Speed Limit 40

Greetings friends...it's been a while..and I apologize. It's already midterm season...well not really midterms...since my courses are broken down into like 3-4 tests...it's a busy time let's just put it at that. I've been thinking a lot lately...just admiring the things around me...one thing I noticed...is kids nowadays...well kids back in the days as well...but A LOT so today...are in such a rush to grow up. I'm talking like kids are so fast to act mature, go partying, drinking, driving, dating, all that jazz. I can't count the number of pictures or posts I see from high school KIDS who are like oh...I'm so excited to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend or girlfriend...like chill with that kiddo. Legit tho, the vibe I can't help but get is that kids are in the biggest rush to grow up. Lemme take you back to my time...I was certainly in a rush to grow up as well, but not as bad as kids are today. But any ways...back to the topic at hand. Back then I was in such a rush to grow up...when I was in elementary school...I couldn't wait to be in grade 8...to be the oldest at school...to run the school...to graduate and move on to high school. When I was in high school I couldn't wait to start driving, to start being more independent. I couldn't wait to be in grade 12...again to graduate...to just be top dogs...to be that much closer to 'freedom'. Now that I'm in university...literally knocking on the door of graduation...my mindset has completely changed...having friends who are in high school but also having friends who are in the work force and stuff. I see both sides and I'll explain to you how my mindset has completely changed. I've told you guys how it seemed like I was in such a rush to grow up when I was a kid...now that I'm pretty much an adult...O can't help but WISH I could slow down life...to enjoy every single waking moment...to go back and enjoy my childhood...to have fun...to do the things I used to do like spend an entire day playing video games with friends. I have a lot of friends fully inserted in the workforce who tell me how they still wish they were in school. Life is crazy man...it only seems to move faster and faster...I swear when I have kids it'll be exactly the same...first they're gonna be born and next thing they're gonna be moving out. Now that I'm about to graduate university and start another chapter in my life...i can't help but look at all these kids...and smile...but also be discouraged. Smile at the fact of just being youthful and youthfulness...but discouraged at the fact that they don't understand what they have...the freedom they have...the carefree attitude they should be having. My mindset as of late...has been to try to slow things down a much as possible...and enjoy the moment...enjoy life as it comes. Otherwise you miss it...you lose the full extent of joy you could be having. My advice to the younger generation is to have fun...live your life...school is important...but you're only young once in your life. Now...I wish I could go back and do all those things...but I'm older...my friends are busier...things are different. I'm not saying I absolutely can't do those things..I'm saying situations and circumstances make it harder to. This post is called speed limit 40 because....well for one...40 feels REALLY SLOW for me now when I'm driving...60 is like the new 40 for me lol...but I'm used to doing a lot of things fast...eating...homework...everything...speed limit 40 is a reminder to me...to slow down...relax...enjoy the moment...as busy and as stressful as life gets...don't forget to have fun and enjoy yourself along the way.

Growing Up, Growing Old Part 2

Part 1 http://thebestyouneverheard.blogspot.ca/2014/03/growing-up-growing-old.html

When you're a kid...when I was a kid...you're so carefree...what you do, what you say...there's absolutely no filter. As I've grown older and matured...I've learned that that's not really possible any more. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you have to hold back your opinions and what not...you should know that I of all people on this blog am pretty brutally honest. What I mean is that...when you grow older...you have more responsibilities...you aren't just a kid any more...you're an older brother, an older sister, a mentor, a teacher, a role model essentially. That's what I've been learning as of late...that ,my actions...my words...may have a bigger affect on others than they do myself. What I'm trying to say is people may look up to you, watch what you do or say and mimic you. Especially if you have younger friends, younger siblings, younger students...things of the sort. You really can't just up and  say or do whatever you want cuz they're like sponges. I'll give you an example from my life...at church...there are a lot of kids...I'm a teacher...I'm pretty involved as well...back in my younge days...I would say and act how I pleased...but now things are different...I'm older, kids look up to me...and if they don't...they definitely see the things I do or say and that may or may not play into what they do or don't say or do. It just got me thinking lol...nothing to drastic...but even this blog for example...there may be people, kids or whoever who read this blog and may take something out of it. One thing that inspired me to write this was specifically on your bad days...when you're tempted to vent, to verbally or physically show that emotion...know that you're responsible for your actions and words...even on your bad days...you still gotta be careful cuz you may be someone's role model or big brother or sister.

