Cruise Control

Hey friends, so I haven't had much to talk about lately which kinda explains not putting out a post sooner. I was thinking to myself I was like damn, as much as it sucks to go through stressful times or heartbreak for example...it really does make for great content LOL. Like the past few posts were inspired by the same events, feelings and emotions that I was going through lol and they did really well in terms of views and also feedback from people saying they were dope. Moving on tho, when I was in high school, I used to get annoyed and make fun of those kids who would get B's in class and get mad because they didn't get an A, while my dumb self is sitting there with a C like bruh. It wasn't until it happened to me recently that I now understand how it feels lol, I've been doing really well in school recently and I got a B on a group project and I actually got really annoyed it wasn't an A LOL, then I started laughing cuz I was like wow, now I know what it feels like to be one of those kids lol..

But anyways, so today in class my prof was like can you believe we only have 4 more classes left? I was like what??? So all my classes are once a week, so in retrospect, in the span of a 4 month semester, you only really have 12 classes for each course. So yeah, my prof's like we only have 4 classes left, then finals and you're done your first year. I was like damn...January felt like 2 months in the span of one, but February's felt like it's gone by in a week. My other prof told me once y'all come back from reading week and block week (week off school where we go to placement for a week), March is really gonna breeze by and you'll be done in no time. So my friends and people in general always ask me how school is going and as of late it's kinda been the same answer...cruise control. What do I mean by that? I feel like I'm honestly just chilling, coasting until at least my first year is over and I can enjoy summer, work more, chill more, go to Singapore which I'm getting more and more excited about as school i winding down. What I mean by cruise control is like...I've been in and been through school so many times already...literally spent like what, 6-7 years in university for 2 degrees. Compared to university, and I'm not even trying to downplay college, but it's actually a walk in the park compared to university. Everything from the work load to how flexible and understanding my profs...they're like yeah just call us by our first names lol, whereas in university a lot of my profs would be like nah, address me as professor and some were super nitpicky like oh I have my pHD so I want you to call me doctor, I had a prof that was like that. Anyways, I feel like I'm in cruise control because it's like I've been through all of this already. You know when you play an RPG game or like Super Mario for example and you go really far in the game, but then you die and have to start all over again. You've already been through like half the game and stage so you kinda just breeze through it all really quick to get back to where you were originally. That's kinda how I feel, I'm not saying it's easy and I don't have to try, I still work hard, but I know myself more, my work habits, how to manage my time, I've been through it and it doesn't really stress me out. Nothing about the work stresses me out other than the fact that there's a lot of it and I just have to manage my time effectively. It's interesting seeing like legit first year students (18-19 y/o) stress or learn to develop work and study habits and everything is so new to them. Whereas I feel like I have the cheat codes in GTA cuz it's the little shortcuts that make school easier like understanding you don't have to buy all your books for every class, how some classes and profs you'll be fine with just their powerpoints or understanding that 10-15% exams really aren't that big a deal in the grander scheme of things. You learn what to prioritize and what to put on the back burner. That's a big part of why school has been so chill for me lately. Another thing I've been learning is just the importance of being a team player and getting along with others. This semester was a bit weird cuz I had a group project in every class and they were all cool except one where we actually had a dispute about equal work distribution and fairness and we actually had to sit down as a group to talk about it cuz some of us wanted to go to the prof and be like this isn't cool. Whether in school or even at my job, being a team player and being able to get along with others is so important since you're going to be seeing them pretty frequently. My program is pretty small and I've seen the same people from last semester in most of my classes so like I know I'll see them next year and would rather not burn any bridges yet. Same with work, yeah disputes happen but work is work and you gotta keep that personal stuff out of it. But yeah, back to my main point, school is good, I'm kinda just going through the motions, rinse and repeat. Back in my university days, I was a really bad procrastinator, today...I still am a procrastinator, but I'm an effective procrastinator cuz I've learned through my program that some people just work better under pressure or closer to the due date while other people work better way ahead of time.I know how to manage my time and say smaller assignments I can do the night before or 2 days before and the bigger assignments or exams I'll try to reserve a bit more time to study and get it done, but I'm still a very last minute, hectic, struggle to submit or print kinda guy lol it's just how I work and I don't think it'll ever change lol. Hope y'all are doing well and enjoyed this post if you made it through, PEACE.

Guest Writer #36: Kim_beee

#1: SpeakingMyMind 

#2: Letters To You 

#3: TC 

#4: Anonymous Queen B

#5: Someone You Used To Know 

#6: Heartlocked 

#7: LG Slayer 231 

#8: TC

#9: G. Ho 

#10: Golden Frieza 

#11: Ghost Writer 

#12: Pink Precariat

#13: Disconnect 

#14: Daniel 

#15: Golden Frieza

#16: Someone You Used To Know 

#17: Yellow Rose 

#18: SpeakingMyMind

#19: Heartlocked 

#20: My Best Friend Agnes Part 2 

#21: Free Spirit, Wild Heart
#22: Inner Self 

#23: G 

#24: Nuji 

#25: Broccoli 

#26 

#27: Dak 

#28: Carmom

#29: Mike Bibby 

#30: B.C.K. 

