Faith

I had a lot of things to say, but I forgot lol. Well I guess I'll take you back a few weeks ago to when my old pastor came to speak at my church. I wrote notes during her sermon, but I can't seem to find it atm....but I told her about the things I was struggling with prior to her coming to speak and her message really hit me, I felt like God was speaking through her to me. She talked about God's timing vs our timing. How sometimes we feel God has to work right at this second because things aren't going our way or things are too hard...but she was saying how God's timing is perfect, that He knows when to step in. I shared the verses a few posts ago about temptation, how God knows how strong we are and He will never let us be tempted beyond what we can bear. Just like that, God's timing...is perfect, He knows exactly what He is doing, we just have to have faith in Him, that it'll all work out and it'll all be in His plan and the plan that He has for us. Now today, the sermon...there was this one quote that really stuck out to me..."life can be understood backwards, but can only be lived forwards". To me...that hit a real big nerve...I was sharing this at my devo on Saturday,,,that I was looking back on things I've been struggling as of late, things that really brought me down, things that really made it feel like it was the end of the world...failing 3 courses, losing my wallet and macbook, girls, the future...all this stuff...I stressed so much about...and some I still do, but God has really given me the strength and walked with me through this tough time. And this quote helped me and gave me another bit of strength. That when you look at life backwards...it'll all make sense...that you had to struggle hear to this could happen, that you had to fail this so you could learn this and triumph here...that this bad thing had to happen to you so this good thing could happen to you. When you look at life backwards...everything makes sense because you get to see the end result...so you know that whatever bad thing that happened wasn't for no reason...and it got me thinking to how as of late, I've been really wishing I could look into the future, just so I could see that everything is alright, that all this schooling is not for nothing, that my future is secure. I've been so scared with school and what I'm gonna do after or even what I'm gonna do next year...that I just want God to show me the way, literally hold my hand and walk me down the path I'm supposed to walk, but that's not how it works. We have to take those steps by ourselves...with the hope and the faith that God will guide us. Which brings me to the second part of the quote...that though life makes sense backwards...it can only be lived forwards...so you have to go through those tests, those hard times, those struggles....those feelings of it being the end of the world....it's all necessary for the end result...for you being able to stand there 30 years from now and going oh, I get it...now I understand why I had to suffer...and I'm slowly starting to get it. And my faith in God that He will lead me and guide me through these tough times is becoming more and more firm and secure. Thank you God...for always being there despite how many times I doubt You, turn my back on You and lose faith in You...You never gave up on me...never...thank You.

Michael Buble - Haven't Met You Yet Cover (Ben Sharkey)

So bomb...

Stress Pt. 2...

So my friend just asked me to lead devos tomorrow at crossfit and I said yeah...well he asked if I had anything on my mind that I wanted to share...and I guess I do. A few days ago, I was just laughing...at things that I stressed about long time ago, or even recently...and I laughed at how distraught I was and how upset and really nervous I was, it was funny because I would doubt God or pray that He would give me the strength, I would think it was the end of the world...and when you're in that situation, it really feels like that. Then I thought again...how God is always in control...how we only see what's in front of us, one piece of the puzzle...whereas God sees the whole blueprint, the whole masterpiece. I was talking with this girl just now at dinner and she was saying how now that we're older, we have a different perspective on things, and say we're talking to someone in grade 10 or something...we've experienced all the things that they're experiencing or about to experience, so we have a diff perspective from them, so we may be like don't do that, don't you know what might happen...thing is they don't because they haven't experienced it. But yeah it just brought me back to how though sometimes in the heat of the moment, things seem unbearable and it's gonna be the end of the world...God is in control...and He knows you better than you know yourself...He knows how much you can handle and He knows how strong you are...brings me back to the verse I have on my blog..."No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 1 Corinthians 10:13 and also this one "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything." James 1:2-4...so it's like all these trials and tough times are necessary for us to grow as people and as christians...and though it seems tough right now, God knows how much we can handle...He is always in control and is faithful...we really do have to trust Him...and it's crazy and it's hard...because life is scary...we want to know what's going to happen to us..but God says to trust that He has a plan for each and every one of us.

