Teacher, Mentor, Friend...

Yesterday I went to visit my old elementary school teacher...that's right, known this guy since like grade 6-7 ish. This is the guy who got me wanting to be a teacher...how many of y'all are that close with your present or former teachers. To the point where you have like their cell number...you've been to their house for dinner...you guys can talk about anything. Man I love this guy...went to visit him on Wednesday but missed him cuz school ended at like 2:30 and I went at 3:30. Yesterday was the last day of school and it was a half day so I went at like 11 and caught him. We got to catch up and talk about everything...I love moments like these...the fact that we're known each other for what...around 10 years...dang lol. But I'll still never address him by his first name lol...first it's weird...second I respect him too much. So yeah I went there just to talk and catch up and he ended up dragging me into their teacher/student volleyball game LOOOL...we played 3 sets and it was mad jokes...ended up staying till like 2 ish just talking as well. Def hope to see him at least once in the summer with some of the other guys. Also told him I'd hopefully visit more often next year...maybe stop by a few volleyball practices or games...this man definitely had a significant impact on my life, thank you.

Spiritual Encouragement

So we had a double header this past weekend and I had to lead a devo for one of the games cuz my friend who usually does it had to attend a wedding. I was pretty nervous I must say...I struggled with what to talk about. I remember it was like 2 nights before the game and I was talking with a friend about her struggles with boys and the topic of contentment clicked into my head and just being content in your situation and your surroundings and being satisfied in Christ. Then I remember the night before, the Friday we had a bible study about being stewards/servants of Christ and I felt really compelled to talk about that. Come game day, I ended up sticking with my devo about contentment because I remembered a past conversation with another friend and it sparked my heart to talk about it. Anyways, after my devo...as we were getting ready for our second game...this guy from the other team came to me and was like yo I really appreciated your devo. The fact that you took your time and you put your heart into it. That most people try to rush it so they can leave and go to dinner or whatever. He's like man, who cares...if you devo is long, it doesn't matter. He's like it really stuck and spoke to me and I appreciate it, keep doing your thing. Those words definitely encouraged me a lot and reminded me and enforced as well what I talked about...the fact that this league is morethan just about softball...but about fellowship with one another, from the same team or different team and most of all uplifting one another all for the glory of Christ. Definitely some encouragement with I really needed...thanks homie.

S.O. - Memoirs (Wish You Were Around)

Dang this hits the heart...

Where Your Real Friends At?

I remember watching a video and to sum it up, a friend calls you in the middle of the night and they need your help, they're desperate, what would you do? Today, I experienced that...I came out after work at 9 pm at the mall...my car wouldn't unlock...the button wasn't working...had to manually use the key to open it. Long story short...my car wouldn't start... realized I had left my headlights on and the battery died. Immediately started panicking...called my parents but they didn't have jumper cables so they said they'd call and try to ask their friends while I did the same. First off...in no way am I criticising the people who I called and didn't help me. But anyways...I called a bunch of friends and a few offered to help you know. Some had that hesitancy in their voice and that "don't really wanna do it" feeling in their voice.As I sat in my car scrolling through my contacts...what hit me even more wasn't the people who I called that debated in their head if they wanted to help me or the people who offered to pick me up right away. It was the fact that looking at the names on my phone...I struggled with who to ask,,,who to call...looking at the names...oh, he wouldn't help me, she wouldn't help me, he's always busy, she's always busy...and that hit me hard. It revealed yeah, who are my "real" friends who would help me in need. But it also revealed to me something about myself...who I view asmy closest friends who I know would hlep me in an isntant. Anyways...this was more a reflection for myself...not a downer post about the people that didn't help me....but a HUGE shoutouts to my brother...my homie John for helping me out...I know how out of the way it was...thank you brother. Now the question to you is...in times of need, whn yiu're absolutely desperate...who's the first person you'd call...aside from fam of course.

