Westlife - All Or Nothing

From me to you...

In Due Time

Today I spent my whole day with 2 friends pretty much...and we had a chance to just catch up, laugh, joke but also have some serious talks. We talked about you for a bit...it's been a while since I've thought, scratch that I have thought about you. It's been a while since I've talked about you...about it...about this now. Honestly, I'm going with the mindset of whatever happens happens...I just want you to be happy...with or without me. I'm using YOUR words...the words you said to me...that I'll be your friend for as long as you need me, and it seems like we've reached that point where you don't need me any more. The biggest thing that kinda irks me is that you don't know and probably never will know how much I really do care about you. Other than a few other things...there's honestly not much to talk about...you've found someone and he should be and I hope he is the number one guy in your life. Everything else is irrelevant...what I think, what other people think...anything and everything is irrelevant. Where you and I stand...I dunno...that's...something different I guess...all in due time. If it's meant to be it's meant to be, if it's not, it's not. I do have a few things I'd like to ask/say to it, but if it doesn't come up, it doesn't come up. I'm super appreciative of my 2 brothers in Christ just being there for me. It's been a long road to get to where I am today, content and happy with who I am and where I'm at in life. If you really are meant to be just an obstacle...a chapter in my life...then so be it...but if it's meant to be something more...so be it as well. All in due time...

Swear I had more to say, but that's what happens when I don't blog about things right away when I think of it...I forget lol...

Exercising & Active Lifestyle

These past 2 days have been niceeeee...long and tiring, but niceeeeeee. Yestterday, woke up at 7...SEVEN...just to drive my brother to work so I could have the car and go to the gym. Got to the gym around 8 ish and saw my friend who I haven't seen a while, he always goes to the gym super early cuz he has work at 9, definitely nice to catch up with him, told him to come to church cuz he used to and it would be nice to see everyone again.  After that, went to the mall to drop off my resume at Sears...here's what happened, on Sunday we ate lunch at Markville like we always do after church. My friend came to me and goes hey, wanna talk to the manager at Sears, they're hiring (she works there). I'm dressed in like blue jeans and my jordans, but I was like uh okay lol...so she takes me there and I speak to the manager and she's like yeah bring your resume in. So brought it in on Monday and she's like nice, we'll call you for an actual interview, so praying right now I get the job...as busy as my schedule will be, I really wanna get a job for the experience...and the money of course. After, went to dim sum with my dad then ran some errands, got home around like 2 ish. Went to dodgeball at like 7...drove on the highway for the first time by myself...felt so exciting yet nervous, but it was good after that. We lost both games...but it pushes me and I'm glad we're in intermediate not recreational cuz I want the competition to get better. Today was an even longer day...My dad mad loafted and ended up picking my friend and going to the gym around 2. Got a nice workout done and played ball till like 4 ish or so. Grabbed some food and went to our friend's house who we haven't seen in a while...he moved to a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge house. We ate dinner there and just chilled for most of the night, talked and stuff. Afterwards, came back to Markham and played ball at church with my homie...then drove him home and had a real good talk with him in the car...which I'll elaborate on in another post...meanwhile,here's my friend's house...

Damn...

21 & 3/4

Man...I'm turning 22 in less than 3 weeks, but I feel...I know time is gonna fly by lol. Just been reminiscing a lot as of late. Take today for example, we were in church looking at church pictures and stuff and one of them said 2004...wow, 10 years...I was still in elementary school...and now...1 year left and I'm graduating university, how time flies. Seeing people come and go from church, seeing myself and others who've grown up in church, wow it's been a journey. On Friday we had small group for fellowship and we had really good discussion and the question came up again for me...what will this church be like in 5 years...in 10 years? Who'll still be there you know...with a lot of people transitioning to different phases of their life, it won't be surprising if people move or leave this church. Got a lot of people who are already away as it is, contemplating leaving or on the verge of leaving. It definitely makes me sad cuz I'm an old school feels kinda guy...I love home and the people and the environment...it's gonna suck if like barely anyone stays around you know. It also stings a bit to see how easily some people can just be like yeah I wanna leave Canada or something...I dunno, it'd be real hard for me to move away from home, even after I get married and have a family. I still wanna be able to have like guys night and chill with my homies once in a while...but if you move to a different country, you can't do that...maybe meet like once a year...that sucks. Yeah you'll meet new people, but it's different you know. Man...yeah these are the things I've been thinking about, especially since I'm turning 22 soon...life after school is becoming a bigger and bigger portion on my plate that I have to think about...and it's scary. Pray for me man...life is only gonna get harder I feel.

