Jealousy Is Powerful

I don't know...when it comes to certain people, I can be very easily jealous...not even just girls either. Seeing my friends who have like more than one best friend or something like that...not saying I want my friends to like chill with me 24/7 and have no other friends, but you know what I'm saying right, someone out there reading this right now has to understand me. But when it comes to girls...it's a much different kind of jealousy...a jealousy that hurts, that aches...that kills you, or me lol. Sometimes it literally kills me...to know you can care about someone so much, but they'll never see you that way...or they'll never truly appreciate or understand how much effort and heart you put into the things you do or say...that no matter what happens...someone else will always be on their mind...and that sucks, it's an absolutely terrible feeling...cuz you want what's best for that person, but you can't really do anything about these feelings either. I remember beginning of high school, I was really clingy to my one best friend cuz we grew up together...he was like the outgoing, popular one which everyone knew, I was like just a regular guy. So when he got a girlfriend in high school...things changed....we didn't walk to school no more...didn't have time to chill...it sucked. And another instant would be when I like latched onto my friend who would chill with his girlfriend every lunch...she was cool and would sometimes make a joke about it, but I sometimes felt weird cuz I knew they wanted to chill alone but I had no where else to go. Then comes to you....I don't even know how I feel about you anymore...but one thing is for sure is I try very hard not to get too close...again...cuz it hurts too much. I know if I get too close, the feelings will come back, the questions, the stress, the heartache...all those words I never got to say to you will come flooding back...and it hurts...knowing how much I cared and still care about you...genuinely care for you...yet your mind always seems to be on that someone else...it sucks. So my solution I guess is to just distance myself...from people.