I Can’t Make You Like Me, I Can’t Make You Love Me

Hey y’all, so I wrote this a couple of days ago and hesitated on posting it cuz well...like the post will talk about, I was scared of the response it would teceive, but it is what it is...control what you can control, and don’t let what you can’t bother you...enjoy.
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I think this is something I’ve struggled with all my life and it’s something I still struggle with. This idea of being accepted and liked. And this goes further and way beyond just girls but the friends and the people you surround yourself with. Whether it’s how people perceive me, this blog or the things I say and do. Whether you think I’m hella corny, not funny, way too dramatic or over the top lol. I get way too wrapped up in what people think. Do they hate it do they love it, I don’t think it’s something I can escape or something that ever goes away...no matter how many blog anniversaries I celebrate or how many views the blog gets...I always struggle with what y’all think and if y’all like me or not because I wanna be likable...that’s why I try to push out interesting content, funny stories, waaaay too many posts about girls. I think that’s something any kind of content creator goes through. I’m big on watching people’s vlogs and stuff and it’s something they always talk about because it’s right in their face. People commenting on their daily lives, their personalities, the things they say and do. And I know I’m far from that, but it’s somewhat in the same lane in that I put my life out here...for y’all to see, read, laugh, criticize, enjoy, whatever it may be. I can’t help but expect the negative to come along with the positives...just because a post blows up doesn’t mean it’s a good thing, what if people think it’s dumb or stupid and are like yo you should read this it’s so dumb. Those are the random and outlandish things I think about.

But eventually and like always...I get a moment to myself and am able to calm down and reflect (cuz if you know me you’ll know the freak outs are usually followed my moments of realization) and tell myself why’re you stressing over things you can’t control. And that’s exactly what it all is...in the same way I can’t force a girl to love me, I can’t force y’all to like me, I can’t force y’all to think my posts are funny or interesting. It’s not a battle I can win and that’s why I say and try to remind myself that this blog...it really is for just me. A place of expressing and comfort for me to just say whatever I want and need...knowing that whatever response comes is out of my control, all I can do is just keep doing my thing and if you dig the posts and mess with the vibe that I put out then that’s dope...but if not, I’ll probably stress about it but eventually realize what’s the point cuz it’s something I can’t control. I can’t jump out of your phone or computer screen and slap you twice across the face for not liking my posts...that’s the cycle of life and I just gotta deal with it. Sorry for the whole schpeel (is that the right spelling) but it was something that crossed my mind and something that I realized bothered me more than it actually did.

Edit: So I wrote this yesterday and rereading it right now I just wanna say something to you and also to myself. People are gonna feel some type of way about you no matter who you are, what you do and/or what you say. Always remind yourself of that when you get caught up in the hype. You can be a great person, do amazing things but somewhere, somehow, someone will try to find a way to put your light out, let it burn even brighter...keep doing you.

