Chance The Rapper = Nostalgia

"Heads down, eyes shut, time to play Seven Up
Heads bowed, hands clutched, bottles gone, Heavens up
Smiles come through, though my eyes might cry

When they reminisce over you, my God"

"Round here we lose best friends like every week,
I like to think we playin' a long game of hide and go seek." 

Heart And Mind

It's been a minute, I hope you've been well, this is something I've been working on as of late, I dunno if it's finished, I dunno if it's unfinished, but here you go...accompanied with it is a picture I saw on twitter and I think it's pretty fitting.

I think I'm slowly losing track of time
Confusing reality versus my mind cuz it's a really fine line
Sometimes life gets slow, that's when I escape inside my dreams
A beautiful place, where my imagination reigns supreme
But sometimes, my heart and mind seem to disagree

They can never be in perfect symmetry

My heart says left, while my mind says right

My mind says run, while my heart says fight

My heart pours itself out, while my mind stays reserved

When my heart breaks my mind says it got what it deserved
My heart says my mind needs to express itself more
But my mind doesn't see what the point in that is for
Freedom of the soul, freedom of the whole
Where my heart and mind don't have to battle for control
A place where I feel peace and free in every way
A lifelong struggle to find balance with each and every passing day

If You're Reading This, It's Too Late

No really, if you're reading this right now as I post it, it's literally too late...it's like 2 am fam, go to sleep. As of late...I've been...happy, content, satisfied, well fed...physically, spiritually, mentally. I've been surrounding myself with real good company as of late. People who are happy, funny, positive, chill, encouraging...it's so nice. Sometimes it gets real draining being around sad people, like I've said before...hang around sad people long enough, you'll start to feel sad. I'm not saying ignore your friends going through problems because that's terrible...but in a sense, I kinda am saying that, in a very weird way. Happiness is a choice...if someone constantly chooses to feel sad and dwell in their negativity, it's hard as a friend to be there for them and to constantly say the same things over and over again. But Rodmond, isn't that what a friend is supposed to do...yes...and no. As a friend, you should be there and reassure t hem that everything is going to be okay...but at the same time you also have to be worried about your own mental health and well being. I'd say there does come a point where if every single conversation you have with someone revolves around the same thing and there's no WANT to improve...there's a problem. No improvement is one thing cuz it's a slow process...but there has to be a wanting to get better, a wanting to not be sad, you know? So if you're around somebody who is always sad, but has no desire to get better or be happy...then in a sense, you kinda have to distance yourself you know...I wouldn't consider that being a bad friend, I'd consider it looking out for your own health and well being. So as of late...I've been sure to check up on such friends who are going through tough times to be sure they're okay for the most part. But mostly, I've been selfish in a way, sorry to say...but I've been choosing to surround myself with positive people and in return...I'm happy, I'm laughing, I'm smiling, I'm feeling joy...yeah I still have stuff on my plate and worries in my heart, but I'm surrounding myself with happy, encouraging and upbeat people and it feels great you know. That's all I really wanted to say, I know there may be a lot of opinions on this about what is or what isn't a good friend and what you should or shouldn't do and what constitutes being selfish and such...but it's all about perspective right? But yeah, that just randomly came to my mind...late night thoughts eh...

Guest Writer #21: Free Spirit, Wild Heart

Guest Writer #1: SpeakingMyMind
Guest Writer #2: Letters To You

Guest Writer #3: TC

Guest Writer #4: Anonymous Queen B

Guest Writer #5: Someone You Used To Know

Guest Writer #6: Heartlocked

Guest Writer #7: LG Slayer 231

Guest Writer #8: TC

Guest Writer #9: G. Ho

Guest Writer #10: Golden Frieza

Guest Writer #11: Ghost Writer

Guest Writer #12: Pink Precariat

Guest Writer #13: Disconnect

Guest Writer #14: Daniel

Guest Writer #15: Golden Frieza

Guest Writer #16: Someone You Used To Know

Guest Writer #17: Yellow Rose

Guest Writer #18: SpeakingMyMind
Guest Writer #19: Heartlocked
Guest Writer #20: My Best Friend Agnes Part 2

Wow, it's been a while since we've had one of these, I think this is the first of the new year. So some of y'all have favourite kinds of posts on this blog, whether it be stories about girls, advice, rants or whatever. One of my favourite kinds of posts are the guest posts...cuz it's dope to read other people's thoughts, feelings and such...it's just cool seeing certain people in a different light than I usually see them, a more personal and meaningful light. Without further ado, here y'all go...
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Firstly, thanks to Rod for letting me have this outlet! This ended up being longer than I expected, haha, but I hope y'all can enjoy it and get something out of it as well.

