From The Heart: Pouring Out My Heart

This past week, few days....my heart, mind have just been everywhere....completely out of it. Yesterday I took a walk and I just had to really clear my mind of the millions of things in it. When I went to sleep, I literally laid there with my eyes open just...thinking about everything. As of late....I find myself on my own....when I say that I don't mean like NO ONE is there. I mean like....I find that I can't talk to anybody. You know how everybody has at least one person they can tell EVERYTHING to...no secrets held back...I find myself with that. Without that feeling of being able to confide in someone...and have someone comfort me. As of late...I've been keeping everything bottled in and any chance I get to myself...I empty my mind...and go to a happy place. Lately....I've had so much on my mind and so much to talk about...but no one to tell it to....it's like when you find out something crazy just happened...the first thing that comes to your mind is who am I gonna tell or oh man I gotta tell this person. Me....I have a million things going on in my head at once and no one to tell it to....as of late...I've been pouring my heart out to my Twitter and this blog....as of late...I've found that I can't talk to nobody so I type my feelings out. Yesterday...my heart felt heavy...and my eyes felt watery...but I held back the tears....no specific reason...I just feel like there's so much on my plate right now that I can't deal with any of this anymore...with school starting, I really have to buckle down and I don't have time to deal with this. Everybody has a best friend...a person they can trust to tell their life story to and know that the other person will do the same without judging them. I don't have that...and as the days pass...I'm starting to think I never did have that person who I can share all my secrets with and the other person would do the same....I'm starting to think I've never had that....but only someone close to that. That's why I spill my heart onto my twitter and this blog...this is like my diary....my own little world....I can talk and talk....and not be afraid. But at the same time....I want somebody to view me in the same sense....I once thought I had that....but as of late....I'm trying to keep strong....holding back the tears literally....and just pouring my heart into my twitter and this blog. Everyone has a best friend....a brother/sister (not blood) that they can tell anything to, share secrets with, chill with, sit and do nothing and they still know what the other person is thinking....me....I have this blog....this blog is my life, my job, my friend, my diary, my hiding place..my happy place....my way of getting out of all this bs....all this drama....and all this unnecessary ish.....here's where I come to be myself. This is me, whether you like it or not....I'm not trying to impress anyone, I'm just being myself and expressing myself the best way I know how.