I Know You Hate Me

I honestly didn't plan on writing about this,but circumstances have kinda made/inspired me to want to talk about it. So I'm taking a break from studying and hitting you with an early post. I've always told you how this blog has gotten me into trouble many times with my friends and people alike...cuz of what I say, who I write about, or just the simple fact that I write about things here in general instead of so called "dealing with it in real life". I met up with a friend a couple of days ago and she told me not to be careful...but to be aware that people are gonna have an opinion about me based on my blog...that'll either be based on what they already know about me...or it'll be their only opinion about me cuz they don't know me. She knows I don't care what people think, she just wanted me give me a healthy reminder that people are gonna have their opinions about me. So right now...I read something that was kinda unflattering...who knows if it was about me...but it was about some dude with a blog and how it's pretty stupid and lame. Now I'm not talking to you as an individual...I'm talking about the topic as a whole. For all I know...some of y'all out there legitimately hate me...y'all legitimately think I'm a dick or a bad person based off of what I write, the stories I tell or whatever. It doesn't really affect me, but like...I'd like you to kinda get to the root of your question...why do you hate me? Do you not have opinions yourself? Have you not done stupid things in your life? Have you never made a joke or played a prank that you thought was funny but it wasn't? What I'm really trying to ask you...is what's different between you and I? Ignore the fact that I have a blog for a second...what's really different from you and I? Everyone has friends, they do stupid things, they do things they regret,they have memorable moments. What's the difference between you writing your life events down on a piece of paper and me writing them on a blog? What's the difference between you sharing a story with your friend and me posting it on my blog for my friends to see? I know you're gonna say well it's public...the whole world can see it, things like that, what if people don't want their stuff to be seen by the world. Homie I've done this ish long enough that my friends kinda understand where I'm coming from...my stories and such don't come from an evil or malicious place. It comes from my heart...and it's something I wanna share. Everything else is just my own experiences, things that happen to me. I know some of y'all think I do this for a popularity, to get noticed or to get attention...and if you want me to be completely honest, yeah a small part of me thinks it would be dope to blow up and become famous of some sort...but if you genuinely think that that's the only reason why I do this...you're surely mistaken. The only real funny thing I find is that the people that criticize me and have the most to say are the ones who only read one or two posts on my blog and think they know my entire life story. My family, my friends and the people that earnestly keep up to date with my blog are the people who really know who I am, where I'm coming from, what I mean and what I represent. It gets tiring always having to explain myself because people read a post about one thing and say this about. Which is why I remind myself to not care about what people think...it doesn't come from a cocky place, it's not me saying I'm better than you...it's me saying, you can have your opinion about me, good or bad, but that's okay...I'm still going to keep doing me and you can keep doing you and reading my blog on the side. Your simplest solution is to not read my blog posts...or remove me on all social media platforms so you don't even have to see my blog. I know that anything and everything I say will generate an opinion, judgement or whatever from someone...and that's okay cuz you're allowed to...but it's up to me whether I let that affect me or not. So you can think whatever you want about me...who I am...this blog...or why I write what I write and continue to do so. All I really know is that I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing...because it helps me in so many aspects of my life...and in a small way....it helps some other people as well. If you've made it up to this point....thanks, if you're someone who keeps up to date with my blog, thanks. If you're someone who only comes on this blog once in a while and claims to know everything about me...thanks as well...I appreciate you. I'm sorry for going on this rant....I always say I hate having to explain myself but end up doing so any ways.

Boys Are Idiots

I'm still super surprised at the overwhelming amount of views and feedback that this post has received. It's got over 600 views right now and a bunch of my friends keep asking me about it LOOOL. The only important facts you need to take away are...I was kidding, it seemed mean but trust me, she's just a chill and weird person that she laughed it off after and still to this day. No she didn't like me, she was just freaking out cuz I guess she thought it would ruin the friendship. Can't believe I had to explain myself twice lol, whatever. So the following are 3 separate stories, occasions, whatever...that will essentially make you agree with the title, in fact, it might make you a bit angry, it definitely made me very annoyed when I heard it, so in order of level of annoyance from eh...that's kinda annoying to HOLY DUDE YOU'RE SO ANNOYING...here we go.