I was listening to Miguel’s Spotify Session the other day at work and he was explaining the story behind his song “Sure Thing” which has always been a favourite of mine. (If you need a listen, here’s a good live version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6p2RRbukkI ) At first listen, it’s a tender R&B love song, but he was explaining how, ironically, he wrote it after he and his girlfriend broke up, as he realized how immature he had been and how he took her for granted. He wrote this song thinking about all the reasons why they were RIGHT for each other. He ended up getting a second chance with her. Man, if only we could all write heartfelt love songs....

The song has a hook that goes: “You could bet that, never gotta sweat that”. It really got me thinking because even though his relationship was over at the time, he once considered it a “sure thing.” I can relate, having gone through a break up recently. I was once SO sure of this relationship. But the funny thing about break-ups is that it breaks all the promises that were made, destroys your plans for the future and tears two people apart, the same two people who were once so incredibly committed to all those promises and plans they made together, and to each other. You’re left to pick up the pieces on your own, as individuals. You go from one unit to being two different people, and you do things intentionally to separate yourselves from each other. You can't be sure anymore.

When someone goes from your world to a complete stranger, it’s hella sad and upsetting and it’ll make you so angry at everything and everyone. You lash out, try to blame them, blame yourself, blame anything. You’ll do things to distract yourself, go out so you don't have time to think or drink every night. You rebound all over the place with whoever you can get, even making those same promises you couldn't keep to someone else, just so you don't have to be alone. You'll become selfish and do things that you shouldn't do because you feel like you deserve to, after everything you've had to go through. You'll try to hurt the other person back and “win” the break-up, try to prove to everyone you're better off, anything to take the pain away from yourself, or at least control it... But y’know what happened with me was that eventually, I had to stop and sit there, and let it all sink in. I had to let it destroy me and kick me down. I let it hurt, and it hurt so bad, to the point that you’re begging God to just take it all away, begging that you could just sleep forever so you don’t have to feel anything anymore. And it sucked, SO BAD.

Then after all that, those rose-tinted glasses finally come off, and you see the situation for what it is. You see the good that came from it but you also admit to your own faults and failures. You see the person for who they really are, and you see the relationship for what it really was. It was a sure thing at the time… but you see, that’s the thing about relationships and being in love. When it’s good, it’s good, amazing even. Things come easily, and you can be so sure about it. But when it’s not so good, things get hard and you need to put in the effort. You have to be willing to communicate and compromise. You have to decide if you will let go of that pride you hold so tightly and work to make things better, or if you’re going to give up on the one thing you were once so sure of, the one thing that you've invested so much into. The sad part is that it takes two people, and if one's not in it, it's already over. A love that’s trusting, respecting and long-lasting doesn’t just happen, yet so many people think it should be a breeze, that it's always going to be good and easy, otherwise it wasn't meant to be. And it’s a shame because you see relationships end because of this. It's a shame that people blame it on outside factors, or losing feelings or all this other stuff, just because it's easier. It’s a shame that people are willing to give up a sure thing.

I had my wins, losses, successes and mistakes during the relationship, but everything has a lesson learned. I may have lost one person but I gained an ENTIRE VILLAGE of people who truly love and care about me. I rekindled and made new friendships. I rediscovered myself and remembered who I was before this person. I opened my eyes to the truth that those rose-tinted glasses so blinded me from. And most importantly (as Rod would say) I learned to trust in the process. I'm a firm believer that if it's meant to be, God will let it happen. If it doesn't happen, then God probably just saved your ass from a disaster!

Just like a shark, you keep swimming forward. Keep doing you and you’ll find your sure thing, and you won’t have to question it at all. You can bet that, never gotta sweat that!

I Can See It In Your Eyes

So a couple of years ago, I went on a missions trip and during the trip, all of the youth had a chance to sit together with our counselor and just go around and say what we appreciated about everyone. So our counselor went around the room and he came to me and he was like Rodmond, you're a very quiet, calculative person, tho you don't say much outwardly...your eyes, they say a lot, you're always observing and your eyes speak volumes, he went on for a while about that. But yeah, I was just sitting around and that came to mind...and it really is true now that I think about it...I'm quiet to a certain extent, but I say a lot with my eyes. It's kinda like that saying you can lie with your lips, but you can't lie with your eyes...that's a saying, right? I guess it's also why the eyes are probably one of my favourite and first things I look at in a girl. It's really easy to put up a front outwardly, put on a smile, laugh a bit and people think you're all good. But with your eyes, you can see it all...approval, appreciation, happiness, gladness, sadness, disappointment, pride, love. I had this one friend...who I could look into her eyes and immediately knew how she was feeling, no matter what she said or told me...I could see it in her eyes and tell she felt differently. Through someone's eyes...are experiences, memories...things we've seen that end up in our systems and that we keep in our hearts. Yeah, that's all I wanted to say really, not sure where else I wanna go with this lol, just an interesting memory and thoughts.

