Misunderstood

Here's the link for those who have me on facebook...
https://www.facebook.com/notes/rodmond-tham/misunderstood/82055419773
- wrote this in 2009...damn...still relevant today tho...

Misunderstood

by Rodmond Tham on Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 10:15pm ·

Misunderstood cuz y'all really don't get me
Instead y'all hate, assume and judge me
I ain't perfect and I doubt I'll ever be
But what I can be is real to you and to me
Y'all say I'm like that, y'all say I'm like this
But I swear that there's something about me you missed
I'm deeper than deep and I'm more than what you see
Y'all just need to give me the chance to be
All that I can be and show you the real me
Before you judge, and before you talk
Step into my shoes and go for a walk
You'll find it ain't as easy as I make it look
Cuz I hide behind emotions, but inside I'm shook
Stop talking about me cuz y'all really don't know
What I've been through cuz I find it hard to show
So instead I write rhymes and express it through my flow
All anybody wants to do is get dough
I'm so much deeper than selfish goals and gains
I'm gonna inspire the world before I go insane...

RT

Random Thoughts

I just hate when people assume  things without knowing the facts. I feel like people are afraid to get their feet wet...they're content with knowing just the basics and don't want to and are too lazy to dive deeper and get details. Like me...I've been very moody and my boiling point has been very high as of late...so I'm quick to snap on people and very emotional here and there...I feel like a lot of people just assume things about me or talk about me without knowing the facts. Or they read my twitter and my blog and assume they know everything and how my mind works and stuff...nah man. A quick shoutout and apology to the people who have reached out...or tried to reach out to me as of late...I either have confided in you or gave you the cold shoulder and I'm sorry...this is just something that aside from a few, very very few people...is something I have to deal with and handle by myself and with God only...it's tough, but if you are reading this and you feel close to me or whatever...feel free to pray for me, the burdens on my shoulders and the weight on my heart is really heavy atm...thanks

From The Heart...

As desperate and needy as I am for a friend sometimes...to just listen, to really listen to what I have to say and hear me out and comfort me and give me advice...I have that in Jesus, in prayer. And as reluctant as I am to do so sometimes, it really does help. As hurt and as weak as I am right now...I'm scared, but I prayed and I continue to pray...and I find strength in Jesus. Sometimes you really just want that physical presence, someone to listen to you and just be there...but I know in my heart I shouldn't put my hope and my faith in man, but in God. God I pray that I trust in You with all my heart...that this pain and this brokenness in me...will only lead me to Your cross. God I pray that you really surround me with people that love You with all their heart and who genuinely love me for me. people who will encourage and uplift me through my triumphs and moreso my failures, thank You God for never leaving me when everyone else did.

Dear God

My heart is breaking right now...like I'm feeling so many things at once right now...and literally nobody understands or is willing to take the time to understand how I'm feeling. I honestly feel like screaming at the top of my lungs or like punching a wall right now...my heart is literally overflowing with stress...from school, life, problems, everything. In my heart, I'm praying, I'm hoping...someone will just approach me and ask how I'm doing...and despire me probably telling them I'm fine, they won't stop pestering me until I tell them. God, I haven't felt this down and this weird and this angry and this stressed in a really long time. I feel like everything in my life is piling on top one after another and my circle of friends is getting smaller and smaller and tighter and tighter by the day. My friend is honestly working overtime and is in overdrive mode...my body feels like it's going to break down from all this stress. God, please...please lift these burdens from me...I'm crying out to you right now...it may not be physical tears, but my heart and my mind are crying out to you. All these talks with my friend as of late has definitely been reassuring and calming...but then more and more thoughts and things keep piling on top of this. Sometimes I wish I could just move away...from everything...and start a new life...just me and my family. That's no offense to my friends, but I get so sick of dealing with the same thing over and over again. Sometimes I wish I was at a place where no one knows who I am or what I've been through. God, my heart is breaking more and more with each passing day...my mind and my head can't seem to focus on anything anymore...give me the strength, guide me through this test in my life. Remove any burdens from my heart and remove the people and the things in my life that are causing me to stumble. God, I've never felt this way in a long time...my heart is breaking, my mind and my body are physically and mentally exhausted...I come to You on my knees with my hands lifted to You...guide me and I really commit to give my life  You and all the things that glorify You. Surround me with Your love and with Your people who will encourage me and build me and lift me up and lead me to You. God, I know that You are breaking me only to build me up stronger and in You and by Your love and grace...free me from my burdens, from my thoughts and my sins and my stresses...I give everything to You God. I pray all of these things in Your name,

Amen.

