best selves living our best lives, but we all know that there's so much more that's not being shown, but we all wanna put our best foot forward. I remember Casey Neistat would always say his vlogs were for entertainment purposes and for him to tell a story and he would try to keep his personal and family life out of it. But then you have people like Timothy DelaGhetto who just vlogs things from his family, his wife to his job and his friends...and I remember he would say like oh my friends or my wife would always get annoyed at it at first because it's like shoot the camera's coming on we gotta put on a front and smile and look all proper, but eventually they kinda got used to it. I guess similarly with this blog...as honest as I am on here, there are deeper layers that I definitely keep to myself or share with those closest to me. Another thing I've learned from watching vlogs is that you have the power to control how other see your life...now necessarily the perspecctive or opinion they're gonna have...but you control what they see y'feel. If this blog was only about the best times in my life or like random dates or adventures with friends I go on...it'd be such a different vibe you know. I remember watching certain vlogs and thinking to myself, damn this person's life is so dope...they always eat dope food, go on adventures, their life just looks so interesting and fun...but in reality that's probably just a small portion of their life that they are choosing to share with you when there is so much more that they aren't sharing. Again, similarly with this blog...A LOT of my life is on this blog, share with you for you to enjoy, laugh, criticize, critique, anything and everything...then there is a lot of my life and A LOT of my thoughts that I don't share...because it's not necessary and also I just don't want to as well. I remember a friend once told me like hey, you know you don't have to blog about everything right, there are some things you can keep for yourself and keep to yourself, and your closest loved ones...you'll enjoy and cherish it more for sure. That's something that definitely stuck with me...you don't have to blog about everything or you don't have to instagram or snapchat everything. I mean even tho I still do instagram a lot of my life...both for entertainment and reflection purposes...I really do make a conscious effort to live in the moment and just enjoy it and live it. With that being said, I'll see y'all tomorrow.

A Trip Down Memory Lane

Day 10/31

So I was talking to my dad today and I said something and he was like oh you never tell me anything, you always tell your mom lol. I didn't tell him this, but for one...I drive my mom to work a lot of the times or I'll drive myself to the bus stop for school while she's in the car then she'll drive home so there's a lot of time for just random conversation lol. Second, whenever I do tell stuff to my dad he somehow always, ALWAYS turns it into some sort of lecture lol and sometimes I'm just not bout that lol. Anyways, so we were talking and my dad always asks me random questions out of the blue sometimes...his favourite is to ask me how certain friends are doing...like I'm talking about friends he's maybe met once or twice and like hardly knows...the randomest of people lol. He'll be like oh hey, this person stopped by my store today, didn't you go to high school with him, how's he doing? I'm like dad, I went to high school with him, that' it lol. Anyways, so he was doing that today...just asking me oh, how's this person doing, how's that person doing...but these people were people a little closer to me you could say, friends...people I've chilled with and hung out with. So he would ask me oh how's this person, how's that person, are they still living here, are they still working here. And what was funny and kinda jokes when he kept asking me was my responses...because a lot of it was...I dunno, haven't seen them in a while, we don't talk anymore, a lot along those lines...and it really made me sit and think for a second about the chunk of people who I'd say I'm pretty friendly with...that I just don't talk to, don't see or haven't heard from in a while. So the conversation continued and I kinda flipped it onto my dad lol cuz I've definitely seen a lot of people come and go into my household and in my head I was like hmm what happened to this dude, he doesn't come over anymore or what happened to this dude I don't see him anymore. So I started name dropping like oh what happened to this person and this person and this person. And he would tell me like oh this person left the church so we don't talk anymore, this person moved to another country, this person moved to a different city and stuff. There are still friends that he keeps in contact with very frequently even tho they live really far away. It got me thinking about my own life, my own friends...what happens when we inevitably get married, move out, move away, have less time, priorities shift, all that jazz. You see each other less because of maybe family, distance, work, whatever it may be. It's crazy to think...will you still keep in contact? I remember my old teacher telling me how after a long day of work and having to make dinner and put the kids to bed, he just wants to spend some time with the wife and knockout lol...how there isn't anymore time for friends or just hanging out with the boys...maybe once a month or once in a while...and I won't lie that scared me a bit, but it made sense. Your wife, your kids, your family are gonna be your priority and who you want to spend your time with, your wife becomes like your best friend...someone you confide in. When you think about family, work, bills, self and all that jazz...it's like man, is there even any room or time for friends? Just an interesting thought I had after a good conversation with my dad, till tomorrow...peace.

Detours

Day 9/31

So after yesterday's post...or lack of a post, would you even call that a post? I felt hella inspired and starting writing...like writing rhymes, I feel like I haven't been able to really express myself lately through the posts...so I started writing yesterday night and the words just kinda came to me, this was the result of that. Even this morning when I was laying in bed, I was writing...I had this spark of inspiration in my head and the words were literally just flowing out of me...so yeah, I hope you enjoy. This is about where I feel like I currently am in life...on a detour from the path that I've been on all my life...and it felt weird and unfamiliar at first...but the further you go the more it becomes normal...but deep down I feel like I know and understand that this is just a detour...that in time and eventually, I'll get back on track, enjoy.

Vision is blurry, heart is real heavy
You read the words I write
But that don't mean you understand me

Runnin' the race of life
But got distracted by the world
Fallin' off course, busy chasing after girls

Further down the rabbit hole
Exploring on my own
Feeling free but contradicting everything I've known

An unfamiliar path
Feeling uneasy and uncertain
Tryna find the Wizard so I can see behind the curtain

I know I've lost my way
I hope I never lose myself
See my reflection in the mirror turn into somebody else

Cruise Control

Day 8/31

Do you ever feel like you're on cruise control or like autopilot? Just kinda going through the motions of life just for the sake of it. I'm not saying I'm like hella bored or that life isn't exciting...but sometimes it just feels like a routine and you're just kinda checking things off the list like oh school, work, gym, meals in between, rest and repeat. I saw this meme that was like oh, can't wait to go home and eat and sleep only to get up and have to work a full 8 hours again and the girl is like crying or something lol. That's definitely how I felt when I was working full time, just the same old thing for 8 straight hours and then you go home, rest and recover only to have to come back to work and do it over again lol. When I first went part time, bro it was like the happiest moment of life because I instantly felt this huge weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt instantly happier because there was this sudden shift in my schedule and routine. Maybe that's it...maybe things as of late have been 'too consistent', can that be a thing? Some people like order, organization and schedule in their lives...other people like spontaneity and going with the flow...I think I definitely enjoy a balance of both...some structure but also some sense of flexibility and freedom. Honestly...I don't even know if anything I said above made sense, I've been staring at the computer screen for like 20-30 minutes trying to figure out what to write about, you want honest...that's the honest truth lol...so I'm just gonna leave it at that, come back tomorrow and maybe I'll have something more exciting to say to you guys...peace lol.