Freedom...Somewhat

Finished my exam on Wednesday, got to the bus at like 8:15, didn't come till like 9 lol. Went to the gym with my friend Thursday, then went sushi with him and another friend. Came home and had softball practice. Definitely feeling much better now that summer school is over. Got a double header for softball tomorrow..gotta lead a devo for the first game, which is cool, my friend accidentally helped me think of a really good topic lol. Summer school being over definitely lightens my load a bit, but that bit feels nice. My friends and I have been seriously talking about going to New York for a few days and I'm actually so excited cuz I think it might actually happen.

Grind Till Wednesday...

Sorry I've been mad busy...work Thursday and Friday, hitting the gym in between as well. Today was spent studying like man...got my last exam on Wednesday then summer school is over!!! Did my course selection last Tuesday, my schedule is pretty nice....loaft in terms of the number of days I'm at school, but busy in terms of the number of courses I'm taking. 4 courses each semester, so 8 in total...6 are 3 hour lectures, 2 are online. One sem only got class Tuesday/Thursday, second sem got class Tuesday/Friday lol...but I know it's gonna be mad busy. Can't wait till after Wednesday when summer school is over...missing my ultimate game for this stupid exam. Work has been good...but conflicting cuz my manager wants me to work evenings and at least 3 weekdays. It's tough cuz I got softball tues/thurs, ultimate wed, fellowship fri. I'm willing to do Mon and give up one sball prac cuz she said she would try to give me fri afternoons, but now she switched and is like nah...MUST be 3 evenings...so suss. So the only somewhat solution I've come up with is to alternate weeks. One week I'll do mon, tues, thurs night...another week I'll do mon, tues or thurs, fri night...so one week I may miss both sball practices, one week I might miss fellowship. It's tough cuz I have such big roles in both softball and fellowship that it's tough for me to miss either you know...pray for me...this job is demanding in terms of time...pray that it all works out...and that whatever happens happens.

T.I. - Got Your Back feat. Keri Hilson

I've been thinking a lot lately about girls...not in that kinda way lol...just about the future...my future wife...whenever I'll meet the one. I just want someone who'll be there, through thick and thin...someone who has my back...ride or die.

Loving To Win or Hating To Lose?

I've always been told I'm a very competitive person, I know that lol...from trivial things like boards games or card games...to things like sports and such. I put a lot of pressure on myself and hold myself to a very high standard...especially when it comes to things I like/love and am somewhat/pretty good at. Things I'm not good at, I'll still be very competitive because I'll put in the effort to learn and be good at it if I think it's worth it. But when it comes to things I love and am decent at like sports or video games, I'm very competitive. Sometimes I dunno whether it's the fact that I love winning and the feeling that comes with it...or I just hate losing you know. Sometimes, I can't really tell the difference, but I know for sure it's a little bit of both. Don't get me wrong tho...I'm not competitive to the point where I'm a total dick about everything, not even close...me being really competitive just means I work really had and get really down on myself if I'm not working hard or if I'm not doing well. That holds especially true in team sports I guess...I get dejected and you can visibly see it in my face, I get frustrated at my team/team mates too, but I would never put them down because of it, if anything I would just hold myself more responsible. Sports is probably the thing where I'm most competitive because it's something I absolutely love doing and something that brings me great joy. Whether that's basketball, softball, volleyball, football, ultimate frisbee, badminton, anything that I like playing or am decent in, I'm competitive. Today we had an ultimate game and we got bloooown out...17-2...damn, that's just straight up embarrassing no life. I'm obv disappointed in my team, but I'm more disappointed in myself I guess, just cuz I feel I could've done more, yeah it's a team sport, but some of the guys/girls are new, so what can I really do...damn. There's honestly no chemistry whatsoever on the team...we don't have practices, so things have been, are and will continue to be a mess...man...ultimate is something I honestly really love too. And especially playing on my high school team for 4 years and playing in university for a few years...being used to everyone knowing what they're doing and stuff...not even having to like each other, but respecting each other and putting aside differences for the game itself...man. If we keep it up...we're gonna lose...big time. The fact that we lose 17-2 tells me we'll probably lose a lot of games this season. Then again, things can change, if we work hard and practice obviously...we'll see. We're only 3 games in...but a lot of things have got to change fast...