Dear God

I'm feeling so weak right now, I'm feeling so lost, so confused, so stressed...my legs are about to collapse because of all the burdens I'm carrying on my shoulders. I just had a talk with my friend, and you know when you're wrong or someone tells you what you NEED to hear but it's not what you want to hear...you know that person is right, but it's the hardest pill to swallow. I just got the biggest dose of that. Words can't describe how appreciative and thankful I am to have a brother in Christ to really slap me in the face with the truth...of all the conversations I've had and all the answers I've been given...this was the hardest to take in, but also the one I needed to hear the most. I'm so weak right now...God lift up all my burdens to you, give me strength...I'm so lost right now. The truth really does hurt...especially when it's from a close friend, but it's out of love I know that. But it's so hard to take in...it's even more hard to do, but I know I should. God, give me the strength...walk with me and guide me through this test. James 1:2-4 says that the testing of your faith produces perseverance, I pray that this test is just one of many that I have yet to overcome Lord. That in my brokenness right now, that You will build me up...with love and grace and by Your will. I pray that through all of this, Your will and Your will for me be done...guide me God. I pray this all in your most precious name,

Amen

This Week...

As you guys know, I'm off this whole week cuz it's reading week...got lots of work to do, actually lol...got 3 essays due after the break so gotta start working on them. But uh, yesterday went out to lunch with my parents and that's always nice since I usually have school all day on Wednesdays. After that, came home and chilled a bit...then had a meeting for church at someone's house at night. Today, woke up and went to dim sum with my boys...haven't had dim sum in the longest time...also nice to chill with my boys since when school starts we're all busy or out of town. After that, went to my friend's house and we just played videogames till nighttime haha. Can't wait till tomorrow, gonna go downtown and watch the Raptors face the Knicks lol...man...I really need to find time to get some work done lol...cuz Saturday, I'm going to a christian conference and then worship practise at night...oh man...gotta get some work done this break lol.

Family...

What's good, so you guys always know how I'm really big on like TV families who are really close and can talk and stuff and like have board game nights or like picnics and stuff. Sometimes I get jealous and wish I had a family like that you know. It wasn't until I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago about having dinner and he's like yeah me and my fam don't have dinner together, only on like special occasions. Even when we're all home, we'll all eat at like different times, whenever we're hungry, and even then we'll bring it to the TV or to the computer, etc...we hardly ever eat together. And I was like wow...that was shocking to me...cuz me and my fam always eat dinner together, it's just natural for us. And I guess I take it for granted sometimes...what brought this up was a TV show I was watching. How sometimes, something feels so good or is so natural and becomes so routine that we take it for granted...and sometimes something feels so good that we think something has to be wrong and we begin nitpicking the smallest things. I'm so lucky and happy to be able to spend time and have dinner with my family every night...and just talk and laugh and stuff, I'm so thankful. Yet I'm nitpicking that we don't have like boardgame nights and stuff like that...when I should be glad we always eat dinner together when some people aren't lucky or simply choose not to do that. I guess in that situation and in any situation in life, you shouldn't be looking at the negatives and how you can make it better...but instead look at the positives and be thankful for how great it is. Really cherish the circumstances you're in and be thankful for all the blessings you have in your life because as unsatisfied as you are and as much as you want to have more...someone else would be so grateful to be in your shoes...appreciate what you have right, before time makes you appreciate what you had...true.

Matthew 7:1-5 (ESV)

"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgement you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own? Or how can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your eye, when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

I was watching a video and stumbled across this verse...and it really hit a nerve with me. This is something I definitely struggle with, but also something that annoys me greatly when I see it in others. I find myself doing it a lot, where it's like I don't practise what I preach. Where I can give all this advice and knowledge but can't put it to use myself. Or sometimes I'm quick to judge people without recognizing my own flaws. But as well, I feel like people have been doing the same to me...more so as of late especially...I feel like as of late, everyone's eyes are fixed upon me and are like watching everything that I do and or say and are waiting for me to slip up so they can point it out. When you're correcting someone or pointing out a flaw or mistake...are you doing it out of love? I'm not talking to anyone in particular, but I'm also referring to myself. When you correct someone or point out their mistake...what is your purpose for doing so...is out out of love and because you genuinely care for the person...or because of pride...that you think you're better than them and stuff. This is something I definitely struggle with as well and something I'm definitely still working on and these verses were just definitely a good reality check for me.

