What Am I Doing With My Life?

Day 10/31

Man, so it's only the second day back to school and I'm...well I'm def not feeling it. I'm like 70% in holiday mode still. Gotta get back to the grind, I have to do seminars for 3 of my classes this semester and I signed up for 2 of them early in the semester, like January so I can get them over with...but they're coming up so I gotta get to that real soon. So this morning it was snowing like crazy and I was very tempted not to go to school...but I did lol. I was debating between going to my usual bus stop at Centennial versus going to the Y. I was leaning towards the Y but decided to go to Centennial, I went to the garage to park and it was full...so had to book it to the Y asap in order to catch the bus and not be late for class. I get to the Y and it's hella full and I'm struggling to find parking spaces. Just a bunch of half spaces cuz a bunch of dumb drivers take up 2 spots...I eventually find this kinda small space and decide to try to fit and I do but I'm like hella close lol, thought I missed the bus already, but saw a huge line and I was like oh shoot, guess I didn't miss it and didn't have to stand either thankfully.

So anyways...the questions that the title poses...what am I doing with my life? I feel like a lot of people have been asking me that or I've been hearing a lot of people ask themselves that. It's a good question to ask yourself...it forces you to have a general plan of some sort. Y'all know that I wanna be a teacher...and I'm in school right now for one year for another degree even though I just graduated. I'm doing well, it's tough, it's hard work, I'm not sleeping very much and I'm drinking more coffee/caffeine than I ever thought I would have, but I'm doing well and I'm managing, somewhat. The biggest question I've been asking myself is what do I want to do after school? I feel like the answer keeps changing. When I was applying to come back to school after graduating, I was like alright...after graduating, if I get the marks, I wanna go to teacher's college. But when I started school in September, I was really regretting it and was wishing I was working instead. Then halfway through first semester when I started to get used to the grind and noticed I was doing well, I was like wow, teacher's college is seeming like a real viable option after graduation. But now...it's like a complete 180 and my mind is somewhat leaning towards working again. Like I've been in university, in York...since like 2010 fam....this is essentially my 7th year in university (long story, if you know you know). If I graduate and hypothetically get into teacher's college and I go...that'll be another 2 years of school...like part of me is already so sick and tired of school, the homework, the studying, the readings, all of it. And I just don't know if I wanna do another 2 years of school right away...that'll be 9 straight years of university, 9 straight years at York and I just don't know if that's what I want right now. I don't even know when teacher's applications are due, I'm sure it's soon, my boy said it might've passed already...but I'm kinda just going with the flow...like I usually do and seeing what happens. Like if I miss the deadline, maybe it's a sign that I should work for a year and see how it goes. But my mom was like if you work are you sure you're going to wanna go back to school? That's something my friends have told me as well...and I don't know to be honest, it would definitely depend on the job that I get. The last kinda thing I've been stuck on is whether I truly wanna be a teacher...meaning the marking, teaching lessons, the kids, etc. Whether I truly enjoy ALL aspects of teaching...or whether it's just being around kids that I truly enjoy because if it's just being around kids, then that opens so many other doors for jobs for me...and it would mean I wouldn't even need to go to teacher's college. So I dunno, I'm definitely struggling a lot right now with all the above...and I don't really know what to do.

God, you already know what's going to happen, you already know how it's all going to unfold. And I'm just asking for the strength to keep moving forward...and the faith to trust you in every circumstance...even when things seem cloudy, confusing and unsure...give me the strength on my own two feet God. I've gotten this far and I know it's all by your grace and love...I know you'll continue to walk with me, making sure that despite twists and turns, I get to the finish line.