Way Back Playback...

I remember listening to this dude in like early high school...since this came out in like 2007, before youtube had HD and stuff...still soothes the soul even to this day...

Daily Updates...

Sorry guys, what I'm going to try to do even if I literally have nothing to talk about is maybe just talk about my day...or like sum up my past 2 days, so it's not like I'm posting every like week lol. Today was real nice tho...I've been waking up early as of late which has been good. Haven't slept past 12 in a while...been really good with waking up early these past few weeks to hit the gym. But yeah, today woke up and dropped my brother to work. My friends and I had planned a batting practice a couple weeks ago for today...but the weather was really crummy...so me and a couple friends went to the park and just tossed around a frisbee and a softball for a few hours, it was pretty cold, couldn't really feel my fingers afterwards lol. Came home and literally fell asleep on my floor. Woke up and the door rang, it was my friend randomly lol and we just talked for a bit before he left. Had dinner then had to go pick up my brother from work. Been feeling super tired all day today, but it's nice to know that there's no exams or studying to be done atm at least. Summer school starts Mary 5 I believe, it's an online course, but still gotta study and find the will power to do my readings...gotta also get the textbook too. Other than that, might call it a night early today cuz I'm actually really tired...

Being Content...

I'm sorry for the super lack of posts and the long wait between posts...but there's honestly not much going on in my life atm lol. I'm in a weird place...but a good place, I'm happy...and I"m content. Yeah summer school's starting, yeah I gotta find a job...but I've been really happy as of late...been having lots of good talks with friends, chilling with the homies, softball starting soon, ultimate starting soon, dodgeball and crossfit has been going super well. And I made fudge today...LOOOOL. Honestly...it's been really nice...no burdens really, that are unmanageable at least...life has been quiet but a peaceful quiet as of late.

Fabolous - Situationships feat. Mack Wilds, Tiara Thomas

Tatted Up

Getting a tattoo has been something on my mind for the past few months. Something I've been praying and talking about non stop. My friend recently got one last week and it came out really nice. I've been rereading the conversation my old pastor and I had and the biggest things that continue to stand out and I continue to ask myself are what is the purpose of it? Does it glorify God? And will it bring people towards Christ or deter them from Him? Those are the things I've been asking myself as of late and praying about, I asked my dad what he thought about tattoos today and he was cool about it, said how he thought about getting tattoos before,,,eagle wings on his chest LOOOOOL....but didn't because he didn't want to have that influence on his kids. So he just told me to think long and hard about it...to not get something dumb of course...think about my future family and such and of course what people will think. It definitely eased my mind that he was surprisingly cool about it and supportive. Pretty sure my mom won't be as cool about it...but I know she'll accept it...with some convincing if necessary lol. I at first wanted it on my chest that said "Family First, God Before That"...but now I'm rethinking it and I want something on my arm...a bible verse on like a piece of scroll or parchment, it's gonna look real nice hopefully...aiming for around my birthday hopefully, we'll see.