From Me To You...

I really don't like when people assume things about me or assume what I'm thinking or about to say...especially based on my tweets or my blog people think they know me and automatically can tell what I'm about to say. And it annoys me even more when people believe these people that think they know me THAT well. Don't ever believe what anyone has said about me, or said I've said...unless you've heard it from myself. Everyone's been asking me lately...how're you doing...what's wrong...what're you feeling...what's in your head...why're you so sad...what's up...and I haven't really given anyone a straight or specific answer, so people are assuming what's wrong and what's going through my head lol. I'll be straightforward and tell you now I'm not great and expressing myself...which is why I tweet a lot and have this blog...aside from my really close friends and those I'm comfortable with, I'm not great and expressing how I feel. And as of late...I've been very unexpressive towards most people...only really opening up to a very very select few. But all I can say is that I have 3 songs or poems...whatever you wanna call it...lined up, finished writing and ready to record...these 3 songs vary a lot in content, emotion and just how I was feeling when I wrote it...but all 3, put together and viewed collectively...sum up how I'm feeling right now at this point in my life...which is why I really and absolutely can't wait to record it and put it out there for you guys...thanks.

Frank Ocean - Miss You So

Where Have I Been...

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday...no posts...where have I been, what have I been up to? My bad...last week was the home stretch before reading week...and last week, well at least the end of it, was just a time of relaxation for me, a real stress free environment and a time where I was really happy...and I haven't been that relaxed, stress free or happy in that long...so I just really took the time to take it all in and soak in everything. Friday was just a loaft day, but really relaxing at the same time, came home from church asap and caught the rookie game. Saturday was a day to just chill with my homies, play videogames, then headed out to my friends house for my games and laughs and to watch all star saturday...and that was just so much fun, to have a bunch of my friends there, telling jokes, having fun, was such a good time. Then yesterday rolled along, it was a pretty long day...had worship, then taught sunday school, then had worship practise then headed home for the all star game lol. And today was just a super loaft day....family day, my whole fam home...just chilled lol...no ball either tonight so I was cheesed...just stayed home and played games and watched shows all day. But as of late though...I've been sleeping super late, which I hate...cuz then I wake up super late and feel like half my day is gone lol. What else...a lot has been going on as of late...like a lot...but I've kinda tuned everything out...and just been in my own little bubble with my friend and my boys, I've been thinking about and stressing about all this stuff way too much...so as of late I've just been tuning everything out and giving myself a break from life...I'm too sick of all this ish, all the same thoughts, all the same words, all the same feelings. Whatever happens happens, just lifting it all up to God and letting Him handle everything,

J. Cole - Power Trip feat. Miguel

Twitter...

I know I've been on this like "vow of silence" as of late on twitter LOOOOL...just due to personal reasons and I really wanted to take a break from life and just reflect...and soul search. I did my best not to check twitter at all, but I found myself checking here and there sadly, I'm weak....but I resisted all temptation to tweet despite constantly getting notifications. I dunno, I thought it'd just be nice to take a break from everything and not reading everyone's tweets and stuff...it was nice. I'll be breaking this silence soon...probably, we'll see what happens... #TheReturn

The Real World...In Arms Reach...

What's good...so I'm in my 3rd year of university...and looking back, it feels like time FLEW by. But when I sit back and think about it...I go wow...like university was the biggest deal back in elementary and high school days...people would always talk about it...how we had to be prepared...know what we want to go and stuff and how after that, we're on our own. It's slowly beginning to hit me as graduation looms within a next few years...that I'm in university...the scary place that I was so afraid of when I was young...the place I'd never thought I'd see myself in...or succeeding in for that matter. But it's crazy...to think I'm in my 3rd year...the real world is that close...it's in plain sight...in a couple of years, I'll be done school and on my own...to do whatever I want with the knowledge and degree I leave with. It's just crazy sometimes I guess...to think about all the talks we've had in elementary and high school about university and how big a deal it is and how important it is...it's even more crazy when I see all the young kids around me growing up before my eyes...thinking or even applying for university, or just finishing their first year...I actually can't believe I've been in university for 3 years and counting already...has it really been that long...am I really getting that old...lol, damn.

I Used To Love Watching TV...

