Guest Writer #6: Heartlocked

Guest Writer #1: SpeakingMyMind
Guest Writer #2: Letters To You
Guest Writer #3: TC
Guest Writer #4: Anonymous Queen B
Guest Writer #5: Someone You Used To Know

I hate that you'll never know how much I care about you, you claim you do but I know you don't. And even if you did, you'd still never understand it. I don't even know what it is about you...compared to other girls, there's just something different about you that sparks something in me...that makes me want to go out of the way for you, even if you don't reciprocate it. That's probably one the of biggest things you don't and never will understand. How I feel like I put so much into this friendship and you don't reciprocate. That's not to say I do things solely to get a reaction from you, I do it because I genuinely care, but sometimes...it'd be nice if you did something for me, texted me first, approached me first, little things like that help friendships progress. I know it seems like I'm always cold to you...but I promise there's always a reason, I don't just intentionally ignore you for the sake of it...it kills me, but again you'll never know or understand that. I hate that I always get caught...trapped in your web, in your personality, in your smile, in your laugh...I hate myself for it, but I can't hate you, I don't think I ever could. As much as you annoy me...I couldn't. My biggest gripe is that I reflect and I think about all the things I've done for you and all the effort I put into this friendship to show you that I care...sometimes I just want something in return you know. Yeah, deep down I know you care...but it's kinda like faith and deeds, sometimes you have to back up your talk you know. And not to nitpick...but I don't even think you've ever given me a birthday card or a christmas card none the less...and I look back at all the things I've done or got for you, all the time and energy and effort I've thrusted onto you. And I know we're not in a relationship, so I have no right to ask any of these things from you...and as a friend, you should give without expecting anything in return...but sometimes you get so exhausted and drained if all you do is give and give and give and the other person just takes and takes and takes...the person who gives is eventually going to have nothing left. I've told you how I felt before about all these things, about you, about us...and it hasn't changed, that last time you asked me that question...the answer is still the same, you don't have to worry...but just because there's nothing between us doesn't mean you can just throw me aside you know. I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore. Some of you guys might think I'm expecting too much...or I'm thinking too much...or I'm going crazy...and maybe I am, but the evidence is there...or not there at least. The question I ask myself is have there been any stand out points in our friendship where you've shown me how much you cared about me? You don't even need to flip that back onto me cuz there are MANY. But yeah...I guess that's why I've been distancing myself a lot from you lately....because it hurts...and I wanna see if I mean enough for you to reach out to me for once, we'll see. It's been a long time since we've sat down and had a legitimate conversation...and I remember all the things you said to me the last time. Another thing is that I always seem to have to be the one to ask you to chill...and the last time you said next time...and here we are, it never happened. Just little things like that you know...it shows...how much you care about someone, it shows in your effort, in your action...not just your words. But again...all of these things, I don't expect you to ever know...and much more understand.