Right One, Wrong Time

Day 7/31

Do you believe in the idea that someone can be right for you, but the timing just isn't right? I think I definitely do, I think you can be compatible with someone and they both of y'all are down to be together, but the timing just isn't right and it doesn't allow it to workout...whether you're in different places, different stages of life or have different priorities atm, if the timing isn't right, it isn't gonna work out. I've been really into podcasts lately...comedy, sports, relationships/sex...for one it's really interesting/informative and two it's a good kinda background thing when you're doing other stuff like homework, chores, driving, etc...it's definitely a nice change up from music that's for sure. So I was listening to this relationship podcast and this one girl was saying how she believes that there are multiple ideal partners for a person...so instead of having like 'the one', there are multiple people in your lifetime who could be 'the one'. She went on to say like someone could be 'the one', but it might just be constantly poor and wrong timing throughout both of your lifetimes and that was really interesting to me. Have you ever been a situation where it's like the guy or girl you like just never seems to be available or the timing never seems to be right..whether it's they're always dating somebody, there's some sort of distance or you're just always in different life stages with different priorities that your paths are never able to cross and combine. Another thing I've been thinking about and learning as well and also something they discussed on the podcast is the fact that there doesn't have to be anything specifically wrong for a relationship to not work out. I think this is something I struggled with for a long time because when something doesn't work out, you obviously want to know why and if there's something you can to do change or fix it. But I'm learning like it could just be as simple as there was no chemistry or they didn't see you in a romantic way. I feel like my previous relationships or the girls I was seeing, for the ones that didn't work out with no real explanation...it really bothered me because I was like what went wrong, was it something I did or didn't do...it really ate at me and it took me a long while to accept the fact that maybe nothing went wrong and it just didn't work out. I think it's really interesting to talk about dating with different people of different ages because you get such different answers depending on what the person is looking for in a partner and stuff, especially with the podcast I listen to it's like 3 girls talking about relationships and they're all different ages so they talk about their past and current relationships as well as their approach to dating/marriage and they each bring like different life experiences, perspectives and approaches because they\re all different. It just reminded me of like the people in my life and the differing ages playing a part in what you're looking for and how serious you are about it as well. But yeah, with that...I'll see y'all tomorrow, DEUCES!

Mindset & Mental Space

Day 6/31

There's always a small part of me that second guesses myself when I make a blog post...anything from oh is it interesting enough, are people gonna care, is it too much, too emotional, too over the top...all that jazz. Regret sometimes crosses my mind and the usual question is like oh was it too much lol, should I have toned it down or not have been so honest lol. I forgot who asked me this, but someone asked me how do I respond to people who judge me or the blog. I mean obviously I say it doesn't faze and but it's hard to not let these things creep into your mind especially say if it's somebody you care about or if it's the same comment over and over. I mean, I definitely do try to live by the belief that people are gonna feel how they wanna feel regardless or anything you do or say. It's kinda like how I always talk about how people might like you for no reason...and nothing you say or do will change that. Same with the blog...people are gonna say, think and feel what they want about it regardless of what I say ot do...especially if they don't personally know me...the thoughts they carry and the things they say will be more concrete than if it were somebody I know personally and can have a conversation with. So after that quick feeling of regret or second guessing myself...I'm just like, what's done is done, it is what is, it's out there. One think I really want people to understand is the importance of the mental space that you're in. Whether it's sad songs, angry posts, posts about girls...most if not all the time, whem I write that stuff I'm in a very specific mental space that allows me to like channel those emotions and those thoughts. So for example, if I'm writing a hella corny and gushy post about a girl and I stop halfway and try to come back tomorrow, I might not feel the same way or be able to channel those same feelings. I always tell you guys how I have a lot of topics or half finished posts on my phone or computer that I've never gotten to...it's not as simple as just continuing to write the post or picking any topic on my phone and writing about it. It's a mindset and a mental space and if I'm not feeling it it's really hard to write about it lol. Especially when I used to write raps...I'll go through my phone and find some really dark and angry stuff and I'm just like damn...how did I even think of this stuff and like man...I wonder if I'll ever get to that mindset and mental space again to be able to finish that...or do I even want to get back to that mental space lol. With this blog...I will say that I'm usually hesitant or at least cautious to bring up the blog when I meet new people...one cuz it's not the easiest thing to bring up and two because I don't want them seeing me differently or like having some sort of expectation of me lol. Like when my coworkers first found out I had a mixed bag of reactions lol...one guy was like yooo you're a celebrity lol, it's just awkward for me cuz I never know how to react to that kinda stuff lol. It's def not something I hide because I post it everywhere and the minute you friend me or follow me you'll see it right away lol but it's not something I'll inherently bring up or shove in your face just because lol. With that being said, I'll see y'all tomorrow...peace.

From The Heart

Day 5/31

So if you're not familiar with this segment, From The Heart is what it sounds like...nothing fancy, just a little something from the heart. So I haven't been going to church lately...and by lately I mean a couple months, it's been a weird time in my life lately...a time of discovery of self, of life and of everything around me. Don't get me around...to the core, I truly still believe, but how I like to describe it is that I'm taking a detour from the path I “know” that I'm supposed to be on...and that eventually, I'll get back on track, in time...maybe I'll expand on that in another post. But let's move on...so I'm currently in school for social service work in a 2 year program and in my second, third and fourth semester I need to find placement that's realted to my field. So my search for a placement in January was super loaft...they told us about it in early September but obvs your boy procrastinated because what else is new. I had an interview with one that I really wanted but didn't end up getting it. I was applying very sparingly even tho I knew time wasn't on my side. So I applied and had an interview for this one a week ago...this christian youth organization and I left feeling really good and they gave me a really good vibe that I'd get it. I was still really stressed though because I hadn't applied to many other placements, it was already December and time was literally running out. Like I wasn't even stressed about my presentations or even exams cuz that's light...I was more stressed about finding a placement for January. So these past few days I was like shoot...it's almost been a week and they haven't emailed me or anything...maybe I should send a follow up email or something...I was getting super antsy like shoot, if I don't get this I really have to go hard and apply and take whatever I can get, I have to let my coordinator know and the pressure would really be on. Low and behold...today in class, I get an email from the organization saying congratulations we'd like to offer you a placement position. Bro...I was so excited you don't understand. But moreso...I was like damn...this was definitely God, like this was definitely a sign...I really wanted that first placement I interviewed for and I was stressed to the core because I had a month left to find a placement where most people had already found placements ages ago...and low and behold...I get a placement at a christian organization...a partof my life I've been neglecting and ignoring...it's honestly crazy how things work out. First thing I did was text my boy cuz he was always encouraging me and supporting me and he was like yo man let me know how it goes cuz I feel like I'm invested in this too. It's funny because I've been seeing signs...like of God trying to reach out to me. I bumped into my old Teens Conference (a christian conference for high school kids) co coach at the gym and we had a really good conversation. Every now and then my friends are always asking me like oh how're you doing, have you been going to church, I'm praying for you, take your time and all that...and I appreciate that dearly. Honestly, getting this specific placement out of all the places I could have gotten...is no coincidence for sure...all the stress and anxiety building up to this point...was no coincidence. And for those worrying about me falling off too hard...know that your boy is doing okay...I may not be on the right track right now, but I'm figuring things out...and I won't (or hope I won't) let things get too out of control where I stumble completely off the path...it's just a detour, and with all detours...they eventually lead you back onto the right path...so yeah, I hope y'all have been enjoying these daily posts, and if not...sorry lol, if y'all find it annoying...then TOO BAD SUCKA...lol but thank you as always for supporting me...till tomorrow, peace.From The Heart

Rejection, We Meet Again

Day 4/31

So I thought I'd keep it light hearted and hopefully give y'all a good laugh lol...so I'm gonna tell y'all 3 different stories at 3 different points in my life, all focusing around me being rejected...because hey, rejectio is a normal and healthy part of life. I think I used to be so scared and hesitant to share these kinds of things or really personal struggles and failures...but this is what this blog as grown to kinda become...and it's played a big part in me being so confident and comfortable in sharing what normal people would consider personal or embarrassing, lol so here we go...and just remember this, better to shoot your shot and miss and live to shoot another day than to not shoot at all...does that make sense, is that hella corny? LOL oh well...

