An Update On Me...

They say that the hardest part of falling is getting back up. I just feel like I'm at rock bottom right now...and it's just so hard to get back up and get back on track with everything. I'd like to first apologize for being so loaft on this blog...but you guys aren't the only one, there are plenty of messages and emails that need replies that I still haven't managed to get to yet. To sum up the story of what's happened to me in span of 2-3 weeks I believe...I lost my wallet, all my id and stuff, lots of money...then like a week later when I was slowly getting over it and getting my life back on track...I lose my bag, inside was my macbook and a bunch of other stuff...after that, I just slipped you know...I was on the uphill curve, slowly getting back on track, then that just really set me back all the way to the bottom...and now, I find myself just really stuck there, with no motivation and no hope to get up inside me. It's like the fire inside me is really dim...it's not dead yet, but it's close you know. With a lot of my close friends and the people I talk to away at university, I find my circle of real, close friends getting smaller and smaller...this whole situation has really tightened my circle even more...I've isolated myself and been ignoring a lot of people...but the same can be said that perhaps they aren't lending a helping hand when I need it most. So yeah, these days...I'm just in one of those moods...where ball is one of my only and biggest comforts and I have a very, super small circle of people I can talk to and open up with how I'm actually doing. Other than that...whenever people ask me hey what's up or how are you doing...I just categorize that as small talk...and I hate small talk. But I think what I hate even more are those msn/text friends...where they only talk to you on msn or text...it's never in person, yet they say they always ask how you're doing...but it's never in person, so to me..that doesn't really count. I've been so lackluster and just unmotivated at school...the only time I'm really happy is when I'm playing ball or with certain friends. I do feel kinda bad that I've secluded myself from a lot of people and really kept to myself...but at the same time, when you see a friend down...it should be your...I don't wanna say obligation or duty...but it should be up to you to be making more of an effort to reach out to them because of the state they are in. So bare with...I've literally hit a brick wall, and am really down and at rock bottom right now...be patient with me, give me time to slowly get back on my feet again. Sigh...I don't even know what else to say...I have so many things on my mind, so many things to say, so many things written on paper, on my phone...I'll save it for another time I guess. There's also so many things I want to say to certain people, so many things I wish they would say to me, so many things I wish I could change or do different. One thing I can bank on as of late...is to simply be appreciative of the things that I have around me...and trust in God's plan for me...that this will all work out in the end and for the better.