No I'm Not Lucky I'm Blessed, Yes

A lot of times...too many times...for me at least...I pray and I thank God for getting me through tough times, for he;ping me cope with stress and things of the sort. I'm just thinking back to the sermon on Sunday where the pastor talked about thanking God for the blessings in your life...the little things...and how we don't do it as often. Like I'm thankful every waking day being able to get up out of bed and stand on my own two feet. I'm thankful for loving parents who sacrifice their everything for me...they do it all for me, so I can have a better life, an easier life...and that will always mean the world to my heart. I'm thankful for all of the little things in life...food,shelter...even school and the privilege and opportunity to go to school and get an education. I'm thankful for my brother...who'll always be my big brother...someone I look up to and look to for guidance and love.. It's funny how God works...how he connects one thing to another in your life...I'm thinking back now to like 2 weeks ago where I was sharing with a couple people in my worship team about being thankful for the little things in your life and appreciating their value even though it's always there and around you. That's kinda where I'm at lately...trying...trying not to be consumed by stress...trusting in God's plan and just enjoying the blessings in my life that God has provided,

Parental Discretion Is Advised

Sorry for nothing these past couple days...I know the highlight of your day is waiting to see if I'll put out a post LOL. For real tho, my bad lol...been busy and lazy at the same time. But any ways....yesterday at church I heard the term helicopter parents...which I've never heard of lol but could pretty much guess what it was. Parents who like never really let go, who always kinda hover over and watch over you. It just made me think about my own parents...how they'll always be watching over me...especially since I'm the youngest....I'll always be the baby of the family...and part of me will always kinda like it. My dad is like the one who shows me tough love...who never really shows emotion...who lets me do my own thing and stuff. My mom is like the momma bird who never really wants to let her young child go. If I come home late...my dad will like already be asleep and just ask me what time I came home the next day and stuff. My mom will like stay up or like be asleep but when I come home she wakes up right away lol.  I think about myself in the future...when I become a parent...I'll definitely show my son love and tell him I love him...but I'll definitely let him make his own mistakes and be a bit more free...like if he's in a fight, he's gotta be a man you know what I'm saying. If I have a daughter...for sure I'm gonna be like that overprotective dad lol...like spoil her to no ends and watch over her like a hawk.

Strangers Again

I remember a long time ago...maybe a couple years...okay not a couple, at least 1 or 2 tho...I remember telling myself, writing a post about you...telling myself that it would be the last time I ever talked about you in that kinda way or revisited anything and everything we've ever been through. I used to tell myself that no matter how far we grew apart...no matter how long we'd go without talking...when we did cross paths and say converse again...it felt like nothing changed...I still felt that deep trust with you...I still felt that intimate level of comfort with you. But as of late...when our paths have crossed...I didn't feel that, you felt...different...strange in a sense. And I've been sitting and thinking about it...not like stressing myself out...but more like pondering...about how everything we've been through...and how I used to see the world in your eyes...and now...when the random moment when our eyes do meet in the rare occasions we see each other...I don't feel much, as blunt as that sounds. The person that I used to share my entire world with...has become someone I struggle to remember.It's like buying a dog and the dog starts getting to know you...your scent...everything...you go away for like a year...it has to relearn all that ish...but...there's like muscle memory right...technically it should take a shorter period of time to relearn everything. It's different with you...there's no real retrieval process...like don't get me wrong, I remember all the times we've shared together...but things are just different...they feel different...cuz they are different. We're both different people growing and walking in different paths...and that's life...and I'm okay with that...because you aren't the same person that I once shared my entire world with...and that's okay. Wherever life takes us...if our paths ever do cross in that way again and we stop and can reconnect...so be it...but as for now...it feels like we're strangers.

You The Real MVP

This is a thank you...to my friends. Sometimes...you take the people around you for granted...cuz they're always there and you're always around them. Sometimes, you just gotta be like hey...thanks for being there, thanks for being a good friend. Obviously they already know that, but hearing it once in a while is nice you know. Just like when you're married...that doesn't mean you stop being romantic, that doesn't mean you stop going on dates and telling your wife you love her and making her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. Friendship is the same thing...let your friend know you appreciate them...them listening, them comforting...and most importantly them being there. I love my friends...for being there for me, for hearing me out, for dealing with my craziness...and for simply being there...for telling me what I need to hear when it may not be exactly what I want to hear. Some of my favourite moments spent with my friends are literally the most simplest things...sitting in the car talking, playing board games...literally just spending time with one another. Good friends are hard to come by...and I hold friendship very close to my heart. Thank you...to those of you in my life I'm happy to call my friends...my family...I appreciate you.

