Shai Linne - Faithful God

Fame or Juliet - Dreams of Reality

LOL of the Moment

Yesterday...

What day was yesterday? Oh right Monday...so the start of reading week, went to school to play ball and chill with my friend. Went to his class, did some readings, loafted a bit. Then we went to eat lunch and it was the first time I tried jerk chicken...SOOOO GOOD. After that, we played ball for the longest time, so tired, then went to the library to get some books for our classes, was super windy and raining cuz of this hurricane in New York? I don't even know where it is...this is what I mean by I'm so uninformed lol. But yeah, after that, we went to my church for more ball and that just killed me, totally drained and fatigued and feet were dying. Today was just a loaft day...stayed at home playing videogames and watching shows...did some readings here and there lol.

Words of Wisdom

"Sometimes it's about getting there, not getting there. Sometimes it's the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination." - Drake

John Mayer - Gravity

I was watching Dwayne Wade, a basketball player, talk about his playlist and the songs he listens to and he mentioned this song and how it's relaxing and it soothes him. My friend is also a big fan of John Mayer, so he has to be good. The likes of Kanye West and Wale have also worked with him too...

Random Thoughts

I wrote this yesterday at like 1:15 am on my phone cuz I knew I would forget in the morning, but just lots of events triggered a bunch of thoughts in my head and of course Drake's graduation speech spoke volumes to me, but yeah, here it is...

I don't want my life to be defined by the parties I go to, how many friends I have, how many drunk nights where I've thrown up and can't remember what happened the night before. I dunno, I guess just Halloween being on Wednesday and a lot of people partying this weekend, I've never been a big party person, I'll go here and there to a jam or two just for the sake of it, but it's not really my thing you know. I don't really like to drink and if you go to a party, you can pretty much expect drinking to be a major part of it. I'm also not a big fan or believer of hooking up or meeting people that way either, I guess you can call me old fashioned lol. Today at my friend's bday dinner, a lot of people were drinking and a lot of people were hyping up about drinking, my first initial thoughts were, we're all christians, we're all chrildren of God, yet if random strangers look at us right now...will they see a difference? We're talking about and acting like the world. People were talking about how much they know about alcohol and how they're so excited to drink and all that nonsense. And it was pretty crazy since our old pastor was there as well. But yeah, I dunno, it was really awkward U guess, then I also thought about Drake's graduation speech, how he said popularity, image, being cool and all that stuff...doesn't matter in the end. It doesn't matter in university and stuff. I thought that was so true...like I don't even know who's on any sports teams, on school council or whatever, and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. But yet, in high school, we work so hard and try so hard to conform, to fit in, to make people think we're cool and stuff...and I was just wondering damn...that's so true. Now that I'm older and I'm in university...I'm slowly caring less about what people think, and really just trying to live my life for me and for God. I guess, with all that experience in my pocket...that's what I really want to teach and to let the younger generation know...not to make that same mistake cuz it's not going to last...that popularity and that feeling of being on top...won't last you know, but yeah.

I dunno...those were just random thoughts last night lol...

Drake's Graduation Speech

Today...

Hey, what's up? Sorry for no posts yesterday, it was a really busy day kinda ish...lol...woke up at like 12, loafted for most of the day, took a shower, got ready and stuff for my friend's bday dinner at 6. It was such a fun time...got to see lots of people, got to see my old pastor, just lots of friends, lots of laughs, lots of good fun and lots of chicken wings haha. I definitely had a great time just catching up with people and stuff. Afterwards, we all went to her house to chill, watch a movie, we watched the Avengers again, it was just a good time, definitely reminded me of summer and all the times we would go and chill with my church homies. But yeah today was a long day, super tired, had to wake up at like 7:30 to go to church. So y'all know I usually teach grade 4-6 sunday school every 3 months...but the idea was brought up if I wanted to teach the older kids and today one of the ladies approached me and asked if I wanted to teach the grade 7-9 and I said sure...should be interesting. What else happened today, not much...had lunch with church mans, came back for practice, then went home. I'm so glad I have no school this week...well I'm only going to school Monday...to ball with my friend, pick up some books and go to the library for a bit too. Other than that, it should be a good reading week.