1) All 3 events come from my time volunteering at the elementary school as of late. So this first one come from my teacher, the one that I'm volunteering with. So he has 3 kids, his oldest one is in JK (junior kindergarten), so he's like this was last year before we moved and before she moved schools. She had this one boy friend in SK (senior kindergarten) and they would play everyday, essentially best friends. As he found out she was moving, for some strange reason he started treating her differently. First he like starts playing super rough with her...he like pushes her to the ground, she's the kinda girl who wouldn't hit you back. Second, in a different instance, he like takes a toy car or truck and smacks her across the face with it...he didn't say how hard, but all my teacher said was there was a mark on her face. So my teacher's pissed, goes to the school and demands the boy be suspended or something, keep in mind he is in SK, the school doesn't do anything but be more careful and up their supervision. Third and final instance, he SPITS in her face...so my teacher has had it...he goes to the principal again (she goes to a different school than the one he teaches at btw) and is like okay that's not frickin cool...since you're not doing anything about it, I am. I'm teaching my daughter at home to punch...and I told her next time he even tries to talk to you hit him. Apparently he's like the parents wanted to bring the kid over to apologize and my teacher was like DEFINITELY NOT...if you do that, that's trespassing and I have the right to call the cops on you...get your kid away from mine.

2) So this story comes from the other grade 8 teacher at my school, the blonde lady. So she has 2 kids, this one revolves around her daughter who's in grade 4...also doesn't go the same school she teaches at. So apparently her daughter is really good at soccer and she plays at recess with older boys...like grade 5. So the story goes they're playing soccer, she keeps stealing the ball from him and I guess he doesn't like it...so he punches her in the face. There was no bruising or whatever from what I heard, she didn't cry, she kinda got up like...what the. So the teacher was like yeah I got the call when I was in class and she came out right away to my teacher's class and started going OFF about the situation. Apparently the boy got suspended 2 days and my teacher told the her I think you should go and demand him to be suspended more...you never hit a girl, which I fully agreed with. She too was like yeah...I just wanna go right away and see if she's alright before I take any course of action, but honestly...I'm gonna tell her, next time anything like that happens, kick him in the nuts...I died LOOOL.

3) This last instance isn't physical...yet it made me the most upset. So it's after school...I\m chilling with my teacher and the other grade 8 teacher in a classroom. School just ended, this one female student walks in with a piece of paper and they have small talk, they're talking about some situation, she has some piece of paper in her hands. She seems super sweet and she's pretty calm from what I see...she's like oh I got a petition and I think if I get enough of the girls to sign it, we can all play together outside during recess and they'll let us if they see that enough girls want to play. She walks away...I'm like uh so what was that about. So she's some grade 8 girl that wanted to play basketball with the grade 8 boys at recess and apparently this one boy came up to her and straight up said HELL NO, you can't play basketball with us, you\re a girl,go away...I didn't ask what else was said, but that's pretty much it. So apparently the principle and a few teachers went OFF on this kid...like why would you say that and such, that's not cool. What really impressed me...was this girl...how calm and nicely she approached this whole situation, I was blown away. As she left the room, the blonde teacher goes hey...thanks for sticking up for us girls. I won't lie, that was pretty powerful for me...that girl was a boss. After she left, we started talking about it...how some boys stuck up for her during recess...but only when there were other teachers watching them...and that they didn't do the same when no one was there. Which I know...swerves the story and the conversation in a whole other direction of what would you do in these kinds of situations you know, but I just wanted to put that out there.