So this was sometime earlier in my university career...I was in this one class and there was this girl that I always saw and thought was super cute. I was like she looks really familiar for some reason...turns out she was on the York volleyball team lol. Anyways, so one day after class, I'm like Rodmond, suck it up and approach her.So I'm waiting for her to pack up all her stuff and it's literally just us 2 left in the room...she gets up to leave and I'm like shoot, there goes my chance. She leaves the room and I'm like you know what...NAH, just do it. So I run out of the room and I chase after her and I tap her on the shoulder and I awkward go like...oh hey, I uh....I think you're really cute, just wondering if I could get your number...bro I didn't even introduce myself or tell her I was in her class LOL...so she's like uh...I gotta go, but um...find me on facebook, and she walks away. As I'm walking to the bus, I'm like wait a minute...I didn't even get her name, how am I supposed to find her on facebook...LOOOOL.

This second one was also sometime in university, just for context in how old I was lol, but it was in a church setting. So I did this project thing with this group and there was this one girl who I thought was really cool and we had a bunch of good conversations. So after the project ended, I kept in contact with her and we were talking for a good while. So I would always jokingly be like oh hey let me buy you dinner one day and she'd always be like oh haha nah it's cool (read the signs Rodmond). So I kept pushing and I was like nah forreal what day are you free, let's grab dinner. She was like nah I don't think that's a good idea...and the next words that came out of her mouth I'll never forget because it was so jokes and hella serious at the same time. So she was like yeah nah I don't think that's a good idea, what are your intentions???? LOOOL I dunno if you've ever had a girl or guy ask you that before, but I was with a group of friends and I showed them and they were like daaaaaamnnnn. Obviously in a christian context like we continued the conversation and she was like oh yeah it's not what I'm looking for atm and I don't wanna like cause you to stumble or be tempted lol, it was a hella lengthy conversation I was like yeah, honestly I know the answer should be marriage (I was probs like hella early 20's) but I just wanna get to know you better tbh and she was like yeah well yu can do that through messenger lol...so that was the end of that lol.

So this third one is somewhat recent...I think, definitely within like these past 3-4 years, is that recent? Anyways, so I matched with this girl on tinder and we hit it off instantly, the conversation was dope and we would talk on the phone till like 3-4 am every night and I hate talking on the phone lol. So anyways, she found out I had a blog and she instantly fell in love...I kid you not, like she was in love with the blog and like so inspired by it, it was kinda creepy but jokes and flattering at the same time. Keep in mind we still hadn't met up yet, we were probably talking for like 2-3 weeks already, so we finally met up and I just feel like I wasn't what she expected lol. I think she wanted me to be some inspiring, insightful, hella poetic ass kinda dude LOL. I mean...I am, to a certain extent, but I'm a goofy dude (something I used to see as a negative about myself, save that for another time) and I like to joke around and I'm serious about half the time or when I need to be lol. So my theory is that I feel like she fell in love with RT...or the dude who writes to you on this blog, who's words you're reading right now. I know it's weird, but hear me out...I feel like some people see the blog as a different person, like a different side or different persona of mine...I've definitely gotten it before...in my younger years, the girls that I would chill with would be like you're so different on the blog...only because I would write about them rather than talking about our problems. Anyways, yeah, I feel like this girl was in love with the blog and I guess I didn't live up to her expectations in real life lol...that one definitely stung a bit only because we really hit it off and I'm a sucker for that shit...but oh well, live and learn, pick up the ball and shoot another shot...till tomorrow, DEUCES.

The Right Thing To Do, The Right Thing For You

Day 3/31

So lemme tell you 2 different stories to start...

So I was at the gym with a friend a long time ago and we went to this machine after this dude had finished it and we saw that he had left his phone. Without hesitation I picked up the phone, found him at the water fountain and gave him his phone. He didn't really have any reaction, he said thank you but had a very cold face...like imagine One Punch Man, that's the kinda face he gave me. So I went back to my friend and I was like yeah, he didn't seem really appreciative, should've just left the phone or kept it (obvs a joke) and we laughed about it.

So this second story, I was selling a textbook for university and I met up with the dude in the library and he gave me the money, I gave him the book and he left. I sat down in the library and realized he gave me an extra $50, again without hesitation I called him back and I was like oh hey, you accidentally gave me an extra $50. So he came back, I gave him the money and the dude like shook my hand and he was like oh my gosh, holy crap, I can't believe it, most people wouldn't have done what you did, all that stuff. Fast forward a little bit...turns out we had a lot of mutual friends and my boy was like yo, you know he always talks about you...anytime I bring you up he's like Rodmond? He's a hella good dude, I gave him and extra $50 and he gave it back to me and stuff. It felt really good hearing that, I'm not gonna lie lol.

So it brings me to my point lol...why do we do good things, like with the first scenario...I felt this weird feeling of not being fulfilled, like I expected something in return like a big hug and huge thank you...I even joked about keeping the dude's phone lol...he seemed ungrateful and it made me feel like I didn't get what I felt I deserved. With the second situation, it was more gratifying and it felt so much better because the dude was so appreciative and it made me feel good about myself. Thinking about these 2 scenarios, it made me ask the question...well why do we do good deeds? Is it because it's the right thing to do, or because it makes us feel good and have some sort of moral accomplishment. Random things like giving money to the homeless, donating your clothes to charity...are you doing that stuff cuz it's a good thing to do or because you want that sense of recognition and appreciation. Just a random open ended question I started to think of when I compared these 2 scenarios side by side lol. Anyways....this whole making a blog post everyday is harder than I thought lol...the well is definitely running dry, but I'm gonna do my best lol, stick with me...peace.

Expectation vs Reality

Day 2/31

I feel like I take a lot of inspiration from Timothy Dela Ghetto, just like values and like how you approach life, friends and relationships. I was chilling with a friend one time and he was like yo I get that vibe from you...just like a super chill dude who's likable and cool with everyone. It's also jokes because one of my best friend's is like a big black dude aka my Rick LOL But on the real tho, I literally grew up listening to this dude...advice on life, girls, friendships...all that jazz. I really resonate with just his entire vibe. So anyways he always talks about how like when he goes for auditions, it always ends up being the ones he didn't do well on that he gets calls back from...and the ones he thinks he killed and did well on, he doesn't get a call back. It just made me think about my life in that same context...job interviews I think I did well in, I didn't hear from them...the ones I think I did poorly in, I get the job lol. Even in a relationship context...the dates that I think went really well, suddenly you get ghosted or you don't get a second date...the dates that I think went terribly or not so good, you get a second date lol. It's just funny how that works out sometimes...what's the take away from this? I'm not too sure to be honest...don't sell yourself short, go with the flow, it is what it is...who knows, just a little something I wanted to share with y'all. The creative juices haven't really been flowing as of late lol...either I've been lacking inspiration or literally nothing interesting has been happening in my life...at least nothing worth making a blog post over lol. Maybe I just have to dig deeper because I feel like there's a lot going on that I haven't really been sharing, but I also don't really know how to put it into words...who knows, maybe it'll come to me...see y'all tomorrow, peace.

Two Girls Fighting In Class

Day 1/31

What’s good y’all...HAPPY DECEMBER, with that being said...my annual present to you guys this holiday season is a month’s worth of blog posts...yep, a post everyday...I always slack off a day or two on this but I always end up getting you 31 posts...I think at least...and this December is no different, I’m excited cuz a lot is going on and in the process.