READING WEEK!!!

I know I've been mad slacks...sorry...had a presentation today...Thursday I mean...whenever I post at like 12am or after, I don't know whether to say today, or tomorrow lol. So I'll just say today, as in Thursday...but yeah...Wednesday I was at school all day, skipped fellowship at school to come home and work on a presentation that I did today. It went soooooo well, we got an A...after that, last class was at 4...then HOME FREE. Supposed to have a class next Tues, but prof cancelled it, and I have mon and fri off and wed is the start of reading week...so def be catching up on sleep, readings, homework and the blog of course. Got lots to update you on a bunch of things I have in stored...lots of tracks in line, I didn't forget that December 15 is rolling around the corner and 3 years of the blog is almost here...and a very, very, very special project/announcement which some of you guys already know about which I'll let you know closer to Christmas, stay tuned!

Today...

What's good, today was a long and boring day. I had one class from 4-5 pm but had to go early cuz that was the only time my mom could drive me to the bus stop. It was raining, all depressing, def didn't wanna go to school. Loafted for the longest time in the library cuz my wifi wasn't working on my laptop...took a nap, woke up and it was working lol, loafted a bit more, then finally did some work. Got some food, then went to class...it was pretty jokes, was sitting by myself then this one girl who I know came and sat beside me. So yeah...next week is reading week, it usually starts on Monday, but this year it starts on Wednesday, not sure why. So I have Mon and Fri off...and one class Tues...so I was contemplating skipping that one class on Tuesday and having the whole week off...ironically enough, today in class, prof goes, yeah...next Tuesday's class is cancelled HAHAHHA....SIIICKKK, so now reading week for me starts on Friday...got a presentation on Thursday that I'm kinda stressing about, so yeah...after that, can't wait till reading week. But after that, got a bunch of things coming up...another presentation, 2 book reports, 2 tests and one big assignment.

Childish Gambino - Break (All of the Lights)

Random Thoughts

Sorry, I've been so loaft...it's been really busy lately with school. But yeah...so you guys know, I write, I rap...sometimes, but I don't like to be called a rapper, I dunno why, or when people ask me if I'm a rapper, I'm like eh...LOOL. So a few years ago, I believe like when I was in high school...like grade 10-11 maybe...this church has this concert kinda thing in the summer once a year called Wildfire...it's pretty big I would say, one night where a bunch of youth...like a lottttt come together and sing and praise God. So anyways, that year, one of my friends was helping to coordinate it and plan it out...so yeah, like a few weeks before, I get a call from her, saying she had pitched the idea to them of me rapping at Wildfire and they said yes, so she was wondering if I'd be down...first of all, I've never done any performance before ever, only in the booth, so this was a major shock and an honour for me as well that they even considered me. But, I was so young, immature, nervous, shy...there was barely any time to prepare, and I wasn't physically or mentally ready, so I had to decline.  Anyways, fast forward to the present, during the meeting today...the idea was pitched of me perhaps rapping during the Christmas program on Dec 24. It was so weird...I feel like everything is coming together...and this time, it's something I'm strongly considering. I have a full 2 months to prepare...and also, y'all know how I had a bunch of written's ready to record in the summer but loafted...turns out, one of them, which I finished only a verse for...is perfect for the program. I dunno...I feel like everything that was stopping me last time is now falling into place this time...timing is right, I've a quarter to halfway done and can start practicing, I'm older, more mature, have some experience being on a stage and more confident in myself. I dunno...the only question I have for myself now is if I really want to do it? There are so many benefits too, since it's Christmas time, there'll be lots of people and it'll be a great opportunity to spread the gospel through rap...I dunno man, pray for me, this is really heavy on my heart at the moment, I'm not sure lol...half of me is super excited and wants to do it, another half is unsure, nervous and scared you know.

Kanye West - White Dress

LOL of the Moment

2 kids go on Judge Judy over a pair of Air Yeezys...LOOOL literally...rich kid problems...smh

From Me To You...