This is just a bunch of stories and memories lol. I remember waking up on every Saturday super early to catch my cartoons haha...I'm talking about 7 am, 8 am...to watch cartoons...lol and I remember like calling my friends at like 7-8 am and they would pick up and we would just talk about the shows we were watching. What else...I remember my bedtime being at like 9:30-10 ish...keep in mine this is like elementary school...and I would like tell them to leave the door open when I'm sleeping and I would peak in through the creak and watch whatever my parents were watching lol. Uh...I also remember being grounded one time and my parents were like on the way home but my show was also on...so I would click on the TV and run back and forth from the TV to the door to check if they were home lol, and also my TV like if you turn it off and turn it back on, it goes to the channel you turned it off at, so I didn't wanna let my parents know I was watching TV, so would always have to switch back and forth between my show and the chinese channel and be ready to turn it off at any time in case my parents came home lol. Hm....I also remember my parents going away one for a few days for a cruise or something and this lady was babysitting us, and back then my parents hated when I watched wrestling, but my babysitter was super nice and gullible and I was like yeah they let me watch wrestling and stayed past my bedtime of 10 and slept at like 11 ish hahaha...now...I don't watch or barely watch TV,...I dunno why...partly no time, partly nothing good on lol...the only thing I really watch is like basketball and even then I mostly stream it on my computer.

Thoughts Inside My Head...

Relax...whatever happens happens, if it's meant to be, it will. Trust in God, give all your burdens to Him, don't worry. Don't think so much...when the time comes, you'll know it...again, relax.

Drake - Started From The Bottom

Something about this video is really weird and off...yet it's really comforting and it reminds you of home and just the struggle of starting from the bottom.

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

Happy Chinese New Year to all my asian friends and family. What's good y'all...tryna get off of twitter for a bit...just taking a break from everything and really relaxing...hopefully that works. Today had church and was really off and tired...barely slept at all...glad I didn\t have to lead worship cuz I wasn't in the mood either. Led Sunday School and we just talked about temptation and the things we struggle with and stuff and it just brought so many thoughts into my head lol. After that, worship practise was cancelled, but didn't feel like going out to lunch with them, so went to lunch with my fam and my friend's fam and on the way there, me and my friend had a really good talk all the way there and even during...we just talked about life, school, girls, problems, everything...and it was something I really needed after all that's been going on. I told him everything I've been going through and all that's been happening and all the conversations I've been having as of late and he really gave me a lot of advice and encouraged me a lot and it made me feel really good. What else...my other friend wanted to talk to me about something, but forgot to go find him afterwards...I wonder what it was about lol. After lunch, my fam went to my uncle's house with all my relatives and we just chilled, had some snacks, watched ball, played poker, laughed, talked...I think as I'm older, not only have I become less awkward around them, but more social and they see me also no longer as a kid and actually try to have conversations with me, so that's cool. After that, headed home...home alone atm...so sad...my brother and my parents both had plans, so I'm just chilling at home watching the Grammy's by myself lol...not trying to check twitter...just trying to give that a break and just cut it and a bunch of things off atm...

...

For some reason...the song At The Cross came into my head..."Oh Lord, You've searched me, You know my way...even when I fail You, I know You love me." No matter how many times I close the door on God, no matter how many times I sin and do wrong, no matter how many times I fail...He still loves me. No matter how far I drift away from Him, He'll never give up on me...These are things that I really need to embrace...and not worry so much about what other people think of me...reading my twitter or my facebook may have you thinking you got me all figured out...but you don't...even reading my blog...doesn't mean you know me or what and how I think...

...

Despite how off I am with God as of late...and how exhausted in all aspects I am...I know He hasn't given up on me. I know this is just an obstacle in the path...despite how hard it is and how trying it is on me...I know God will guide me through it. Even when I turn my back on Him or fail His tests...He never gives up on me. When the world has turned it's back on me or so it feels...and when everything fades away...only He can judge me. Why do I worry so much and try so hard to please man and the world...y'all can say, think and assume whatever you want about me...I know I'm not perfect and I never will be...but you judging or saying whatever about me makes you assume that you're perfect, that you have no flaws. I've been through a lot of tough times in my life and God has guided me through every single one, pass or fail and has made me stronger through every single one. I know that through this trial...He will continue to strengthen me, despite how stubborn and stupid I am sometimes...and really prune and weed out the things in my life that are holding me back...or the people.

...