But let’s move on, so this is the post that a lot of y’all have been waiting for. So let’s flashback to my first year of university...I was in this class and I had a group presentation coming up. So the day of the presentation, my group decides to meet up before class to practice. So there’s 5 ppl in our group...me, another guy and 3 girls. So throughout the course of this class, girl 1 and 2 seem pretty chill, they talk during class and stuff. So we’re in the room like half an hour before class practicing for our presentation, girl 1 starts like roasting girl 2 for being loaft and never being able to meet up to work on the presentation, I didn’t think nothing of it cuz it seemed harmless. Suddenly these girls start yelling at each other and for context, they’re sitting across from each other in a pretty small room. Girl 1 starts yelling like “I’M GONNA GET MY BOYS TO KILL YOU”. Girl 3 is sitting on the side somewhere speechless like bro what’s going on. Me and the dude who’re pretty cool look at each other like bruh...what’s going on. Suddenly they both stand up, get into each other’s face and start SWINGING...bro girl 1 frickin went Floyd Mayweather on girl 2...they both were like pulling each other’s hair, girl 1 like ripped girl 2’s hoops out of her ear and like ripped her shirt off too. This goes on for about 2 minutes...the dude and I look at each other like alright we should probably try to pull them apart. Girl 1 looks perfectly fine, hair a little bit messy...girl 2 had her lip bleeding, ear bleeding, scratches on her face and her shirt ripped. They’re back to sitting on opposite sides of the class, both on the phone with somebody. Girl 1 is on the phone with her friend saying she’s gonna call her brother and cousin to come kill this girl...girl 2 is on the phone with the COPS saying girl 1 is threatening her and she has cuts and stuff on her face. The professor walks in and we’re like...uh yeah we can’t present today.and we explained the situation. She knew girl 2 was loaft so her reaction was literally like oh...I could see that coming LOL like what, you wanna know what’s funnier, the class was called Women In Canada...I took it cuz it was a bird course relax...but it’s about like history of women and important female figures and empowerment and everything and here 2 girls are scrapping for no reason lol. So like 10 minutes into class, 2 cops walk into the room and ask to speak to everyone in my group individually and just ask us what happened lol. After class, the other guy in my group and I start talking and he’s like brooooo girl 2 got slapppppped...and we had a good laugh. Regarding the presentation, I think we ended up presenting just us 3...but I ended up getting an A in that class...and we all lived happily ever after.

Full Circle

So last week was really busy just because I had 2 assignments due and 2 presentations as well, so I kinda had to manage my time effectively and plan my assignments accordingly cuz it was literally group presentation on Tuesday, assignment due midnight Wednesday, presentation Thursday, assignment due Friday midnight, but I also had work in the evening lol. So it was kinda a stressful time, not because the work itself was super hard or complicated, but just cuz it felt like there was a lot to do and I felt a little overwhelmed. Anyways, so I did my 2 presentations last week and I felt really great about it and I also did really well on them also. The reason I bring it up is because after my first presentation, a bunch of my classmates were like wow you're a real good speaker, this one girl was like yeah you speak really well, like a teacher LOL. So fast forward to my presentation on Thursday, after I finished, again a different set of classmates were like yeah you were super engaging and charismatic, you're a really good speaker LOL. The only reason I bring this up is because when I look back at myself in high school, university...even maybe a couple years ago, I would never consider myself a good publi speaker, nor would I ever describe myself as engaging or charismatic lol. I think back to my brother's wedding and giving the best man speech, a lot of his friends were like yeah you were super engagin and your speech was really dope. Some of my friends and coworkers have literally told me like yo you should vlog or something, you have that vlogger voice LOOOL...I've also heard like “yo you should start a podcast, you have a really good voice” LOOOL. Okay, so I'm not telling you this to hype myself up...even tho it was pretty joke s to hear all these things...nor am I telling you there's a podcast on the way or that I'm gonn start vlogging lol...it's just really cool to be able to look back at the shy, nervous and timid kid that I was...and now, a still kinda shy, but more confident man. Part of my presentation, I said like hey...I'm still super shy and quiet, but when given the opportunity to speak, to present or whatever, I don't shy away from it and it doesn't really make me that uncomfortable anymore to do presentations or to speak in public. So it's like...I don't outwardly seek these situations out...just cuz I'm shy and i'd rather not...but like if I'm put in a situation where I have to...I don't really mind it lol. It's just funny looking back cuz I was that kid during presentations who'd read off the slide or read directly off my notes y'feel...but for my presentations last week, I made an effort to know what I was talking about, be able to glance down at my notes which only contained key words, then just go off on my own. What I'm trying to say is...it's always refreshing and humbling to see your own personal growth. When life hits you hard, when you feel drained and exhausted...take a look back at the journey you've been through to get to the point you're at right now. Personal growth is so much more than just physical and mental....but it's emotional, it's psychological. It was really cool hearing my classmates say that about me cuz it's something I've never really seen in myself, so for it to be acknolwedged was really cool. It's kinda like a caterpillar evolving into a cocoon and eventually a butterfly...you see that slow growth and improvement in yourself and it's a really rewarding feeling. And again, growth comes in all shapes and sizes...it's all about progress...whether babysteps or significant improvements...everyone grows and progresses differently, but eventually it all comes full circle.

Practice & Preparation

I don’t think you can ever fully be prepared for anything...an interview, a first date, orientation, first day of class...it’s nice to be and feel prepared, but I think one of the most important qualities is being flexible and being able to adapt on the fly...because things can change really fast or you might get hit with something you didn’t prepare for or weren’t expecting. As much planning as I’ve done in my life for certain events and situations...sometimes you really do have to just go with the flow and kinda wing it you know. I understand some people need order and organization and direction...but that only gets you so far is what I’m saying. Some people are the kinds of people to follow instructions to the letter...like say cooking or baking, but sometimes you kinda have to eyeball it or go by taste. Or what if you don’t have an ingredient and the stores are closed, a lot of life is about adapting to your situation and surroundings and making the best of what’s around you because not everything is going to go exactly the way you plan and prepare for it. There’s no ‘formula’ I can give you for life...or trust me I’d memorize that shit...life is about just taking what you get and making the best of it, adapting yourself to your situation. Rejection, failure, heartbreak...that’s all stuff we never really expect or prepare for, but it happens and it’s important to be ready and to be able to adapt to whatever comes after.

Edit: So I wrote this a couple days ago and it’s just funny how nervous people get...or how nervous I get before important events. The night before my placement interview I was super jittery and I couldn’t sleep. Just yesterday I kept rereading my presentation notes to make sure I was ready. This morning I was going to go over it again on the bus and I was like NO...you’re ready for this, you need to relax...you’ve done enough practicing and preparing, when the time comes just do it. It’s just funny that feeling we get of nervousness and anxiousness and that overwhelming feeling of being unprepared lol. Isn’t that why we like go over things in our head, do a double take in the mirror to make sure we look good, reread notes, all these things, it’s just funny lol.