The Best French Class Ever

All my Stonebridge kids who had Madame St. Eve...YOU KNOOOOOW. This lady was probably the most easily persuaded lady ever. Well first of all, she was like this middle aged lady who loved wearing short skirts...awks. I remember one time as a treat, she took us to the library and let us play games all period. I swear after that one class, we like never listened to her, she would always try to teach and we'd all be like are we going to the library today...LOL. Man it was so jokes, we'd just go on the computers and do whatever we want. This is also how soft she was...one time, me and my 2 other friends spent the whole class printing song lyrics, cuz we didn't have printers at home and we kept binders at home of lyrics. So we printed like literally songs upon songs of lyrics...2Pac, Biggie, 50 Cent...you name it...so you can guess the content that was in the songs. She saw us walk back and forth to the printer the whole time, finally she comes to us and goes what are you guys printing. We show her the stack and she flips out...she then reads the lyrics and flips out even more LOOOOL...she takes all of the lyrics away and is like you guys can get in trouble for this, don't do this anymore...that's it lol...we went back to the computers and started playing games LOOOL. BUTTTT, those who had her in elementary school...y'all KNOOOOOW...the highlight of the class...was BINGO!!! Every Friday and after every class if we finished a lesson quickly, we would play bingo and for every bingo that you got, you get one lollipop and she always bought the bombest lollipops. But instead of giving it to you after you win...she would keep playing and at the end of the class she would ask all the winners to come up and take however many lollipops they won. Soooooo, man me and my friend went OFFFFF. Our plan was to get at least one bingo...so the whole class knew we won, in case there were snitches...then we would go up along with all the winners...stand in the back of the crowd and just stick our hands in and grab NUFFF LOLLIPOPS....LOOOOOOL. It was literally the funniest thing of life...cuz I would stick my hand in one area, get like 3....walk to another spot, get like 2 and repeat till the crowd dissolved. My friend and I would then go on the bus and compare who got more LOOOOL...it was literally the funnest class of life lol.

The Snack Man

In elementary school, I gained this reputation of always having a bunch of snacks and that's how a lot of (mostly black) people knew me lol. My mom would always pack my lunch with all these asian snacks like koala bear cookies and all that stuff and I didn't really like it...but I remember these 2 white kids I always ate lunch with would always be like yooo gimme that. So I would always trade them for their snacks that my parents would never buy me like cup cakes and all those other western sweets. Then on the school bus home, all the black kids and stuff I used to sit with at the back would go off and be like yooo you want those and I'd just give it to them cuz I wasn't gonna eat it lol. That's how they knew me and surprisingly that's how I became friends with them as well.

Sam Smith - Stay With Me

Lots of hype going around about this dude as of late, no idea who he is or where he came from, but heard this song on the radio and it was super catchy...guess I'm buying into the hype as well

Olivia Noelle - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Backyard Adventures

So back when I used to live across my high school...my best friend at the time lived like 2 streets down, literally like 2 minutes away. Man we had so many adventures together...you know you guys are best friends when he would always show up at my door randomly and be like yo, basketball let's go or like let's go ride our scooters. So many memories and adventures with him...he was always active and loud and the life of the party...and he always brought that out in me. In my backyard we used to always play basketball and my neighbours...like right behind my basketball net loved to garden, so they had lots of flowers...they got so cheesed cuz the ball kept rolling over they installed a fence LOOOOL. So you can imagine how many times the ball went over the fence and we had to walk all the way around the house and knock on their door, go to the gate and get the ball back. To the point where we got so lazy that we'd just hop the fence lol...I remember the first time he convinced me to hop the fence...I hopped it out of pure adrenaline cuz I didn't think I could do it...I'm sitting on the fence, it's pretty tall...sitting on it looking at him, debating whether to go over or not, when I'm already halfway there. I go over, get the ball and I see through their door that my neighbour is chilling right there, but luckily her back was turned lol, so I quickly hopped back over. I swear we killed so many flowers and pots...we heard lots of glass shatter over the years lol. What other stories...we used to play hockey with my filipino neighbours...and they knew another neighbour down the street who had a hockey net and like 20 hockey sticks lying around...he's like yeah he doesn't mind if people borrow it, as long as you return it, he would just leave everything outside.  So I remember me and my same friend would call up all our friends and play street hockey, but only a few people had sticks...so we would run to the guys street and take his sticks LOL, obv we returned it tho. Funniest story tho and most memorable...me and my friend went to chill with my filipino neighbours, but they were busy...we asked if we could borrow their bikes, cuz we only had scooters back then. So we're in their backyard, digging through their garage trying to find their bikes and we both have our scooters in our hands. Suddenly we hear their parents pull up and it's awks cuz we like messed up their garage and ish...so we dip, and we're thinking shoot what to do, we're in the backyard, can't go through the gate cuz that's where they are. My boy without hesitating throws his scooter over the fence, jumps it and is gone. Here I am freaking out like wtffff...he's like yoo hop the fence...so I throw my scooter over...try to hop the fence and I can't...it's too tall and I had no hops...so I stood on the recycling bin and tried to jump over and BANG...it tips over and you hear the loudest noise ever and all their recycling goes everyone...I heard my friend dyingggg on the other side of the fence and I'm like shoot...so I just walked out the front gate, luckily my neighbours rents knew me and were cool and so they didn't say anything...then again I ran so fast I didn't know if they were cheesed about the recycling LOL.

