I was doing a devo last night at like 1 am...and everything just hit me like a brick wall...and I just thought I'd share it with you guys...so this is what it said.
Guarding Your Heart
Proverbs 4:23 says to guard your heart "for it determines the course of your life" (NLT). Think about that. Whatever's in your heart is eventually going to show up in your everyday life. Whatever's inside will eventually find its way out. Where anyone and everyone can see it.
That alone makes it extremely important to monitor the things we allow to shape our hearts. I don't want something nasty, sinful, and selfish finding its way out and damaging my relationships with others, and I doubt you do either.
A large part of guarding your heart means learning how to control your thoughts, your words, your disposition and your general outlook. What you think usually comes out in what you say. What you say affects how you feel, and that shows up in your overall attitude.
In the course of everyday life, this is what determines how you handle your circumstances, whether you'll have peace or fall apart in a stressful situation. It governs how your respond to others, either with compassion and understanding or with judgment and arrogance, especially when you disagree with them!
You can try and keep your inner thoughts from altering your words and attitudes, but I find it's much easier to have godly thoughts to begin with. Spend time in God's presence, and let the Holy Spirit fill your heart with His goodness.
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I was reading this last night and just had a time of prayer and meditation by myself...just wow. I had to read it twice to really soak it all in and just yeah...it broke me down...God literally set a brick wall in front of me and I came running fully into it. Before this whole situation unfolded...I told a few people that though, I was struggling and really frustrated and nervous about the whole situation, I treated it as a test of faith...and to agree with what my friend said, I failed. Now, I'm still just getting over it, so I can't apologize just yet cuz I know it won't be sincere and from the heart. Do I feel bad about what I said...yes and no...again not fully over it. Do I forgive him...no...not yet at least. Everything is just happening so fast...people messaging me left and right...some encouraging and kind, some wanting to find him and beat him up like me, some spiritual and supportive...everything is just really messy atm. But I think things are slowly getting better...got my money back and then some...got my debit card back, credit it the mail, got my student card back, scene card in the mail...gotta go get my license, health card and social insurance card which may take longer. But for the most part, I got everything back pretty quick. I dunno...I know I can't take those words back and I wouldn't for that matter, it's a good measure of reflection...of who I was, and who I am now. I think as the days pass and I have more time to recollect my thoughts and emotions...it'll be better. But I just thank God and my friends and family for supporting me, for picking me up when I fell...and I fell hard, real hard...I thank God for never abandoning me...he knew exactly what was going to happen...he knew I'd lose my wallet, he knew I'd be able to get the stuff back, he knew I'd be typing this post right now. I know He forgives if I repent, confess and turn away. This devo just honestly hit me...so hard...it wasn't like God stuck His hand out to pick me up...He honestly just stood over and told me straight up, GET UP! YOU DO NOT AND SHOULD BE WHERE YOU ARE. I related and responded to every single word in that devo...the blue parts are just what hit me hardest...I have regret, but for the most part, I wouldn't take back the majority of what I said...because it's all a lesson learned...and I want to be able to reflect and look back on this...and be like THIS is what I used to be...but because of God's grace, His love, His mercy and His forgiveness...I stand free and forgiven of these burdens and troubles. Thank YOU...for everything, for continuing to change and shape me. For never giving up on me. For continuing to hold on and not let go even though sometimes I slip and fall far from You...You never gave up and You never will give up on me...thank YOU.
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