Guest Writer #2: Letters To You
Guest Writer #3: TC
Guest Writer #4: Anonymous Queen B
Guest Writer #5: Someone You Used To Know
Guest Writer #6: Heartlocked
Guest Writer #7: LG Slayer 231
Guest Writer #8: TC
Guest Writer #9: G. Ho
Keeping this short cuz the post is...long LOL. Thanks to the homie for taking the time to share ALL his thoughts...he took the time to pour his heart, please do take the time to read through it all, as best as you can lol...here you go, enjoy.
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When I was asked
to be a guest writer on the blog, I already knew what I was going to
write about. Simply because I am feeling a certain way right now and
I was sitting on my bed thinking, when getting a text. You can call
it fate I guess. This gives me an outlet to let out how I actually
feel. Feel about myself, feel about others, feel about the world,
feel about the universe. I am going to warn you now, the way I am
thinking and feeling right now, this is probably going to be LONG,
like Subway footlong LONG, like Wolf of Wall Street LONG, like
watching all the Lord of the Ring movies LONG, like … Alright I’ll
stop. Seriously though, if you have the same attention span as me,
just don’t read any further.
Anyways, I’m
sitting here, ready to graduate school finally, and have so many
assignments due, and what am I doing? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Literally.
Before writing this I was literally going on random websites, going
on Facebook, reminiscing about life. I have noticed that for the past
little while I have been so unmotivated to do anything. And I don’t
know why. I know I used to be motivated, I could finish an essay
within a day and still get an A on it, or even an A+. I am a
procrastinator, that’s just me, I’m late finishing my
assignments, late to get ready, late to arrive places. I just do
everything late. I even finish late (if you know what I mean ;). But
I have never been this unmotivated before, it’s like I skip class,
sleep in, don’t make use of my days anymore. And I don’t know if
it’s because I am close to the end, or if it is because I don’t
know where to go from here.
I have goals,
aspirations, as we all do. I want to be a ballet dancer. An elegant,
beautiful ballet dancer, that can rock a tutu and look stunning
without trying, doing the pirouette so elegantly while people watch
me on a New York City stage, but I don’t have the body for it. I
have wanted to go start working out for so long, but I haven’t even
done that yet. I feel like it’s time for a change. Really though,
when I think about why I am unmotivated, I realize it might be my
friends influencing me. I have friends who are successful, they don’t
have jobs, they have CAREERS they are doing well, and that’s who I
want to be around. See the thing is I am VERY competitive. If I don’t
win in something, I literally won’t stop until I win. So these
types of friends are good for me, they motivate me to be a better
person, because as shallow as this sounds, in the end my goal is to
be better than them. Not in spite of them, but just to prove to
myself that I can do it.
Then I have
another group of friends, and these are the ones that are bad for me.
I love them with all my heart, but they are the ones who aren’t in
school. They are mentally incapable of doing school work or having a
decent attention span, and literally just working retail jobs and
staying out all night at Tim Horton’s doing absolutely nothing,
maybe occasionally smoking here and there. I don’t want to compete
with them, because then it doesn’t push me, it doesn’t push me to
be a better person. I am not saying I am better than them, but there
is an end goal, and they don’t seem to have an end goal. It’s
like they don’t know what to do with their lives, so they just do
nothing and hope everything ends up well. One of my friends had an
interview downtown as a mail boy. Like you know, the people in
offices who put the mail in the right slot for whoever the mail is
meant for. When I spoke to him, he was saying how this wasn’t just
any job, it was a “CAREER” and not to be condescending (I guess
it’s too late) but when did being a mail boy become a career? When
did someone get a job as a mail boy and say to themselves “N**** WE
MADE IT”. It was funny, actually it kind of sucked, because he
didn’t get the job because even for THAT job, they expected him to
have some sort of college diploma, degree or experience. I didn’t
realize putting mail in a slot needed extensive research and
experience. I was a paper boy when I was 8 years old and I KILLED IT,
put the papers on the right door step, so people didn’t have to
step outside, they could reach from inside. I must have been a CHILD
prodigy according to these people. Then I had another friend (who’s
friends with the other guy I just mentioned, same friend circle)
who’s girlfriend broke up with him because she was in school for
travel and tourism and she was like “I need to focus on school, I
need to focus on school and I am going to be travelling a lot”
alright no offense, but you do realize travel and tourism is
basically being a travel agent right? Even if you were a travel agent
in another country you wouldn’t be going all around the world, you
would be in just on other country. I think what you’re thinking of
is “FLIGHT ATTENDANT” which you clearly are not in. Sorry I sound
condescending again, but him and his girlfriend dated for like 4
years, and when I found out that was the reason, I didn’t know
whether to laugh, or to shoot myself in the head, twice. It was at
this point where I realized that their goals and my goals weren’t
on the same level, what they considered to be “careers” and “life
changing” wasn’t the same for me. Even what I am aiming to be,
which is a teacher, isn’t what I think of when I think “I MADE
IT”. But it is my goal, because I WANT to do it. I have high
expectations of myself. Especially because one of my friends is
already successful, and is making more money than probably some of
our parents do. Now money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does buy a
hell of a lot of other things, so basically F*** happiness, I just
bought a BMW, a Benz, and the blonde that likes my new convertible
just gave me her number, I don’t know about you, but that’s
pretty close to happiness.
