Misunderstood

Here's the link for those who have me on facebook...
https://www.facebook.com/notes/rodmond-tham/misunderstood/82055419773
- wrote this in 2009...damn...still relevant today tho...

Misunderstood

by Rodmond Tham on Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 10:15pm ·

Misunderstood cuz y'all really don't get me
Instead y'all hate, assume and judge me
I ain't perfect and I doubt I'll ever be
But what I can be is real to you and to me
Y'all say I'm like that, y'all say I'm like this
But I swear that there's something about me you missed
I'm deeper than deep and I'm more than what you see
Y'all just need to give me the chance to be
All that I can be and show you the real me
Before you judge, and before you talk
Step into my shoes and go for a walk
You'll find it ain't as easy as I make it look
Cuz I hide behind emotions, but inside I'm shook
Stop talking about me cuz y'all really don't know
What I've been through cuz I find it hard to show
So instead I write rhymes and express it through my flow
All anybody wants to do is get dough
I'm so much deeper than selfish goals and gains
I'm gonna inspire the world before I go insane...

RT

Random Thoughts

I just hate when people assume  things without knowing the facts. I feel like people are afraid to get their feet wet...they're content with knowing just the basics and don't want to and are too lazy to dive deeper and get details. Like me...I've been very moody and my boiling point has been very high as of late...so I'm quick to snap on people and very emotional here and there...I feel like a lot of people just assume things about me or talk about me without knowing the facts. Or they read my twitter and my blog and assume they know everything and how my mind works and stuff...nah man. A quick shoutout and apology to the people who have reached out...or tried to reach out to me as of late...I either have confided in you or gave you the cold shoulder and I'm sorry...this is just something that aside from a few, very very few people...is something I have to deal with and handle by myself and with God only...it's tough, but if you are reading this and you feel close to me or whatever...feel free to pray for me, the burdens on my shoulders and the weight on my heart is really heavy atm...thanks

From The Heart...

As desperate and needy as I am for a friend sometimes...to just listen, to really listen to what I have to say and hear me out and comfort me and give me advice...I have that in Jesus, in prayer. And as reluctant as I am to do so sometimes, it really does help. As hurt and as weak as I am right now...I'm scared, but I prayed and I continue to pray...and I find strength in Jesus. Sometimes you really just want that physical presence, someone to listen to you and just be there...but I know in my heart I shouldn't put my hope and my faith in man, but in God. God I pray that I trust in You with all my heart...that this pain and this brokenness in me...will only lead me to Your cross. God I pray that you really surround me with people that love You with all their heart and who genuinely love me for me. people who will encourage and uplift me through my triumphs and moreso my failures, thank You God for never leaving me when everyone else did.

Dear God

My heart is breaking right now...like I'm feeling so many things at once right now...and literally nobody understands or is willing to take the time to understand how I'm feeling. I honestly feel like screaming at the top of my lungs or like punching a wall right now...my heart is literally overflowing with stress...from school, life, problems, everything. In my heart, I'm praying, I'm hoping...someone will just approach me and ask how I'm doing...and despire me probably telling them I'm fine, they won't stop pestering me until I tell them. God, I haven't felt this down and this weird and this angry and this stressed in a really long time. I feel like everything in my life is piling on top one after another and my circle of friends is getting smaller and smaller and tighter and tighter by the day. My friend is honestly working overtime and is in overdrive mode...my body feels like it's going to break down from all this stress. God, please...please lift these burdens from me...I'm crying out to you right now...it may not be physical tears, but my heart and my mind are crying out to you. All these talks with my friend as of late has definitely been reassuring and calming...but then more and more thoughts and things keep piling on top of this. Sometimes I wish I could just move away...from everything...and start a new life...just me and my family. That's no offense to my friends, but I get so sick of dealing with the same thing over and over again. Sometimes I wish I was at a place where no one knows who I am or what I've been through. God, my heart is breaking more and more with each passing day...my mind and my head can't seem to focus on anything anymore...give me the strength, guide me through this test in my life. Remove any burdens from my heart and remove the people and the things in my life that are causing me to stumble. God, I've never felt this way in a long time...my heart is breaking, my mind and my body are physically and mentally exhausted...I come to You on my knees with my hands lifted to You...guide me and I really commit to give my life  You and all the things that glorify You. Surround me with Your love and with Your people who will encourage me and build me and lift me up and lead me to You. God, I know that You are breaking me only to build me up stronger and in You and by Your love and grace...free me from my burdens, from my thoughts and my sins and my stresses...I give everything to You God. I pray all of these things in Your name,

