From The Heart: Giving Up

I'm taking 4 courses this year...how my school works is like this...a 3 credit course is one semester, a 6 credit course is a full year, a 9 credit course is a full year as well...it's just more work crammed into a year...how I see it is a 6 credit and a 3 credit's workload put into one making a 9 credit course. So 30 credits is considered a full course load...I think like 36 is the max or something, so this year I'm taking 30 credits...two 6 credit courses and two 9 credit courses. So I was sitting in one of my 9 credit courses...and we were just going through the course stuff, work, projects and stuff...and I sat there thinking to myself...wow, this is a lot of stuff, yeah it's a bird course...well supposed to be...but there's a lot of reading and work to be done. That's when the thought crossed my mind...what if I'm not up for this...what if it's too much...should I switch out into an easier course...or should I just drop it as a whole. That's when I started getting that feeling...that feeling of being a quitter...of being a loser...that feeling of something who comes face to face with a challenge...and before he even tries it, he doubts himself, thinks it's too hard and walks away. The school year's just started, I haven't even given myself a chance and I'm already doubting myself and my abilities. That's not to say be cocky and be like oh this is easy, no problem, but it's to have faith in myself and believe that if I put my mind to it, I can accomplish it. I felt like as soon as I reached this obstacle...it became bigger and bigger in my head...and before even attempting to overcome it, I simply walked away from it for fear of failure. I guess that's how I felt when we were going through the workload...I felt like I wanted to give up before I had even started. There was this one tweet I read where it said "it's not about lack of motivation, lack of commitment". And that's so true...it's not that I wasn't motivated, it's that I wasn't fully committed, to school, to work hard, to put 100% effort into this. It was a sort of eye opener, about how important this year really is...and how hard I really have to work and how much effort I really do have to put in. Yeah there may be a lot of work and readings, but when I took a deep breath and took a step back, it all seemed manageable...the profs seemed cool...and I, in my heart of hearts knew deep down that if I sat down and really focused, I could do well in these courses...I guess it's just about first...trusting that God has a plan for me with all this...and second, believing and having confidence in myself and pushing myself to buckle down and focus and put in the required effort to do well.