Now I know I sound
like an asshole, but I feel like a lot of people try to be nice, and
say nice things about people, just to get stepped on themselves. A
lot of people try playing the nice card, and be nice to everyone, but
I have seen the same people get used, over and over again, and they
still continue to be nice. Now I am not saying to be a total asshole
like me. But what I am saying is why let people feel like they are
better than you? That’s one thing I NEVER let happen, it’s my
biggest pet peeve. When people think they are better than me, or
think they have some sort of control over me, that’s why I make
sure they know they don’t. They don’t intimidate me with their
size, strength or power. Why? Because why should they? If I let them
think they are better than me once, what stops them from using me
again and again because they know they can. No ones better than
anyone else. We all should be entitled to the same thing. But because
of people like this, it makes me feel like I am better than them.
Like I said before, I am very competitive. A friend was telling me
about how they were talking about me, and how I have a bad temper,
and they said I am like someone else they know that even if the
person was twice my size, and I knew I was going to lose the fight, I
still wouldn’t back down or get intimidated if they pissed me off.
Honestly, you can call it stupidity more than you can call it bravery
or courage, but screw it. When someone picks a fight with me, I feel
like they are competing with me, they think they are better than me,
they think they can control me with their intimidation, and that’s
something I can’t stand for. Even if I did lose the fight, at least
I would know I didn’t back down. So why I did I quit on this? Why
did I lose motivation? Why did I stop going to class, why did I stop
doing my assignments, why at almost 2 o clock in the morning instead
of doing my assignment am I writing this post? What has changed in my
life that has got my so unmotivated to meet my commitments? Honestly,
I still don’t know. I keep telling myself, tomorrow, tomorrow I
will do this, tomorrow I will do that, but I never do it. I need to
start, because honestly I could die tomorrow and I would be up in
heaven (yeah assholes I am going to heaven, I helped an old lady
close her trunk one day and that most likely guaranteed me a spot in
heaven, so F off) looking down at the world and be like, why didn’t
I grab the bull by the horns instead of have his balls in my mouth?
Man if this was my
essay that I had to do, it would almost be done, I think I’m at
like 1700 words by now or something. Hopefully after this, I will get
motivated to complete it. I honestly can’t wait to be done, I can’t
wait to find that spark that gets me motivated to be a better person
again, in everything that I do. My friends, family, and everyone
around me influence and reflect who I am, and I want to show them
that they reflected well on me and that they didn’t do me wrong
(even the friend circle with different goals than me, because they
have certain goals unrelated to life that align with mine). Actually,
thinking about it now, it’s weird. We go through life, being in
school for like half our life, 8 am to 3 pm everyday, then homework,
then we go to university 3 hour lectures, sometimes 9 hour days on
and off, and homework and reading in between and then we go to work,
9-5, plus travel time, so really like 5 am wake up, 7 pm get home,
eat dinner, go to sleep, and repeat. It’s funny because that’s
called “success”. We get a good job that keeps us at work all
day, just to make money to buy a fancy car that can take us to this
job, and then a nice house that we just use to sleep in. Sometimes
you get 2-4 weeks of vacation time, but the rest of the time, you’re
out there working. Our parents push us to be these people, society
views us as garbage if we aren’t these people, or if we aren’t
making money. Heck, even I was bashing on my friends for thinking a
mail boy was a freaking career. It goes to show you the influence
society has had on us.
