Lights - Behind Blue Eyes

A Conversation With God...

Yesterday night, I was really freaking out about my midterm that was today...I felt really scared and unprepared and I went on a mini twitter rant...I just saw my future right in front of me and got nervous you know...I decided to just sleep on it...I prayed...that God would relieve me of this burden, that He would calm my heart and just give me a sign, show me something or tell me somehow that everything would be okay...just send me some sort of sign...so I went to bed...had a dream...that I came before God and we had a conversation...here's kinda how it went...

Me: God I'm so scared
God: Do you trust me?
Me: Yeah...but what if it doesn't work out?
God: Do you trust me?
Me: I want to...but it's hard, I have all these thoughts in my head.
God: Do you trust me?
Me: I do...but sometimes...I don't...all these worries of life, they get to me...I just want to know that everything will be okay...life gets so hard sometimes...
God: Do you trust me?

Before the conversation went any further...I woke up, and it was like 3 am. For some reason, my heart and my mind felt more at ease...like God didn't directly answer my prayer...but he eased my heart...he gave me that sign in a sense...where it's so simple...but it's so hard...he just kept telling me to trust Him...to not worry about it...God's always had my back and He always will...

Patience, Relief and Trust

What's good, finished my second midterm this morning at 8:30...felt so sick and nervous and scared the night before. Once I went into the test, felt a bit better...think I did eh...some questions I got, some I was iffy on...overall, glad I got it done and I'll be happy to pass and get some marks at least. After the test though, I felt much better...much more relieved and free. 2 more midterms to go...just gotta trust God and His plan for me...I need break to come faster...10 more days.

Start to Finish...

Sometimes it feels like...the starting point is all happy and bright and stuff...you can see the final destination, you can see the finish line...say the finish line is life...the future...you see your future at the finish line...you see your self living a good life, not necessarily lavish but like you're getting by, you're healthy, got a good family, things like that...you say to yourself...the future is gonna be good, my life is gonna be fine. But it's the journey...the journey that's hard...that's sometimes so unbearable, that makes you want to quit. Drake said that "sometimes the journey teaches us more than the actual destination". That's what I feel right now...that the future...my life in the future...is going to be fine...but just the journey to that point...is going to be rough...an uphill battle...and right now I'm losing that battle...I feel like and have felt like quitting numerous times in the past month...it's just so hard...and so scary...cuz the thought of not doing anything with my life just lingers in the back of my head...damn. Just gotta trust in GOD...that all this is for a purpose...all the stress...all the worry...all the pain...all the blood, sweat, tears...all the sleepless nights...all the trips, falls, stumbles...all the scrapes and failures...all the obstacles put in my face...everything in my life is for a reason...that is ultimately leading me to my destination, whatever that might be...and He is just strengthening me along the way...building me up for whatever purpose it is...but man it's scary.

Insecure Thoughts...

One of my biggest fears...is failure...is not amounting to anything in life...is living an average or below average life with a crappy job. Is that why I'm in school? I dunno...is that why I work so hard for a piece of paper that says I've graduated from here and here. I dunno...I'm just so scared of the future...I'm only 20 years old, yet the future feels so close...I'm pretty much not doing well in school...I lack motivation a lot of the times...but it's just boring, I'm not interested in this stuff you know. I'm not a books smart kinda guy...I don't like to read, I'm not good at learning that way...I dunno...pray for me.

Midterms, Studying, Break

Finished my first midterm today...was pretty confident...prof gave us the questions...kinda. Gave us a bunch of definitions, he would put 10 on the test and we would pick 5 to define. Then he gave us 10 short answer questions, he would put 5 on the test and we answer 2. Overall it wasn't too bad, I was pretty/somewhat well prepared, going in I was nervous as usual, but felt alright. When I got the test, I was like okay, this isn't too bad, finished in an hour and went home. But this midterm I have tomorrow at 8:30 I'm feeling very nervous for and very unprepared...the midterm I did today was worth 10%, the one tomrorow is 15%...I just don't wanna fail you know...then again no one does, I dunno...I'm just panicking...pray for me, wish the best for me...I'll need it. At the same time, whatever happens happens, I pray that God will guide me through this. Can't wait till I finish on the 9th of Dec...get a full month off. Sidenote...all this nervousness and worrying for the future...I feel like half of it is on my own shoulders, half of it is me wanting to succeed and do something with my life. The other half is just wanting to make my parents and my family proud...it got me thinking how we do a lot of things in our lives to please our parents, go to a good school, get a good job...and it got me thinking that's not the way we should live our lives...you shouldn't go to a school just because you parents think its better, you shouldn't reluctantly go through 4 years of a program you don't like just because you parents say it's better...you should do it for yourself, do something you like and can picture yourself doing in the future. I'm still somewhere stuck in the middle of all that...but yeah, damn.

The Nice Guy...