Let Go, Let God

It sounds like such an easy concept doesn't it, faith...it's just trust, it's just believing right, sounds easy enough. Man it's so tough tho, and it's one of those easier said than done things. A student in my scunday school described faith by using a poker example, saying faith is going all in and just hoping for the best. All in...not saving one chip here or there, all in...every single chip on the table, but with God...it's there's a sense of certainty that should be there...knowing he'll come through versus hoping he'll come through. I've been very mellow about life and the present...but I've been struggling and worrisome about the future...job, relationships, life...it's a scary thing...and seeing your friends flourish and/or struggle only adds more pressure as well. Let go and let God...to take control in every single aspect of my life. This struggle and journey of what I'm meant to do with and for the rest of my life. The puzzle that is who I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with. The uncertainty and foggy path that is the future and what's going to happen. I'm consciously reminding myself everyday...to let go and let God. I'm reminded of a Francis Chan video, a pastor, where he talks about your life on this earth versus life after death. How we focus so much on this life on earth and what we're gonna do tomorrow and a month from now...but this life on earth is so short, whereas your life after...is forever, is eternity, I know some of you guys might not believe or understand what I'm talking about, and I'm probably not doing it justice, so I'll link the video below. But right now, I'm just reminding myself of hod good God is...and the certainty that is in his plan and provision.

The Fear Of Failing

Gonna do my best to keep this short before I get all cliche. First, thank you to my friend for encouraging me and lifting me up to Christ when I was feeling very down and discouraged. The fear or failing and rejection is a very scary thing...like how many times do you fail or get rejected before you say enough is enough? Cue all these Michael Jordan quotes in my head about missing 100% of the shots you don't take or missing and failing so many times, but never giving up and that's why he wins. In basketball terms and as a shooter, just cuz I miss a shot. I don't let that stop me from shooting, but if I've missed 10 shots in a row, that starts to take it's toll and in your mind it's like okay maybe I should shouldn't shoot anymore. But at the same time, when I dislocated my knee in grade 10...I was very scared the first year without my cast...what if I reinjure myself, I didn't trust my knee yet or my strength...but look at me now, if I let that deter me from sports, who knows, what I'd be up to. In the same way, if you like a girl and you never tell her...you'll always have that what if feeling. I know I'm saying like 2 different things here, but the fear of failing is scary, but one thing my friend said is that every single successful person...has failed at least once, but the thing about failing is whether or not you get up and try again. It's one thing to fail, but never let that failure or rejection make you feel like you're not good enough. I guess that's where I am, scared of failing, scared of rejection...of all the 'what ifs'...but I'm reminding myself that rejection or failure, doesn't mean I'm not good enough...and it's a real test of how bad I want it I guess. But at the same time, I do need to know when to say enough is enough. I know this post is all over the place so I'll just leave it at that lol. Never let failure make you feel like you're not good enough!

Stuck At A Crossroads

I've been struggling a lot lately...what if something you love/want to do isn't perhaps the most idealistic or realistic thing to do? It's tough when you talk to people and get different perspectives and opinions, you can't help but be influenced by what they say. And that's kinda where I am at this point...I wanna be a teacher...the idea and the feeling is really growing on me, I think it's what I'm meant to do, but I'm debating with myself/starting to convince myself that maybe it may not be the most idealistic/realistic option. Yeah I get to graduate this summer, but then having to do another year for school (long story) before 2 years of teacher's college...by the time I finish I'll be around 27-28 and even then I'm not guaranteed a teaching job right after I graduate. It's just really weighing on my heart whether or not this is the most realistic option. So many people around me are already graduated and establishing their lives and full time jobs. My friend made a good point about whether or not I wanna START establishing my career at like 27-28. so I'm really torn right now...something I think that I'm meant to do and think that I enjoy and would be good at...versus establishing a career before it's perhaps too late. It\s always easier said than done, but I really do have faith that God has a plan for me, but at the same time it's tough when push comes to shove and you're in the heat of the moment. It's funny cuz in sunday school, I've been teaching about faith and some of the sermons have been about faith and faith being all in like a poker game...you go all in and kinda just hope for the best. I'm definitely really praying for strength and patience, I know this will only serve to strengthen my faith, I know it's gonna be hard, but like poker, I'm all in...nothing held back, I'm trusting in God's plan.