From The Heart: I Need Some New Girl Friends

No not girlfriend, but I need some new friends who are girls in my life. Right now, at this point as I am typing this, I feel I can't turn to nobody but my boys. Something about the women that I become close to, makes me push them away after a while, or maybe it's vice versa. Cuz see I more my heart out when I get close to certain women, but I feel like it's not reciprocated. Like I'm on one side of the wall telling her what's on my heart and what's on my mind and I ask how she's feeling but she gives me a conversation ending reply like okay. I have few women in my life I can turn to for anything, that I consider "wifey material", and that don't mean I like them but it means that's what I look for. But real talks I had an epiphany a few days ago and I started thinking, the girls that I hold close to my heart....I don't even know how they feel about me. I hear ish from their friends and I hear ish around, but I never actually hear it from their mouths. So yeah here I am, talking to girls who I feel are my best friends, people who I can tell anything to, and when I'm done ranting, the convo kinda dies. I realized that the girls I hold close to my heart....do they really feel the same way? I mean they prob have plenty of guys they can talk to and share their emotions to so maybe I'm just part of the bunch. What makes me different....what makes me special. People tell me that she values my friendship and that I'm really important to her, but she sure has a weird way of showing it. I mean she complains that I don't talk to her enough and I'm busy talking to next girls, but then the next day I thought to myself, wait a minute...the same applies to her...maybe she just likes the fact of having a bunch of close guy friends and depending on her mood assumes who shes gonna talk to. That really hurts me seeing as I have very few little female friends I can talk to about anything. So I dunno why I do this, but women have come and gone, but there are a few who are still left who I'm really close to. But to the ones that have gone, they aren't gone out of my life, just we aren't as close anything. I don't get why I get close to a girl and after a while it kinda disappears. I find it's either I like her and then it dies or she likes me then it dies. Why can't I just find a girl to be friends with.....is it really that hard? So that random jump and tangent of topics brings me back to the title of I need new girl friends. The ones I have right now are whack....they bug out over the littlest things, are always there for me (which is good) but I feel they never really need me, or ever hit me up saying hey can we talk. I feel the girl friends I have in my life right now don't value me as much as I value them. Call me homosexual or whatever, but my boys are always there for me and ish of the sort. The girls in my life right now.....*sigh*....I don't even know man....I give them my heart...my soul....and my everything....and I feel they just take it and put it aside, when I ask for something it return like tot alk to me....I get nothing. I need some new girl friends in my life....