Everyone looks
forward to retirement, where you don’t have to work, you saved
enough that you can live by the beach, no worries, no cares. But
really? Your wifes tits are saggy, your balls have dropped, you go to
a concert to dance and you’ll probably die of a heart attack or pee
yourself while waiting to line up to the washroom where the other 500
alcoholic 20 something year olds just downed like 7 beers and really
need to pee. You can only do stuff when you’re young sometimes, and
we sometimes try to save money here and there, and say oh I need it
for the future for this and that, or I have to pay for this and that,
and I don’t want to be in debt. But who cares. You have your whole
life to pay that off, but you can only enjoy some things NOW. So why
not YOLO, for real, cause not only do you only live once, you are
also only young once, and you won’t get that back. Even I feel old
already, people my age are in the NBA, they are rappers, singer,
actors, nurses, heck even CEOs. It’s like you look at yourself and
you’re like what have I done with my life? What have I done that
made a difference for myself, or others, or have got me known. I
always wanted to do things, but never thought to do it. I feel like
friends are the way to motivate you, to be like hey man lets go do
this or do that. I have mentioned random things to my friends before,
and they said yeah let’s do it. And then I would never follow up or
do it, but who knows? What if that led to something, what if that
LEADS to something now? Honestly it’s never to late to make a
change, do what you want, and take risks. I’m not trying to be
those motivational people but I am just being real. Screw the people
who say you can’t do it, screw yourself for thinking you can’t do
it, screw people who think they are better than you at something. You
think we would have authors, doctors, actors, NBA players or even
strippers if they listened to people who said they “couldn’t”.
I am pretty sure half the people on youtube didn’t envision that
they would be this famous. Pretty sure Justin Bieber didn’t think
he would be THIS famous, just positing youtube videos and singing on
a random step in a small town in Ontario. So what stops us from doing
it? Any of us, anyone who reads this, any of my friends, me, you,
your girlfriend, your mom, your dad, your brother, sister, dog, pet
monkey with a fur coat that shops at Ikea, ALL of us. We all have the
potential to be something greater, everyday, we have a chance. It’s
all fate. The universe can be kind, things can fall into place. Just
how people can be in the wrong place at the wrong time, you can be in
the RIGHT place at the RIGHT time.
Now, I already
went on a tangent, this was already long, like you probably could’ve
watched the whole harry potter series, twice, and read the books,
twice, and probably baked a tray of cookies and finished them all
before you finished reading this. But when I texted asking how long I
can write it, he said I can write a novel if I want, so that’s what
I shall do. But seriously though, I want to touch upon the idea of
fate. I feel like a lot of people don’t believe in fate, and I
don’t want to bash you for your beliefs, but you guys are idiots.
Like look at everything that has happened in your life. You have what
you have, you are what you are, because you were in a certain place
at a certain time. If the universe wanted it for you, they would
place it for you, and if you try and go away from that and make a
decision that tries to alter your fate, something else will happen to
put you back into that position. Just think about it, you have the
friends that you have because you live where you live. If your
parents didn’t move to that area, your friend circle would be
TOTALLY different. But it’s fate. It’s like with my friend here
who runs this blog, we went to the same elementary school for one
grade, never really talked ever, he was in a different class. First
few years of high school we talked here and there but never that
much. But then the last year of high school we were in the same
English class. Now there would a chance we didn’t talk, but the
thing is, one event can change everything. That’s my point, one
event that happens, can influence a whole future of other events. Now
the one thing that happened was that unlike other classes, where
students can sit where they want, or in groups. This class the
teacher arranged us alphabetically by our last name. Now me and my
friend here have similar last names, so we sat beside each other, and
from then on we got much closer, and another friend was in that
class, who’s one of our best friends, who was sitting in the row
next to us, just a little to the back. Because of this class, they
became best friends too. Now we did talk outside of class, if he
wanted a hook up on something I would get it.
The thing is I
used to hustle since I was in grade 5, I was selling yu gi oh cards
to high school kids when I was in grade 5, exchanged other kids red
pocket money for yu gi oh cards, basically chinese new year was
amazing for me. So anyways, we got even closer from that, he would
come to my house to pick up the things, and we would talk. After high
school ended we still talked, but not that much going into the first
year of university, but again, something else happened that got us
closer. We had a mutual friend, who I was hanging out with a lot in
second year university, and we used to go to his house a lot to watch
the super bowl, finals of the NBA, and just do other things. One day
we all decided to go to the movies, and ever since then, we made it a
weekly routine. This got us even closer, all of us. Now we are really
good friends, and we talk all the time, hang out all the time, and
they are one of my best friends. But see my point is, is that all
these events kept happening, because the universe wanted us to be
friends. They kept pushing all these things to happen in order for us
to come together. Now it may sound cheesy, but think about it. If the
teacher hadn’t put us alphabetically, if I took English class in
summer school like I planned to, I wouldn’t have met him and talked
to him to that extent. If I didn’t go to my friends house to watch
things and decided to watch them at home instead, we wouldn’t have
been reunited. If we didn’t decide to make movies a regular thing,
we wouldn’t have been as close as we would have been.