So if you've made in this far...I'm pretty sure throughout reading all 3 stories, at some point in your mind you must've been like wow boys are idiots...if so, I don't blame you. I was pretty annoyed at how stupid and dumb boys can be. I've had my share of playing rough with girls...but I never pushed any boundaries, I always respected them and at the end of the day...only a coward hits a girl...dang this is so stupid. Boys of all ages...SK, grade 5, grade 8...even now...boys are stupid, I have my stupid moments too...but when it comes to girls specifically...smarten up boys...please.

She Asked For My Number

First of all, I guess I'll address some concerns about the previous post since it blew up quite unexpectedly LOL. Here are some facts for y'all...yes it is a true story, no I'm not one of the guys she liked/liked her, I didn't really like her...it was a joke. Some of y'all read too much into things LOL. Any ways...so there's no way I can come up with something that will top the previous post lol. For you basketball heads, recall the 2000 slam dunk contest when Jerry Stackhouse had to dunk right after Vince Carter had just shut the building down...that's what this is like. A general reference would be going out to a super fancy dinner, then the next day having leftovers or something lol. Btw...there is no part two to the previous post...she got over it like immediately because she's cool like that and we're still friends. Now onto today's post lol...so rewind all the way back to my first year of university...fresh grade out of high school, still learning the ropes of university, still a shy kid who doesn't really know about the world, the things or the people in it lol. So I took this class which was pretty big, it was in a theatre sizied/type room and the class also had a tutorial which is like 25-30 kids and you get to ask questions and stuff to your teaching assistants. So I've been to a couple of tutorials already, didn't really meet anybody in class, just a shy first year kid trying to get by. So one day before class, I'm sitting outside waiting on the benches, this girl sits beside me, I'm listening to music so I can't hear anything. Out of the corner of my eye, I see she's facing me and she says something, so I took my earphones out and she goes hey are you in my tutorial, I'm like I'm not sure which tutorial are you in and she's like #4 or something with this TA and I'm like oh yeah me too. She starts asking me all these questions like what's your background, where do you live, what are your hobbies and all that jazz....class is about start so we walk to class and she sees one of her friends and walks to her so I kinda go my own way, she turns to me and goes wait, do you wanna sit with me? Legit in the most calmesst tone ever, I'm like nah, it's cool...and I walk away without thinking anything of it LOOOL very anti-climactic I know. Couple days later, we have tutorial and I come like just in time she sees me and goes hey, come sit with me, so I was like sure. So we're working on some assignment in class and ish and class ends and she goes hey,can I get your number, I'm having trouble with the work and was wondering if you could help me. So I'm like sure, thinking she genuinely needs help for the work and we go our separate ways. So she texts me and we meet up at school and I'm like oh so do you need help with the work and she's like oh no I actually finished it already...so I'm still not understanding the hints she's dropping, I'm just like oh okay cool, in my head I just wanted to go home...she's like you wanna come with me to get food, so we do and we chat and such. I remember leaving that day thinking okay, that was kinda  waste of time lol. It wasn't until I started thinking about it more and more that I started to piece together everything and was like OH...SHOOT...btw, I didn't mention it, but she was reeeeeal cute, but I didn't really take that into consideration...I genuinely just wanted to help her with whatever she was asking for LOL...long story short, nothing materialized, we chilled here and there and I saw her in tutorials...but I didn't talk to her too much cuz I didn't know lol. I remember looking back at this story in my 2nd year, 3rd year, 4th year, now...like Rodmond, you're so dumb...she was a cutie, sweet...and you're just an idiot LOOOOL, I remember she kinda stopped talking to me...I'm guessing she thought I wasn't interested and didn't wanna pursue it LOL but...good news is...I'm still friends with her to this and I see her sometimes and we still talk lol, she had a boyfriend tho :(