Today at dinner after fellowship...I had a really good talk with a friend. Well it first started after fellowship at church, he's going away to Panama for a job for 4 months...we just talked about that, how he wanted me to pray for him and stuff like that, talked about the details, living on his own and all that stuff. Then at dinner, we started talking more, how we're both doing, besides the usual school and stuff...and we just had a real good conversation about so many things...life, school, God, church, the future, family, everything...we talked about a purpose...our purpose in life...having a direction, goals or a path you know. We talked about like our concerns and prayer requests and things we've been struggling with, mainly worrying about things and not lifting it to God and not trusting Him and in His plan. I was talking about the future and school and a lot and he told me that maybe God just hasn't revealed His plan for you yet...but if you continue to seek Him, He will reveal Himself. He talked about like maybe I should focus less on school, not like grades, but like not worry about it as much cuz maybe that's not what God wants for me...we talked about like roles in the church and to sum it up...cuz it really was a lot...it was really an eye opening conversation and it really helped me out and it was something I really needed you know. I'm definitely going to keep him in my prayers as he leaves in November and will be back in March...I pray he stays safe and faithful to God...I pray he uses this opportunity to really figure out what he wants to do with his life, I pray that God will guide him and direct him during his trip. Thanks man, I appreciate it.

Random Thoughts

I know I haven't put out a track in a long time...truth be told, I've had writtens ready to record since summer...but got really preoccupied with a lot of things and now school's here and I'm really busy legit lol...but I have 2 tracks lined up, 1 incomplete and 1 that I've been working on recently...I might do this one first because it means a lot to me atm and it's gonna reflect a lot on what I've been going through and what I've been feeling...the calm before the storm...coming soon.

LOL of the Moment

Probs posted this before...one of the post credits from Community...

Today...

Honestly don't have much to say...was really tired today. Had an 8:30 class, set my alarm to 6:30, was awake...my eyes were dying...debated with myself whether to skip class and go to my 10:30 class, which would give me 2 extra hours of sleep cuz I'd wake up at 8:30 to catch the 9:30 bus instead of waking up at 6:30 to catch the 7:30 bus...ending up sleeping in and going to my 10:30 tutorial...it was jokes lol, we watched an episode of South Park...then had a discussion. Then chilled with my friend, napped at the library till my class at like 4...after that, had small group with my school's fellowship and we went through the book of Mark...it was really good, we did an inductive bible study and def got a lot out of it. Now just chilling at home...so glad I have no school tomorrow...heading to lunch with a friend though, got lots of catching up to do I guess...

Meek Mill - Maybach Curtains feat. John Legend, Nas, Rick Ross

Kendrick Lamar - Poetic Justice feat. Drake

Songs On My Playlist...

Right now...there are lots of songs on my playlist...there are also lots of artists specifically on my playlist...I'm always bumping lots of Drake and J. Cole...but as of late, I've been listening to lots of Meek Mill, Big Krit and Tyga...here are some songs that I've been listening to lately...another artist is also Logic, an up and coming rapper who I just immediately started bumping, his lyrics are so deep and from the heart.

Kendrick Lamar - Poetic Justice feat. Drake
Meek Mill - Maybach Curtains feat. John Legend, Nas, Rick Ross
Meek Mill - Real
Meek Mill - Used To Be
Meek Mill - On My Way
Tyga - I'm Gone feat. Big Sean
Tyga - Let It Show feat. J. Cole
Tyga - Light Dreams
Drake - The Calm
Drake - Sooner Than Later
Big Sean - How It Feel
Big Sean - 24k of Gold
J. Cole - Split You Up
J. Cole - The Badness
The Weeknd - Wicked Games
Frank Ocean - Forrest Gump
Kanye West - Hey Mama (Grammy version)

And a lot more lol...but this is what came to mind....

The Future...