Always Gone But Never Hard To Find...

I know I've been super mia and I'm sorry...literally been super busy with dodgeball, ultimate, softball, work, summer school, fellowship, worship practice, friends and trying to have a life. But lemme tell you I'm in a MUCH better place than I was when summer first started and when everything first was on my plate. Dodgeball is done tonight...softball has really settled down and everything is going pretty smoothly...ultimate is still in it's early stages...settling into work and getting used to everything...fellowship has been good thanks to my friend covering for my slack, but I'm trying to make up for it...chilling and having a social life on top of that is nice...just to do nothing with no commitment is good. But yeah, now that everything is slowly settling down, it's been nicer...summer school is almost over too, so things will def get better, thanks for sticking with me as always.

Don't Prove It, Just Be It...

I was sharing on Sunday with my worship team about softball stuff cuz we went through a few verses about Israel disobeying God and losing the war because of it. One particular verse was saying why would you disobey God when you know it's going to be unsuccessful. It talked about trusting God and in His plan. I shared about softball...how it started off and still sometimes is a struggle...to get everything together, to run practices, to make people happy, to make sure I'm respected or that people see me as a coach. I told them how I talked to my friend about it and she said why are you worrying about all these things...remember WHO are you doing this for...not for the team...so who cares what they think. It's not about your relationship with them but about your relationship with God. She said as long as I'm right with God and doing everything because of Him, who cares about everything else. Anyways, back to present time...one of the guys on the team said something that hit me straight up...he said why do you feel you need to prove to them you're a coach or whatever...you already ARE a coach...so just BE it. And that really struck me...he was right on the dot...I was doing all these things,t rying to make then happy, planning good practices, productive drills, making sure everyone's listening to me...as if I needed reassurance that I am a coach or that I was a good coach...when that's totally irrelevant and that's why his point struck me so hard...I already am a coach, but still I had this inner desire to prove to the whole team that I was what I already am. But yeah...we had a double header this past Saturday, caught up in the last inning to tie the first game and we won the second game. I'm definitely happy and encouraged by the progress that the team has made in terms of skill improvement and just openness and comfort around everyone. But of course, I know it's all by the grace of God that this is all possible and I'm super humbled and thankful for that.

Listen To Your Heart

I know I've been gone, and I apologize...lol, anyways...

Lately...my heart's been telling me a lot of things...and it's been eating at me. Not in a bad like I'm stressing kinda way, but more of a damn, what do I do kinda way lol. I've come to terms that as of late...my heart has been pretty deceiving and that I should listen to my head. I hate getting too close to girls...but I love confiding in them as well cuz that intimate connection or conversation you have is just different between a guy and a girl and a guy and a guy you know. But I hate it at the very same time...cuz when feelings develop...it's game over man. Anyways...my heart's been really leaning heavily to this one particular person as of late...and I dunno,,,my head's telling me it's not a good idea or to at least take your time and chilllll...but my heart's like go for it...this is it, she's the one. My heart is deceiving I tell you...there's like another girl who my heart is saying dude, just go for it man...I dunno, I hate this sometimes. I've been talking to my friend about what it would be like if we had arranged marriages LOL how you would grow to love one another and things like that...I dunno man. One thing that we both told each other is to be patient...that our time will come...and that's what I have hope in...that I will find or perhaps already have found the one...but just don't realize it yet. Gotta think with my head though...be smart and not emotional.

Where Has The Time Gone...

Dang, it's been a week since I've posted already lol again...sorry...I assure you everything is fine, I'm safe, jut been busy lol...updates tomorrow, thanks for sticking with me!

S.O. - I Can Bear

This is my jammmmmmm right now...and the ULTIMATE reminder with everything I've been struggling with as of late and even with today's sermon which I shared in the previous post. Only the Lord knows the troubles and struggles I've been through all my life...but the light in the tunnel makes me know all will be right...cuz God will never give me more than I can bear.

Which also reminds me of another one of my fave verses 1 Corinthians 10:13...

