Mindset & Mental Space

Day 6/31

There's always a small part of me that second guesses myself when I make a blog post...anything from oh is it interesting enough, are people gonna care, is it too much, too emotional, too over the top...all that jazz. Regret sometimes crosses my mind and the usual question is like oh was it too much lol, should I have toned it down or not have been so honest lol. I forgot who asked me this, but someone asked me how do I respond to people who judge me or the blog. I mean obviously I say it doesn't faze and but it's hard to not let these things creep into your mind especially say if it's somebody you care about or if it's the same comment over and over. I mean, I definitely do try to live by the belief that people are gonna feel how they wanna feel regardless or anything you do or say. It's kinda like how I always talk about how people might like you for no reason...and nothing you say or do will change that. Same with the blog...people are gonna say, think and feel what they want about it regardless of what I say ot do...especially if they don't personally know me...the thoughts they carry and the things they say will be more concrete than if it were somebody I know personally and can have a conversation with. So after that quick feeling of regret or second guessing myself...I'm just like, what's done is done, it is what is, it's out there. One think I really want people to understand is the importance of the mental space that you're in. Whether it's sad songs, angry posts, posts about girls...most if not all the time, whem I write that stuff I'm in a very specific mental space that allows me to like channel those emotions and those thoughts. So for example, if I'm writing a hella corny and gushy post about a girl and I stop halfway and try to come back tomorrow, I might not feel the same way or be able to channel those same feelings. I always tell you guys how I have a lot of topics or half finished posts on my phone or computer that I've never gotten to...it's not as simple as just continuing to write the post or picking any topic on my phone and writing about it. It's a mindset and a mental space and if I'm not feeling it it's really hard to write about it lol. Especially when I used to write raps...I'll go through my phone and find some really dark and angry stuff and I'm just like damn...how did I even think of this stuff and like man...I wonder if I'll ever get to that mindset and mental space again to be able to finish that...or do I even want to get back to that mental space lol. With this blog...I will say that I'm usually hesitant or at least cautious to bring up the blog when I meet new people...one cuz it's not the easiest thing to bring up and two because I don't want them seeing me differently or like having some sort of expectation of me lol. Like when my coworkers first found out I had a mixed bag of reactions lol...one guy was like yooo you're a celebrity lol, it's just awkward for me cuz I never know how to react to that kinda stuff lol. It's def not something I hide because I post it everywhere and the minute you friend me or follow me you'll see it right away lol but it's not something I'll inherently bring up or shove in your face just because lol. With that being said, I'll see y'all tomorrow...peace.