I feel like the more I talk about the future...the more nervous I get, the more like I feel it's coming closer you know. When I say future, I don't mean the future of like this blog...or what I'm gonna do tomorrow...or next week. I'm talking about like my life, in the future, getting a job, starting a family, settling down, that kind of future. Today at CCF...my christian fellowship at York, we were just talking about the future. Some guy was like, yeah I've had a plan since high school...knew what I wanted to do...did all the prerequisites, did all the research, so I'm set. Me sitting there, it just got me thinking...I've never had a plan, I've never been one to map out what I wanna do later on...I just kinda go with it you know. It made me think of when I first started high school...I didn't have a plan...my electives...no thought into it, just copied my friend so we were in the same class. Grade 11 and 12 when it all starts to matter...no plan...had no idea what I wanted to do in university, barely gave it any thought. Didn't think too much into the courses I was taking and how that factors in to the programs I can apply for in university. Grade 12...university applications time, no plan again...no idea what I wanted to go into, no idea how I was going to apply, no idea what I wanted to do you know. And now...present time, in my 3rd year of university...again, I find myself with no plan...well somewhat of a plan. In my 3rd year...in the middle of programs...wanting to switch, but not sure if I fully want to, not sure how it's going to work, if I don't get in then what, if I do get in then what, how many more years of school am I gonna need, what do I wanna do after school...all these thoughts are like rushing at me and I'm so scared for the future you know. Seeing all these people graduate, get married, start to settle down, or think about settling down or think about getting married...like I'm 20 and the thoughts of moving out and living on my own or with friends or whatever is really hitting me you know. My friends who are older than me and about to graduate or have graduated aren't even thinking about these things, yet I am...and I'm still in school, that's weird. That's when we got into the program tonight...there was a checklist...one side of things we're struggling with and another side of things we're learning. I can sit here and elaborate on all of the ones of both sides that applied to me cuz there were so many that really hit me hard, but there were 4 that really stuck out to me and 1 on the side...that really hit me hard and helped me put things into perspective. 2 things on the struggling side...one was anxious about school, friends, grades, money...second one was trusting everything to God...I definitely feel like I've been struggling with this lately...just with everything that's going on, and then of course worrying about school and my future...I can't seem to lift it all up to God. Then the learning side...2 things...one was seeing God's goodness even in dark times...second one was trusting in God's sovereign plan for you...like wow...that just hit me so hard...when bad things happen to you, it's not for no reason you know, God has a purpose...in the book of James...it says the testing of your faith produces perseverance. So yeah, that just really hit me hard, to trust God, in His plan...that in the most toughest times and stressful times...that's when I need to draw to Him and cling to Him the most. He's pruning my faith, making it genuine, shaping and moulding me into his likeness...I just had to trust in Him whole heartedly and give up everything to Him. The last thing on the side...was on the learning side...it was making prayer a daily part of your life...as cliche as it sounds and though you might hear it a lot...prayer is powerful...and I'm still learning that. Prayer is our means of communication with God...it's where we confide in Him, appreciate and thank Him, give glory to Him and praise His name. He's always there to listen to us and He's always there to comfort us and support us. We just need to pray to Him and keep the lines of communication open. It's like you're on one side of the door and God's on the other...a lot of the times, it's us to closes the door on Him and turns our back on Him...but He's never left....He's still waiting patiently on the other side of the door for us to go back to Him...He'll never forsake us, even in the darkest times...He's still with us whether we know it or not. Guess I still have a lot of learning and growing to do myself.

School...

Getting real busy lately...have a test on Wednesday, in class assignment thing Wednesday, assignment due Thursday...presentation next Thursday...don't have any midterms yet, got one or two tests in November I believe...also got readings to do everyday...so yeah...things are really busy...I def really wanna focus and concentrate on school...but it's really hard lol, I'm not naturally smart and yeah...I have like ADD when it comes to school. I've already ranted about school, so y'all know how I feel about this stuff...it's just that, some of it is so useless you know...like look at some of the courses you're taking or have taken...when have you ever used that knowledge after school...probably never...useless...damn...yet we HAVE to do it...cheeses me. I know it's dumb and borderline ridiculous, but I always joke around about dropping out and becoming like a basketball player or a rapper...but sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I really considered it and threw all my time into making music and writing you know...lol...obv I'll never do that...but, damn...school just puts you in such a bummy mood, damn.

Musiq Soulchild - Teach Me

From Me To You...