Now fate has
played a big part in my life. When I was in high school, trying to
figure out what to do, I finally realized I wanted to be a teacher.
Now if you have
been reading the whole time, first of all you are one crazy mother
f*cker who either is interested in what I have to say, or has nothing
better to do. But if you actually read it you are probably like,
wait? If you are now saying that fate is going to get to where you
are supposed to be no matter what, what is the point of trying, if
you were meant to get something it will fall in your lap, even if all
you’re doing it sitting at home masturbating. Well yes and no. I
feel like if it is fate for you to do something, the universe will
send you signs to go out and do something. It’s like you’re
someone who didn’t want to do school after high school, so you’re
sitting at home, watching TV, and all of a sudden a commercial for
Everest college or something comes on the TV, and all of a sudden
your moms like “maybe you should go to school too” and you’re
like “hmmm maybe I should” and you go check out a program, you
think it’s interesting and BAM you’re in school for something,
you complete it, and you are doing that job. It was all meant to be.
NOTE: So according to my computer, I
wrote the whole above portion on April 1st, I went off on
writing and now it’s May 18th, and I am finally
continuing this blog post. Now I apologize to the infamous RT of Best
You Never Heard for the delay, but as I said, I am a procrastinator.
So here I am,
school has ended, and I was supposed to graduate, key words “SUPPOSED
TO”. The thing is, I had to get a C in one of my classes to pass,
and I didn’t get that C. I kind of winged that course because I
thought what the hell, it’s a C, I can get that easily, apparently
not. I usually get A’s in my courses in university, but I have been
slacking. Even though I have been slacking I have managed to get A’s
in some of my courses. But again, I believe that this happened for a
reason. I believe fate has landed me in this position where I have to
go back for a full year (it’s a two credit course) just for this
one course. I am not sure where this path will take me, but what I do
know is that there is a reason why I didn’t pass this course. I
asked my prof many times if it was possible to boost me to a C, and
she rejected my cry for help. So I know this is bigger than me, I
know it happened for a reason. I am just not sure why it happened,
but I am sure I will soon find out.
Like I said,
everything happens for a reason, and a good reason. I have seen it
time and time again for many people in my life, and in own life. If
you don’t believe in fate, you are probably reading this like wow
this guy is an idiot, well suck on a damp branch because I don’t
care. Look around you and look at what happens in your daily life,
and look at all the “bad” things that happened in your life. Did
something come from those bad things? What did you learn? What
happened because of it? Are you in a better spot now than you were
before the bad thing happened? A lot of people seem to be very
pessimistic sometimes. They look at situations and stress themselves
out and think their life is over. They break up with their
girlfriend, life’s over. They fail a course, life’s over. They
get into a minor car accident and their insurance goes up, life’s
over. The point of overreacting and stressing over things that in the
bigger picture are really very miniscule is pointless.
I personally try
to live in the moment, live for today, because I don’t know how
tomorrow will be. If I have a chance to travel with friends that I
like, I will do it. Because I don’t know if those same friends will
have enough money later on to do it, I don’t know if I will have
time later on to do it, so why not now. There are chances I had to
travel with people, but I rejected their offer because I didn’t
like one of the people in the group, or I felt like travelling with
them wouldn’t be that fun. So what’s the point of travelling with
people who you don’t think you will enjoy being with? I like to be
myself around my friends, feel like I am not being judged, feel like
there are no underlying feelings of hatred or grudges held against
each other. If someone is going to overreact to situations, they are
not welcome in my life. If you take things too seriously, or be
sensitive over a small situation, then you honestly can jump off a
cliff for all I care, because I seriously don’t need people in my
life who are going to make my life harder by getting into huge
arguments over small things.
This takes me to a
certain situation that I want to address before ending this blog
post. There are people in your life who will have “bipolar”
personalities. One day, they’re your friend, they want to hang out
with you, they want to know about your life, they are kind and joke
around with you. The next day, they are mean, they are judging, and
they take everything you say to heart, and start arguing and fighting
with you, and you don’t even know who you’re talking to anymore.
