Who Am I?

Day 9/31

Here I am...sitting in the library...I already knew what I wanted to talk about today, but just sitting here studying only reinforced it even more. All through high school I felt like it was really hard to fit in cuz I never really found a group that I felt I belonged to. I struggled and even sometimes to this day I still struggle with finding an identity. In high school...I was never the popular kid that's for sure...which is why in my rhymes a lot of the times I'll talk about never being popular but being the guy next door...or how I'm outside looking in at the wolf pack. Any ways tangent lol...in high school, I was never the popular kid, I was never a jock, never a super smart kid, never an artsy kid, never a ladies man, a pothead or a party kid. I never really knew who I was...even to this day, I sometimes still don't know who I am or where I fit in you know, I like to classify myself as the quiet dude at the back doing his own thing, minding his own business. Here I am, studying my life away...bored and stressed as heck...and I think to myself...REALISTICALLY...I'm probably never going to use 90% of the information I've been studying throughout my course in university. I'm never going to be that super book smart kid who graduates in the honour roll with recommendations from the prof and jobs waiting for me when I come out of school. I've come to terms with a lot of things because I'm one of those guys who's cool with a lot of people, so in high school and even to this day I've been able to have friends from many different groups and social circles so I'm able to see the kinda lives they live, the people they hang out with and other things of the sort. I'll never be the tall, charming, good looking guy who just gets girls without trying...that's a fact, in fact I'll never be one of those guys that gets things handed to him...I just don't come off as like that kinda guy you'd wanna hand something to you know. I'll never be that super popular guy that everyone likes and everyone wants to hang out with...in fact I categorise myself as unliked by a lot of people I'm pretty sure lol. I'll never be the jock, the sporty guy who just excels at everything naturally and is like super muscular...but boy did I try lol. I\ll never be that guy who hosts or gets invited to like parties or clubs and just goes ham, drinking or hitting on girls..as fun as a lifestyle as that did seem when I was younger...now, it just isn't my cup of tea. So where does this kinda random expression bring us...lol to be honest I really don't know...who am I if I'm not the good looking guy, the jock, the popular dude, the nerd, the rich dude or whatever. Honestly who knows...I had this post in mind cuz I was just thinking of high school and even now how titles meant so much and how people tried so hard to achieve those titles and statuses...I know I sure did. All I know is I'm weird...I'm the kinda guy who's idea chill night is having a couple friends over, playing board games, poker or video games or something and ordering pizza. That doesn't mean I don't like going out, it means when I look back, the most fun times in my life that I can think of were just chilling with the homies, talking and making jokes. I'm the kinda guy who's idea date night is a night in...sorry girls lol...a night in, just talking...enjoying each other's company, making dinner, watching a movie, taking silly selfies, that's me lol. That doesn't mean I don't like to or won't take you out for a romantic date, but it just means I'd rather get to know you to the point where we can have fun just sitting around doing nothing, that's how comfortable I wanna be with you.I don't even know where I'm going with this any more...but in interesting news, the last post about the girl of my dreams...yeah that blew up more than the one about girls stepping up and taking initiative...it's been seen like 200+ times in the span of like a day and a bit..which is pretty crazy...any ways, till next time...peace.