This is just a small shoutout...to the people who have really reached out to me and lent a helping hand to me in the past couple of weeks...especially since I've been going through just a really rough patch. This applies to a lot of people...anyone who sent me messages, texts, phone calls, bible verses, etc. But more importantly...I really wanna give a huge thank you to those who I've had the chance to just sit down and talk to, heart to heart and really get my feelings and emotions out there and vent to y'all...it really means a lot to me for you guys to sit and listen to me and give me feedback and comfort, I really appreciate it, thanks. I really don't have too much else to say, other than a really select few people...most of the people I had heart to heart talks with are people I keep close in my circle and have those types of conversations often, but it still means a lot, thanks.

Today...

Hey, hey, hey...I know I've been really slacks on the blog...sorry. Y'already know I'm going through ish and getting better and back at it...so I don't need to continually tell you guys to bare with me. But today was a really tiring, yet great day. Woke up, friend was late picking me up for church...it was super pouring outside. But woke up to a nice and heartfelt surprise. Went into his car and he's like yeah, I saw this bag for pretty cheap and it looks similar to the one you lost, so I got it for you...lol, my heart sank for a moment. He didn't have to do that...but he did...from the bottom of my heart, it really meant a lot to me...just the thought of it. Went to church...and some dude who always comments on what I wear commented again, and for some reason, before I left the house, I was like, I bet you he's gonna say something. Cuz usually I don't iron my dress shirts cuz I'm too lazy, but I usually wear a sweater over it anyways...but last week, I didn't...so he goes...hey, you should iron your dress shirt, like really. Then this week, he goes...see...now you don't have to iron your dress shirt...like really...that was mad annoying. But yeah...I was battling a stuffy nose, sore throat and a minor cough...I was like oh man, not sure if I would be able to sing or sing properly at least but by the grace of God...He brought me through it. Other than that, it's been a real loaft day, after church...had a small meeting, came home, loafted, till now...doing some homework, studying a bit...school tomorrow, no classes...just work out, maybe ball, probs not...gotta do some work and study as well...test on friday, assignment due thursday...presentation, on the 25rh I believe...so yeah, work's slowly piling up...reading week can't be any closer...-_-.

Drake - The Calm

This song comes straight from Drake's heart...you can just feel it in his voice and in his lyrics...damn. I need to get on this beat, it's too raw and just nice...and I have so many emotions in me.
 

Real Talks of the Moment

If I may quote Will from an episode of Fresh Prince..."THE FUNKY FRESH IS BACK IN THE FLESH WITH A VENGEANCE HOLMES!!!"

T.I. - I'm Back

This was after T.I. came out of jail...a new man. I kinda feel like that...after each trial turned triumph, each obstacle conquered...I'm back a better man...a smarter man...a wiser man...a stronger man. All by the grace of God...

From The Heart: Death

You know, I've never experienced anyone close to my ever dying before. There's only one moment in my life...and I was really young, like early elementary school I think. My aunt passed away with cancer...I forgot which kind though. She had a husband and 3 kids, 2 daughters and 1 son. I remember being really little and all my cousins are older than me...it was my first time being at a funeral, I was way too young to understand what was going on or feel any emotion. All I know what I had to wear black and had to be really quiet and respectful. During the whole ceremony, I didn't understand what was happening, thought it was boring. Went to this room with food and just snacked on candy and hot chocolate...it was a good time for me...but to others, it was like a punch to the heart. When the ceremony started and the oldest daughter and son went up to speak, they could barely get through a sentence, they kept crying and crying...the youngest daughter who was only a few years older than me at the time was at her seat crying. I remember after the service, we went to some place where her coffin and body were going to be cremated...and just before they were about to do it...the oldest daughter came from the crowd screaming and yelling...cuz she didn't want to press the button, she didn't want to lose her mom...she kept yelling and screaming not to push the button, not to take her mom away from her. Present day...their whole family is kinda eh right now...the oldest daughter is married with a little boy and they've moved out. The oldest son has a girlfriend and I believe he's moved out, not permanently. The youngest daughter I believe is a few years older than me, but she never went to university or college, just went straight to work after high school...so she's moved from job to job. She lives at home with my uncle, her dad...who's just really sad nowadays you know, my parents and my other aunts and uncles often call him up to chill or go for lunch, but yeah. Pretty much...now that I'm older and more mature...if someone close to me died...family or friend...I dunno what I would, how I would react. I think the closer the person is to me...II would be exactly the same, I wouldn't be able to control myself, I'd be crying and simply at a loss for words...damn, that's a scary though. Life is so precious...be thankful and appreciative, it could end at any given moment. As well, appreciate the people around you...count your blessings, not your problems.