Random Thoughts

Is it weird to feel like I don't have enough time and I have too much time at the same time? Somebody put that in a verse, it sounds fire. Anyways, if you follow the blog this is something I did back in the day to just kinda spitball at you guys...lately, the blog's been slacking yeah yeah we get it...but fam, the well is empty, it's dry...I honestly have nothing to talk about lol, nothing major's been going on. So instead of just going ghost, why not just hit you guys with everything that I HAVE been thinking about, but not enough to make a post about lol. For one, I'm taking it that there's only a month left in my first semester at college, time literally flies. I feel like time moves really fast when you think of it in alarger context...like in my one semester for one course, there's only 12 classes...take that in, yeah it's once a week over a 3 month period but to think that you digest everything, do all the tests and projects and assignments in 12 classes is pretty crazy. And at work they give you your schedule like a few weeks or sometimes even a month ahead, it makes you look at time in a larger context. Speaking of school, looking for a placement is probably the only thing I'm really stressed about atm because I gotta find one for December. Searching for placements has reminded me that rejection is a natural and healthy part of life. I had an interview for one yesterday that I really wanted but I found out today I didn't get in. It's funny cuz I don't really get too nervous about the actual interview, I've gotten gotten comfortable with it...but yeah, I was kinda bummed at first, but at the end of the day it is what it is and I just gotta get back on the horse and keep searching for placements...rejection is a natural part of life. Oh yeah, so on the flip side of not having enough time...I feel like I have so much time on my hands in the sense that I find myself thinking a lot...about random people, events, situation,s, circumstances. I think about people a lot...and of course memorably events and situations...which are often linked to people. Sometimes I miss people, I think about what went wrong, what changed. I think about fun road trips, nights out and great conversations. On the flip side to change...it made me think about how much stays the same, consistent, it just evolves. I think about being at my current job for over a year and seeing all the faces that have come, gone and are still here...I think about my parents or people I know who;ve been with the same person for a lengthy amount of time, it's crazy when we think about change we forget how crazy it is that some things can stay the same for a long time too. So my car battery recently at a gas station with my parents and long story short all of our friends were busy or didn't know how to help that we started asking people at the gas station for help and this young boy in high school helped us out no questions asked. It made me think of the other time my car battery died...calling all my friends and they were busy, my parents didn't know what to do, I was stuck by myself at the mall. I called my friend and he said he could help, but he was in north york with his girlfriend, he said to call him back if I couldn't find anybody...I tried, but couldn't...so this guy left his girlfriend and drove from north york to help boost my battery, damn. It made me think of the time I got a flat tire and literally like 5-6 of my boys and I are standing around looking up and watching videos on how to fix a flat tire lol, we even called over another friend who lived nearby to come help us out. I think back to that time my friend had a flat tire and I went to go help her even tho I wasn't too sure what I was doing, but I did it and I was dang proud I did it myself lol. I've had a lot of time to think about life lately. Maybe it's cuz at school I zone out and at work I definitely zone out so I'm always daydreaming or thinking about random stuff LOL. Anyways, I've been thinking about life lately...and you ever feel like you're going down the wrong path, like you know it's the wrong path...but you still keep going. It's funny cuz I feel like growing up, whatever your parents, religion or school teaches you...you're taught to think of what is right and wrong and like whether you're on the right track or not...but like I've been learning in social service work...everything depends on the person and the situation. I dunno where I'm going with this...but I'll end with it...I just feel like I'm lost right now, wandering aimlessly...and I know I shouldn't be...but I don't know which is the right direction I should be moving in. I feel like I'm lacking a lot of guidance and direction in my life right now lol...till next time, whenever that is...peace.

Time, Effort, Energy

So this is one of those posts I had saved in my phone from a long time ago and I'd add to it every now and then when something inspired me along the same lines, but I never got to actually writing it..until now. So I was working on Saturday and we do this thing before every shift called team talk where the manager and people will go over the previous day's sales and random stuff they want us to know about. So my manager, some Japanese dude who's english isn't great and speaks with a hella high voice (just for context and your imagination) starts going on some inspirational Coach Carter speech as if he's trying to win game 7 of the NBA finals LOOOOL...the dude starts going off about valuing your life and your time and putting in the best effort at work or some random shit...in my head I'm just like got damn, if anything...the speech really motivated me to be like well shit...maybe I should be investing my time in something important to me...and it sure ain't this place LOL. If anything it really made me think about whether I see this place in any sort of aspect in my future...which is a hard no to be honest lol. So anyways...let's flashback a couple months, I was in a random section at work folding clothes, daydreaming about random stuff, wondering when the store would close down...you know, the usual stuff LOL. I had a moment where I was like damn...if I put as much time, effort, energy and thought and love and care into this job as I do say like my blog for example...imagine the possibilities LOL I mean I laugh now...but it was a real thought lol...imagine I took all the effort and energy I put into this blog...and put it into something practical, 9 years of work, of my life, of dedication as some people like to tell me...imagine if I transferred that into a career or something, It was a sad thought that I had when I was folding clothes, cuz I'm usually sad when I'm at work cuz it drains you of your soul lol....but it was a real thought that I had lol. That then made me ask the age old question...am I still gonna be doing this when I'm like 30 (blogging I mean)? Like what do I really have to show for this...900,000 views, 9 years worth of posts...some people think it's hella dope...but at that time I was like man can I even consider these like real accomplishments or achievements in comparison to other people who like make a huge sale, close a big deal, earn a huge salary...things some people would consider 'legitimate' milestones. I think the real question I had in my mind at that time was at the end of the day...what do I really have to show for it...is it just the view...at the end of the day it's just a bunch of words on a page...a collection of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. Again...these are all thoughts that I was having when I was standing there in a random sections (M6 for my coworkers) folding clothes lol. With 1 million coming up and 10 years fast approaching...it's made me wondering about the purpose of this blog. I've mentioned the inevitable choice of me one day quitting this blog, but as of late...it's kinda been where I've been finding purpose, it's been the one constant thing in my life as of late. I thought about life without the blog...without this outlet to share and express myself and it made me feel kinda empty...lonely even. Obvs y'all are gonna say well just talk to your friends...yeah, but it's a different kind of expression if you get me. Honestly...a thought I had to myself...when I see myself stopping is maybe when I settle down and find a wife and start a family...because then my wife will be that outlet for me...to share and express everything as I do on this platform...she'll be that purpose y'feel? I mean who knows...maybe I'll take my friend's advice and switch up the blog to like a family blog and tell your boring stories about the stupid stuff my kids do LOL...we'll cross that bridge when we get to it...till then, see y'all soon...peace.

An Update On Life

So I know the blog's been slacking heavy as of late...like posts have been scarce. Honestly, I just haven't had much to say...not much as been going on lately lol. It's just school and work...then gym and trying to have a life in between. Sometimes I'm like I should probably post something, but nothing comes to mind lol. I'll sit in front of the computer for like 15-20 minutes trying to think of something to write about and nothing will come to mind or nothing sounds interesting enough to write about. I guess I'm somebody who just writes very spontaneously and on the spot lol...that's why even tho I say I have like topics on my phone, it's a mood thing, if I'm not feeling it or if I'm not interested in writing about that topic, I'm not gonna write about it. I also feel this weird pressure sometimes...pressure to put out interesting, funny and just quality posts. It gets to a point where I'll push it off a day or two, a few days becomes a week and yeah lol. But oddly enough, the views have still been piling up...in waves, like August and September were POPPIN' for the blog in terms of views...and went from 800k to 900k pretty much in the span of around a month, which is pretty insane to think about. Again, I don't really have much to say...so I'm just gonna spitball everything that;s on my mind and the things that I've been thinking about as of late...