I Finally Told Her I Liked Her

So there are some posts that I struggle to write or get through which is why I end up putting them off for a while sometimes. Then there are the posts which I genuinely enjoy writing about, thatmake me happy, this one would definitely fall in that category lol. So I have this friend...I would say we're pretty close, I'd even say I'm probably one of her closest guy friends. This girl may be one of the funniest people I've ever met LOL. So I'm not too sure how we became as close as we did, but I do know it didn't start that way...she legit had resting b* face, so I thought she hated me. Not too sure what happened, but we somehow ended up talking and I was like wow this girl isn't mean, in fact she's hella weird lol. So one thing I remember is that she opened up to me pretty quickly and we clicked pretty naturally and instantly became pretty good friends, confiding in each other about our problems and such. One thing I remember she said before we really became good friends was "make sure you don't fall for me" LOOOOOL. I was like what...where'd that come from, she's like I dunno, it just tends to happen to me for some reason and things get awkward, so I said okay, don't worry it won't happen. Fast foward like a year or so later, she telling me about this guy she liked and this other guy that liked her. Here I am listening to her go off about this dude she absolutely adores and another dude that absolutely adores her. Super long story short, she ends up with the dude that likes her and not the one that she likes. So I don't know if I would use the word suspicious, but the dude she was with kinda thought she liked me or I liked her because we were such good friends y'know. I remember she's like when she told the dude that she liked another boy, he thought it was me LOL. Any ways, back to the story...so I'm texting her one night and I legit had this feeling inside of me...so I was like yo I need to tell you something...and then and there I confessed my feelings to her, that I thought she was a real cool girl, that we got along so well and I saw myself with someone like her. She was like are you joking, I told you not to fall for me, I knew this would happen. We go back and forth for quite some time and she's like flipping out like dang, I dunno what to do now. I was like I know you have a boyfriend, but it's something I couldn't really hold din any longer, we go back and forth for a bit and she continues to freak out and figure out what we can do. About an hour later, I was like yo, I need to tell you something again....I'M KIDDING LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL...she legit called me on the spot and was like BRO ARE YOU SERIOUS...yo you don't understand, I was dying on the phone, it was so hilarious. She's like yoooo it's not funny, I called my boyfriend and told him and he was like I knew it and he's on the way over so we can talk about it. I'm on the phone legit dying...I found that the funniest thing of life, I was like oh...uh...my bad, have fun LOOOOL. And I remember seeing her in person and making fun of her so bad because it was such a funny story.

I'm Your Teacher, Not Your Friend

It's weird cuz I've never been in an actual classroom setting teaching actual lessons, marking actual tests and such before I started volunteering. I teach Sunday school at my church, but that's different, much more chill...and it's weird because I have had friends who were in my class that I teach, like I chill with them outside of church lol, in general it's a different environment than school. Any ways, I volunteered yesterday...and I guess I should start from the beginning. Had to wake up super early cuz I had to drop my brother off at work, got a french vanilla at timmies. It was a chill day cuz we (my teacher and I) had two preps, which are free periods meant for prepping and marking and such. I was super twitchy for some reason during the prep, like my heart was beating really fast and I couldn't sit still...my teacher's like it's probably the caffeine LOL. I don't usually drink caffeine so I guess that's why, I was like freaking out LOL. Good thing we had gym after and I got to work it off lol. This is where the day got fun and interesting LOL. So there's this one kif in the other grade 8 class who is HELLA cocky, like he talks a lot and such. He's on the volleyball team as well, which is why we know him prety well. But with him, you either love him or you hate him, there's no middle ground lol. My teacher got super pissed at him cuz he flirts with the line of joking and like rude you know. It's hilarious cuz he's like Rodmond, let's go play, let's go join the other team and smash it down his throat, he's pissing me off right now LOOOOL. Rewind to Thursday's volleyball practice when my teacher actually sat him cuz he was being loud and goofy, we were talking and my teacher was like man I hope he gets punched in the face when he gets to high school, cuz I said his cockiness is probably only gonna get worse LOL. Any ways, rolling on through the rest of my day...the SUPER CUTE blonde grade 8 teacher saw me in the halls and she's like HEYYY I recognize that swagger. LOL apparently I walk with a swagger :S. So we had another prep and I was marking again and man...lemme tell you, it's hard...I was marking a math test and sometimes, kids will get the entire answer wrong cuz of one mistake, but you kinda understand the process or where they were going with it, you also look at the student and how nice of a person they are and you kinda wanna find some way to give them part marks. But that's when I had to remind myself I'm their teacher, not their friend. It's hilarious cuz there's this one kid in the class who's sooo funny...my teacher loves making fun of him, but he really does love him as a student. He's like alright, every questions you ask is a dollar, and he ended up owing him like 30 dollars LOL. At the end of the day, he was like I'm joking, don't worry LOL. But he had this short thing when he was like, look I know we joke and stuff...but remember I'm not your friend, I'm your teacher and there's a fine line between that, we can joke around and stuff...but you're still my student and I'm your teacher. So that kinda put my back in check, but I will say teachers are definitely biased, you can't help it. The students that participate more, you just like them more, they keep the class going you know, legit you accidentally ignore the quiet students cuz they're quiet lol. Lowkey, teachers secretly love the kids who tlak a lot and stuff in class, cuz they make it lively, not the kids who answer questions, but like the noisy, troublemakers...to a certain extent that is lol. If you're a kid who answers questions or just talks in class, you make yourself more memorably and noticed compared to a kid who is always quiet. I'll finish by saying this, volunteering has been so fun, getting to know the kids and my teacher on a personal level. I'm so glad I went through with this. My teacher sent me a text that night just thanking me for volunteering and telling me what a good person I've become, I really appreciate that.