I've had phases in my life...the good guy, the bad guy, the rebel, the jerk, the one who doesn't care...now...I don't really know what I am. I usually...or at least people tell me that I"m a nice guy, I know I give off a negative vibe at first glance...but you can't judge a book by it's cover. As a nice guy, I can say that I've let a lot of girls slip past me in the past...and I've developed feelings for friends before...but have been "friend zoned" numerous times. It really disappointed me...and really made me think...maybe nice guys really do finish last. And as I've grown older...I see the younger generation coming up...they're really stubborn, full of themselves, cocky...total opposite of the nice guy...no respect for elders whatsoever...and as I have a lot of experience and wisdom under my belt...I'd like to think that my opinion or knowledge is worth something. I still have hope...I still believe in the nice guy...I believe they'll get there's...that all their positiveness will persevere, they just have to believe. As of late...this feeling has been growing really strong...I see a lot of young kids nowadays come and go...different personalities here and there...just a lot of young, immature, stuck up kids. But every now and then..I'll meet someone or I'll see someone and I'll say to myself...he's a nice guy...he has a lot of potential...he's going to do great things and great things will befall him. I hope at least...it gives me joy and encouragement to see that there is some hope in this world...there are still good people left, there are still nice guys...who believe in old fashioned love and stuff like that...I dunno lol...I feel like I sound really corny right now.

Jayesslee - Try (Pink Cover)

Since I don't listen to mainstream that much, I often hear mainstream songs after a youtube artist covers it and I'm like oh wow, this is pretty good lol, this is one of those times...

Living In A Hateful World

Was looking through my old facebook notes, used to post a lot back in the day...damn...


April 25, 2009
Living in a cold, cold world
Where it's okay to back stab one another
Your friends ain't really your friends
And forever soon turns to never
My mind is so far gone
I can never catch it even if I had a head start
Compliments soon turn to insults
As the world falls apart
Support turns to envy, which leads to jealousy
And the "I hate you" and "you hate me"
Why can't we all just get along
Hold hands, dance, and sing the happy song
The applause turns to boo's
As the crowd disappears
They come back shortly
When you're they one they fear
Living in a world where "me" is most important
And everybody you meet is cocky and arrogant
Selfish minds to compliment huge ego's
It may have been different a long time ago
I'm gonna look out for myself
And try to help others
Pick'em up, hold'em close
As if they were my own brother...

When I Pass Away...

Please don't judge me by the secrets in my life. Please don't judge me by the things I have never told anyone but myself and God. One of my friends said something that was super strong and hit me really hard..."everyone has a public life, a private life and a secret life". It's kinda like secrets, we have things we share to the public, then we have small secrets, things that say I write on this blog...or things that you only tell you best friend, then there's things that you don't tell or have never told anybody...for many reasons...scared, embarrassed, don't know how they'll react...when there will come a time...when everything is on the table...all our secrets, all the things we tried and thought we could hide...we'll all the naked in a sense...and we'll see everyone's wrong doings and sins and secrets. Please try not to judge me by the things I hide or the things I didn't tell you, please don't judge me by my wrong doings on this earth. Instead...focus on the good I did on this earth, focus on the positive impact I had...I had this really strong thought in my head this morning, now, all the thoughts slowly faded away and I'm not too sure what I wanted to say lol, so I'll just leave it at that.

Kanye West - Never Let Me Down

Library, Midterms, Stress...

My bad I haven't posted much these few days...been really busy and occupied...with school. Midterms are coming up...next week, so been studying...went to the library yesterday to study with my friend. What else...yeah nothing much lol...I finish on December 9...can't wait. My break feels so close, but it also feels so far away...man I hate school...but then again, I've told you this all before lol...

Ain't Nobody Fresher Than My Clique, Clique, Clique...

Me and the homies...this was like in high school...grade 10 or 11 I swear...through back...

Me and the homies...Cabaret 2008 or 2009...

Just Me...

Dumb Ways to Die

LOOOOOOOOL I died when I saw this....it's so cute, funny and catchy...

Look How Far We've Came...

I was just thinking to myself...damn, I can't believe I've stuck with this for almost 3 years. I can't believe how much this blog has grown, how many people and places it has reached. I really do hope that my words, somehow, someway...have motivated or inspired you guys...or cheered you up when you were down...or made you laugh. I always say that I first started this blog because my friends started one and it's true...but then they took theirs down and stopped it, I kept going. This blog is one thing in my life that always remains constant...no matter what changes I've been through, from high school to university, from teen to a man...the blog has been there. Through tough times...really tough times...when I took a break from the blog...when the posts were getting less and less...and more empty and a lack of passion..and believe me, I've lost hope and motivation to continue plenty of times...the thought of stopping the blog has crossed my mind numerous times. The though of what if blogger ever shut down or ran out of business has crossed my mind too...I don't know what I would do...I have a tumblr, but it's not the same...I've put years of work...love...passion...tears...and heart...into this blog, it's become such a big part of my life. And not to toot my own horn...but this blog has grown to the point where a lot of people visit daily...and regularly...to read posts like these...or to listen to the music...to watch the videos...it's always still mind blowing to me. Part of me still thinks that this blog is as small as when it first started...and that only my friends and the people I know know about it...but that's untrue...people all over the world know of...or at least have seen this blog, and to me that's an accomplishment in itself. With less than a month before the 3rd anniversary of the blog...everything is just hitting me...3 years...wow...that's a really long time...2000+ worth of posts...100,000+ worth of hits..150+ countries reached...damn...I don't even know what to say...thank you...

Laugh Out Loud...

I actually laughed out loud when I saw these...hahaha

My First Heartbreak...