The Most Awkward Date

Alright so this was about a few years ago when I was still in school. I went through a phase where I went on random dates here and there whether like tinder or girls I kinda knew and just hit up and asked to chill. So anyways, this one girl was super cute and chill but she was also super boy crazy meaning she’d always be dating or going on dates with different guys. So i dunno why, I think it was like her birthday or something so I was like hey happy birthday, let’s chill lemme take you out for dinner sometime. So we go to dinner and the whole time she’s like talking about dudes she’s been with and hooked up with and I’m like truuuue...after dinner she was like hey you wanna go take a walk at the park or something and I just was not bout it so I was like yeah uh I got something to do so I’m gonna have to drop you home lol sorry but uh happy birthday again. So she hit me up a couple days later and she’s like hey wanna study together or something. So we met up at some coffee shop and sat and talked for a bit before relocating to some bubble tea place. So she goes can I have $5 to buy bubble tea...in my head I was like are you my child asking for your allowance to go buy toys or something LOL. So I was like whatever and gave her a $5, she comes back a minute later and she goes I need another dollar...and I was like bruuuuuh, I didn’t say it but I thought it real hard LOL. So she sits down and we’re both studying and stuff. First of all, she never offered me a sip of the bubble tea LOOOL, anyways so it’s a pretty small bubble tea place so we’re sitting across from each other and we’re both working on our laptops, not really talking to each other. She reaches in her bag and pulls out headphones and puts them on, so I’m like true I put my earphones in and I kid you not for the next 2 hours just complete silence...like we didn’t speak or look at each other LOL. I think she tapped me once or twice and was like I’m gonna go to the bathroom and I’m like aight. So I’m past the point of studying and I m just watching videos, sitting there thinking to myself is it rude to just get up and leave (we drove separately) but I’m like nah that looks bad. So some more time passes and I’m thinking got damn I gotta leave cuz I’m sooooo bored, so I’m like whatever, I tap her and I’m like hey I gotta go and I peeeeeace out ASAP. She texted me that same day like hey that was really fun, we should study again sometime...I’m like bruuuuh we didn’t say a word to each other lol. I know it sounds weird or you’re probs like y’all were studying obviously it’s gonna be quiet...nah trust it was awkwaaaaard. The number of times I thought to myself “why am I even here” is unimaginable LOOL. So yeah after she texted me that she had fun and we should do it again, I didn’t reply and we both lived happily ever after...well actually I never got my $6 back even tho she said she’d pay me back...that’s one bubble tea I’ll never have...LOOOL peace

Expect The Unexpected

Hey friends, sorry it’s been so long...I’ve been in San Francisco for the past week visiting a friend, chilling, taking in the sun, eating good food and enjoying good views. So I was talking to a coworker/friend (moreso a coworker) yesterday and I was telling her how like I forgot how hard it was to go into a new situation or new surrounding and make friends. I said this cuz for the most part I’ve been in the same position for most of my life...same circle of friends, same church, all that jazz. But then she was like yeah you can never really plan for that stuff...we never really expected to become as good friends as we have, it just happened. You never really go into something with the intention or thought of like oh I’m gonna be best friends with this guy or this girl. It’s just interesting to think about cuz after she said that it made me think about all my friends and how our friendships were never really planned or prepared, they just kinda happened...whether mutual interest, chemistry, who knows. It gives me some sort of relief knowing that the current situation I’m in, as hard as it is being that dude who doesn’t know anyone atm, that all passes in time and I’ll be able to look back at the beginning of how I met certain ppl and how worried I was that I wouldn’t or how hard it was. That’s just life...you go into a new class, new school, new church, new job...you wonder if you’ll make friends, and that’s perfectly normal...but don’t stress, just let it happen. Expect the unexpected...which is also a slogan from one of my favourite shows Big Brother LOOOL...anyways, glad to be talking to y’all again...see y’all soon, peace!

Why Don’t You Love Me?

Hey friends, it’s been a while. So I was sitting around thinking to myself a couple of days ago and I was like damn...it’s crazy the things people will do and the lengths and people will go to for someone they like. Now when you’re in a relationship, sure it makes sense to go out of your way to do this or do that for the other person because you love them, or you’re trying to figure out if you love them lol. But it’s funny the crazy things that people will do...scratch that it’s even crazy thinking about the things that I’ve done for girls that I’ve liked. I lost my phone, keys and iPod all in the same day because I wanted to surprise this one girl for her birthday and ran from my house to this nearby school in a snowstorm. I bussed 2+ hours to Mississauga to surprise this other girl for her birthday carrying a bunch of gifts and bags. I gave this one girl my iPod touch for free cuz hers got stolen and I recently got an iPhone, she lost it soon after. I’ve written way too many poems and blog posts about random girls. Looking back it’s just crazy to think the things that we’ll do and the lengths that we’ll go to to make someone like us. Stepping out of our comfort zone, spending a lot of money, expending a lot of time and energy...all for something that may or may not work out. You know how they say that the chase is like the most exciting part of it all and once you’re actually in the relationship then it’s just autopilot, cruise control and that’s when things get comfortable and complacent, etc. It’s just interesting to think about my own, my friend and I’m sure all the other experiences you guys have of going above and beyond for somebody else. So yeah, I’m gonna do my best to be more consistent with these posts...sorry y’all, I know I always say that but I’m gonna try...peace.