Honestly, The Honesty Is Why The Game Love Us...

I've had this blog for 5 years...you can imagine the amount of trouble I've gotten in from friends and strangers alike for the words I've said on this blog lol. I've said it once and I'll say it again...I don't use this blog to hide or to avoid confrontation...it's just...my personal diary...if you know me, you should know that. You should also know that I am never blatantly rude or disrespectful...even in my disrespectful posts, I'm pretty reserved. I dunno...sometimes people take my words too seriously or to heart...y'all gotta understand...sometimes, in the heat of the moment, things are said. I'm honest...to a fault sometimes...but at least I'm honest. If you're upset at me about a recent post...an old post...I urge you to really read my words...it's not and never is said out of hate. Y'all need to relax...take a chill pill kill bill...this is my blog, this is me, if you don't like, that's your choice. Peace.

Elementary School Stories

Just a compilation of short and random stories that came to my mind lol...

You know the candy rockets...pretty much like little pill like candies...I remember these 2 white kids used to crush them and snort them...LOOOL brah.

Same white kid...I remember one of my friends bought this prank spray at the dollar store. Pretty much you spray it on someone and it looks like pen ink, but then after like 30 seconds it turns into wate and just dries normally. So I remember chilling with the white kid and a few others at lunch just sitting around the table...I had the spray on me...I sprayed it ALL over him, he was wearing a white shirt too...it made like a stain the size of a basketball LOOOOOL...so he thinks it's actual ink...this guy starts chasing me around the entire school LOOOOL...until he finally stops and realises the stain is gone and he's like wtf...but he was still cheesed cuz his shirt was wet LOL.

One of the funniest ones was when I was in like grade 4...the peak of my rambunctiousness. This kid beside me was a very whiny kinda kid. If you watch Recess the cartoon...he's like Randall...the snitch type. I remember one time he brought this fancy pen to school and he kept hyping up about it. I remember taking it from him and this guy was CRYING...he hyped up and told the teacher...I remember throwing it into some other girl's desk...teacher checked my bag, pencil case and my desk and couldn't find it...dude is still crying. The girl looks in her desk and goes huh...this isn't mine...the kid goes THAT'S MY PEN...teacher looks at me and goes sorry...I'm like dying inside LOOOOL.

Honesty Hour

This blog is supposed to be me being very honest, open and genuine. But as of late...I've been very hesitant to be real for fear of what others think, tonight's one of those nights where that's right out the door. Tonight...something I love...basketball...became something I didn't really wanna be apart of...allow me to be selfish for a couple minutes if you will. As I sat on the bench, watching my team mates run up and down the court...trying to catch up from a 10 or so point deficit...I couldn't help but fight feeling happy and selfish/annoyed at the same time. I tried feeling happy...I really did...I was happy for my team mates scoring, doing my best to cheer them on and keep spirits up. But here comes the selfish side of me...which pretty much took over tonight...the feeling of wanting to be out there ate at me so much. The fact that the same 5-6 guys were on the court the entire game (40 minutes) ate at me real bad. The fact that our coach was sitting on the sides pissed me off...cuz I knew I probably wouldn't get on for the rest of the game. Tbh I wanted to take my shoes off and put my clothes on right then and there,but I didn't cuz I didn't wanna be disrespectful...but tonight, I didn't really feel part of the team. Like I understand we all work hard, we all want to play, we all feel like we can contribute to the team somehow...but damn...selfishly speaking, I just wanna play...I work hard in practice, I pay my dues...and the less than 10 minutes I got tonight and the similar minutes I've gotten this season kinda annoy. ESPECIALLY when other people on the team can request/demand/force their way from the bench onto the court...THAT really pisses me off...here I am with my teammates each patiently waiting for our name/number to be called to get into the game while there are other people on the team who can ask who to be subbed in, who simply state that they're subbing in, who keep badgering the coach to sub them in. That pisses me off...it also pisses me off...in a sense...excuse me being disrespectful...how somewhat incompetent our coach is. Like a lot of my issues that I have...are related to the coach and his responsibilities as a coach you know. Again...excuse me for being selfish and disrespectful for a moment...but I'm very truly honest with you right now. Sitting on the bench...wanting to get on the court...genuinely believing I can help the team. So many things are eating at me right this moment...like damn...ughhhhhhh...I can't even put my emotions into words right now...but this season...as fun as it is sometimes...as cool as the guys are sometimes...it's been rocky for me...these past couple games...I'll admit I've been more unhappy than happy...again, I know and acknowledge it's a selfish mentality...but I wanna play...nuff said...I work hard in practice and I pay my dues...I believe in myself and my ability and think I can and deserve to be out there more...tonight...basketball....something I love and am deeply deeply passionate about...turned into something I didn't really wanna be apart of.

