From The Heart: Friendship

Is anybody out there.........is anybody listening.......are you reading this right now? You ever get that feeling...when there's a big group of people around you...yet you still feel alone...or you still need someone to talk to. I felt that way one too many times and I dunno, at times when I'm in the mood I can pretty much handle it but today...I dunno, maybe it caught up to me. I was really out of it and I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing or what was going on around me. I didn't wanna talk to nobody there cuz we're not comfortable around each other or close enough. The people I did wanna talk to either didn't show up or are there....but there aren't really there, you kinda get it? Me and this person...we were hitting it off...not in a relationship sense but just talking, conversation, getting closer...and I dunno where it happened, but suddenly it's weird...now I would approach this person, but I'm always the one doing so, starting the conversations, keeping them alive...I feel it's time for this person to carry their weight in this friendship...otherwise it's not worth having if I'mc arrying all the load. I really wanna be one of those kids in the cliche shows with the next door neighbour best friend who they can talk to about anything at anytime...sneaking out late at night just to talk and chill outside one another's houses...about life...and problems, etc. Or sometimes I wish I had that person that I grew up with and knew since wwhen I was little...I don't have one person I can tell everything to....all my close friends....some secrets are kept....it's liek that for most people but sometimes I wish I didn't have to carry this load and I wish I could share with someone my life....and what I'm going through and what I'm feeling. Sometimes I wish I had all these thigns....I don't have a sibling or a relative I can talk to like some people do...but I wish I did. I'm in dire need or someone to talk to.....my close friends feel distant from me at times...I'm really jealous of the people who no matter what happens always have at least one person they can go to and talk to no matter WHAT. I don't even know why I'm stressing over this....maybe it's just a sign of how much I value you and our friendship and how BAD I try to make it work and keep up with you. I dunno......I want to be in a better place....cuz I'm feeling all sorts of things these days. Is anybody out there......is anybody listening.....are you still reading this right now?