Dear God

Sitting here, studying for my first exam tomorrow, pretty crazy to think I'll be done after December, but at the same time I need to maintain my average to graduate. God I'm running this race...I'm getting tired, lazy...I've tripped up, I don't wanna run no more sometimes, it's hard. But I know you've got my back, that everything will work out in the end. Tho I may not be able to see the finish line, I'm not running this race my sight, but by faith and that's what I have to remind myself. That even if I fail, even if I fall, even if I hit rock bottom, I'll reach the finish line eventually...and I'll be able to look back at all my bumps, bruises and scars and be thankful and appreciate because it all worked out, just like you knew it would and just like I've always hoped and prayed it would. It's finally the home stretch, God give me strength, not to pass or to succeed...but to trust you amidst whatever is put in front of me.

If It Isn't Love...

So a while ago, I was talking to a friend of mine who's much older than me, married with 3 kids. We were talking about life, school, work and just sharing about our lives and catching up, then the topic of family came up and he was asking about my family, so naturally I returned the question and asked him about his family too. He told me him and his wife weren't doing too well...I was like oh, you guys got into an argument...he's like nah man, much worse, it's not looking so good overall. He started to continue and he was like...the way things are going...it doesn't look like this marriage is gonna last. He kept going...saying some things that really shocked me. He was like...I don't think we love each other any more...we got married pretty young...and I think it was because both of us were scared we weren't going to find anybody else and we both wanted kids. He told me how even at the beginning, things were never great you know...he would say they argued a lot and such. My heart broke for him cuz I really care for this dude. I asked what about the kids...and he said oh no doubt I would not settle for less than 50/50, he wants both parents to be present and active in his kids lives...and so he should. Which brought me to my point...what really hit me was when he said...I think we married each other because we were two people that were scared we weren't going to find anybody else. After he told his story, I comforted him and we shared advice...he's the guy that's always been telling me not to rush into relationships, to be patient...I guess I kinda know why now. It's crazy...cuz I brought up this topic to a friend and he said the same thing...it's crazy to think you can marry someone, have kids with them, and see them as the most beautiful girl or guy in the world...but as time moves on, feelings change and you don't see them that way any longer...you start to picture life without them and you don't feel the same feeling of love and passion as you once did. I guess the same can be said for relationships...but I guess this hits me harder because he's such a good friend and he's married and has 3 kids. As of late I've really been struggling with relationships and trying to find the right girl for me you know...I guess this is just a hard reminder to be patient...to take it slow and to pace myself...it's a marathon, not a sprint, all in due time.