Fail Until You Win

Michael Jordan said you miss 100% of the shots you DON'T take. Meaning if you don't even try, you've already failed. I'd rather constantly make mistakes but be learning from each one than to not try at all for fear of failure. That's where my mentality has been at as of late...the biggest example I can give you is girls. Ever since I was a kid I've always had confidence issues...and the biggest thing I've been learning presently is to embrace rejection. You're not going to make every shot you take, you're not going to ace every single test you take, that's a part of life. I've been really proud of myself lately for having the courage to even go and talk to girls, ask them out, sometimes get their number, sometimes get rejected: but that's okay. The worst thing you can do after getting rejected is to get dejected and think life is over. No, simply move on, rejection is a part of life...learn and grow from it. Again speaking specifically about talking to or asking girls out....every failure and rejection gives me confidence because it's something I would've never seen myself doing a couple of years ago. You win some, you lose some...you make shots, you miss shots. Same thing as a basketball player...I consider myself a shooter, but not every shot is going to go in, I'm going to have some bad games where I miss a bunch of shots...but I don't get down on myself and I don't stop shooting...I keep shooting and I tell myself each time that the next shot is going in. Failure is a part of life...but it's about learning from it, moving on so next time you win. There was this video I watched about failing harder...it was talking in basketball terms...about how if you're not failing, you're not getting better as a basketball player. Cuz no one is perfect, no matter how good you are, there's some aspect in your game that you can still work on. Every failure and rejection as of late has been so refreshing and eye opening...I literally walk away smiling cuz I think to mysel wow....you actually had the confidence to go up to her and talk to her and ask her out...your time will come, don't get down, keep your head up.

What's Your Foundation?

As of late...I've been really reminded how important it is to rely on God. Not your own strength, not your family, not your friends...but God and God alone. It's been a very encouraging reminder that everything in this world will fail me...my own will, my strength, my family, my friends...as much as I want to rely on these things...they'll all fail me, but God never will. When bad things happen, it's always easy to want to confide in your friends or family cuz they can physically be there for you...but what happens when they can't be there for you...what happens when they let you down. I've been reminded how I have someone with me EVERY SINGLE MINUTE of EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life...and he'll never leave me. We learned in bible study today to embrace our pain and struggle...bring that pain to God...and be honest and open about it. That though we go through inevitable struggles...we have hope in God and in his plan for us. That gives me so much encouragement...that through tough times...through hardship...I cling to God knowing he's ALWAYS got my back.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3: 5-6

Living With The End In View

"I am weak, He is strong. I am me, He is God." (quote from the song below)

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." Colossians 3:1-4

The song that inspired this post is from S.O. and it's called 'The End?'. It;s just a good reminder...for me for sure to live with the end in view. To remind myself every single day of the purpose of my life...in every single breath that I take and everything that I do...should be to glorify God. EVERYTHING ELSE....grades...girls...future...life...basketball...whatever...it's all just extra. Sometimes I get so caught up in life...when am I gonna graduate, what kinda job am I gonna get, what kinda girl am I gonna marry...that I lose focus on God...when in reality, I should be focusing on God and everything else will naturally flow from that. Living with the end in view to me is recognizing life can end at any time...that every THING that I'm focusing on is temporary and won't last. It's a reminder to be focusing on the things in my life that will last and that will help be grow as an individual and further my relationship with God. I gotta remind myself every single day...to focus on Christ...everything else...He will provide, because He is faithful.

Like Father, Like Son

This is inspired by a conversation with a friend quite some time ago. My friend has always said that I'm very similar to my dad, but for the longest time, I never really saw it. Over the past couple of months...from that conversation onward, I've definitely been seeing it more and more. I'm not just talking about physical appearance...but like personality...little quirks...the way he handles problems...the way he conducts/composes himself in general. Thinking back to the conversation with my friend...he's like your dad and my dad are similar and he said he was beginning to see similarities in himself and his dad. He's like my dad is very unemotional...like he's not the type who'll say I love you or give you a hug and ish and he can kinda seem cold at times and I was like wow...that's like my dad but also like me as well. I wouldn't say I've been observing my dad as of late, but I've definitely noticed his tendencies more and more. Like when I watch him talk to my mom...and how he always seems very uninterested or like he's very quiet and just kinda lets her do the talking and goes along with it...that's exactly like me LOOOOL. Or when I see him go through the situation with my brother...which I endured as well...he was very quiet...but he had a lot of things going on in his mind and a lot of thoughts on the situation...I know this cuz he voiced it out to me. That's like me...I stay quiet on a lot of things...and I blog instead...or I pick and choose who I confide in. The last thing I noticed is that my dad is also pretty unconfrontational...in terms of arguments with my mom or if my bro does something stupid...he tries to stay out of it or like just let it be...which makes sense cuz whenever him and I get into arguments...literally we just stop talking to each other and no one does anything...and eventually we just start talking again LOOOL. For all my fellows...or ladies...feel free to not observe...but be more aware of your parents...and you'll be surprised how similar you guys are.