LOOOL so I don't even know why I randomly started thinking about this...probs cuz I was saying how I wanted to look at some yearbooks from the past. But yeah...so this was like in elementary school, grade 7 I believe...anyways, I was a crazy shy kid back then, still am shy, but not as bad, depends who I'm around I guess...but yeah, I was super shy back then. We had this dance coming up, and elementary school dances are weird...everyone posts up against the wall...then we hear a slow song play and we contemplate whether we should ask a girl to dance. But yeah...everyone was asking people to the dance like it was a date...in my head I was like...should I ask someone. I had a crush on this girl, this asian girl who played sports, real cute. Anyways, we talked a lot and stuff like that, we were good friends. So one night, I went into my room with the lights off, grabbed the home phone...and lied on my bed for a good half hour debating whether or not to call her and finally I summed up the courage to call her and I was NERVOUS as heck...I was stuttering, my heart was pounding, fingers were shaking...we talked for a bit, casual conversation, school stuff...then I was like, so the dance is coming and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me...that 5 second pause before she responded was the longest 5 seconds of my life...my heart was about to explode and I was about to just die...she goes, yeah sure, that sounds great! So then I go, alright cool, I'll see you tomorrow...HUNG UP THE PHONE...STARTED JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON MY BED...LOOOOL no joke...I was soooooo hyped, my heart started beating even faster, had the dumbest smile on my face, but I was so happy. So the next morning, during some class, she comes up to me and she goes, oh my gosh...Rodmond, I'm so sorry, I forgot that this other guy had asked me before you and I said yes to him, I'm sorry, I can't go with you...BAM...my heart sank...I know, I know, I'm in elementary school...but it wasn't love or anything, just that feeling you know, my heart literally sank, it's like I wanted to cry, but I couldn't find the tears to do so...I replied with an, alright...that's cool, walked away...but I was dying inside. That's my first ever time experiencing heart break lol...it was so sad, I was literally traumatized man. It's cool though cuz turns out when you ask a girl to a dance, in elementary school at least...it doesn't mean too much...I still ended up dancing with her, and another girl...but yeah, that was a pretty interesting experience to say the least lol.

Hedley - Perfect

LOL of the Moment

A funny thanksgiving video...

The Intensity of Ray Lewis

This guy gives new meaning to the word intense...he would be a crazy motivational speaker, would def pump you up for anything...

School, Music, Basketball & Sleep

Yep, that's pretty much my life as of late...school has been super hectic lately..spent my entire day yesterday at the library finishing up my work, today handed in 2 assignments, handing in one more tomorrow which I finished a while ago. So now it's just studying for midterms, got 2 next week on the 28th and 29th, then one on the 5th and my last one on the 9th, then a break till like the first or second week of January when I have to go back to school, break seems so close, yet so far away lol. Got nothing in my way except for midterms now. What else...been playing ball every Monday at church...my shot was feeling so nice this past Monday...gonna start playing on Tuesdays with my dad and his friends at church lol, a more relaxed session probs since they're old, but they're mad aggressive as well. What else...listening and downloading and of course working on music and just sleep as well, catching up on sleep whenever I get, whether that's on my day off, in class, in the library lol...

Chamillionaire - Internet Nerd's Revenge

This dude is severely underrated lyrically...he is actually really good and he doesn't even swear. This song is pretty funny to me...cuz we all know those dudes who talk a lot of ish on the internet...internet 'thugs'...heard this a while ago and don't know why it randomly came across it mind lol...

Most Viewed Post of All Time, OF ALL TIME!!!

It still boggles my mind how this post has been viewed over 5000+ times...the second most viewed post on this blog is only like 2000+...it's so ironic too because this post probably says it the best too...check it out:

http://thebestyouneverheard.blogspot.ca/2011/05/real-talks-of-moment_18.html

Testing, Testing...

Just a test to see if this works...follow me



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Trey Songz - Fumble

Definitely heard this song because of Brian Puspos' dance video...but it's such a good song also...

From Me To You...

The more we talk, the more those feelings just come back. It's like deja vu all over again...talking till late, texting back and forth, going out together...damn. I won't lie...I've been thinking about you...moreso, I've been dreaming about you too. A lot of what ifs pop into my head...what if we kept going...what if we gave it another chance. You always make it really clear where you stand with me...and I know you really care about me...part of me wants to just jump at that opportunity...before you're gone...but then, part of me is hesitant...and steps back and has to think about it. But as of late...I can't you out of my head...I see you everywhere, everything around me reminds me of you somehow...I get this stupid look on my face when I see you...but it's also a good feeling...lol, I dunno...I was really young back then...my feelings were really raw and I was immature and unsure about a lot of things...I'm not fully grown now...but I am certain of a few things, but am still unsure about a lot of things...damn lol.

If God Wrote You A Letter, What Would You Want It To Say?

As of late, I've been really slacks in Sunday School, it's been really boring as of late...but every now and then when I do pay attention, there are things that stick out or I do manage to catch a thing or two. This is one of the things that really made me think...if God wrote me a letter, what would I want it to say...I dunno, I think I'd want it to say...everything will be okay, trust me. All your worries, all your stresses, everything that's bothering you, don't worry about it...I got you. Sometimes, it's hard you know...cuz God is like...all these things, just lift it up to me and I got you...you just have to be patient...and that's hard sometimes you know, because you want the answer right away. You just want that security and comfort of knowing that everything will be okay. If God wrote me a letter, I'd just want it to say everything will be okay, I have a plan for you...sometimes I wish He would just tell me which paths to take, what to do here and there and how my life would turn out...so I don't have to worry...but I know that's not how it works...God, I pray that you just help me to trust in You...in Your plan.

Kyrie Irving Commercial

HAHAHA this is so jokes LOL...I love Kyrie Irving, def one of my new favourite players...

Ghetto Asian Girls...