How can you go around someone's back and say something like that about them...especially after all they've done for you and been through with you...and no I'm not talking about you if you're reading this. I don't understand that...if we're boys...how're you gonna say some ish like that about me when you should be lifting me up and encouraging me, that's low. As of late it feels like a bunch of people have turned their backs on me, or maybe it's vice versa. But how can you really judge a man...by his words or his actions and think you know what's in his heart. Nobody knows what's going on in my heart or in my head because nobody bothers to ask...they like to assume because it makes more sense and requires less effort. Nobody knows the pain I'm feeling right now...the stress I'm going through...how physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained I am. Yet people who you think are your boys are gonna go and say some ish about you like that...that's freaking low.When it comes down to it though, I'm not trying to please nobody and anybody can think whatever they want about me...either way, only God can judge me. Despite how off I am with God as of late, doesn't give you the right to talk smack about me...especially without looking in the mirror and seeing how great of a person you are. Talking smack behind a person's back is different than confronting them about their problems and trying to work it out.

...

I swear I don't know anything anymore...I don't understand anything anymore...I just really need someone to talk to at the moment...someone who'll just listen, encourage and build me up...not point out my flaws and tear me down...but will recognize them and help me. I'm really on the verge of breaking down...I'm not in the mood for anything...I just want someone to listen to me...because they really care...I feel so alone and depressed as of late...no one seems to be around., no one seems to care, no one seems to know or understand...all they have is what they hear and what they assume and think they know...I'm literally feeling so lost and in a real tough place right now...my heart is dying...my mind is exhausted...I just want someone to talk to...I'm so close to leaving...leaving everything behind.

LOL of the Moment

Sittin' Talkin' Bout Women That We Almost Had...

A friend and I were sitting around one day...and we always like to talk about memories, like high school, sports, girls, class, marks, etc...this is a diff friend from the other post btw. Anyways, the topic came around of girls...and girls who we liked...girls who we thought were cute...girls who liked us...all those things. It was a pretty jokes, yet heart to heart conversation. Just talking about the girls we liked especially...how we had it REAL bad for some girls, like honestly thinking about them 24/7, missing them, all the stress and heartache they caused, the fact that we don't talk to them to this day or that we still talk to them to this day. We talked about all the girls we thought were cute back then...how they turned out now, whether they're still cute...or the girls that weren't cute back then but are cute now lol. Lot of moments where we were like yeah well this girl liked me, but she wasn't that cute before but now she's soooo pretty LOL...hahaha that was jokes. When I think of girls though...I think of one in particular...well 2...but the one I'm talking about is the one I fell that hardest for...the one that got away. The other one is my ex lol...2 of them really helped me shape and mould my perspective on girls and like love and liking girls and stuff. I'm 20 right now and turning 21 in May and I can confidently say I still don't know what love is and everything that comes along with it...it's just something that you slowly...and I mean very slowly...begin to understand as you get older and experience it more and more. Again, not too sure where I'm going with this...so just gonna kind of cut it there before I say too much too soon.

Acquaintances, Peers, Friends, Best Friends...

Hey what's good guys...y'all know I live in Canada, specifically Toronto and we had a crazy snowstorm today...hope all of y'all out there are safe and warm. Anyways, so was talking to my friend today...about elementary school and high school and stuff...I've known him for that long...just talking about the people we used to talk to, but don't really talk to anymore. It made me think of all the friendships I had in school...the ones that I lost and the ones that I still keep. There are always a few people I still think about...people that I told everything too and vice versa...we were that close...but after high school, they went off to university and we didn't keep in contact, I don't know why...we just, stopped talking...like the only reason we talked or stayed in contact in the first place was cuz we went to school and saw each other. But then I feel hopeful when I think of the people who I was close with in high school who went off for university, but we still talk and chill whenever they're back...some closer than others, but the fact that we still keep in contact is great. The fact that I still keep in contact on a daily basis and chill with my high school crush means a lot to me. Then I think about the friendships that I brought with me to university...the kids I've known since elementary and high school...these people have a super special place in my heart, whether we're still close or not close anymore, regardless these people mean the world to me, because we've been through it all. I really cherish the friendships that I still have and continue to keep even to this day...that's just crazy to think I've known some of the people I still talk to since like high school or elementary school...almost 10 years and some even 10 years plus. But yeah...this just got me thinking to the friendships I have today...and in which categories will they fall under in say 5 years...or even 10 years? Will we still be close friends...will we have drifted apart and severed our communication ties...will we only talk and chill here and there? It made me think of each and every relationship I have with everyone that popped into my head at that time...it's scary...to think your best friend right now...might now be your best friend in 5 years...or someone who you're just kinda cool with could be your best friend in 5 years you know...think about...your best friend now...how did you meet? Were you best friends right away? If not, how did you become best friends? I have a lot of friends I used to hate back in the day, but now we're super close...or back in the day I'd never see myself chilling with certain people that I am chilling with today..it's crazy lol. I don't really know where I'm going with this...just really thinking and evaluating all the friendships and relationships in my life atm I guess...