Now these are the people I hate. Mainly because you don’t know who
they really are. They hide behind different personas, they make
excuses, and they are literally pieces of shit. Now I don’t mind
arguing with people to a certain extent, as long as there is a
solution at the end. But, if it gets physical, I take that to heart.
Mainly because it takes a lot of willpower to not get physical, and
if you really do care about your friend, you wouldn’t try and hurt
them with violence, a push and a shove is one thing, but a punch or a
kick is another. Those are the things that get on my nerves. I find
that to be a sign of disrespect, and I literally do not care if you
die, I hold grudges, and I will hold that grudge until I see you at
your funeral, laying down in that coffin. But hey, at least I was
respectful enough to come to your funeral. Now you may think I am
being harsh. Maybe I am. But there is one person that comes to mind,
who I have known since elementary school, and who I have hated since
then. In elementary school, when I was a child, I would imagine him
burning in his house, just burning, and dying and being out of my
life, making my life much easier. I know it sounds borderline
psychopathic, and maybe it is. But I have always been the type to
hold grudges and hate people who cannot act in a positive way. Why
bring your negative bullshit into other people’s lives? Compose
yourself in a good manner, because one of these days, you’ll end up
in a body bag. Not by me, because I am not stupid enough to stab you
in your stupid face, but you will piss off the wrong person, and when
that day happens, I will know that it happened for a reason.
Now I am obviously
not going to end off on a negative note. The reason I said that part
was because A. I wanted to get that off my chest, and B. because it
was a leeway into what I am going to say next. Now I know I have been
talking a lot about fate, and this is what ties into it. I feel that
certain people are put into your life for a reason. The same, certain
people are taken out of your life for a reason. A person enters your
life, and bring you immense joy, day in and day out, or a person can
enter your life, and make your life miserable, or a person can enter
your life and YOU can either bring them immense joy or make their
life miserable. It’s all in your own state of mind, and what you
choose to do.
I have always been
a good person. I try and help out whenever I can. But I have reached
a part of my life where I have realized the world we live in. A world
full of A-holes. Straight up, that’s the world we live in. No
matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you cannot rid the
world of A-holes, they are everywhere. They are in your school, at
work, at the supermarket, at the bar, in the barber shop, under your
bed, they are everywhere. And I have come to the point where I don’t
care if I am one too, because realistically, being nice doesn’t get
you anywhere. So I am not going to take anyone else’s bullshit,
because that’s not who I am. I live my life, how I want to live it.
The people in my life are there for a reason, if they deserve my
respect, and my kindness, I will give it to them, if they don’t
then they won’t get it. It’s as simple as that.
When you look at
your life, and what you have accomplished, don’t just look at your
own life. Look at the people’s lives around you also. What have you
done for them? What have they done for you? Are you having a positive
effect on them? A negative effect? Are you happy with the effect you
have and had on them? Because at the end of the day, we are all here
having an effect on each other. Our family members, our friends, our
classmates, our coworkers, everyone impacts each other in some way.
Whether the universe planned that or not, I don’t know, but just be
optimistic and realize that in the end, no matter what you did and
what you do, everything happens for a reason. I can be an angry
person, hold grudges, and want to punch someone in the face. But I
also can be a person who takes everything as a joke, can laugh and be
kind, and I feel like a lot of people know me as that person. You
want to be remembered for the good things, not the bad. At the same
time, you should work towards your goals. Goals don’t have to be at
society’s standards, like I said, just because I want to have a
nice car and a big house doesn’t mean you do. One of my goals is to
watch and catch up with Game of Thrones, it’s a simple, attainable
goal, but I haven’t even started yet. However, it’s still a goal,
and once I finish watching it, I will feel like I achieved something,
as if it were an accomplishment. Goals can be big or small, the point
is to have purpose in life, make yourself feel good about what you
accomplished.
I could honestly
keep going, but I am already past 5000 words. And if you have been
reading this whole thing, congratulations, you officially don’t
have ADHD, and you will probably prosper in life. As for me, I am not
going to bother reading what I wrote prior to this, so good luck in
life, live long, achieve your dreams and live for the moments. Enjoy
your times with your friends and family, and don’t look to the
future to make all your decisions, try and live for the present.
Sometimes, you only get one chance at things, don’t give up that
chance.
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