This is kinda similar to the previous post...except different as well, and I don't remember too much about it, just the specifics. Anyways...random thought...remember Crosby Dance? LOOOOOL and how nuff people used to hype up about it...LOOOL. Well anyways, this dude used to always go and hype up about it, I never really liked him...so one day, I forgot what happened, I told him off...he's like 3 or so years younger than me, just a real wannabe you know...but yeah. So after that, this one girl added me on facebook. She looked like one of those ghetto asian girls...who chill with all the black girls, has a big butt, talks really ghetto and stuff like that. Anyways, she added me on facebook and we started talking a lot...like a lot...she would call me at random hours of the day...when I say random, I mean random. At like 1 am when we're talking on msn, she's like hey can I call you...I'm like sure...we would have like hours and hours of random conversation about my life and her life. She's like my parents can't know I'm up, so I'm gonna go into the washroom and lie in the bath tub LOOOL....like wtf. So yeah, we got really close really fast, I had never met her though. One day she was like hey, my birthday is coming up, I'm renting out a small room kinda thing at stc and she's like it would mean a lot to me if you could come. So I was debating...I didn't know anyone there and I didn't wanna be chilling by myself lol since the only girl I knew was the birthday girl and she's probs be busy. But I said whatever, went by myself...there was like less than 20 or so people there...for some reason I pictured like a huge banquet with like 50 people or something lol. But yeah, when I walked in, she like runs at me and hugs me...all her friends are like ohhhh, this is the guy you always talk about huh...I was just like lol...awks...so I danced with her for most of the night and stuff like that...lol, it was a fun night. I just realized I have a lot of random encounters with random girls...we get kinda close, things happen, then they disappear forever LOOOL...well I still talk to and am surprisingly close with a few of them lol...

Strangers On The Internet

So I've already told you the story but meeting that dude with the same last name as me...he added me on Facebook, blah blah, flopped on him, then eventually met up with him, he was a cool dude, if not, it's a story but another time lol this is a diff story.

So this was around high school, I was talking to this girl in my class a lot, we talked on msn and on facebook a lot, I didn't like her or anything, we just had a lot to talk about I guess. So one day, this random girl adds me, we have one mutual friend and it's the girl in my class...so I accept and I'm like who is this...I see that she goes to school somewhere downtown or something like that. She's like oh yeah, I know the girl in your class, my mom works with her mom and I saw your posts on her wall and I thought you were a really cool person lol. So I asked my friend if that was true and she said yeah, their moms do work together in a hospital and she's met her a bunch of times through work dinners and stuff. So I kept talking to this girl on facebook a lot and she added me on msn and we started talking a lot there. One day, we're talking on msn and she sends me a webcam invitation lol...I've never met her, was just starting to get to know her, and have only seen pictures of her. So I was like huh...she was like I dunno I just wanna webcam lol...so we did, we webcammed and we continued talking on msn. We did this numerous times for a few weeks, borderline a month. So as I got to know her more, I realized she was getting more and more flirty and more intimate on our conversations, and my friend in class was like hey...I see that you guys talk a lot, she always mentions and asks about you, she probably likes you. So one day on msn, she's like hey I'm going to be around Markham on this date, do you wanna chill...and keep in mind, yeah I've seen pictures of her and we've webcammed, but I've never met her in person, so part of me still felt a bit awks lol...but I was like yeah sure. So it was one saturday or something, we met up at the mall, she was pretty cute, exactly the girl in the pictures, after lunch and just chilling, she was like...can I come over...LOL...so yeah she did come over, we didn't hook up...just a thing here and there...lol, but yeah, looking back on that, it's a pretty funny, yet awkward story lol. I know you're not supposed to talk to strangers on the internet...but I feel like that moreso applies to those random online sites where they match you with random people. When I met her, this was when facebook was really really popular and I essentially knew how she looked and had a friend that could vouch for her. Nowadays, with things like facebook where you can see how people look and mutual friends to see if they know other people that you know, people don't really feel like strangers in a sense...but I know that they still are, you just have to be careful about it of course.

Blog > School

So, I was about to start some homework, when I realized I had some things to talk about on my blog...so I was like eh...I'll do it later, which probably means I'll do it tomorrow...LOOOL.

Chachi Gonzales Choreography

Here's another one...she's one of my new faves...she's sooooooo cuuuuute

Brian Puspos Choreography

For some reason, I've been watching lots of dance videos lately...like people on youtube dancing to mainstream or underground songs...so here's one that I really liked...

Rihanna - You Da One

A lot of the times, I'm really on top of new songs and like underground or things like that...and a lot of the times, I'm really late when it comes to mainstream or radio songs cuz I don't listen to it that much...heard this a while ago, but getting hooked on it recently.

It's A Party in The USA

I was looking at my blog's stats, something I haven't done in a while and I saw that 78,000+ hits came from Canada, but the REAL shocking number was that 20,000+ hits came from the United States...that's CRAAAAAAZY. I keep saying I don't know anybody in the States, never met anybody in the states...damn...I don't even know how my blog first got noticed in there and why it's so popular over there...20,000 is a lot...damn. Then the next most viewed country is the United Kingdom with 5000+ hits...wooooow...how in the world has/does my blog get to these other countries, damn that's crazy. The next 2 are the last ones over 1,000 which are Russia and Germany...no comment...I don't even think I know any German people, I know a few Russian people though...but still super weird, yet exciting. But anyways...SHOUTOUTS TO ALL MY VIEWERS FROM THE UNITED STATES...don't know how y'all found me, but I'm glad y'll continue to stick with and support this blog, it means a lot to me, peace!