Encouragement From All Directions

I was gonna just lump this into the previous post but nah decided to make this it's own post. I've been sharing with you guys how I've been feeling overwhelmed with everything going on in my life atm...and I've had a feel really good conversations this past week that really gave me peace and encouragement and I really appreciate it. Today's message really hit me and just drove the whole point home that God is always in control, I just have to trust Him. We learned that temptations will always be around, we'll face them from now till the day we die...but just because we are tempted, does not mean that we have to fall into it. The pastor made a analogy that when birds fly over your head, you can't tell them hey, don't fly over my head, but when they try to build a nest on your head, that is something you can prevent and stop. Similarly...temptation is all around you...it's not something that you can stop...but what you can prevent is falling into it...and sinning because of it...and that really hit me hard. That I\m always going to face trials and temptations...but how I react to it is key. And that just reminded me about the tattoo I wanted to get...no I haven't forgotten, it's just something I've being prayerful and patient about...but I told y'all I wanted to get the verse in James that talks about embracing your temptation and finding joy in it cuz you know it'll help you grow. So that's just a great reminder to me. Special thanks to my one friend who sent me this bible verse when I was struggling and confiding in her....it was definitely a great and needed reminder.

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

Looooooooong Week...

Wow, this is what I mean by time flies, but at the same time, the week feels so long and tiring. Like it's been a week since I've posted already...but like this week has been so long and tiring. Let's see...

Last Sunday...softball game at 4, it was a close game, definitely proud of my team, we lost but still had fun and did great for our first game. Afterwards it was like 6 ish...stayed till like 7:30 just doing some batting practice and just chilling around...went to all you can eat sushi dinner with the team then went home. The bonding times outside of practice and games are definitely the most fun times of the season cuz you really get to know people one on one.

Monday...can't really remember what I did during the day, all I remember is that I had a blister from Sunday's activities, played through it cuz I had dodgeball at night, definitely good stuff.

Tuesday...went to the gym early morning with my friend and grabbed lunch with him after...had work from 5-9 so I couldn't make softball practice. Used my employee discount for the first time to buy a cross and chain, been looking for one for quite some time. It was 60% clearance and I used my 25% discount on top of that lol...saved like $60 ish and spent like $30 ish.

Wednesday...oh man, I totally remember this day...woke up for a doctor's appointment at 10:30...was there in time. Lady's like...come back in half an hour...came back in half an hour...ended up waiting till 12:30 just for like a 10 minute check up. Actually so waste...went to all you can eat sushi lunch with my 2 friends cuz they couldn't chill on my birthday, so they treated me to lunch,,definitely a great time. After that, later on in the night we had our first ultimate game of the season...we were down for a good portion of the game, but came back to win 17-15, there\s one guy on the team tho who's a real dickhead...like yelling at his own teammates and raging and stuff. But regardless...just glad we won.

Thursday...went to the gym early morning...then softball practice at night, that's it lol. Oh right...found out on Monday at dodgeball that a good friend of mine broke his neck in two places doing a backflip...so he was in the hospital and wanted to visit him after prac, but ended up visiting him on Friday.

Friday...woke up early to go to the hospital with a friend to visit my friend. He def looked pretty sad when we first came, which is understandable. Had work at 2...but my manager changed it to 5-9....so my friend and I stayed at the hospital till like 4 ish and other people came and we chilled with them and he started laughing and joking around, definitely glad we went and good to see his spirits up.

Saturday...Had work from 2-6...got to work with my jokes co-worker...we just sat around...talked about life, rated female customers that walked by and stuff lol...he's actually so funny...hope I get to work with him more often. Came home, parents had people over who wanted to celebrate their belated anniversary, ate dinner with them then me and my brother went bowling cuz I knew he didn't wanna stay home, so I asked him...def a really fun thing. Hope to find more random things to do with him here and there.

Sunday...just z chill day...church, no worship practice cuz of baptisms, my back was aching  the whole day and it still is...took a nap then spent the whole day studying for my exam Tuesday. Looking pretty busy this week...work Monday, exam Tuesday, ultimate game Wednesday, sball practice thursday, work and fellowship Friday, double heaader softball Saturday...man...

Midnight Mindset