Throwback Tuesday

Was looking through old posts a couple days ago and found this...it resonated with me pretty well at the time...I really like it...hopefully gonna try to look back at my old notes and writings and stuff...

From The Heart: Even When It's Dark Out, The Sun Is Shining Somewhere
http://thebestyouneverheard.blogspot.ca/2011/01/even-when-its-dark-out-sun-is-shining.html

One Of My Inspirations...

Yeah I know...haven't posted in 2 days lol...sorry folks. Any ways...so some of y'all know I wanna be a teacher. But I'm pretty sure not many of you know why, one of the biggest reasons is my elementary school teacher/coach who is also my good friend. One of the most memorable instances that I'll always remember is when me and 2 other guys from the volleyball team failed a math test in his home room. He told us we couldn't play unless we did a retest that he made...which would be harder..and we couldn't just pass, we had to get at least a 70. I remember it was about like area and circumference and that kinda ish...so there were many formulas to memorize. Volleyball meant the world to the 3 of us and we wanted to play...so we studied really hard I remember. And we all didn't just get 70...we all got over 80. Dang I was so happy...but I'll always remember this instance because of the bond it created between me and my teacher Yeah he was my coach and we went for team dinners and stuff...but he cared about us...in and outside of school...on and off the volleyball court. The relationship I have with him is what inspires me to want to be a teacher..the fact that we're still friends...that I've been to his house for dinner...that we've known each other for around 10 years and I'll still go back to visit him at school...those are the kinda things that make me want to be a teacher. That bond with the students and the impact that you can have on their lives.

Dear God

It's happening again...the fear, the doubt, the anxieties, the worries. God...I'm really trying to trust in you and in the plan that you have for me. But it seems like every time things start making sense or I start figuring things out, you throw a wrench into all of it. School has got me so frustrated right now...more so graduation...I feel like I'm so close, yet so far away...God what's your plan for me? I'm sitting in class right now...feeling kinda lost, lonely and frustrated most of all. It doesn't even bother me as much as it should seeing other people graduate or move on...I just personally want it to be over with..not that I'm in a rush or anything..but in a sense I feel like I kinda am cuz I've been at this for quite a while. God what's your plan for...what's the purpose of all this. I'm really struggling to find comfort in your right this moment...I know it'll all work out...but dang...I don't wanna feel like I'm wasting time...I feel like all my life I've been wasting time...I've been loafting or just barely coasting by. I don't want that lifestyle any more...I'm trying to be active and seertive in my life, but it's hard...like every time I stand up and start walking, I get knocked back down again. God...I don't know what's going to happen...I don't know how long it'll take me  or when I'll finish school...but I know I will...I have to...and I'm praying for your strength every step of the way. In my weakness is when your strength is magnified, God...my everything is in your hands.

Wow...so I wrote this post in class at about 12:30 ish...it's now 1:40...that's how quick it took God to slap me in the face and say...hey...why are you so easy to doubt me...holy...my mind is flipping out right now. Pretty much, I thought I would have to delay graduation even longer and come back for another semester next year instead of my original plan of doing summer school and graduating in October...now I've found out that plan is still possible. But the more important thing is dang...how quick was I to kinda give up and sulk and doubt God...I guess I should've known better...God is good all the time, all the time God is good...right? Man...