The Life Of A Teacher

I know I'm only volunteering at this school...but I'm pretty much a part time teacher cuz my teacher lets me teach full on lessons, handle kids one on one, mark stuff. Today was a chill day, friday, the Jays game was on, the atmosphere was real nice. Lemme start by saying kids these days are hella spoiled...definitely different from when I was in school lol. They like bring their own laptops and stuff to school, are on their phones in class. During recess, kids choose to stay indoors...and when I asked them why they didn't wanna outside, they were like it;s cold LOL.They rather stay inside and play on their laptops. Same thing with lunch time, they eat their lunch, bring out their laptops and ipads and stuff...it's hilarious. It's cool not being a student to my teacher any more, but more of a friend/colleague...and it's crazy to see how teacher's act and speak to each other/about each other behind the scenes lol. The drama that goes on in school between teachers and staff members...wow, it's crazy. The janitor got pissed at my teacher for leaving the windows open after school when he told him not to, so he took away the levers...LOL...to the point where the principal had to get involved and was like yo...why'd you take away the levers, chill, it's not that big a deal. Like I said, today was a chill day, the Jays were playing...so after lunch at like 12 ish...a bunch of classes started streaming the Jays game on the projectors LOL. What else happened...I started marking these assignments, I marked one...my teacher looked at it and was like wow, you're an easy marker LOOOL I would've never given that. My teacher and I had a real good heart to heart...about life, school, work, family...it's crazy...to think this guy used to teach me and be my coach...and now he's pouring his heart out to me, sharing things about his personal life, dang. I told him how I love the relationship he has with the other grade 8 teacher...they're so chill, they talk ish about other teachers, students, they go for lunch together, they coach together, they randomly walk into each other's classes while they're teaching and make jokes and such, it's hilarious...something I want to have when or if /I become a teacher. But the best thing about coming and volunteering...the kids...them leaving and telling you to have a good weekend...asking if you're come more often than once a week...thanking you for helping them or whatever...that hits your hard man. Seeing their happiness and joy because of something you said or did...or how far a good job or keep it up or nice try can go. I'm telling you, the longest I do this, the more I'm convinced it's what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life.

You Can't Please Everybody, Can You?

I've told y'all that I'm kind of an on the fence kinda guy...I don't like taking sides, I like to see and understand both points of view. But if I really had to pick one...I'd be a glass half full kinda guy, cuz I like to be positive and embrace my blessings instead of dwelling on my failures and such. So here's my dilemma...the following are 2 statements...or 2 sides that I both agree with. On one hand...there's the age old saying that you can't please everybody. On the other hand is a quote from Kanye West that says "people always say that you can't please everybody. I think that's a cop-out. Why not attempt it? Cuz think of all the people you will please if you try." I agree with both of these statements...on one hand...I've learned many many times at a young age and even now...that you can't please everybody, no matter what you do. On the other hand...Kanye's quote is a pretty quote mindset to have...in the sense that like...think of how much good you'll do if you have a positive mindset rather than a negative one. So I guess I moreso agree with the first statement....but I agree with where Kanye is coming from in his quote...yeah he says what he says...but I interpret it as like a....why not try...think of how much good you'll do along the way or how much you'll learn. Back to the original statement tho...you really can't please everybody...no matter how popular you are, how cool you are, how much money you have, how nice or polite or good of a person you are..there's always gonna be someone who doesn't like you, finds some little thing to dislike about you or whatever. That's something I've learned as a kid and it's only been reinforced even more as I write these words right now. That there's always gonna be people that dislike me regardless of what I say, how I act, what I look like, who I am. Which is where my glass half full mentality kinda comes in...cuz I put time and effort into the people that matter and that care about me instead of trying to convert the people that don't lol.