My First Heartbreak..

I think this was my first at least...well my first one that like really stung and hit the heart hard at least lol. It was in elementary school, like garde 7 or 8. I liked this girl in my class, she was cute and really sporty, just my type eh lol. So there was this dance coming up...you know, those elementary school dances where everyone just kinda chills against the wall or at the snack area lol. So for some reason, people were like asking girls to this dance...now that I think about it, who asks a girl to a dance...like as a date, doesn't really make sense unless you plan on dancing with thtat girl for the full like 2-3 hours or however long it is lol. Any ways...so I didn't have a cell phone back then and I shared a room with my brother. So I took the home phone, went into my room, this was like at night so it was dark...made sure everyone was downstairs or somewhere they couldn't hear me and called her home and asked for her. I was nervous as heckkkkk when she picked up the phone...so I was like hey how're you doing and stuff...did you do the homework...I remember asking her something about a math question for some reason LOL...anyways, so I eventually was like yeah so the dance is coming right, are you going, she's like yeah. And by now my heart is like pounding and I just went out with it and was like I was wondering if you wanted to go with me...my heart like stopped, dead silence waiting for her reply. I don't remember the exact words she said but she was like yeah sure and I was like alright cool, see you tomorrow and hung up. Started FREAKING OUT in my room...laid down, my heart still pounding, actually couldn't believe it. Now here's the hard part lol...went to school the next day...feeling like it's the best day of my life, can't stop smiling....I see her and I can't stop smiling. She comes to me and goes hey, I'm really really sorry, but I totally forgot that this dude (who shall remain nameless, but I know who he is lol) asked me a week before you did and I said yes to him. My heart broke...yeah I was in elementary school whatever...like I couldn't believe it, what was the best day ever turned into the worst day of my life...of my short and young life LOL. I did end up dancing with her tho at the dance at least...but yeah LOL...man...those were the days. She moves after like garde 9 or something...she lives in like Austrailia now LOOOOOL

DONE, TIME FOR FUN!!!

FINISHED MY LAST EXAM ON SUNDAY NIGHT!!! SUMMER TIME...well sorta lol. Got summer school from May to June, just one month and it's an online course, so hopefully it won't be too stressful and hectic. Monday night dodgeball has been really fun...went to the 3rd session yesterday, got our butts handed to us, but it was a learning experience and it makes me that much more hungry to get better. Wednesday night ultimate league should be starting up soon, I'm suuuper excited for that cuz it's outdoor as well. Softball season is literally right around the corner, got most people's forms handed it and we should be starting practice soon. Attended a church friend's wedding this past weekend and it was really fun...just to see a lot of old faces and just everyone having a good time. Been pretty consistent with waking up early as of late and going to the gym so I'm pretty proud of myself lol. Other than that...nothing much else...shout outs to my homies...my brothers...love you guys...FLY YOUNG GENTLEMEN...

Trials & Tribulations

So 2 weeks ago was my old pastor's going away service and in her speech she said something that hit me hard..."pray not for smoother roads ahead, but for stronger legs to endure." And that automatically brought me to one of my favourite verses in James, coincidentally the verses she sent to me when I emailed her about my struggles a couple years ago. About trials and temptations...and how we should embrace it because God uses it to change us, to shape us, to teach us. The words she said...about not praying for our lives to be easier and for things to be handed to us and such...but for God to work in us and to give us the strength to endure the tests and obstacles that are going to be thrown at us. I always tell myself life would be no fun if everything was all good and easy. It's like a roller coaster that only goes down...it's when you're slowly going up the roller coaster that builds the excitement and anticipation. Similarly in life, it's the failures, the pain, the struggle...that makes the triumphs and the success so much sweeter. That's just a mental note I gotta keep telling myself...to not pray that my life will be easier..but to pray for stronger legs to endure whatever is going to be thrown at me.