Kanye West - Hey Mama (Grammy 2008)

This performance always gets to me...this was after his mother passed away...this goes out to my mom.

Happy Birthday Mom!

To the girl who birthed me, the girl who burped me, the girl who nursed me, the girl who loved me. I've said it so many times, but it never loses meaning...I love you. You work so hard, suffer so much, not to make your own life any easier, you always tell me how you've always lived a full life, are happy with where you're at...and just want to see your kids succeed, want to see your kids happy. That's why you and dad work so hard...to make sure me and my brother's life are easier in the future...thank you so much for all your sacrifice, are your pain, all your tears...all your hard work...it hurts me to see you work so hard, to be in pain. I remember when I was a little kid, I would always promise you a diamond ring...I haven't forgotten. When I grow up and have a family, you always would ask me if I would love my wife more than you. When I grow up, I wanna provide for my family and work as hard as you did for me and my brother. When I grow up, I wanna provide for you, I wanna take care of you like you're taking care of me right now, I wanna put you in a big house with the finer things in life. Thank you for instilling in my good morals, being able to tell right and wrong, thank you for teaching me and shaping me into the man that I am today, happy birthday mom.

Boyz II Men - A Song For Mama

Today is my mom's birthday...I'm in class right now, post to come later on...this song goes out to her.

The Voice - Trevin Hunte

I can't stop watching clips of The Voice and X-Factor lol...I just love watching people cover and sing songs...this dude covers Beyonce's Listen from the move Dreamgirls...

Raheem DeVaughn - Customer feat. Trey Songz

My Lost Cousin...

This is kind of a messed up story...my dad has a brother in Singapore who passed away, he had a wife and a young daughter, probably like grade 7-8 right now. So a few years ago, he was diagnosed with cancer and he had to go through nuff stages of chemotherapy and stuff like that, eventually the cancer had spread too far and he passed away. I remember my dad going back to Singapore for the funeral and stuff like that, apparently my uncle wanted his ashes thrown into one of the oceans in Singapore. But yeah, so during his whole stages of chemo, my aunt, my dad's oldest sister, was living in Singapore too. So my aunt would frequently chill with my uncle and his family since she is divorced and her son works all around the world. So my aunt and my uncle's wife never got along...like it was real bad, my aunt thought she mistreated my uncle and stuff like that and they often got into a lot of arguments and stuff. So when my uncle passed away, there was essentially no middle man to stop them from going at it, they bickered and yelled at each other and stuff. My uncle's wife decided to sell his store and my dad and my aunt were strongly against it...but she did it anyways, my dad was cheesed but he realized it was her decision seeing as she was his wife. My aunt however, who is a very strong willed woman, wouldn't have any of it and just kept arguing and fighting with her. My uncle's wife thought my dad was taking the side of my aunt...when he was simply trying to be peacemaker, so she had a thing against my dad as well. My mom was always cool with my uncle's wife...so when we visited Singapore, I remember my mom saying, we'll ask our relatives if we can stay with them first before looking for hotels, so she asked my uncle's wife and she was like NO...well you can, because I like you and stuff...but not your husband because he is on his sister's side. Then she told my mom if she ever happened to be in Singapore by herself, to message her and they could go chill or have dinner or something. So there's probably a lot of middle ground I missed, but it got so bad that my uncle's wife moved away, took the daughter and left. Well not left, but like sold the house and moved away. Not sure whether she's still in Singapore or back in her home country Malaysia. And she took her daughter with her, my little cousin, who I've seen like 3-4 times, but is the sweetest girl ever. My dad really loves her too...he always is so happy whenever he sees her. So my mom got cheesed at my dad and his sister for pretty much pushing her away and her daughter. My mom was saying forget about his wife...that's your niece, that's your brother's daughter...now you don't know where she is and what's going to happen to her. It definitely hit a nerve with me too...that's my little cousin, I don't know what's going to happen to her it definitely eats me up inside knowing she won't have a father to grow up with...what if she remarries, that's uh...don't even wanna think about that, but yeah...prayers go to my uncle's wife and his daughter, I pray your heart's are softened and till the day we meet again...God Bless.

Making My Parents Proud

A lot of the times, when things happen to me, I just write it on my iphone because I'm too lazy to blog about it and then a few days later, I'll finally find the time to blog about it. But yeah....I forgot how it happened, but I just started thinking about family and school and specifically graduating. My parents are really big on me graduating school. My parents never had the opportunity to university and my brother dropped out of college after one year. So my parents have super high hopes for me to bring home that diploma you know. Sometimes, I feel like I have this huge burden and this huge goal on my shoulders that I must achieve. My dad always tells me you have to be the first "Tham" in our household to graduate university. He's really proud of my older cousin, he lives in Hong Kong I believe, born in Austrailia. Graduated university and works at a prestigious bank and they send him all over the world, so he's really proud of him. Other than that, a lot of my cousins haven't done too well. My dad's brother has 3 kids...2 daughters and 1 son, I'm pretty sure none of them have graduated university...2 of them went and tried but never finished and the other one never went. I have a bunch of cousins in Singapore, 2 twins who went to university and are going to become lawyers, but they are on my mom\s side and their last name isn't Tham. Then there's my other 2 cousins in Canada, they are my dad's sister's kids, so since she married, she changed her last name, so they aren't part of the Tham family either, but I really look up to them. Brother and sister, both like 2-3 years older than me, both went to McGill...like the top university in Canada, both graduated, and both overseas doing school/work...that's crazy. So much respect for them...so yeah, it just places a really heavy burden on my heart to finish school even though it's so hectic and unclear right now, I HAVE to finish...no matter what, no matter how hard that is...to get that diploma, to get a good job, to make my parents proud, to support them.