So we sold our house, but we probs won't be moving till like 2020 for sure. The person that bought our house doesn't intend to live in it, so we're renting it back from them...weird I know, but it saves us the hassle of moving to a rental place then moving again to a new house and it gives my parents more time to find a permanent home. My rents wanna go back to Singapore as well as Japan and Thailand for a month in the summer which I'm pretty excited about cuz I haven't been back in like 10 years...that's pretty much when I was in my first year of uni...so clearly a lot has happened and changed. I gotta find a placement for school in /January, but I feel like I've been in school for so long that I have a leg up on a lot of my classmates cuz I know the rundown of how school works, how fast it goes and stuff and in a weird way...I'm stressed about the work, but not really...like I'm pretty chill about ti cuz I know how I like to work and I know how to manage my time somewhat after so many years of being in school lol. What else has been going on...I haven't been to church in like a solid few months...and I don't really know how I feel about that tbh, but maybe I'll save that for another post, it's a weird time in my life right now. I'm definitely at a point in my life where I'm seeing some of my closest friends move on and start to begin their life as like full fledged adults...meaning like moving out, living on your own, thinking about marriage and shit, it's pretty wild...obvs there's a sense of feeling left behind, but what's more is a sense of like losing a friend kinda. I wanted to make a post about this part as well..the fact that I've been thinking a lot about reaching out to a lot of people...but I keep putting it off or stopping myself or wondering if it\s a good idea or just convincing myself that if they wanted to reach out they would...old friends, old flames, people I used to talk to, people I don't see eye to eye with anymore....but at the end of the day people I have love for, but yeah lol. Life goes on and so should you...that's a title of a post I've written, search it up, it's a good one. Again, there's not much on my mind tbh lol...I'm definitely focused on school for sure, with work...it's definitely just a routine, but I enjoy seeing and talking to my coworkers...with the gym, that's like my stress relief...and with friends and having a life and going on dates and what not...that's just extracurricular. I'm at a phase in life where I'm just trying to figure a lot of things out...about life, about love, about myself, about others...so yeah, I'll leave y'all at that...see you soon, peace.

900,000 VIEWS

Got damn, 800,000 came and went real quick didn't it...it's pretty crazy cuz I feel like I haven't really been fully focused on the blog as of late. I mean posts are always coming in and out of my head, but I just haven't been translating it onto the blog lately. School and work have been keeping me busy and trying to have a life in between as well lol. I have a lot of stuff in my head and a lot of stuff planned before the year is over....December is gonna be TEN YEARS since the blog started and a million views is right around the corner...it's a crazy time for the blog and I wanna end of the year with a BANG. I think it's definitely time for a makeover for the blog...I think I've only changed the layout like maybe once or twice...I think only once cuz I vaguely remember what the blog looked like when I first started, but it's definitely time to change things up with our 10 year anniversary coming up and a milli on the horizon. Beyond that man...who knows what's gonna happen...I flip  flop with the idea that hey...maybe 10 years, a million views...it's a good time to slow it down and hang it up...we're in the end game now lol...but then I come back down to earth and I'm like naaaaaah, not yet. It's always funny when people like yo man you're blowing up lol...I've never really seen myself or the blog as a big deal lol, I mean it's cool don't get me wrong lol...but to me, it's like me chilling with my friends, talking about life and shit. I'll save all the sappy, sentimental stuff for the 10 year or the million post...till next time, thank you for effing with me this long...here's some bts pics from the shoot I did for 900,000...see y'all soon.

When The Timing Is Right

Do you ever think about a certain situation you're in...say a relationship, a job, a hobby...and be like...this is it, I know I was placed in this exact spot in this exact moment in time for a reason. Does that even make sense? Like imagine Lebron James...he's probably like, man I was born to do this, to get buckets and to inspire a generation with my story. Or imagine like if you're in a serious relationship and you're in talks of marriage...do you ever have thoughts of like...this is it, I know that I was placed in this situation with this person for a reason. I hope I'm making sense lol...anyways, so I'm sorry for going ghost these past 2 weeks but school's been getting a bit busy as of late, but that's also kinda what I wanted to talk to you guys about. If you guys don't know I'm in social work and in a lot of the courses if not all the courses I'm taking, they talk a lot about feelings and emotions and looking inwards and introspecting and how important it is to be open with your thoughts, feelings and emotions in order to be able to help clients to the best of your ability. Like I'm not even trying to toot my own horn...but I've heard a lot from my friends or from people like oh you're a really good listener or oh you're really easy to talk to and what not. I'm really enjoying school and the stuff that we're learning about...yeah it's hard work and yeah there's a lot to do...but it's interesting. This one courses I'm taking especially...is called interpersonal communication and a lot of it is just looking inward and being self aware because the more aware you are of yourself, your own needs, your own thoughts and emotions...the more aware and helpful you can be towards other people. We had to do this assignment about emotion and honestly it felt like I was writing in my blog...except it was a paper that I had to hand in. My prof was like “the more you're able to reflect and introspect, the more you'll enjoy your job and the less likely you'll burn out.” Obviously I understand it's not just gonna be talking to people and having a good ol time...but the more I learn about the job and the kinda stuff you have to do...and moreso the kinda person you have to be...I sometimes get the feeling of like shoot...I feel like I was put in this program for a reason...at this specific moment in time, 27 years old, having graduated from university and gotten some work experience and been through plenty of ups and dwns of life...I feel like the timing is right, I'm more mature, I understand myself and my feelings more and I'm much more comfortable in being open with it and with my struggles and hardships...I feel like I was put here for a reason. I really hope I'm making sense and that you're still with me lol. It's cool cuz I'm still learning things about myself things I can work on if I intend on being a social worker and how I can really help people and be available...and it's also things I take with me to my daily life...when I'm interacting with my friends and trying to be there for them, it's funny when I catch myself saying things or applying things from class to conversations with my friends and I'm like oh true lol. Again, it makes sense in my head lol...being in class, being in this program...in this current stage and point in my life...it just feels right.

Forbidden Fruit

Before I get started, I just wanted to say it's super dope when people let me know what they think of the blog. Whether in person or online...like yo man this post was really dope or yo I really resonated with it or just I enjoyed reading it, know that I really do appreciate it even if I awkwardly respond in person cuz I'm just an awkward dude. It's also super cool when people tell me that my writing sounds like me, like they can picture or hear me saying these words or doing my stupid laugh whenever I put an 'lol'...just something dope that hit me today lol, let's move on tho.

Why are we drawn to things that we know we shouldn't do or shouldn't have or are straight up bad for us? You know how on cigarette boxes they like show pictures of peoples teeth or they'll say how many people die of smoking each year yet people will still buy it even tho it's right in front of them...pictures and words that say hey this is bad for you, don't do it...yet people still do it. Why are things that aren't good for us so much more tempting and appealing? It's like being drawn to a really bad ex or having a tendency to date assholes. Is it just human nature to want what we're not supposed to have or want what we know isn't good for us? It's crazy how concrete signs can be right in front of us saying don't do it, don't proceed, stop, turn around...yet we'll still keep walking forward like oh well...then when it doesn't work out or we find ourselves in trouble it's like welp, who would've guessed this would happen. I can't count the number of times I've had conversations with my friends that'll go along the lines of...I don't think you should do it, I don't think it's a good idea...this goes both ways, me saying this to a friend and vice versa...then one of us comes back like yeah you were right, it was a bad idea, I feel like shit now or whatever. I'll never understand the nature of why we're drawn to things we shouldn't be. I find myself now...still drawn to things, people, situations, circumstances I know I shouldn't be in...but I do, I dive head first like oh well...we'll deal with it later...that's kinda where my head's been at lately...so you can kinda guess I've been in a weird space lately mentally...which has definitely opened a lot of doors for newness and doing and just living life...but it also comes with a lot of self reflection, sometimes regret and a lot of uncertainty and confusion. But hey...it is what it is...that's not really a great conclusion lol...I'm still figuring it out myself...peace.

