The Future...

I feel like the more I talk about the future...the more nervous I get, the more like I feel it's coming closer you know. When I say future, I don't mean the future of like this blog...or what I'm gonna do tomorrow...or next week. I'm talking about like my life, in the future, getting a job, starting a family, settling down, that kind of future. Today at CCF...my christian fellowship at York, we were just talking about the future. Some guy was like, yeah I've had a plan since high school...knew what I wanted to do...did all the prerequisites, did all the research, so I'm set. Me sitting there, it just got me thinking...I've never had a plan, I've never been one to map out what I wanna do later on...I just kinda go with it you know. It made me think of when I first started high school...I didn't have a plan...my electives...no thought into it, just copied my friend so we were in the same class. Grade 11 and 12 when it all starts to matter...no plan...had no idea what I wanted to do in university, barely gave it any thought. Didn't think too much into the courses I was taking and how that factors in to the programs I can apply for in university. Grade 12...university applications time, no plan again...no idea what I wanted to go into, no idea how I was going to apply, no idea what I wanted to do you know. And now...present time, in my 3rd year of university...again, I find myself with no plan...well somewhat of a plan. In my 3rd year...in the middle of programs...wanting to switch, but not sure if I fully want to, not sure how it's going to work, if I don't get in then what, if I do get in then what, how many more years of school am I gonna need, what do I wanna do after school...all these thoughts are like rushing at me and I'm so scared for the future you know. Seeing all these people graduate, get married, start to settle down, or think about settling down or think about getting married...like I'm 20 and the thoughts of moving out and living on my own or with friends or whatever is really hitting me you know. My friends who are older than me and about to graduate or have graduated aren't even thinking about these things, yet I am...and I'm still in school, that's weird. That's when we got into the program tonight...there was a checklist...one side of things we're struggling with and another side of things we're learning. I can sit here and elaborate on all of the ones of both sides that applied to me cuz there were so many that really hit me hard, but there were 4 that really stuck out to me and 1 on the side...that really hit me hard and helped me put things into perspective. 2 things on the struggling side...one was anxious about school, friends, grades, money...second one was trusting everything to God...I definitely feel like I've been struggling with this lately...just with everything that's going on, and then of course worrying about school and my future...I can't seem to lift it all up to God. Then the learning side...2 things...one was seeing God's goodness even in dark times...second one was trusting in God's sovereign plan for you...like wow...that just hit me so hard...when bad things happen to you, it's not for no reason you know, God has a purpose...in the book of James...it says the testing of your faith produces perseverance. So yeah, that just really hit me hard, to trust God, in His plan...that in the most toughest times and stressful times...that's when I need to draw to Him and cling to Him the most. He's pruning my faith, making it genuine, shaping and moulding me into his likeness...I just had to trust in Him whole heartedly and give up everything to Him. The last thing on the side...was on the learning side...it was making prayer a daily part of your life...as cliche as it sounds and though you might hear it a lot...prayer is powerful...and I'm still learning that. Prayer is our means of communication with God...it's where we confide in Him, appreciate and thank Him, give glory to Him and praise His name. He's always there to listen to us and He's always there to comfort us and support us. We just need to pray to Him and keep the lines of communication open. It's like you're on one side of the door and God's on the other...a lot of the times, it's us to closes the door on Him and turns our back on Him...but He's never left....He's still waiting patiently on the other side of the door for us to go back to Him...He'll never forsake us, even in the darkest times...He's still with us whether we know it or not. Guess I still have a lot of learning and growing to do myself.