From The Heart: Close Friends

I feel like I always need somebody, whether it's one person or a select few who get me. Everybody has to have those kinds of people, who they can tell absolutely anything to and vice versa...share their deepest darkest secrets with...and just be themselves around, no boundaries. Yeah, I've lost some of these friends, but I've also gained some of these friends. It wasn't until today...where I just felt really out of it...people around me were talking but all I could think about were these 2 people. I've been through lots of both of them. Been really close with both of them but also been really distant with both of them. At one point in my life, I was really closer to person number 1, but time passed, things changed, we changed...and I slowly drifted away from this person. Me and person number 2 have never been as close and as tight as me and person 1 were, but we have been there for one another and trust one another, with both people, I've had my ups and downs...but those are necessary for a healthy friendship. As of late...present time...me and person 1 are more of acquaintances if anything, it's kinda sad actually...knowing what we've been through and the times we shared, to know that we barely talk and when we do it's only casual conversation. But me and person 2 are really finding comfort and trust in one another...at least I feel that way. I'm feeling really close to person 2 and can really trust and depend on this person. I can be myself around this person, we joke...laugh...disagree...fight...but it's all in love. So I dunno...today I was just thinking like...woah...am I replacing person number 1 with number 2...to kinda fill that void that number 1 had left in my heart. Someone was sharing something today and she was crying, talking about losing friends and how it hurts...and how she never really got over it...she never really fixed it or found a way to deal with it...it really hit me...that me and person number 1 were kinda in the same boat. Instead of trying to sort things out...was I really trying to just ignore it and fill that void with another person. No disrespect to person number 2 cuz I love this person to death...but like...I dunno, I just really reevaluated things. I zoned out and went into my own little bubble...just thinking about the times me and person 1 shared and the times me and person 2 shared...yeah it was so fun, so happy, so enjoyable. But like...the past is the past...I'm learning to take and heed the advice I give to others. One is to not live in the past...but to create a brighter future. Those to live in the past are doomed to repeat it. Why dwell in the past if it's sad when you can create a happier future. Or if the past is happy and bright...build for a happier and brighter future. But that's just me, I dunno...