Good Friday

What's up...since I'm still up, thought I'd blog a bit...today was a great day...woke up around noon ish, went to all you can eat sushi with my parents and their church friends...came home, then went to church right away for worship practise cuz we were leading worship for the good friday service. It was fun lol...except for being super tired and my voice was dying lol...we finally got a new english pastor at our church...he spoke today...it's definitely gonna be great getting to know him and just having him there. Afterwards, we went out for dessert and just talked and had a time of fellowship and stuff. After that, came home around 11:30 ish and my friend came over to finalize some stuff for softball...this is my 3rd year playing, last year was ast. coach, this year I'm head coaching, so just had to finalize a bunch of things...took a shower, now I'm chilling.

Pink - Try

Besides being really catchy, I really like the chorus...where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame...where there is a flame, someones bound to get burned.

Dreams Turned Real...

I told you guys about my dreams a few posts ago and what I’ve been thinking about lately. I feel like it’s slowly but surely coming true…not exactly the way it happened in my dream, but like how everything played out. I feel like you’re leaving real soon, too soon…and we don’t…or there isn’t that much time…I feel like I’m just letting you go again, without telling you what’s in my heart. I don’t even know what’s in my heart, but it’s something lol. I know I’ll be seeing you a lot come summer…but after that…it’s like you’re leaving…and like the first time, I’m not doing anything about it. Whether what I have to say makes a difference or not, it’s something I should do, but at the same time I don’t want to hold you back…it’s like I have all these thoughts in my head but it doesn’t translate when I message you and I hold back immensely.

Oh Canada!

What’s good, you know my blog can track how many views my blog has from each specific country…so I just wanted to share with you guys that Canada is less than 1,000 hits from reaching 100,000…damn…THAT’S CRAZY…100,000 just in Canada alone…oh man…speechless right now, thank you.

Shai Linne - Faithful God

This is definitely keeping my spirits high and keeping my faith strong...
"We can't trust us, on You we rely. Everything we need, Lord you will supply."

The Finish Line...

So next weeks marks the official last week of classes...that's just crazy to me...that I'm gonna be done my third year. And just talking to a lot of people...I'm nervous,  but I'm also trying not to stress myself out about it. Like, it'll be my second time applying for concurrent education and me and my friend are really cutting it tight this year...the due date is like April 16 or 19th and we haven't applied yet...so we gotta get on that soon...then we both applied to communications as a backup. And I dunno...I guess me personally...I'm feeling kinda lost...like as positive as I try to be...you do have to think of all possible scenarios. What if I don't get into concurrent education...that's a very possible scenario...what if I don't get into communications...then what. Like my last, last, last resort obviously is to stick it our in kinesiology and retake the courses I failed of course...but if not...then what...I really don't know. Like I know I have to be proactive and stuff...but I was also saying that I have this hope...scratch that, I know...I just have faith that everything will be alright. That God will really guide me through this tough and confusing time and show me some sort of sign or guide me in some direction so I know what I'm doing or where I\m going...it's scary. If you're reading this...please pray for guidance and faith...that God will really guide me and show me the way...and that I will have faith in Him in all circumstances and no matter how hard it gets.

Stress...

I was scrolling on facebook and found this interesting post...

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz.to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed  In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longest I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed - incapable of doing anything.

It's important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night. Remember to put the glass down!

That really...how our stresses...our problems in life, are only as big as we make them. The longer we hold onto the glass of water, the heavier it becomes. The longer we hold onto our stresses,  problems and grudges, the more it consumes us and really just takes over our body. It's important to just relax sometimes,or face your problems and conquer them...no point of stressing over things you can't change.

Things White People Can't Say

LOOOL I actually died...

Second Chances, First Impressions...