What Makes You A Man...

"You win some, you lose some, but you live to fight another day."

Hillsong Live - Christ Is Enough

"The Cross before me, the world behind me. No turning back, no turning back."

Lifelong Friendships

So today was my friend's birthday and me. him and my other friend went to all you can eat sushi together. These guys are my homies, my brothers...we do everything together from movies to ball games to lunch and dinners...so yeah today we were celebrating his birthday with lunch. We were talking, laughing and just doing the usual stuff...this old man and an old lady were at the table beside us. So come dessert time me and my friend started singing happy birthday very softly and progressively louder and the old man and lady beside us were like oh happy birthday lol. So towards the end of dessert the old man looks at us and goes you know I've been watching you guys and listening to what you guys have been talking about...and just seeing you guys laugh and joke around really makes me happy. He says the old lady he's with is his friend and they've known each other since they were 16 and he was like 60 or 70 he said. But he's like yeah I see you guys, different races, different personalities but you guys get along really well and you guys have fun together and stuff. He started talking about his life and how he's travelled the world and what not and he was like you guys should really get away and go on a trip together or something and just have fun and make memories. He was talking for a good 15 minutes and his lady friend was just like yeah we've known each other for like 50-60 years...man that's crazy. Just got me thinking like 20-30 years down the road when we all have kids and stuff...though we probs won't be as free to do these kinds of things, the moments we do will be super awesome just to catch up and stuff...I really do hope we're able to chill and still do the things that we do like movies and such. The old guy was saying that since we're still young we should seize the day and how he and his friend because they are so old all they really do is just go to lunch and stuff...and as nice as that is can get boring sometimes obviously, so just hearing the stories he had and how he's travelled literally all around the world was pretty cool. Definitely brought some perspective to our lives and our friendship as well.

Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself...

Dang...time literally flies, it's been a week already since I last posted...and I'm super sorry about that lol. April has been and will continue to be a very busy month. This weekend I was super busy cuz my old pastor is leaving to go do missions, so Saturday a bunch of us just went to her house, chilled, her mom made food and we had a time of worship and sharing and it was just like the old times, but different...because we weren't little kids anymore, she wasn't just a random girl still in school...we're all adults essentially, more mature and it was definitely a bittersweet occasion. Happy to see her and reminisce and stuff...sad to see her leave for what will seems like a really long time. Sunday was super busy as well after service, went to another church to send off my pastor. We met some of the people she'd be working with, she gave a farewell speech and we all stayed to just talk and pray with her one last time. This week has been super busy cuz I have a wedding and reception to go to on Saturday but I have my last exam on Sunday...so been figuring out what to wear and how to get there as well cramming in study time and trying to go to the gym this week as well. My pastor officially left yesterday, definitely really happy and encouraged for her, prayers are always with her. After Sunday, it'll be much better, still plate somewhat full but wedding will be done and so will school...it'll be easier to handle that's for sure, so yeah, that's why I haven't really found time to blog, my bad.

You Snooze, You Lose...

So if you follow me on twitter, you already know this story, well at least the gist of it. So pretty much in my psyc class there's this one really cute girl who I always see (when I go to class at least). I'm a really shy dude, so I've never approached her and said hi, but my friend's friends who sit beside us know her apparently and they chill sometimes. Any ways, I've had like a few close encounters with her where we've like made awkward eye contact lol, one time during the second exam where we both handed it in at the same time. Another where during the 3rd exam we were split into different rooms based on last name and she was in the same room as me and we handed in our exams at the same time. So today was the last class and she was sitting like one row below me and to my left ish...I didn't have my glasses on at the time and my friend was like yo isn't that the girl you think is really cute, I'm like nahhh. Put my glasses on a while later and I was like damn, it is her...now my glass is 3 hours...and for a good hour I honestly couldn't stop staring at her LOL...prof usually gives us a break halfway through and in my head I played the scenario of what would happen if I went after her when she left and talked to her. So break comes and she leaves, my friend was gonna leave with me but he was talking to someone, so I got up told him to get my things if he left and booked it out the same door as her. Literally was like 5 seconds behind her at most...ran out the door, down the stairs...she was gone...ran like up and down, went outside...no sight of her. Went back to my friend and he's like yo wtf where did you go, did you go look for the girl...LOOOL I was like yeah...so we went past the same route as I did when I followed her and saw another door leading outside, which is where I assumed she went...so sad, today was the last class. Just gotta keep my fingers crossed I see her at the exam. Any ways, if you know me personally and know what kinda guy I am...you'll know this is way out of my comfort zone and no where near anything I'd usually do...but something came over me and I knew I'd regret it if I just let her walk away...so I remember as I was chasing after her, my heart was beating fast lol cuz I didn't know what to say if I found her...and when I didn;t...man...big feeling of disappointment and discouragement hit...dang, but here;s to hoping I see her again. :)

