Random Thoughts

After having that talk with my friend in his car one day...he told me so many things...told me to take a step back, reevaluate, distance myself you know. I'm socially awkward sometimes, around people I don't really know or people who I'm still trying to figure out where I am with. And I told my friend this and she told me to make sure I don't distance myself off too much to the point where there isn't a friendship left. A lot of the times, I write theses posts thinking eh...no one'll probs read this...but for the most part I'm wrong lol. For the most part, I hope she reads this cuz it's easier than me confronting her and she'll probs be awkward if I do anyways. But not just for her, for a lot of people...I find myself distancing myself from them and really keeping to myself. But lately...I've gone off that and I'm really making an effort to reach out and reconnect and make that first move you know, to reassure people...hey, we're still good right? A lot of times I make problems in my head that aren't really there...then act as if they actually happened. So I feel like I've distanced myself from some people and a few people in particular...and I don't want that to happen you know. For certain people, it's too late...and as bad as I want it to be back to normal, I can't...I'm learning to have no regrets...that whatever happened, happened for a reason. But I am trying to make things brighter for the future. I'm really doing my best to reach out, get out of my comfort zone and put myself in awkward situations cuz I value the friendships of these people you know. I just feel like as of late, I'm not getting any response you know...like it's a 2 way thing, friendship should be mutual with both people contributing, but lately...I feel like I'm talking on the phone and no one's on the other end. But I don't get sour or down...I keep trying...who cares if they get annoyed...I'd rather know that but at least know that I tried instead of sit back and let the thing die you know...I've let go and see too many friendships die for that to happen. But I dunno...defs got mixed feelings about this whole thing...who knows.