Life, Clumsiness and Being Positive

Today in the car this morning while waiting for the bus, me and my mom were talking in the car, about numerous things. My mom is an esthetician, meaning she does facials and all that stuff with like skin care and face care. So she worked at this place in Scarborough for the longest time, all her real close friends were there and stuff like that. She then moved to some place in Richmond Hill because it was closer and more convenient since we live in Markham. She's been working at the recent place for quite a few years now. Last week I believe, she was just saying how sometimes she doesn't really like how she's treated, especially since she works like 8-9 hours everyday, she felt like she deserved a raise and her boss like snapped at her. My mom also does facials at home on the side for like her personal friends and as well other people as well...so through that, my mom knows a lot of people who can get her places. So this morning, she's like...my friend who owns this doctor's office or whatever, she is thinking about opening up her own little facial/spa place and pretty much asked me mom if she would like a job there. My mom was like, I have to tell her asap, but she said I can take time to think about it and stuff. If she did take the job, she would start in February, but the major concern she has was whether or not the business would boom or not. Her exact words were that her job right now...is stable...not that great, not that bad, but stable. So she was like, this new job...though it's in Scarborough, the hours are great, the pay is great, but her worry is if there is no business, there is no pay. She told me that my dad said, it's definitely a great opportunity, but there is some risk of course cuz who knows how long it'll take before business starts to get good, or if it gets good at all. She was just asking for my input and what I thought she should do. she mentioned things like how they were doing calculations about money and stuff and say she took the job and there was no business, she would essentially have no income and my dad's income wouldn't be able to cover all the bills and expenses by himself that just got me thinking about so many things. About how I really wanna get a job in the summer so I can help pitch it for my family, it boggles my mind how my brother works full time yet spends his money on dumb things and doesn't even help pay for the family. My mom mentioned how my dad's 61 and in 4 years he can retire...4 years/as far as that sounds...it's pretty darn close, hopefully I'll be done school by then, but yeah, it just feels like life is moving so far you know. Anyways, after the conversation, I went to go wait for the bus and as I was walking I like stepped in this pothole/ditch thing and rolled my ankle LOOOOL...I won't know how serious it is until tomorrow, fingers crossed it doesn't get swollen or it doens't hurt to walk cuz then it'll be a mission to get around in school and no ball or working out for a week or so lol  Usually I'm not that clumsy lol I guess today's just not my day. But yeah what else...oh right, sometimes when I give people advice, I'm always really positive, I tell them to look onthe bright side of things and stuff..but sometimes I'm one of those people who can't take his own advice. I remember one time, I was giving my friend advice and at the end of the conversation he told me...Rodmond, you know you're a really positive person, you have a really good outlook on life. And I thought to myself...lol if only you knew the things that go on in my head. A lot o the times, I am really negative and I do think about the worst case scenario...it isn't until I get some sort of reality check that I realize that you know...though things are bad right now, they could be worse...I think abotu the good things I have going in my life atm instead of th ebad things. Because honestly, realistically speaking...whatever happens in your life, no matter how bad things get...it could be worse...think about it that way whenever something bad happens. 2 things...look on the bright side...and it could be worse.

Kevin Durant crowns Brendan Haywood

Throwback Western Conference finals...RIP Brendan Haywood

The X Factor: David Correy

I remember seeing this dude on youtube a long time ago and I loved one of his covers...now he's on x factor...he killed it, I honestly wanted to tear up seeing the emotion on his face, damn. Sucks that he got cut though...enjoy.

Birthdays, Werewolves, Expensive Dinners...

LOL so that was my first attempt at a creative title...to hopefully give you an idea of what this post will be about. Yesterday was an overall good day, loafted at home for most of the morning at afternoon. Went to this place called Smash, a kitchen and bar for a friend's bday. It was mad expensive lol...a simple burger and fries was like $18...damn lol. Lots of birthdays coming up too...3-4 people from church like all within this week...a few of my friends this week...my mom on Wednesday...damn lol. But yeah, after dinner, we headed to a friend's house to just chill at play games and stuff. We played this game called Werewolves, it' kinda like the card game mafia...or the board game Bang or Resistance. Basically everyone gets a card...I'mm explain the simple version...everyone gets a card, you're either a werewolf or a civilian. There'll be like 3 werewolves and like 7 civilians let's say. Werewolves goal are to try to kill everybody. So everyone closes their eyes, werewolves open so they know who each other are, pick someone to kill. Everyone opens eyes, someone dies...people try to guess who the werewolves are...each round everyone votes on one person to kill who they think is the werewolf. And repeat lol...it's strategy, persuasion, lying...LOL...then there's like special cards too, but yeah it's a really fun game with lots of communication lol. I can't wait till December 9...I'm done school...less than a month left...but it feels so far away cuz I have so many assignments coming up and tests to study for...sigh...

Random Thoughts

I came up with this a long time ago, like months maybe, then forgot and suddenly right now I just remembered lol. But I think I might start having actual titles for each post...instead of just like Random Thoughts or Real Talks of the Moment. Some things that'll probs stay the same are like the From The Hearts and the songs and stuff...but yeah...I'm gonna try to have more specific titles for each post as of now lol. We'll see how that works.

Today...

