Random Thoughts

This is the first time I've ever seen my mom cry..........and it's my fault...

My parents planned a cruise trip for like 5 days or something. At first I wanted to go to New York, but they decided to go on a cruise instead. The plan (so I thought) was for the whole family (rents and brother) to go. She told me yesterday that my brother isn't going and they already paid for us 3 to go. I kinda got cheesed because I didn't wanna go by myself with nothing to do. I told her I didn't wanna go if he doesn't go. This argument dragged on and my dad (who's cool and calm about everything) was like just go and tried to convince me normally. I really don't wanna go on a stupid cruise with my parents for 5 days....I'm gonna be chilling by myself. So come today my mom tries to convince me (she's really bad at negotiating) and always starts the convincing by yelling...clearly that doesn't/won't work. Anyways, LONG stort short cuz I really don't feel like talking about this...she said the money went through and if I don't go we're wasting money....I said I can pay her back, get a job, do whatever....she said it's not about the money....yet she keeps saying how we're wasting money....if it's not about the money stop saying that...I said I can pay you back...she said I have to pay for your school too....so what am I supposed to do....not go to school....drop out like my brother....are you serious. I know I'm wrong with this too...but I hate how my mom negotiates things and that's why I was like nah I'm not going and nah I didn't yell...I repeatedly said I'm not going in a calm manner. I kept repeating I'd pay her back and all....and she kept saying it's not about the money...yet 2 seconds later says we're wasting money and that the money went through. Call me spoiled cuz I have a chance to go on vacation and I don't want to...whatever....I don't wanna go....we leave Monday....I really don't wanna go....I know it's bad that my mom's crying but I don't feel bad....yet....it won't hit me till later on cuz I'm still cheesed right now....cuz I don't wanna go....how're you gonna say it's not about the money then say we're wasting money.....and when I said I'd pay her back she said how.....I'lll get a job whatever.....she's ALWAYS been hassling me this WHOLE summer saying get a job....I can help you find one....like I like my me time....damn. Anyways....y'all probs think I'm the bad guy throughout this story...and for all I know, I probably am....but I guess I'm just stubborn like that...I don't wanna go....I offered a clear solution that I'd pay her back if money was the issue (which it clearly is). Whatever....sigh....just had to get this off my chest...like I don't have enough to deal with. Obv it'd make everybody's life easier if I just went, but I don't wanna...I was already disappointed we didn't get to go to NY and we're going on a cruise instead....then my brother's not going....then she's tryna force me, throwing this bs at me. Shouldn't they get cheesed at my brother cuz he chose not to go in the first place...she was saying she wants a family vacation...I said but Richmond (my brother) isn't going...she said forget about him (SERIOUSLY?) and I said...then that's not the whole family.....now even my brother's trying to convince me to go when he himself isn't going....like seriously bro....why don't you take that mentality and just go instead....whatever....if I do end up going....I promise you I'm gonna be grumpy...a jerk....a douche...and just not fun to be around...damn.