#31: WG 

#32: Mike Bibby 

#33: Young Gerald

#34: Sbaby 

#35: Livelifeontheko 

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Head Above Water

Firstly, thanks to Rodmond for allowing me to contribute a post to his blog, means a lot to be given this platform to express my thoughts.

I had the hardest time really trying to sort through my thoughts and write this post, since there were so many emotions that I was going through these past few months. I wanted to write something that was coherent but also something that I deeply felt. So here it finally is.

The biggest challenge for me this past year has been trying to figure out where I stand, where I want to be, and what I’m currently doing to try and get there. I have trouble with timing, and I struggle with it a lot. I have these thoughts that I feel the need to be at a certain point in my life at a certain time. For example, I should have found a job at this time since graduating and figured out my career at this point in my life. It has always felt like I was running out of time. I needed to act fast, always do things that would get me from point A to point B as efficiently as possible. It’s been a gradual curve for me to learn that this timer that I keep hearing ticking in the back of my mind is just something that I’m using to pressure myself into trying to achieve what it is that I want. Yet, I’m still figuring out what that is, I’m still getting used to not always having all the answers, not knowing how to get them, and not always understanding certain situations and even other people.

After I graduated, I had the mindset that I would find a job relevant to my field to gain more experience and hopefully use that as a stepping stone to eventually start my career in something I want to do. It didn’t turn out that way, and months went by and I was still struggling to find something. It was hard to accept at first, after getting hired at my current job which is completely different from what I wanted to do. As time went on, even though I knew that this job wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, I also knew that regardless, it was still something rather than nothing. It was still teaching me a lot, giving me skills, experience, and something that I can build off from.

This wasn’t something that I woke up one day and suddenly realized, but something I’ve learned these past two years and still learning. I’m still getting to know myself, still getting to know what I’m okay with, and what I’m not. I’m still accepting that I make mistakes, I’m far from perfect and I don’t try to be, but I put a lot of pressure on myself to be this person that never gives up. I try to constantly think positively and always have hope so that tomorrow seems more promising than today. I work at it every day, to appreciate even the little victories like having the mindset to be more proactive, plan my days to send out applications, update my resume, be motivated and stay motivated. I’ve really learnt to appreciate these small victories since it gives me a sense of comfort knowing even though I may not have results right now, I’m still doing things that will get me there one day.

It’s been a lot better these past few weeks. It’s a constant reminder to keep telling myself that things will be okay. Sure, I may not have all the answers, but Rome wasn’t built in a day. Things take time, hard work takes time but does pay off. I’m not alone in feeling this way either. The more I talked about it with friends, co-workers, family, the more I realized that I wasn’t the only one that had these struggles. I wasn’t the only one trying to make it to the next day without falling apart. I wasn’t the only one holding on to whatever and whoever I could to keep my head above the water. I’m finally letting go of the things I feared, the unknown, not knowing where I’ll be tomorrow, but working on where I am today. It’s good to finally take back control, even if just for a bit, even just for a few minutes, hours or a day. This is all something I had to figure out on my own, I had to realize it in my own time, struggle with it for a long time first before I learned to let go and let myself be happier. And it’s okay, it will always be okay.

Perfect Time

"Somebody told me that the greatest gift you can give somebody is your time. Because when you give your time, you're giving a portion of your life that you'll never get back."