The One You Can't Live Without...

This is another one of those posts...that I've been staring at for the longest time, but can't really get my head around. It's taken me like weeks to write this...cuz I've been busy, but at the same time there's just so much to say, so I guess I'll start with this...

This is a tweet from this girl I follow...and it hit me pretty hard. Love is not about being with someone you can live with, but being with someone you can't live without, damn. This automatically reminded me of Boy Meets World, I'll try to explain for those who haven't seen the show. If you have, you guys know the type of relationship Cory and Topanga have, if not...basically he's loved her since they first met in like kindergarten. She was his first kiss in middle school, furst date, dated all through school, prom together, eventually getting married. Like he followed her on a trip to Orlando cuz he had to tell her he loved her so she knew. And she left her parents in Pittsburgh to come back to him, pretty much the best couple ever. But there's this one episode where they go to a ski resort and Cory hurts himself and can't ski, meets this girl named Lauren and they talk all nice till sunrise. She confesses she likes him and he lies about his ankle still being hurt to talk to her another day. Pretty much he's at a crossroads...Topanga...a girl he's loved all his life since he was a kid...and Lauren, this new girl who he really enjoyed talking to and being with. And he realized afterwards and he can live without Lauren...but he can't live without Topanga. That quote just brought that story into my head and how I'll fall for girls and be infatuated with girls sometimes cuz they're cute or whatever...but ultimately they don't really mean that much to me, I can live without them you know. I'm still searching I guess I would say...for that girl, that I absolutely can't live without, I dunno...I had much more to say about this...but I guess it's for another time, maybe...

Prayer Journal: Day 15

Been slacks on everything, including this...don't worry guys, April 13th, my last exam...before summer school in May at least, here we go:

Bstm: I'm thinking back to all the times you've told me how you've appreciated me, even if it's the littlest things...and I appreciate that. I'm definitely gonna tell you in person as well, but I appreciate everything you do...from telling me the hard hitting truth, to everything you do in and for the church. I appreciate how you always push me cuz you expect better of me and you want me to expect better of myself, thank you for that. I pray that God relieves you of all these burdens on your plate right now, and really give you peace...until you're re-energized at least lol.

Args: I can't bear to see someone I've grown up with, someone I hold close to my heart just slip and throw his life away. I'm praying for you in all aspects brother, that you get your life back together and whatever it is that God has planned for you, that you embrace it to the fullest. You always have been and always will be my first true brother...and you never turn your back on family, I always got you homie.

Dlcw: You've honestly become the little brother I've always wanted and never had. I hope you know everything I do is out of fun and because I really do care about you and I can't wait to see the man that you'll grow up to become one day. Continue to grow as a christian and to seek a relationship with God, I hope that I can only direct you in the right direction, you'll eventually have to walk it by yourself little buddy.

Lywg: I actually might be fighting back tears this weekend, I was literally sitting at my computer the other day just reminiscing...and no tears came out but I heart felt heavy and just that sinking feeling hit me so hard you know. Damn...I wish you nothing but the best and that God protects you and continues to give you courage through what must be a really tough time. If it's hard on everyone around you, it must be even harder for you. But at the same time, I know this is something God has called you to do and something that you have embraced and enjoy doing...so I know that you'll be in good hands, I wish you were here longer, but God clearly has amazing plans in store for you and it's so great to see you fulfil them right now.