NBA Clip of the Moment

Crazy that Tracy McGrady is going to China to play ball...def will never forget how great he was...from Toronto with his cuz Vince...to Orlando when he was the NBA's leading scorer...to this...when he was in Houston with Yao and they made that amazing comeback against San Antonio.

D-Pryde - Palisades Parkway Flow

Today...

I appreciate you guys bearing with me through this struggle of mine. Still haven't replied to many people...I'm sorry. But uh today at CCF at school it was really good. We had a time of prayer to ourselves and I sat by myself reading the verse my pastor sent me...James 1:2-18...I just prayed about myself, my struggles, for God to guide me and for me to trust Him. I then prayed for everyone who came to mind, fam, friends...everyone...I prayed they be safe, they remain strong in their faith and remain strong through school and whatever obstacles they may face. Afterwards, this one dude I met at CCF, who I've known for probs a month or even less than that, and who's also the leader of my group, he came to me and we started talking, casual stuff, spiritual stuff, CCF stuff...and he told me how he was doing, how he plans to quit his job to focus on school, how he's taking a 60% course load since he's helping out a lot at CCF and how he has no real break since he's taking summer school to make up for that and also to fast track so he can help out more at CCF. When he then asked me how I was doing...I don't know, but it triggered something inside of me...I felt convicted to just share with him everything I've been going through and everything on my mind...so I did. I told him about failing courses, being unsure of my future, losing my wallet, losing my backpack, emailing my pastor, talking to friends, doubting God, etc...and it felt good...to talk to somebody different about this, and get a different perspective, after, our other group mates gathered with us and we just prayed about whatever was in our hearts and on our minds. I prayed mainly about trails and struggles...to trust in God no matter how hard or what the situation. To find rest and satisfaction and be content in any and every situation...easier said than done though. But, though it is slow and steady, I def feel myself on slowly getting back on track with everything...my pastor is coming back to our church friday to speak and share about her trip...I honestly can't wait to see her.

An Update On Me...

They say that the hardest part of falling is getting back up. I just feel like I'm at rock bottom right now...and it's just so hard to get back up and get back on track with everything. I'd like to first apologize for being so loaft on this blog...but you guys aren't the only one, there are plenty of messages and emails that need replies that I still haven't managed to get to yet. To sum up the story of what's happened to me in span of 2-3 weeks I believe...I lost my wallet, all my id and stuff, lots of money...then like a week later when I was slowly getting over it and getting my life back on track...I lose my bag, inside was my macbook and a bunch of other stuff...after that, I just slipped you know...I was on the uphill curve, slowly getting back on track, then that just really set me back all the way to the bottom...and now, I find myself just really stuck there, with no motivation and no hope to get up inside me. It's like the fire inside me is really dim...it's not dead yet, but it's close you know. With a lot of my close friends and the people I talk to away at university, I find my circle of real, close friends getting smaller and smaller...this whole situation has really tightened my circle even more...I've isolated myself and been ignoring a lot of people...but the same can be said that perhaps they aren't lending a helping hand when I need it most. So yeah, these days...I'm just in one of those moods...where ball is one of my only and biggest comforts and I have a very, super small circle of people I can talk to and open up with how I'm actually doing. Other than that...whenever people ask me hey what's up or how are you doing...I just categorize that as small talk...and I hate small talk. But I think what I hate even more are those msn/text friends...where they only talk to you on msn or text...it's never in person, yet they say they always ask how you're doing...but it's never in person, so to me..that doesn't really count. I've been so lackluster and just unmotivated at school...the only time I'm really happy is when I'm playing ball or with certain friends. I do feel kinda bad that I've secluded myself from a lot of people and really kept to myself...but at the same time, when you see a friend down...it should be your...I don't wanna say obligation or duty...but it should be up to you to be making more of an effort to reach out to them because of the state they are in. So bare with...I've literally hit a brick wall, and am really down and at rock bottom right now...be patient with me, give me time to slowly get back on my feet again. Sigh...I don't even know what else to say...I have so many things on my mind, so many things to say, so many things written on paper, on my phone...I'll save it for another time I guess. There's also so many things I want to say to certain people, so many things I wish they would say to me, so many things I wish I could change or do different. One thing I can bank on as of late...is to simply be appreciative of the things that I have around me...and trust in God's plan for me...that this will all work out in the end and for the better.