What's good, today was a loaft day ish, woke up, watched some shows and movies, went to church lol. After church, me and my friend who's going away to Panama for 4 months for work...we had a good talk, just about life and our problems and what we've been going through. As of late, I feel me and him have gotten really close, just through lots of conversations and getting to know each other on a more personal level. He wasn't going to dinner, but he offered to drive me cuz he wanted to talk, the whole car ride we just had more time to really confide in each other and comfort each other. He dropped me off, and he asked if he could pray for me and the things I've been struggling with...I then asked the same...we had a time of prayer for each other, me for school and just the future and trusting God...him for his trip and his family and that God will guide him and use him in this trip. I'm just so glad we had that time to talk and pray with each other, it really meant a lot to me.

Tamia - Almost

Today...

What's good...today was a really long and tiring day. Another 8:30 class meaning another 6:30 morning...was highly debating skipping today entirely, but had to hand in my assignment and my lecture also marks attendance, cheesing. Went to my 8:30 class...took notes for a good hour, second hour, fell asleep lol.  Next class was tutorial...handed in my book review...then just zoned out. After, had a long break, chilled in the library and stuff...class at 4...took notes for a good half hour, then fell asleep for the rest of class, my friend beside me, she also fell asleep too LOOL. Finally the weekend...so glad, got to catch up on readings and do more work...and of course catch up on sleep.

Random Thoughts

I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW...HOLY...MY HEART IS RACING...I ACTUALLY CAN'T COMPREHEND WHAT JUST HAPPENED RIGHT NOW. So basically, I'm chilling in the library with my friend, I get a phone call. It's police officer and he asks if I'm Rodmond and I say yes. He asks if I know some guy named Sherwin something...I say no...he says are you sure, he says he works out with you, I say no. He then goes, basically what happened is that we arrested this guy...didn't say why and we found your wallet on him. Remember I told y'all I lost my wallet like a month ago. But yeah, he goes...we found your wallet on him and he said he knew you and we didn't believe him, so we took it from him and called you to be sure. They asked if I had money in there which I said yes, but they said there wasn't any money in it when they had found it. So I talked to them for a good half hour ish...just saying how I cancelled my credit cards and everything and stuff...but they still said I should've reported it in case because I had my social insurance card and stuff in it, so yeah. I was just so grateful, yet shocked at the same time...it's crazy...I shook their hands, thanked them a bunch of times, and was on my way. I'm still baffled...literally shocked at what just happened. I told them...I'm just really surprised to see this pop up a month later..you know. I know this is no  coincidence though...all my God's grace...and a heck of lot of patience and trust...in Him and in His plan...damn...I'm just really at a loss for words right now...holy.

RT - Best You Never Heard

A THROWBACK...the first track I ever recorded with my friend...I really love the lyrics to this...it all just flows so nicely...I can't believe it's almost 3 years...

Today...

What's good...today was a loaft day. Had one class from 4-5...came to school at like 12 ish...chilled in the library till like 3 ish and did work and stuff...went to class...took a nap for a bit, got some food. Then my friend picked me and my other friend up from school and we went to the theatre and watched Wreck-It Ralph...it was such a good movie haha so nostalgic and brought back so many memories. Made me feel like such a kid again, I laughed at all the dumb scenes, it was so cute too...man I miss being a kid...not ready for tomorrow...my longest day of the week...sigh.

Random Stories

Here's a random throwback moment from my life for y'all. I remember when I lived at my old house across from Trudeau. I used to play ball everyday...my neighbor built a fence because he loved to  garden and had lots of flowers and didn't want me to ruin his net haha. I remember before having my own net, I would play on my other neighbour's net across from me. I would first sneak and play...but then one day he caught me and was like, hey it's cool, just play whenever you want haha. I remember how even though there was a fence to prevent the ball from going over the fence, the ball would still go over a lot and often...sometimes, he would be in the backyard and just throw it over. But other times it would go over and he wouldn't be there...so we would have to go around to the gate...but it would be locked so we would either...jump just enough to get our hands over and unlock it cuz we were short at the time, or jump over the fence entirely. When we got really lazy and didn't wanna go all the way around to the gate...we simply hopped the fence hahahah....and we were scared a lot of the times cuz we never knew if they were home or not...a few times...we would hop the fence, get the ball and we would see them through their door...hahahahaha, mad jokes. Now here's the main part of the story lol...one day I came home from school and there was a note on my door...I forgot completely what it said...but something about how I played ball too much and was causing a disturbance or something...I got sooooo pissed lol...obv I never found out who it was...but I never stopped playing ball...in fact, I played even more and made even more of a disturbance, being really loud and having lots of friends over lol.

Big Krit - What U Mean feat. Ludacris

Real Talks of the Moment

GOD'S Plans > MY Plans

- so true...just had a friend tell me that...couldn't be put in any simpler and in any better form...I've been stressing a lot lately with just school and the future...everything's just looking really blurry...like I'm walking down a path, but I can't see where I'm going. I know God has a plan, but sometimes I get impatient and wanna do it on my own...but I guess maybe it's not the right time...and God will reveal His plan to me when He feels I'm ready.