Hard Truths & Acceptance

Remember back in school on tests where you would have to solve the problem and explain your answer? How sometimes you'd know the answer straight up but you wouldn't be able to explain it or you wouldn't know how to get to that answer so you wouldn't get full marks...yeah, well ain't like life that too lol. I'll come back to that in a bit...but I was reading a post about 'how to make your blog more appealing' or something like that and it was really interesting lol. Obviously, I couldn't help but go through the list as I was reading and internally kinda check off what I think I had and what I didn't. The first thing the post said was “your blog is not your personal journal” LOL. He went on to say that it's okay to write about your personal life, but don't expect it to resonate with other people. He was like, it's cool to share stories and stuff, but if you make it all about you no one will care. He concluded saying that you can write about whatever you want to write about but understand that certain types of writing and subjects may not be appealing as others. That was just the first part of the article lol and it really slapped me in the face cuz I was like well shoot...that's all I do...I tell stories, I share personal experiences, I talk about my life lol. But I also thought to myself, I've built a decent community and have amasssed a decent amount of views, but at the same time all these things are things I've worried about and thought about in my head before. How It's also things I've struggled with, but come to understand and accept. Let's take instagram for example...one thing I've realized is that I don't watch many people's stories, occasionally I'll scroll through and be like oh wow I've never seen this person's stories before, let's see what they're about. At the same time, I feel like it's also the algorithm that puts the stories you usually view at the front which somewhat explains why I never watch some people's stories. But another explanation is simply...I don't really care lol. I don't care about their life, what they're up to, what they're doing or whatever. It sounds rude, but let's flip it...I post a story, I write a blog post...some people literally just might not care, and that's perfectly fine. Oh this dude's writing about his life, oh another girl experience that I don't care about. It kinda hit me after I read the post...like I wouldn't bother reading blog posts about certain people cuz I just don't know them well enough to care...unless like the title is super catchy or my friend sends it to me and says yo this is a really interesting read...other than that, solely on the basis of like well I don't even know this person and I don't really care about their life so I'm not gonna bother reading their posts or view their stories. Now let\s flip it back to the blog...something I've come to terms with is that some people just don't give a damn LOL and that's perfectly fine. Some people don't know me and don't care about me...to them I'm just some random dude who writes random shit about my life lol. So back to the whole questions on test and how they would ask you to explain your answer. A lot of times in life you find yourself asking why...and honestly, sometimes their is no answer, there is no reason. I had a conversation with a friend and I thought back a couple summers ago when I was seeing this girl for a few months. She went back to school when summer ended and things kinda just ended abruptly with no reason or explanation, that's the simplified version lol. Anyways, I remember for the longest time...I struggled with trying to figure out what went wrong, was it something I did, something I said, is there something I could've done better. I feel like I've only recently come to terms with that fact that it there might be no reason...it just didn't work out cuz it didn't work out. But that's not what this post is about lol...back to the blog...people might not read, enjoy or mess with the blog because they just don't mess with me like that and that's perfectly okay lol. I think I used to get so caught up in trying to appeal to everyone, making sure I have enough funny posts, girl posts, interesting captions and shit...but at the end of the day, if someone doesn't mess with you...they're not gonna read your stuff regardless of what you do or how much you dress it up, that's just how it is. I know that cuz I put myself in the reader's shoes and I think about how lazy I am in doing something as simple as viewing people's instagram stories, I'm definitely not wasting time reading someone's post about their life if I don't even know or care about them lol. Anyways, that's just a little thought I had in my mind I thought I'd share with y'all...it gave me a lot of closure in a weird way, that if you mess with me, you probs mess with the blog, if you don't...then the blog probably isn't your cup of tea, and that's cool too...no hard feelings...till next time, peace.

He Said, She Said: A Guide To Conflict Resolution

I don't know about you...but I've never been a confrontational person and I still don't think I really am tbh, but also...I don't really find myself in too many conflicts just cuz of the nature of my personality...I just don't care LOL. No but really, I feel like I'm pretty calm and don't really get rattled too easily lol. So anyways, I had a situation where I wasn't sure if a friend was mad at me or not...why did I think this? Well the person usually like says hi to me, daps me up and we chat a bit...I saw the person again later that day and they didn't even bat an eye to me...so I was like oh, maybe they're mad at me for something. After talking to another friend, my initial reaction was whatever...just leave it be. The more I thought about it, the more I was like you know what...I'm gonna approach him and just see what's up and how he's doing. Turns out he wasn't mad at me at all, just having a really bad day and was really out of it. We had a good talk and it was a real load off my chest. It kinda led me to this topic right now...how if I had not approached him and confronted the situation in my head, I probably would've went my way, ignored him thinking he was mad at me and then suddenly it gets weird between us for no reason. Whereas when I approached him, asked him what was up, realized nothing was actually wrong and everything went back to normal. It just reinforced to me that when it comes to really stupid beef, weird/awkward tensions and petty shit, you gotta be a grown up and confront it face first. That stuff doesn't go away, it lingers and it just makes things worse. Like I said, if I didn't appraoch him, things just would've gotten more weird cuz then I would've ignored him then he might start thinking well why's he ignoring me then it kinda snowballs, you feel? It made me start thinking about all the people we choose not to deal with and face because it's hard...bad exes, fake friends, annoying people, whatever it may be...sometimes you just really gotta grow up, suck it up, take a deep breath and face that shit head on. I think back to when I was younger...high school, heck even university...how scared and unwilling I was to tackle problems head on...nah let's let a mutual friend handle it, oh maybe I'll message them online, I'll shoot them a text and see how they're doing...nah, you gotta look at that person face to face and hash whatever it is out. I think that\s why I've grown to hate texting and talking on the phone, I feel like I've always been like that to a certain extent, but now that I'm grown...I really dislike it and much prefer face to face interaction because it's more real and it's more genuine imo. In the same way with conflicts...it's just more real and genuine when you do all that stuff face to face...because it takes a lot of courage to take that step and to stand in front of someone you may not be on good terms with. Trust me when I say I've done it all...I've broken up with an ex through text, I've quit a job through the phone, I've apologized for stupid stuff through text and stuff...that shit's just immature and the easy way out. If you wanna be mature, the bigger person and a straight up grown ass real individual...you'll face whatever it is head on, because even tho it's not the easy thing to do, it's the right thing. I can say that with confidence because I've been that dude who'd rather have conversations online to hash things out than talking to someone face to face...I've been that dude who broke up with a girl over text cuz I was scared to say it to her face...I've been that dude who quit a job over the phone cuz I didn't wanna look at my supervisor in the eye for fear of awkwardness and judgement. But part of being an adult is owning up to your mistakes and facing it head on, that's just something I'm learning...through experiences, through mistakes and through living. I wouldn't be here today typing this out to you if I hadn't gone through it myself...otherwise I'd be hella suss telling you all this without having at least experienced something like it myself...anyways, hope you enjoyed it...see you soon.

800,000 VIEWS

So I know this post is a little late, but wow...I always say I never really know what to say for these things and I truly don't. Part of me doesn't really know why I make these things such a big deal, why I go out of my way to celebrate and glamorize it lol. I think it's because when I don't really think it's that big a deal in comparison to the videos on youtube or something that get millions of views in like a couple of hours or days. But then when I get to sit back, think about it and digest everything...it's been a long and hard road to get to where we are...and I feel to a certain extent I've scratched and clawed my way to get to where I am. I never wanna say that my blog has blown up or that it's a big deal cuz I don't really feel that it is...yeah 800,000 hits is a lot, but only an extremely small handful of people have seen the blog...so the number is big, but it's always really small as well. I feel like having that kind of mindset forces me to be humble, hungry and to keep going and to stay motivated (which I'll save for another post). I'm super thankful for this achievement, but it just means we're that much closer to my goal of 1 million...something I've mentioned, talked about and dreamed about since I feel like 2011 when the blog really started getting going. We're definitely gonna end 2019 strong, I promise you that...I have a lot of things planned and a lot of things already in motion...just kinda have to keep the ball rolling, I promise it'll be super dope lol. With that, I did a mini photoshoot with my boys for 800,000 and I wanted to share with y'all some of the photos that didn't make it onto my instagram or facebook.