Sit Down, Take A Step Back, Take This In

Sometimes I get so caught up in making posts, the views, wondering what people will think and everything of the sorts...that I never really get to sit back and take all of this in. Excuse me for a moment while I take just a moment...or a post...to really take this all in and embrace it and 'toot my own horn' if you will. I'm not trying to brag or anything at all in this post...this is more me really relishing everything...and just looking at everything from your perspective and saying wow...damn. I actually can't believe I've been doing this for 5 years...to be so consistent in something...is pretty crazy. I think about how honest and open I am on this blog...like damn...one thing I remember one of my friends said to me is that he really respects that fact that I'm so open and honest on this blog...unafraid to say what's on my mind and in my heart. Again, not tooting my own horn...just really taking a step back from being Rodmond the blogger and being Rodmond...the person, the viewer, the reader. It kinda surprises me to an extent how honest and 'bare it all' I am on this blog. Sometimes I'll look back at certain posts and be like wow...I really said that...or wow I can't believe I mentioned that or wow I can't believe I talked about that on here lol. I dunno...when I look at myself from an outside perspective...wow...I'm kinda crazy if you will lol...to be so no holds barred talking about my inner most thoughts, problems, secrets...and things of the sort. On the other hand though...it surprises me that you guys are so interested that you guys keep coming back...like it's a neverending novel or something...or like you're reading the newspaper. Like a serious question to you would be why do you come here...aside from me posting the link everywhere...why do you read what I write...why do you keep coming back when you know it's always the same kind of content. I thank you of course...but I'm definitely curious. Thank you for making this what it is today...thank you for giving me that motivation...that inspiration...to make this all possible.

Hey, Everything Will Be Okay

Literally stopping everything I'm doing right now to hit you with this. Been super nervous and frustrated lately cuz I've been waiting for marks to come out...I know I did well in 2 courses and one of them already came out and I passed like I knew I would, still waiting for the other one. This other course I'm taking, my online course...I wasn't so sure...all the marks for the quizzes, tests and online stuff were posted and I did all the calculations and I think I like barely failed...come time, marks are finally out...it said I got a 49.6...but I got a D...meaning I passed...somehow...and I'm freaking out right now...God is good, forreal. From the previous post...same car ride with my homie...we were talking about how a lot of people our age are still confused with what they wanna do with their life...continue school, do more school, go straight to work. I remember I was told that in your first and second year, it's okay to be confused, it's okay to switch programs and majors and stuff...but come third and fourth is kinda pushing it cuz you're almost about to graduate, you should have a solid idea of what you wanna do and a solid plan of what's going to happen. I told my friend that, it's comforting...knowing people my age, older than me, people who have graduated...are still confused...still may not be completely sure of what they wanna do with their life. It gives me hope...not that other people are confused...but that I'm not the only one...that it's natural to be unsure of what you wanna do with your life, it's something everyone experiences. I remember when I first started thinking about switching majors in my third year, I was freaking out cuz everyone around me like knew what they were in and what they wanted to do after school and everything seemed to organized and planned out for them. Slowly I vegan to see that not everyone is like that....a lot of people struggle...a lot of people graduate..and still don't know what they wanna do with their life. One thing I told my friend is that I'm confident that everything will be okay. That God has a plan for me...for all of this...all the uncertainty, the fear, the unknown...it's all for a reason, and that comforts me, it makes me happy...knowing that as confused as I am right now...there's a plan, a path and a future for me out there...it gives me strength, it lets me know that everything will be okay.

Your Circle of Friends Within Your Circle of Friends

I was in the car with my friend and he mentioned how he felt bad for kids with no friends. Like when they have down time or free time or simply wanna chill with people and they have no one. Like the kids in high school who never really had any friends...it must suck. I feel for those kids...when you have problems or good news you wanna share with somebody and you don't have anybody to share it with, it hurts. I then went on to mention that I used to envy, but now I feel bad for those people with a lot of friends...but they aren't really friends...more like a bunch of acquaintances or peers...people you like go partying with or whatever, but can't like sit down and have a deep conversation with or people you wouldn't invite to your birthday party. It then made me realize how as I've gotten older...I really cherish a simple, small group of friends. Everyone has a circle of friends...people you hang out with on a daily basis, can talk to...but then you have your circle of friends within your circle of friends...these are your homies, your best friends, your ride or dies. People you can and will chill with every single day...people who know your life better than you...your crew essentially. These are the people that I invest my time in...as nice as it is to have many friends...I have friends like that and they'll share with you how lonely (surprisingly) it can get sometimes...cuz are these people really your friends...can you really share your struggles with them and such. As I've gotten older...yeah my circle of friends has gotten smaller...but it's made it that much stronger and closer...and I love that.