Inside My Head...

I know I've been really all over the place as of late...but I dunno...I'm in this funk right now. I can't seem to get a grip on what's in my head and even moreso what's in my heard. Just through a lot of deep conversations and helpful advice from my friends...I'm really emotionally drained at this point and it's hard for me to put my heart into these posts right now. But I have been writing...music...really putting it all out there in these couple of tracks I have laid out...in due time, I'll let you guys know what's up...when it all unravels. But as of right now...I'm just so tired lately...physically, emotionally and mentally...I'm not down for anything...hate being at school, don't like being at home, even don't find interest in playing videogames lately...the only thing that really gives me a sense of peace is working out, playing ball and chilling with friends. As of late...my heart and my mind are at like a standstill and it's like a really intense tug of war match you know...where I want to listen to my heart, but my brain's like no...or I want to listen to my brain, but my heart's like are you kidding? So that's kinda where my head's at atm...but I had this sick idea...well 2 sick ideas...to continue with the promoting of this blog...I was thinking of maybe buying a domain for this blog...it's only like $10 a year, I wouldn't have to worry about blogger ever shutting down and my blog disappearing, though it probs won't since google owns it...but what would pretty much happen is instead of it being thebestyouneverheard.blogspot.com, the name would be changed to thebestyouneverheard.com...so we would essentially be our own site...the positive of this is my friend told me that you get more hits or something, like you show up in google more often and also that well we have our own site, something that's ours...the negatives...well blogspot...is where it all originated, where we got our big break, where it all came to fruition, so it's kinda like memories you know. That's still in the works though, haven't given it serious thought. Another thing though that kinda triggered the domain idea was this next one....bands....you know like those live strong bands, those silicone bands...I was thinking of getting some custom made ones. At first it was gonna be just for me, get a few to just wear...but most sites only sell it in bulk...like 200+ or something like that...so if I did get it, I would wanna put something in the front and on the other side, put the blog link and maybe my twitter handle. This triggered the domain idea because the original blog link was too long, most sites gave me a 25 character limit for both sides...so yeah lol...that's just me as of late....

Dear God

- I know I haven't blogged or have been really lackluster late, been super busy sorry...bout to KO cuz just finished some homework...so tired, sorry, found this on my comp...never titled it...but it def paints a picture of how I'm feeling atm...not sure if I've posted this before...

February 15th, 2010

Lord give me strength for I feel like I’m falling

Into temptation and the devil’s calling

I’m surrounded my sin and lustful thoughts

My mind is plagued my garbage, when I know it should not

But it’s hard when I’m bombarded by all my surroundings

And when I see certain women, my heart starts pounding

Lord please give me strength to overcome this test

I need you with me even when I’m doing my best

Because I’m weak and my strength is incomparable to yours

I feel trapped and misguided on a path with 2 doors

I need you and I stand baring my sin and shame

I love you my Lord because you know my name

You know my pain and every tear that is shed

You know each chapter of this sinful life I’ve led

Fill me with your glory and your everlasting life

Put your bible in my hands instead of the serpent’s knife

Lord I pray and I ask for you to guide me through this tough time

I’m stranded on a mountain and I don’t know how to climb

Purify my heart and cleanse my soul

I yearn for your wisdom, please make my heart whole

Time To Myself...

Hey guys, sorry I haven't blogged for like 3 days...I swear I started blogging like a day or two ago cuz I remember writing things down, but I guess I never finished, but yeah...I've just been really stressed, frustrated and just emotionally drained as of late...not been in the mood to do anything but ball and workout and chill with friends. On Sunday, went to church, taught Sunday school then had praise team practise...afterwards, went home and had a fam dinner with relatives, then went to my friend's house with a bunch of the homies and we watched the Superbowl. Monday was a loaft day...was supposed to go the library with my friend but ended up flopping cuz I was just too tired, ended up loafting at home just chilling and stuff...at like 7 or something my friend picked me up and we headed out to ball at church...it was mad crowded....like 4 teams of 5...damn...but it was still pretty fun. Today is just another really loaft day, heavily contemplated not coming to school since I only have one class, but I came simply to workout and play ball...now just chilling in the library, so out of it atm...