I keep thinking about you...scratch that, not thinking about you, dreaming about you, is that weird? We've been talking a lot lately and I don't even know how to explain the feeling I'm feeling anymore. It's a comfortable feeling, a warm feeling. When I see you, it's different, we have history but when I see you, I don't see the same person I met years ago, you're different...good different lol. But yeah, the thing is, I keep dreaming about the same thing, the same situation over and over. First the flashback hits...of that day it all happened, standing in the stairs, looking you in the eye and letting you walk away...then messaging you over text like a softie lol. Then the dream begins...and it's the exact same scenario...we're standing in the stairs...looking at each other, and you're waiting...you're expecting me to say it...I hesitate, and you turn to walk away like you did before...but this time I chase after you, grab your hand, turn you around and kiss you...this is usually the part where I wake up or stop day dreaming...and in my head, it seems obvious what it means, but in my heart...it's a completely blur lol. I like the way things are now, but how things could be or are progressing is also nice as well, but there are plenty of things holding me back. We both have baggage, and we both have things that keep us from expressing ourselves...I don't even know lol...

Hell Month...

So I've given up on always saying my bad for the lack of posts lol, I'll just sum it up in 2 ways...one, I am really busy...two, I'm really loaft lol sorry. But yeah, April's looking to be a brutal month...not like a lot of work, but just the amount of studying I'm gonna have to do...well not really actually...I have 3 finals, 2 are in class and back to back days and one is actually in the exam schedule. One on April 3rd in class, one on April 4 in class, then school's over for me...final exam on April 26 at night. Then that's it...3rd year's a wrap...wow...that's crazy to me...gonna be turning 21...starting my 4th year in September...seeing the kids grow up and start university...seeing my friends graduate university and move on to the next stages of their lives...damn...the future is in arms reach...

Physically Exhausted...

What's good...today was a long day lol...skipped my 8:30 class and made it for my 10:30 tutorial. My prof made me present my answer to this question and it was jokes lol...the TA was like that was great Rodmond, I really wish you would participate more, you have great ideas and could really shine in this class LOOOOL. What else...had a break, watched some shows and movies on my laptop...had class at 4, debated handing in my essay and leaving but stayed for class lol, it was important stuff anyways. Just now, went to church for crossfit and dodgeball lol....came home at like 12 and ate dinner, showered at 1...now watching shows lol. Tomorrow is Raptors game...can't wait for it...I really need a break...

Kid Cudi - The Prayer

It's not really a slow jam...but these are the kind of vibes I've been feeling lately...that slow moody kinda music...since I've been doing essays and homework lol...need some like relaxing music.

Passion Pit - Constant Conversations

Shoutout to my friend who showed me this...if he reads this that is lol. This song is mad soothing...been playing it a lot while I've been doing homework. It has like a Weeknd type of vibe to it....

FREEEEEEEEEEEEDOM

I'M ECSTATIC. Today, had my test in the morning, handed in 2 essays...just now...literally like 5 minutes ago, finished my last essay...can't wait to go to school tomorrow, hand it in and I'm freeeeee...till finals at least. Going to a Raptor game with the homies Friday, so happy...I really need a break.

Homework Is My Life...

Wow I've been so slacks...like I have less posts than days that have passes in March...that means I'm not even posting like once per day lol. My bad...but uh an update...I told you guys I had 3 essays, 2 due Wednesday and 1 due Thursday and also 1 test on Wednesday. Started on Saturday, got to about 1,200 words on Saturday. After church and all that ish, didn't have practice, so I went home right away to finish my finish my first essay, got to about 2,700 words. After that, headed to my friend's house for dinner...it was so fun lol cuz they had 2 deep fryers, so we deep fried everything lol....chicken, pork, shrimp, potatoes, sweet potatoes, onions, bananas and even oreos lol. Watched like 3 movies throughout the night as well. Monday came along...stayed at home the whole day...didn't start my second essay till like 3 ish...finished in like 3-4 hours...got like 1,800 words, then went to ball...so yeah it was a very productive day. Today is Tuesday...probs gonna start my last essay and try to do at least half of it....gotta also study for my test tomorrow as well, which is why I'm only gonna do half cuz this essay is due Thursday, so I got time. I have lots of things to say and talk about lol, will get to that eventually though...