Anti-Teacher's Pet

Man...when I was in elementary school...there was this one lady...who was a librarian and everyone hated her. The next year...she was my home room teacher, like in grade 5 or something. Not nice dude...I remember she was a diabetic, so she ALWAYS had those little blocks of cheese with the red wrapper and she was just mad weird. I wasn't a bad kid or like a trouble maker, but we butted heads a lot LOL. One time, I remember there was this kid sitting on his chair like on the edge of it...and he was rocking back and forth (okay so maybe I am kinda a trouble maker)...so I see this...and the first though in my head was hey, it would be funny if I pulled the chair up out from under him LOL. So I did...and he fell on his butt LOL. Next thing I know, this guy tells on me to the teacher and she FLIPS OUT...she's like...HE COULD'VE FELL ON HIS HEAD...you could've seriously injured him...blah blah blah lol. Can't remember what happened after that...all I know was I kept calling that kid a snitch lol. Another instance where I butted head with that teacher was when we were making father's day gifts...what you had to do was take like 10 pieces of construction paper, like half the size of an iphone, all diff colours of the rainbow and glue them onto each other one by one. Then with some sandpaper you would sand the edges and make it smooth and make like a mini little keychain thingy...kinda weird, but it was kinda cool too...so anyways...I remember sanding mine down reeeeal hard...and she looked at mine and was like wooooow that's really good...AND she even stopped the entire class to show mine off....so I'm done...she comes over, next thing I know she's flipping out again. Apparently, when I was sanding my keychain thing, I had sanded the desk as well...like not legit the desk...but just the oil or whatever material covers the desk that keeps it glossy...so the desk was still flat and stuff...but one part was just like a small shade lighter...and she was FLIPPING OUT...she like called the janitor and he's like yeah you can't do anything, it's messed lol...she was PISSED...like relax lady. The last instance and probably the funniest and most frustrating at the time was when the school decided they wanted to create a school song and GUESS WHAT SHE DOES...she volunteers the ENTIRE class to participate in singing it at an assembly...which requires skipping numerous recesses to practice...LIKE BRAH...so I remember we went down early before recess started to go practice in the library with the new librarian...EVERYONE was cheesed...saying how we have to miss recess and ish...a few other guys and I planned to DIP asap as soon as the bell rang...so we're in the library setting up and ish, bell rings...I RUN FOR THE DOORS AND DIP...I turn around and of like the 6 guys that said they were gonna skip...only 1 other guy was with me. So after recess...my teacher GOES OFF...how I skipped and ish...and I snapped on her...like wtf...we didn't ask to do this...NOR did you ask us for permission...you could've asked WHO in the class wants to...not just volunteer the whole damn class. And she's like blah blah, thought you guys wanted to do a nice gesture and ish...like wtf....so I snapped again like well you should've asked cuz not everyone here wants to do it. She shut up for a minute...and was like you're right...so she asked the class who doesn't wanna do it, doesn't have to...and like HALF THE CLASS didn't show up next rehearsal....LOOOOL I felt so nice. Hated this lady...those who were in my class know....no joke, last time I heard...apparently she lives on a farm now LOOOOOOL.

Small Talk Is Underrated

Hello, I know what you're thinking...you probs thought oh man...new year...bet he probs forgot already, we ain't getting no post LOL...well you're WRONG. Any ways...been lying down for the past like 20 minutes...thinking about what to write...and I got nothing lol. Yeah I could tackle one of the many posts on my phone, but my hearts not in it lol...and I'll literally just ramble. So...with it being the last day of Christmas break...thought I'd just talk to y'all. One thing is my sleeping patterns have been horrible...I'll sleep at like 2-3 and wake up like 2-3...sometimes even 4...and the thing is I'll feel even more tired, I don't know what's wrong with me...I'll try to set alarms for 12...snooze it, close my eyes for a bit and it's 2 pm already...like dang. Really trying to fix it cuz I wake up feeling even more tired...that and more than half the day is gone. The days where I wake up early, like today for example for church...I actually feel more energized or active at least...still tired, but less dead. This break has been much needed...pretty much chilling with the same group of guys with the exception of some days. Break is nice cuz everyone comes back from uni and we all gather and chill at diff people's houses. Now that school is back in sesh...gotta work hard again but not kill myself with all the free time that I have. Hopefully look for a job and get lucky like I did with my old one...which took no searching at all. I know I can get through this though...just 3 more months...then like 2 months of summer school probs and it's the home stretch till graduation. My biggest fear this coming semester is probs the same as the first semester...just a feeling of boredom and wasting time since I'll only be at school 2 days a week...still taking a full course load in 4 courses which will keep my kinda busy. It's a new year...I know there'll be a lot in store for me...good and man...and I'm excited and nervous to live it out. As always...catch me here if you wanna stay updated with my average life or peep what's inside my vast array of thoughts LOL.