Lauryn Hill - Ex-Factor

Random Thoughts

I just had a lot of random thoughts while at church today. How, the group that is all working right now and done school...when I first came to church in elementary school ish, they were the "younger generation". Then, has they moved on, what is now my fellowship was the "younger generation". But now it's even moved past that where we're all soon to graduate and the people we use to call kids and younger ones are now the "younger generation" who is stepping up and taking larger roles and stuff. It's crazy, I remember when I went to Bridal Trail Baptist Church...I had numerous Sunday School teachers...all around the age that I am now...but they were teaching me then, I would goof off, zone out, things like that. Even at Wismer...my Sunday School teachers were pretty young, and it's just crazy to see the youth or the young adults step up as leaders in the church. And now my fellowship, finds itself in that situation, where my friends and like me for example...we're teaching sunday school to other kids, teaching them about the word of God. And I see so much of myself in them...goofing off, zoning out, paying attention here and there, but loads and loads of potential...it's so crazy to think that I'm in the same position that a lot of the ones before me were in. Teaching younger ones...I look at them and I see an old me...sitting there lol, it's crazy. When I have thoughts like that...it makes me feel mad old, like I've been on this earth for so long lol...but then I try to tell myself...I'm only 20...I still have soooooo many years in front of me lol.

From The Heart: Changes Part 2

You guys want real, you guys want raw...I was going to type it out, but instead I'm just going to give it to you guys straight up in all it's mistakes and errors and random thoughts. This was when I was in bed, couldn't sleep...at like 2am...it says 1am cuz it was daylight savings...so turned my clock back an hour...but yeah, just some random thoughts.

Random Thoughts

It's always nice and encouraging when my friends or people tell me that they went on my blog...or read a certain post or whatever. For some reason, part of me always feels like no one really comes to this blog...if I ignore the numbers on the side...part of me really believes no one really comes to this blog, and that half of the time I'm talking to myself. But the biggest thing I do believe...or want to believe...is that the people that do visit the blog...don't visit it for the those rants, those long heartfelt posts that I have...part of me feels they only come for the music videos, the funny videos...things like that. When in actuality...it's probably the opposite lol...people come here...TO read those long posts, those heartfelt and emotional posts. I wonder what the people who don't know me but read my posts think of me...probs think I'm some weirdo or some internet nerd LOOOOOL

Today...

What's good, today was just another loaft day...did absolutely nothing productive, can't believe reading week is coming to an end. Spent today just watching my shows on my computer, playing xbox and watching TV. But yeah...other than that...nothing productive lol. Been having lots of talks with friends as of late just about the future, school and stuff like that...it's still something that's really worrying and stressing me out. But I just have to trust in God and the plan that He has for me.

From The Heart: Changes

I just got back from lunch and studying at the library with my friends. Was chilling in the car with my friend while he was driving me home and we had a chance to talk. He lives away from home at university, so I don't get to see him often, but when we do chill, we always have these kinds of conversations. We just talked about life, school, the future and he told me I was thinking too much and too far ahead. Just the usual stuff you've always heard, being scared and unsure of the future...moving out...life after school...living on my own, things like that. We just started talking about change...how there's gonna be lots of change ahead of us. Living on our own, having a permanent job, starting a family, things like that. I told them how some of my friends wanna move away for work or something...but I can't imagine myself going too far, or going away at all...and leaving everything behind...my family, my brother, my home, my friends...everything I grew up with, my schools...he said you're too comfortable and too comfortable with this life, but changes are expected along with life. But I can't imagine it you know...leaving all my homies I grew up with...the people I went to elementary, high school and university with...to leave them, it'll be different. To go somewhere completely new, find a new church, make new friends, call a new place home...it's scary. But it's something that you can't avoid...when you start a family, you have to put their needs and what's best for them ahead of your own agenda. If you really love your family, you'll sacrifice for them. It's scary to think I'll only see my fam or friends once a month, once every few months, once a year...just wow. But then again, that's life...waking up everyday for work, to pay and support your family. You're gonna have new worries and new concerns...it's not gonna be oh..I wonder what this girl said about me, does she like me? Did my boy do this, do that...life in the future is scary...it's gonna be like...do I have to work overtime tomorrow...does my son need a new backpack...things like that. It's scary...that change is coming. I think it's scary when I think that I'm 20 years old...I'm not really young, but I'm not really old. Like the future is right in front of me...I can see it, but I'm not quite there yet, but it's coming...which is why I posted the song Changes by 2Pac...I just thought of it when we were in the car talking..."that's just the way it is, things'll never be the same"...so true...changes.

2Pac - Changes

From Me To You...

I def wanna get you guys more involved in my life...and besides talking about it or always venting to you guys...I just want you guys to get to know me more, so...I'll just share with you things in my life, the things I go through and my daily adventures haha. Here are some pictures from the Raptors home opener yesterday...

Before tip-off...when there was no one there...I really like this picture cuz it's so empty and calm you know...

Here is the player introductions, so many lights and stuff...they handed out thundersticks that lit up, so that's why it looks like a concert haha.

This is the last pic...you see how crowded the arena is though...2 point loss, tough one...

Today...

What's good...sorry no posts yesterday, was out all day. Woke up at like 12 ish...went to lunch with my parents, after that, went grocery shopping, came home around 3 ish. Showered, got ready and me and my friends went downtown to the Raptors home opener, it was so fun...my second Raptor game ever...first one they won and we got pizza, this time it was so close...but they ended up losing by 2. After that, we chilled at mcdonalds and had dinner and it was just an overall fun night. Today was just a loaft day...did absolutely nothing lol...watched my shows, played videogames, ate snacks...hahaha so unproductive lol. Got lots of work to do and stuff...but I really wanna just chill at the same time during this reading week and catch up on sleep...so yeah...lol

Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah

So relaxing and soothing...I love this song.