Kanye West - Bittersweet feat. John Mayer

"I don't want you, but I need you. I love you and hate you at the very same time." Exactly how I feel about you atm...sometimes you're on...and sometimes you're off. Sometimes I can read you like a book and I know exactly what you're thinking and sometimes you're so good at putting up a front. Sometimes, you're so open, straight up and blunt with me...and sometimes you hold back. I really don't know what we are lol...it's weird. I don't even wanna get too much into this right now lol...

Life As Of Late...

I know I've been so slacks lately lol and I keep saying the same thing, so instead of explaining myself, I'll just fill you in on what I've been doing these few days...Wednesday, I had class early morning till evening, came home and showered and ate dinner and called it a night. Thursday, skipped my super early class and went at like 10:30, left school at like 5...went to church at night and worked out and played dodgeball, didn't come home till 12 and ate dinner and showered lol. Today, just chilled, prepped for fellowship, did some work. I'm so stressed...well not really lol, not feeling the stress yet, but got a test on Wednesday, 2 essays on Wednesday and another essay on Thursday...if I can make it to Thursday, I'll be happy, but I'll probably be so drained. What else...just came home and had a good talk with my friend in the car...I love talking to him, we talk about anything and everything. We were talking about like school, problems, girls, the future, change, eeverything...just how far we've come...it's crazy, I really appreciate it. Aside from school though, my plate has been clear, well...full, but clear of everything else lol...and I'm happy because of that...just chilling...talking and surrounding myself with great people...but been having lots of mixed emotions as of late with certain things lol.

Seriously...You're Loaft...

I'm sorry lol...I told y'all a lot of the times I'm either busy or I come home late and I'm tired and too lazy to post. So what happened...Sunday...had church as usual, came home and just loafted and chilled. Today was a productive day though...woke up at like 11 ish, rushed and got my stuff together, went to the library with my friend...finished up some work...thought I had an essay due Wednesday, turns out it's due next week, so didn't focus that much in the library lol. Came home, my friend came over and we gamed for a bit, then reached ball at church and it was a great turnout, felt real good, I love exercising and working out and playing sports...it's so refreshing and stress relieving. Again, I'm really sorry I've been so slacks lately...and my heart hasn't really been in it, but I do have lots to say. What happens a lot of the time is I write all these things down on the Notes app in my phone as they happen...and I write it out here later on, I just wanted to post right now to give you guys a little something something lol.

Charles Hamilton - Most Likely To Succeed

Drake - 5 AM In Toronto

You know I had to post this...Drizzy is killing the game...putting Toronto on his BACK...Started From The Bottom may be more catchy...but this goes way more hard...

From Me To You...

This is my last letter to you...I pray for the best for the both of us and may whatever is in God's will for you and for me and for both of us be done. This time apart has been great...it's really allowed me to collect my thoughts and really evaluate what my emotions, feelings and intentions really are. The fact that we still talk consistently is so encouraging to me. And I'm so glad I know where my heart stands with you now, it took a really long while and I struggled with it for the longest time...I was so confused and flustered with this whole ordeal...but slowly but surely, I'm putting it all behind me, not to sound rude either. But yeah...I've been so good lately...I've really been able to take a step back and evaluate this whole thing with a clear head and it really helped me out, so thank you for that.

I Am So Loaft...