Finding Comfort In Discomfort

Hey y'all...so couple housekeeping items before we get to today's post. Firstly, the 800,000 is coming lol don't you worry...I was just really inspired by this post today and wanted to write about it. Secondly, man,,,one of the hardest things about blogging is thinking of a title...and also like when I post on my instagram story, thinking of those little captions are super hard and annoying sometimes. Essnetially, I only have a title and a few sentences to catch the reader's attention and make them wanna read the post. I think of myself and how quick I am to scroll past something that doesn't look appealing or catch my attention in the first few seconds, so that's definitely a struggle sometimes with blogging lol. Anyways, moving on...

So I just finished my first week of classes today and it definitely went much better than I expected. Going into it, I was super anxious and nervous cuz it's a pretty big change...I haven't been in school in like 2 years so to just suddenly jump back in was definitely scary lol. Everything from commuting, to the early classes, to having to do readings...I was not excited whatsoever. So this week was mostly introductory stuff, course outlines, getting to know the prof and vice versa...but it eased my mind in a lot of aspects, hearing about what the courses are about, who the profs are and what they expect from us. For one, college is significantly different than university...everything from the work, to the expectations, all the way down to the fact that the profs genuinely care for you and want you to succeed...not saying that that doesn't happen in university...maybe it's the fact that the classes in college are so much smaller that you really feel it more and you feel more of a person than just a number. So anyways...I was dreading this morning's class the most this whole week because it started at 8 am, meaning I'd have to catch the bus at like 6:30 and all of that just sounded terrible lol. But it turns out that my 8 am class is probably the most interesting class out of the 5 courses that I'm taking and even tho it was 8 am, I felt super wide awake and focused because the content was so interesting, the prof was super nice and engaging and the material felt super relatable. The course is called Interpersonal Communication and it's pretty much how people communicate with each other in different and unique ways and the factors that go into it. It's just funny thinking about how much I was dreading this class and it turned out to be the most interesting one. But isn't that how a lot of things are...especially things that are new, things we haven't done in a while and things that make us feel uncomfortable. It's scary at first, but once you get into the swing of it...it becomes normal. That's exactly what my friend said too...he's like once you start school and get back into the swing of things, it'll come natural. I think back to when I first started working at my current job, the first month of training...heck the first week...I wanted to quit every single day...getting up at 5 am, doing tedious work...but now here I am over a year later with the same company...that discomfort eventually become comfort, it became the norm. I was never really a good at communicating with people verbally, I still don't think I'm great at it but I've made vast improvemnts. I'll never forget standing across from my cousin on a train and looking at her feet while she was talking to me and she goes hey...my eyes are up here...you always wanna be looking at someone when you're talking to them, ever since then I always made a conscious effort to maintain good eye contact...it lets people know you're listening to them and you're engaged. I mean you can be looking at the floor and still listening to them, but your body language communicates that you're not really interested and your attention is somewhere else (learned that from class today lol). I just think about how uncomfortable and just bad I was at talking to people, but I think I've gotten pretty decent at it...which kinda aligns with why I decided to go into social work. I've been told I'm a good listener and that I sometimes give good advice, so just going along with my strengths and what I think I'm good at...I figured this would be a good path for me. I just wanted to end off with this...I was thinking back to my time as a TA with my old teacher, I admired and always longed for the relational aspect that came with teaching...what he had developed with me...I wanted that with other students, which is what pushed me into teaching in the first place...but the more I thought about it, if that's what I want, I can find that in many different careers and pathways, not just teaching, which again...is what brought me to where I am today. But man did I have some good times as a TA. I did it for about 2 years and my teacher would be like Rodmond, when you first started, I could tell you were really shy, uncomfortable and trying to find your footing, but I've really seen you mature, become your own man and find your own style and what works for you. It's super dope to notice change is yourself, but it's even cooler when other people notice the changes and growth in your that you're not too sure about. I was looking at some old messages between my teacher and I and I found this and it really made me happy lol, I'll leave y'all with that.

PS...sorry that this post is all over the place and that it doesn't even really reflect the title that well, but I tried lol, it's more like a jumble of random thoughts and things that've been going on this past week...sorry, my brain is just crammed with stuff right now and I'm just throwing it all at y'all...I apologize...till next time...peace.

Blast From The Past

Sometimes, life gets super busy that you hardly have time for yourself let alone the people that you care about. But at the same time, I'm a firm believer that if you care about someone, you'll go out of your way to make time for them. As of late, I had some time to reach out and catch up with some people I haven't seen in a while...like months, even years. It's super nice and for me, really brought things back down to earth being able to meet up with old friends, old flames and just catch up, chill and converse. It's dope seeing what people are up to and how people have changed or stayed the same. Whether it's like physical changes or changes to their personality, attitude or situation...I love seeing the growth and the change in people. I think with social media, it definitely makes it easier to see what people are up to...oh this person changed their hair, got a new job, has kids now, whatever whatever. But not everyone is on social media like that and not everyone has like a blog (lol) for example that you can read and see what they're up to and how much they've changed. Kinda plays into how it's been super nice to be able to catch up with people I haven't seen in a while. For one, it's like a stroll down memory lane...you think about the old times, you reminisce about your shared memories and you have a good time. It's cool cuz you'll always share the bonds and the memories with those people and for some people...your relationship stays the same. There's some people that I don't get to see often, but when I do it's all love and it's like we're kids or teenagers all over again chopping it up and having a good time. It's funny talking to my friends about people from high school for example and how some people after high school or university make a conscious decision to cut everyone off from their past and like 'start anew'. And I remember my friend telling me about one girl specifically who was like oh...you still keep in contact with people from high school? I guess you don't know how to move on lol. Now I never wanna be like that...I mean obvs its awkward seeing some people from back in the day, especially if you never really talked to them, but for the most part...it's pretty dope bumping into old people even if you shared really small moments with them like a class, a project, a locker, whatever it is. So yeah, that's just a little thought I had today cuz I've been bumping into a lot of familiar faces as of late and also reaching out to old friends...till next time...DEUCES.

Hit Or Miss

This is just a healthy reminder to myself and maybe a refresher for you...that not everybody's gonna f with you, not everyone's gonna dig your vibe, not everyone's gonna mess with you and not everyone's gonna like you...and that's perfectly fine. If you remember the show Recess, TJ finds out there's this one kid that doesn't like him and he goes to endless lengths to make this dude like him...bake him brownies, buy him toys and stuff and at the end of the episode the dude's like it's nothing personal, I just don't like you. And that's kinda how life is too...not everyone's gonna f with you and I think I used to be someone who really got triggered by that kinda stuff. I'd be like, oh well why, what can I do to change that and stuff. Now, I'm kinda like you know what...it is what it is. Same thing with the blog...everything that I put on this blog is me, it's a reflection and representation of me, my life and my experiences...but I've grown to learn, accept and understand that not everyone f's with the blog. Some people might think it's hella corny, lame or just me seeking attention...it is what it is and people are gonna feel how they wanna feel regardless of what you say or do. I entitled this 'hit or miss' cuz I've always been an on the fence kinda guy, someone who likes to see both sides and not really rock the boat. But as of late I've been trying to be more straight up and firm with my stances. I think you can still see both sides fairly while still choosing one. As for the blog...I've learned to appreciate and celebrate the people that really do dig the blog, I mean why waste your time on negative energy...where does that really get you? Just a short little thing I wanted to share with you, but moreso remind myself of as I write this out. Till next time, peace.