Guest Writer #12: Pink Precariat

Guest Writer #1: SpeakingMyMind
Guest Writer #2: Letters To You
Guest Writer #3: TC
Guest Writer #4: Anonymous Queen B
Guest Writer #5: Someone You Used To Know
Guest Writer #6: Heartlocked
Guest Writer #7: LG Slayer 231
Guest Writer #8: TC
Guest Writer #9: G. Ho
Guest Writer #10: Golden Frieza
Guest Writer #11: Ghost Writer

As always, thank you to my guest writers. I appreciate y'all doing me this favour and being honest and pouring your heart out into your posts. If you're interested in being a guest writer, feel free to hit me up if you're interested...the likelihood of me saying no is very slim lol. Without further ado, here y'all go....
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I have another woe that I’ll be running through the six with. Just kidding, I don’t even live in the 6…I live very far north away from the six…So I’m still the north.

However, I digress. I’d like to open this blog post, I’ve been so kindly invited to write with a short statement: dating is difficult.

I hesitated writing yet another dating blog post because I don’t want to come off as shallow, but really…my issues run deeper than writing guys off for being jerks.

I’ve been dating a while. My first “relationship” was in grade six and it was with the new boy and I liked him and he liked me and we would message each other on MSN. It was totes romantic.

Now I’m in university and the dating game is a little more advanced then adding someone on MSN first or even texting someone every day.

I don’t know how I feel when I talk to a new person and I find out that the very friendly person has a girlfriend. Like, I’m not seriously bothered that the guy has not told me he’s taken because my intention when I meet someone new is not to date him.

Is that a weird concept? Like it seems simple and understandable, but I don’t think that’s how it is. I feel like the misconception here is that when two compatible people talk, it is inevitable someone is going to try something.

But we have strange ways of trying to make it clear without being deliberate about it. Even though, I don’t know why we’d have to be deliberate about it. Here, story: I started talking to a guy from work and my friend told me he had a girlfriend. I shrugged because I’m dating someone too. But a couple of encounters with this guy he started dropping “my girlfriend” in a lot of our conversations.

Now, another story: I played around on tinder for a while and it was always amusing to find your friends. I found someone I met at a Christmas dinner and we started talking. I guess it could be considered flirting? (I used a lot of :P and he used a lot of ;)). Then, out of the blue, he stopped talking to me. I thought nothing of it since we weren’t committed to anything. (I did find out it was because another girl gave him a chance, but that’s beside the point). Fast forward to last week and I saw him again and he texted me the next day. Now, it was back to the “:P” and “;)” but I’m dating someone now. I kind of guessed his intentions and tried to stay neutral. He asked me out. I felt obligated to tell him, and so I did. His response: “oh well, I tried.”

NOW HERE’S MY ISSUE: I’m tired of being a trophy. I’m tired of it being that the only reason a guy talks to me is to try to win me or date me or get somewhere with me. And no, I shouldn’t be “grateful” that someone finds me attractive enough to pursue.

It gets tiring always finding reasons why I did something wrong. Was it my mistake that I responded to his text message? Was the first thing I was supposed to tell a person I just met, just because he’s a boy, that I’m dating someone? Is that all really my responsibility?

Like, after he said, “oh well” our entire conversation just ended. He had no other purpose to talk to me. And I feel outright disrespected. I am more than a dating potential. I am more than another “cutie” you can tell your friends you’re talking to and are “this close” to getting to be your bae. But why is it that when I was overthinking it before I went to bed. I felt awful. I felt like I did something wrong and he automatically hated me.

That is my issue. I should not feel worth less just because I am unable to date someone. I have the right to say no. I have the right to make friends. I have the right to be a person. I am more than the “:P” girl. I have opinions. I have issues. And I want to talk to you about things other than pretending to be impressed that you can lift 1000 pounds.

There’s nothing wrong with me. There’s something wrong with your intent when you talk to girls. You have to see past dating, and see that there are ultimately more ways than sliding through someone’s inbox with a “;)” and a vague compliment that you can tell anyone.