I just realized I haven't posted since Tuesday...here's the thing...half of me is really busy and half of me is really lazy. And by half, I mean like 40% is busy and 60% is lazy lol. This week was a really easy going week, I was only at school for 2 days instead of 3. Tuesday I went for only one class, Wednesday I was planning on handing in my assignment to my 4pm class then leaving right away, but the prof was soooo sneaky...cuz he realizes a lot of people do that, so we had a guest speaker and he didn't put up the folders to hand the work in until after they were done speaking...so I left at like 6 ish...so annoyed. But yeah, Thursday...yesterday...had 2 morning classes and a late afternoon one, was planning on skipping my early morning one and going to the second one and my afternoon one, but got an email saying my late afternoon class was cancelled, so decided to just skip altogether lol. So yeah, Thursday was a mad loaft day, home alone...watched a bunch of shows and movies and stuff...went to my friend's church at night for a crossfit workout then 2 solid hours of dodgeball. Today was somewhat productive lol, went to the library with my friend, we were scared it was gonna be packed but it was so empty...we realized it's a Friday, also the Friday before March Break, so no one wants to be at the library, we intended to stay till like 5...but we were absolutely dying...left at like 4 lol then had church and stuff. I'm sorry I've been so loaft with posting as of late. What happens a lot of the time is I come home late, get comfortable, watch my shows and am so tired and lazy that I don't blog lol. Other than that...this week has been so easy going...so relaxing...even with school and work...like I've been doing really good lately...lots of people have been giving me encouragement and keeping me strong and praying for me which I really appreciate. I can genuinely say I've been really happy and mostly stressfree as of late lol.

Workout, School, Ball...

What's good, today was a really chill day...I only had one class at 4 and I was at school at like 11 cuz my mom drove me. Got a good workout in, then got some food, then hit the library at like 1 ish. Got some time to do some work and finish some things off, then went to class lol. Afterwards, rested at home and went to ball with my dad at church with his friends...convinced my brother to go, so we made it like a family thing lol. It was really fun cuz my bro wouldn't normally go out with us, so it was great and he hasn't played ball in a while lol so that was fun too. Now just chilling at home...2 more days of school and it's the weekend again, but it's gonna be 2 long days of school. Starting next week, I have an essay due every week...3 essays...sigh...then 1 test and 2 midterms, then a long break tilll April 26, my last midterm, then summer...it seems pretty short and it is, but it's gonna feel long and brutal, I just know it lol...

This Week...

This week has been really good to me, God...has been really good to me. For the first time in a long time, my mind has been really clear and I've been able to take a good approach on life and just my daily tasks. It's true when one door closes, another one opens. I can't really disclose too much information about that yet...but I'm in a good state of mind right now, I'm happy, genuinely happy. I've been talking to a lot of people lately, well scratch that...a lot of people have been reaching out to me lately, and I am so grateful and appreciative. When I say that school is only on my mind...I really mean that this time, I can't wait to get these 3 essays done and finals and then summer...2 more months...it seems so long, but at the same time so short...and I'll be done my third year...damn. Special thank you to one person, who really has gave me that sense of comfort and trust...I'm so encouraged to see how much you've grown and changed. I'm thankful we've stayed in contact and are still as close as we are today...it means the world to me. Whatever God has planned for us in the future is definitely up in the air, but I will always care deeply for you and I've always got your back. Thanks for being there...

Lincoln Brewster - Today Is The Day

This song definitely gave me strength through this hard time

An Update On me...

I am feeling oh so great as of late...God is wonderful and just amazing. Honestly, He's never been so evidently visibly working in my life...and it's a beautiful sight and feeling. He is answering my prayers for strength and encouragement...through people, unlikely people at that. Yesterday it continued when my friend who I'm slowly getting to know more and more this year opened up to me and told me that he's there for me and that he's praying for me and we just talked more...and it was so great, to see him come out of his shy bubble and approach me like that, I was so grateful and thankful to God. Secondly was this afternoon when I bumped into my friend at Costco...well not my friend lol, my crush...in elementary school LOOOL, yeah I've known that girl for that long and we go to the same university, but I never knew that lol, so we exchanged numbers and have been talking since and she's been really uplifting my spirits as well. Also today, I got a chance to right a wrong that's been on my heart and I got to talk to one of my friends and clear some of the things between us which was great. Lastly was when my friend drove me home and we had our usual heart to hearts...and it was great as usual, I've definitely gotten so much closer and more comfortable with him. And all these things I attribute to the grace or God...who is so amazing and generous...to honestly send me encouragement through these people and to really lift my spirits after feeling so down for the longest time...but there's still one heavy thing on my heart, one wrong I have yet to right...and it's probably one of the biggest things that's weighing my heart down, but I know God will guide me through it.

