Random Thoughts

You know what's funny...whenever I write these, I sometimes feel the need to watch what I say cuz some people read these things and get offended or take it so seriously cuz they think it's about them lol. I dunno...lately, I've been so chill you know...chilling with my friends, hitting the gym, playing softball...just having a good time. But sometimes, when I'm loafting at home or when I have time on my hands, I think...a lot...about random things. I picture different situations and scenarios in my head. I think about things in my life, people in my life, things I have to do, etc. I often sometimes create invisible problems in my head and act as if they actually happened. Sometimes, I make problems bigger than they actually are until my friends bring me back down to earth, tell me to take a deep breath, calm down and take a step back from this. I dunno...trust is a big thing with me lately. I don't have very many people I can tell everything to...matter a fact, I have only like 1 maybe 2 or 3...but the thing I hate about telling me people things...is you don't know if they're going to tell their best friend you know. It's pretty much a given, but yeah, I just don't like it. Another thing is when people constantly ask you to tell them what's bothering you or tell them your secrets, but when you ask them the same question, they're all like uh yeah...and kinda avoid the question. I dunno...lately I've been having conflict with myself and my heart...and having good talks with my friend who gives me advice and vice versa. I've just been really burdened here and there sometimes about...well...I dunno how to put it. There's a fine line between being a friend and being more than a friend, let's just say that. My friend told me that I had to take a step back, keep my distance and not get so involved and once I do that, I'll get a clearer picture of how I really feel. Past experiences have definitely shed some light on things like this...and I dunno...it reminds me of the sermon today, where it's like..."Who do you turn to for advice?" That's so true...when we need help or are in trouble, who do we turn to? Friends...parents...siblings...etc...I don't even know where I'm heading with this post, just kinda a bunch of random feelings and a bunch of random words in my heart jumbled together. Sometimes, when certain people ask me what's up...I really do wanna tell them, but it's either, I don't fully trust/feel comfortable with them, it's about them...or I don't wanna get in too deep with them you know. I dunno man...lately, I've been so chill...having fun, no stress...chilling with my boys...hitting the gym, playing softball, making jokes, I like that life, I like having fun with no burdens. But I also like, life with serious notes here and there and being able to have serious conversations...I dunno. Sometimes, I just wish I had that one person...not a girlfriend, just a friend...who I can completely pour my heart out to....loaft with, play board games with, videogames, sports, talk, chill, have fun, you know. And a big part of me tells myself...God should be that person that I completely rely on, focus on and give my all to...and it's so true...he should be the one I'm devoting everything that I have into, all my energy. But sometimes, you also need that physical companionship...you know...I've had a lot of close friends come and go...real close ones...so I guess trust doesn't come easy with me...I dunno...it's 1:30 am...maybe my brain is just working overdrive...gotta get up in like 10 hours and hit the gym...deuces.