Big Krit - Rich Dad, Poor Dad

Sorry for no posts these past few days, been really busy and just tryna relax lately...will explain in detail later...most likely tomorrow, sorry.

Today...

Was a normal day...went to school, slept in the library, played ball...not much...no school tomorrow or monday...it's finally the weekend...finally...I need this break. I'll update you more tomorrow, I have lots of things to say and lots of things on my mind, stay tuned...sorry.

Kendrick Lamar - Poe Mans Dreams (His Vice) feat. GLC

A Prayer...

Dear God,

I don't know what you have planned for me. But you're making it harder and harder and harder for me to trust You. First, I lost my wallet, now I lose my bag with my MacBook and a bunch of other things in there. This time I'm really trying to control my emotions and not just outburst randomly. But God...why? Why me? What are you trying to teach me? Why me of all people do you have to place this burden? I know that life is hard and that our faith is tested in stressful situations...but You're really pushing me to my limits, to the boiling point, my back is against the wall. God, I'm so angry, I feel horrible beyond belief that no one understands. Why God? Are you trying to teach me not to cherish material objects...there has to be a better way. This prayer doesn't even begin to describe how I'm feeling right now...how horrible, depressed and angry I am. But you know...you know me from the inside out. But you're making it so hard, so hard for me to trust you God. Why...why me...I don't understand, I just feel so alone and so frustrated and everything...why God. I feel like if I died right now, it's be okay, it's of even the fact that I lost my MacBook, it's just the fact that who would stoop so low to take someone's bag...it makes me lose hope in the world. I posted this earlier on my phone, but for some reason it didn't post and I can't remember what else I said...God I pray you have something up your sleeve...give me a break...throw me something good please...you're making it so hard to trust You. God I pray tht you just rid these burdens from me...give me peace...right all the wrongs in my life, pick me up as I am falling hard. Lend me strength, support me please.

Amen.

Random Thoughts

You know when you roll a snowball and it gets progressively bigger and bigger...that's how I feel my life is going right now, it's getting worse and worse. From failing 3 courses, to struggling with my future, to not getting into con ed, to losing my wallet, to losing my bag and my mac. Granted there have been good times in there, but sometimes the bad just outweighs the good. Sometimes, I wonder...I ask God...when are You ever going to give me a break? Sometimes, it just feels like life is filled with disappointment after disappointment. I've never felt this horrible and depressed before...angry, yeah I have. Now...before you read this and freak out, let me just say that it wsa just a thought, it crossed...no, more like flashed into my head for a split second...this whole ordeal, and how my life is just going downhill...or so it feels, and how I feel like I'm never or haven't gotten a break...well the thought of suicide just briefly and barely crossed my mind, so don't freak out...but yeah, that's how terrible I was feeling...I dunno man...pray for me is all I can say...

Hey...

Sorry for no posts yesterday or today lol...yesterday...what did I do. Oh right, church in the morning, then sunday school, then lunch, the worship practise. After practise...got home, showered, rested for a bit, then went out for an indian buffet to celebrate someone's birthday from church. It was cool, thought it was going to be spicy, but it wasn't that bad. Headed home around 11 ish and just chilled then went to sleep. Today, headed to school even though it was my day off...worked out, had lunch, played ball, then headed home...rested for a bit, went to church to play ball, came home, showered, ate dinner, chilling now...lol...that's my super short, super summarized, super condensed version of what I did these past few days...so I don't feel bad for not posting lol...