Haven't Talked To You In A While...

You know what I really hate...when people who haven't really talked to you in a while talk to you or message you, but the first thing they ask is what's wrong...I hate that. When people I haven't talked to only message me when something is wrong...yeah it could mean they care...but I feel like they're only and always trying to know my secrets or know those things you know. They never really talk to me or message me on a regular basis and just casual conversation, it's always like what's wrong, what's up, who do you like...I hate that, but I also get it a lot from lots of people...and it pisses me off really. I dunno man...I guess it's all about perspective.

Heart To Heart Talks & Surrounding Yourself With The Right People

What's good, haven't blogged in like 2 days, I know, I've been super busy...but yeah...nothing much has been happening as of late,,,except 3 real heart to heart and standout conversations within these past 3 days. I can't really explain or go in depth about what it is...not yet at least, but it was really eye opening for me and it really helped easy my mind on a lot of things. 2 days ago...so Thursday I believer...at like 12, me and my friend started talking...about like fantasy basketball and stuff like that for like half an hour to an hour, then we just randomly had a heart to heart talk. We started talking about girl troubles, problems, life, high school, university, work life, things like that...it was crazy and we talked for like a good 3 hours about this, keep in mind this was also the middle of the night, I was helping him and giving advice on his troubles and the problems that he was having, then he started helping me and giving me advice on the things that I was struggling with. It was a great conversation and I'm so glad that it happened because it was something I really needed. I've been really vulnerable as of late and in a state where I'll open up to pretty much anyone because I really need someone to talk to and vent to, but I'm glad it was him. But yeah...the next day, yesterday, the Friday...after church, we went for food and after that, my friend drove me home and during the drive home...I felt that calling again, to just spill my guts to him...so we reached my house and I was just like, can I be really honest with you...and just told him the one thing that's been on my mind and the one thing I can't seem to shake off as of late...the talk we had in his car...was honestly one of if not the realest and most hard hitting heart to heart conversation I've ever had...it honestly gave me so much peace and really uplifted my spirits and answered most of if not all the questions I had in my heart and really helped me settle a bunch of the things in my heart, I really appreciate all the things I've had in his car and the growth in our friendship. Then there's today...I went to lunch with my friend today and we chilled for a good portion of the day, talking and reminiscing about a bunch of things again from like high school to life to school to girls and we caught up on a bunch of things and I told him the same thing I told the other 2 guys the past 2 days....I just talked about it and got his opinion and what he thought and see what he had to say...the combination of those 3 and the things that they said to me...really made me happy, really helped me answer a lot of questions and things I've been struggling with. To sum this up...I'm so glad I have surrounded myself with the right people, with positive influences, with legitimate good friends and people I can trust, count on, be comfortable around and be honest with. Thank you so much for being there for me.

Drake - Started From The Bottom

Started from the bottom, now we here...

Paperman (Animated Short Film)

I remember seeing this in the theatre when we watched Wreck-It Ralph...I thought it was part of the movie lol cuz they showed it right before the start of the movie...

Sleep, Eat, Repeat...

Hey, today was a pretty relaxing and chill day, yet somehow ended up being really long lol...woke up at like 10 ish...skipped my 8:30 lecture, caught the 10:30 bus, so skipped my 10:30 tutorial...which I just found out like a few hours ago was cancelled 15 minutes before it began, so glad I didn't go. Arrived at school at like 11 ish, got to the gym at like 11:30 ish and got a good leg/shoulder workout, after got food with my friend, then went to the library and did some work, took a nap...then went to my one and only class...wanted to skip today in general, but had to sign in for attendance mark and to get my assignment back as well. After class, bussed home with my friend...GO bus is usually like 40 minutes ish average...but with the bad weather and traffic...literally on the bus for over an hour...so cheesing lol, finally got home...played some videogames with my brother and now just chilling...finally the weekend...got to plan for Sunday school and got worship practise and dinners and lunches to go to with people...and of course catch up on sleep lol...