So, remember that people are people first – not dating potentials.

Trial By Fire

So if you don't know, I mentioned I was volunteering once a week at an elementary school with my old teacher. So today was my second time going and it was super fun....you know how people say sometimes, the only way you can really learn something is by doing it...to be thrown into the fire and survive with no training or whatever. That's kinda what happened to me today...my teacher told me last week he would eventually let me lead some lessons and teach the class a bit, but we would sit down and prep some stuff for me to teach. Today...he was just like yeah...I know I didn't give you a heads up, but you're gonna be leading some discussions today LOL. It was kinda nerve-racking, but cool...like I wasn't freaking out, but it was like an oh okay, true...kinda feeling. I'm kinda used to being in front of crowds and kids...so I've grown to  be pretty comfortable. First period was gym...he let me pretty much lead the whole class cuz I've done coaching and such with him before...so that was real fun, to get warmed up for the rest of the day. After that we had geography, where they just copied down some notes...then math class...he ave me some worksheets they were going to be doing and pretty much I went through it with them for a good 15-20 minutes and made sure I was available if they needed any questions. BUT FIRST...last week I told y'all he mentioned that I rapped dto the whole class LOL....today, he reminded them...and long story short...after a whole lot of back and forth...I ended up rapping in front of them LOL...legit I don't know what made me do it or how I mustered up the courage to do so...but I just did it lol, I'm glad I didn't forget my lyrics. So that was a cool experience lol. What else happened throughout the day...well he took me to the teacher's lounge and they have something called 'fat fridays' where teachers just bring it dishes like a potluck...moreso desserts and cakes and cookies and snacks and such and leave it in the teachers lounge for you to go whenever you want and grab snacks. So it was super awkward walking in at first cuz I felt so out of place LOL....all the teachers were there chilling at the tables and it was legit 90% female teachers and I mentioned it was a new school, so the majority of them were super young. One thing I'm gonna mention...not to boast, but cuz it meant a lot to me...was when the kids were working...my teacher, who I've known for over 10 years and we're really good friends...he was like wow man....your rap was really good. He said...anyone can rap....but your lyrics were meaningful...and that's real cool, to see how much you've grown from that kid in grade 7. That meant so much to me...and we just talked a bit more about my lyrics and such and how and why him and I bonded so well. Last class of the day was english...and it was a hella memorable way to end the day...the kids were working on some assignment and one by one came out to do this reading test where they would read a couple paragraphs and my teacher would assess their reading levels and stuff. He did some, then showed me and I got to do some while he was there to help me out in case I messed up. Last student of the day, he mentions she may have trouble reading cuz english isn't her first language and she's only been in Canada for a month. This girl reads FLAWLESSLY...like it was a bit slow cuz she had to digest the words and stuff...she had a tiny bit of trouble pronouncing the tougher words, but she blew us away because from what my teacher told me, we weren't expecting that. My teacher goes off and goes wow...that was amazing, for someone who's still learning english, that was amazing. I'm glad you're in my class cuz you're a really good person and I hope you continue to grow and to learn and to read and such. This girl has tears of joy in her eyes and she's like smiling so hard and my teacher starts tearing up too and I won't lie I got mad emotional seeing how genuinely happy she was. After she left...my teacher looks at me and goes...as much as I and the other teachers joke to you about how you shouldn't become a teacher...if you live and love moments like that...if that kinda stuff brings you joy,go and become a teacher...don't do it for the summers off, the money, whatever...that kinda stuff is what makes this job worth it. My teacher and I had a good moment to reminisce and I told him that my relationship with him was one of the biggest reasons why I wanted to become a teacher...to hopefully develop that kind of relationships with my students...to the point where 10 years later they'lll still come visit me, come to my house for dinner, meet my kids...all that stuff. Man...sometimes a bit of doubt creeps into my head of whether or not I really do wanna be a teacher...but today definitely solidified it pretty hard that this is what I wanna do in the future.