PS: Sorry for those expecting like a next level deep post and all you get is this lol

I Want You To Cry For Me

I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before. Aside from the 2 dreams I've talked about where I wake up with amnesia or I'm chilling with a girl, there's another frequent dream and comes and goes. Sometimes it's not always a dream, it's just something I think about. Sometimes I think about what'll happen when I die. More specifically my funeral...who'll be there, who'll cry more importantly lol. Who's gonna say stuff, what'll they say about me? These are us some random things I think about cuz I think about other people's funerals and what I would say, how I would react and stuff. I dunno lol...just some random thoughts.

Can Guys And Girls Be CLOSE Friends?

What's good everyone...happy new year.Y'all voted and I'm going to do my best to give you CONSISTENT posts. No need for that day counter any more...it may not be everyday, but I promise it's going to be consistent for sure, but now onto the post.

This is an age old question that I've always pondered, more than ever now than before. This is something I've debated and asked to many people as well...it's an interesting topic. I chose to be more specific with this post...can guys and girls be CLOSE friends...not just friends. I'm talking about talking on the phone for like hours into the night till like 4 am...taking walks in the park at like midnight...looking at her (I'm going to use my perspective in this post) face and immediately knowing what's on her mind or knowing that something is wrong...being 150% comfortable with one another...entrusting your absolute world to her. That kinda close friend is what I'm talking about in this post. At this moment in my life...I can list a few girls who I've considered my best friend, girls who I feel a crazy level of comfort with. But here come some very unsettling questions...what happens when someone falls for the other person...what happens when one person gets into a relationship...how do things change? I've been in pretty much every situation you can think of when it comes to having a super close girl friend. I've fallen for her...she's fallen for me...I've been in a relationship...she's been in a relationship. Things change...a lot...it's never easy. Some of the girls that I once called me best friend...we're not so close any more...and it breaks my heart. So I go back to the question asked...can guys and girls be close friends...where do you draw the line...what happens when someone falls for the other person...what happens when the other person has a boyfriend or girlfriend. It's hard man....to be that close with a girl...to know her inside out...to look at her face and feel her pain...how do you not fall for someone like that...someone who is your best friend, who knows you inside out as well. Or...if she gets a boyfriend...how do you deal with that...how do you deal with being the number one guy in her life to being number two...how do you go from being the person she confided everything to to just another guy...damn. To be honest...this question that I asked...is something I don't even have the answer to...it's something I'm still very unsure of. It's something that I've dealt with so many times that I'm kinda scared to get into it again with another girl. There's just something different about having a girl best friend than a guy...the comfort...the intimacy, who knows lol. If y'all have an answer to this question, I'd love to hear it...some of y'all probs have best friends of the opposite sex...but like, the kinda close friend I'm talking about is different...much different...or maybe I'm expecting/asking too much lol...or maybe I pour my heart out too easy/much.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Alright, so I loafted the last couple days of 2014...but hey...IT'S A NEW YEAR...you can find it in your heart to forgive me right? Man...these past couple days have been hectic and fast paced for me just cuz the new year party is at my house again this year. Just running around seeing how many mans are coming, we're having a pot luck so how much food and what food people are bringing...board games, videogames all that jazz. I'm not good at coordinating nor do I find joy in it...so it was kinda stressful. But legit...today...just sums up what this break is about...I've told y'all Christmas and New Years is always a special time cuz everyone gets together and just spends time together. Today was definitely the highlight of my break....I had like at least 25 people inside my house. From eating food...to playing board games...videogames...to my friend making bubble tea...you name it, we did it. It was so fun...to see everyone together, playing games, laughing...genuine happiness and genuine smiles. But it definitely makes me feel like I'm getting older...couple years ago...I remember a lot of us would sleep over...the next day go for lunch or something cuz we would sleep at like 4-5 and wake up at like 12-1 to go for dim sum. This year...everyone left kinda early...1-2 ish...which is early or late depending on how you look at it...but I'm not a Debbie Downer...and I'm just real excited that that many people showed up and it looked like everyone genuinely had fun. 2014 is in the past...and I'm starting 2015 on a bright note...with a post bright and early...on the first day of January. I hope your New Years Eve went well...I hope you surrounded yourself with loved ones because I sure did...20-25 of my brothers and sisters from church...wish my other homies could've made it, but that's cool too. The night is still young for some of you as some of you could still be out, chilling or inside chilling...kudos to you lol...me, I'm pretty exhausted I can't lie...a toast to 2014...and cheers to 2015.