First Timers...

It's always interesting to talk to people and hearing them tell me it's their first time going on my blog or they just discovered my blog lol. I get some pretty interesting reactions lol. One girl was like woooow you write so much, I never knew you were so deep. Pretty much, people don't expect it I guess, cuz my exterior...if you don't know me...is pretty quiet and shy. So, I guess the phrase don't judge a book by it's cover comes to mind lol...even my friends, or people I talk to, when they first see or saw my blog...were surprised lol, that I have so much to say, that I'm so "deep" as people like to put it...I guess I just like voicing my opinion and thoughts, whether that's on here or on twitter. I never was like that before...when I first started this blog, I never intended it to become as personal and real as it is today...it used to be just music videos and pictures and stuff like that. Then I started to let you guys know more about my life and the things I go through and my thoughts and now that's the main chunk of it lol. I'm always surprised that people want to know what I have to say or what I'm thinking...the numbers don't lie I guess.

Encouragement From Unlikely Sources...

What's good, so these past few weeks have just been really hard for me, going through a lot...but as of late, it's been getting better...by the grace of God, giving me the strength and encouragement via my surroundings. Obviously, I've been talking to a lot of people as of late, my close friends and the usual suspects, but recently, like this past week...I've received encouragement from very unlikely sources. First would be my ex, we were chilling the other day just catching up and stuff and I decided to just share with her what I've been going through...and we've been talking a lot as of late and she's really been lifting my spirits, making me happy and giving me encouragement physically, mentally and most important spiritually. 2nd would be this girl who I haven't talked to or seen with in a while, we went on the missions trip to Cleveland together and she messaged me one day saying how she went through my blog and she likes how it's going, she's always been a firm supporter. She told me she's been reading my posts and she's been praying for me...which really hit me hard and we just kept talking back and forth, catching up and sharing with each other what we've been learning so far. She shared with me this verse from Romans 5:3-5 that says "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." It was just really encouraging talking to her, this year is her first year of university, so we were just trading stories and such. 3rd would be my pastor, who messaged me recently to check up on me and see how I'm doing and to ask if there was anything she could pray for. It was kinda random, but I have a hunch she may have read my blog as well. But regardless, I'm very thankful and appreciative for her encouraging words as well, it meant a lot to me cuz I didn't expect it from any of these people. Which brings me to my next point...about God answering our prayers. Sometimes, He does so without us even knowing it...because sometimes we expect so much or we expect a certain answer or resolution in our head, but when we step back, we realized God has answered it, in His own way, not our way. Like in my situation for example, He gave me encouragement and strength, through the most unlikely of people...but yeah, it's crazy how God works I guess.

Logic - Worthy

M.I.A.

I know I've been mad loaft on posting as of late lol sorry, I've had a lot on my plate and with my free time, I've just been chilling and relaxing, been way too stressed as of late. Anyways, like 5 minutes ago, I tried to come on my blog and was directed to SCM music player's site...started freaking out cuz I was like...wtf, this is the link to my blog, where is it...asked my friend to check and he said he saw the same thing, started freaking out some more lol. Finally got on blogger and deleted the music player...turns out I'm not the only one, bunch of tumblr and blogger people, anyone who uses SCM music player has the same problem, so no music for now...until I find a new music player hopefully lol. Not much is up lately, lots of work to do...3 essays coming up, then the home stretch to exams...can't believe my 3rd year of university is almost over...damn.