This was supposed to be the third of three posts I wrote in the span of a day, all kinda expressing the same emotion just in different ways and words. But the more I read it over, the more I just didn't like how it sounded in my head. So I'm gonna rewrite it and approach it with a clear head and a much clearer heart. Time is something that's important to everyone in different ways and we all choose to spend it differently, it's also something that sometimes feels like we have an abundance of but also not enough of at the same time. I feel like when it comes to things like relationships, you're willing to make exceptions or look past things like possible red flags (debatable) or things that would usually bother you because you focus instead of their positive qualities and the things that you like about them. It’s either that or you’re just so invested and infatuated with them that they can do absolutely no wrong lol. I truly believe the idea that everyone is willing to make exceptions and compromise on things that they look for in a partner because if they didn’t, they’d literally be looking for a specific/perfect person who fits every single one of their checkpoints and the moment someone doesn’t fit one, they automatically get disqualified no matter how many other qualities they check off. Now obviously it’s going to be different for everyone, but everyone has a set of like core qualities or things that they look for in a partner and everyone also has a set of red flags that are immediate cut off points and it varies from person to person. I was talking to a friend and he said this to me, he was like “dude, I feel like one thing that is a must have quality in a partner for you is time and being present. Meaning having/making time and being present for you.” To which I started thinking to myself (because everything my friends say always somehow trigger a blog post), I really do believe that nobody is ever ‘too busy’. That if you care enough or someone is important enough to you, you’ll make time for them somehow some way. You’ll either flex your schedule to make it work or somehow tetris them into your life, because you want to and you think they’re worth it. This may not be true for everyone, who knows…it’s definitely something I’ve realized about myself for sure. I’m never ‘too busy’ to hang out with a friend, go out for food, grab a drink…if I really want to. I definitely have my days where I wanna just be at home relaxing or I’ll flop on plans cuz I’m tired, but for the most part…I’m never too busy and I’ll make time when I want to. Whether it’s like calling in sick (shhh) or switching shifts at work so I can attend a family dinner, doing homework and assignments ahead of time so I can chill with my friends or sacrificing sleep for family, friends, girls or events. If you really want to, you’ll make time for it…that’s kinda how I see things…as dramatic or over the top as it may sound lol, maybe some of y’all agree with me, who knows. I think about all the times my friends made time for me and it just really hits home y’feel. I remember my friend leaving his girlfriend’s house in North York to come to Markham to boost the dead battery in my car. I remember being hella sick, stuck at home for 2 days and my friend saying get ready, I’m taking you out for congee cuz I know you’ve been at home all day. Yo I even remember my brother ditching me as we were in the car to go to the movies because his girlfriend called and wanted to chill, my guy turned the car around, dropped me home and went to go chill with his girlfriend LOOOOL. I was hella cheesed at the time but it is what it is now…moral of the story and those stories…when you want to, you’ll make time…and you’re never really ‘too busy’. Till next time…peace out.

Self-Awareness

Before I start, I just wanted to say thank you to a bunch of y'all that read my update post and reached out to be and offered support and encouragement, truly appreciated all of it. That post really blew up for some reason, I'll knew truly comprehend the fact that it's always the most randomest posts that I don't put much thought or effort into that end up blowing up...and the ones that I take my time with, put a lot of thought into and think are really dope that just do average numbers lol. With that being said, this is the second of three posts that I wrote in the span of a day...all kinda similar because I was running on that same emotion and feeling...all while listening to a lot of Sam Smith lol...enjoy.

Self-awareness is very important, but it’s also something not everyone is good at. Not everyone knows and understands themselves as well or as much as they should. But at the same time, just because someone is self-aware doesn’t always mean they end up doing what is best for them even tho they know what it is. I’m somebody that wears my heart on my sleeve and I act on emotions and they drive me…I know this, but I still fall into the trap of thinking with my heart instead of thinking with my head. This blog has played such a big part in shaping me into a very open and honest person, there’s very little that I don’t share on this blog and there isn’t much that I’m opposed to talking about in person. It might be awkward at first, but I’ll warm up to it. I am somebody that gets invested in things very quickly, especially if the vibe is right and it just feels right…again, I’m an emotionally driven and gut feeling kinda person. It leaves me very vulnerable when I do open up and very susceptible to getting hurt because I put my emotions into everything I do. One of my best friends is literally the exact same way…and we always find ourselves in similar situations where one of us is going through something and the other is giving advice, trying to paint the bigger picture and remind the other that in time, it’ll all be fine (BARS). We’re both people that dive head first into things like relationships…and when we jump, we go all in with no regrets lol. The thing with running on emotions…is when you’re in it, you literally throw common sense and being realistic out the window because you’re so deep into your emotions. It’s funny because I know all of this, but like I said, I throw any kind of sense out the window when I’m fully immersed and invested into something. It’s funny cuz as I type and reread that last sentence, I think about all the crazy things I’ve did and almost done for girls because I had a ‘good feeling’, and I think about all the crazy things my friend has did and almost done for girls because of the same…and I laugh lol, man we’re dumb. I’m also a lingerer and I have trouble letting things go, but someone said it best to me when they said you can’t find and grab onto something if you’re still holding on to something else. You can’t move on if you don’t let go. Like I said in the previous post, the older I get…the better I’m understanding myself, my emotions and how to handle different situations. That just comes with life, with maturity and with experience. But it also helps to have a really good support system around you, people you can go to who’ll just listen when you need it and give advice when you want it or just be straight up and say you’re being dumb when you need it. I’m thankful for the people around me who both similar and different from me because they give me different perspectives and opinions, things I would have never thought of or seen in that light because I just don’t think that way. So as much as it’s good to surround yourself with like minded and similar people, you also gotta throw in some contrast and surround yourself who are polar opposite or completely different because they offer you such a different view and perspective that you yourself would never be able to come up with.