From The Heart: To Whom It May Concern

To whom it may concern,

How've you been? It feels like I haven't seen or talked to you in years...yeah, that's how long it feels...to me at least. I know I've told myself I'd cut you off from my life a long time ago...and not speak of you...but how you can just wipe out someone who gave you so many memories, so many laughs, tears, heart to hearts. So yeah...to answer any of your questions, I do still think about you...I have a lot of what if's i my head, I do still hurt from time to time when I see you. What about you? Every time all of these thoughts pop into my head...I ask myself all those questions again but directed to you, trying to put myself in your shoes and see if you're thinking the same thing that I am. Do you still think about me? Do you get an awkward feeling in your stomach whenever I'm in the room? Do you try your hardest to avoid eye contact with me but in reality you're staring at me from the corners of your eyes? Do you notice all the little things I do or say to people? How've you been? It's crazy to think of how long it's been since you and I had an actual conversation? And no those awkward ones that we've had don't count. Do you have thoughts of me, of what could have happened to change our current situation. Do you also wish you could redo every reply you gave me? Or just start over as a whole. Every time I see you...I try not to...cuz then...a million thoughts begin to run through my head...a million memories begin to flash before my eyes...and a million words are on my tongue but they never escape my mouth. The hardest part about this all is that you'll still be here next year...and I'll most likely see you more often. I dunno...maybe I've been holding on to this for too long...have you let go already? Cuz I feel like I'm holding on by a threat...but I'm holding that thread with all of my strength and putting all of my other things aside to make sure I don't let that go....that's how I'm feeling.