Amen.

Dear God

I'm feeling so weak right now, I'm feeling so lost, so confused, so stressed...my legs are about to collapse because of all the burdens I'm carrying on my shoulders. I just had a talk with my friend, and you know when you're wrong or someone tells you what you NEED to hear but it's not what you want to hear...you know that person is right, but it's the hardest pill to swallow. I just got the biggest dose of that. Words can't describe how appreciative and thankful I am to have a brother in Christ to really slap me in the face with the truth...of all the conversations I've had and all the answers I've been given...this was the hardest to take in, but also the one I needed to hear the most. I'm so weak right now...God lift up all my burdens to you, give me strength...I'm so lost right now. The truth really does hurt...especially when it's from a close friend, but it's out of love I know that. But it's so hard to take in...it's even more hard to do, but I know I should. God, give me the strength...walk with me and guide me through this test. James 1:2-4 says that the testing of your faith produces perseverance, I pray that this test is just one of many that I have yet to overcome Lord. That in my brokenness right now, that You will build me up...with love and grace and by Your will. I pray that through all of this, Your will and Your will for me be done...guide me God. I pray this all in your most precious name,

Amen

This Week...

As you guys know, I'm off this whole week cuz it's reading week...got lots of work to do, actually lol...got 3 essays due after the break so gotta start working on them. But uh, yesterday went out to lunch with my parents and that's always nice since I usually have school all day on Wednesdays. After that, came home and chilled a bit...then had a meeting for church at someone's house at night. Today, woke up and went to dim sum with my boys...haven't had dim sum in the longest time...also nice to chill with my boys since when school starts we're all busy or out of town. After that, went to my friend's house and we just played videogames till nighttime haha. Can't wait till tomorrow, gonna go downtown and watch the Raptors face the Knicks lol...man...I really need to find time to get some work done lol...cuz Saturday, I'm going to a christian conference and then worship practise at night...oh man...gotta get some work done this break lol.

Family...

What's good, so you guys always know how I'm really big on like TV families who are really close and can talk and stuff and like have board game nights or like picnics and stuff. Sometimes I get jealous and wish I had a family like that you know. It wasn't until I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks ago about having dinner and he's like yeah me and my fam don't have dinner together, only on like special occasions. Even when we're all home, we'll all eat at like different times, whenever we're hungry, and even then we'll bring it to the TV or to the computer, etc...we hardly ever eat together. And I was like wow...that was shocking to me...cuz me and my fam always eat dinner together, it's just natural for us. And I guess I take it for granted sometimes...what brought this up was a TV show I was watching. How sometimes, something feels so good or is so natural and becomes so routine that we take it for granted...and sometimes something feels so good that we think something has to be wrong and we begin nitpicking the smallest things. I'm so lucky and happy to be able to spend time and have dinner with my family every night...and just talk and laugh and stuff, I'm so thankful. Yet I'm nitpicking that we don't have like boardgame nights and stuff like that...when I should be glad we always eat dinner together when some people aren't lucky or simply choose not to do that. I guess in that situation and in any situation in life, you shouldn't be looking at the negatives and how you can make it better...but instead look at the positives and be thankful for how great it is. Really cherish the circumstances you're in and be thankful for all the blessings you have in your life because as unsatisfied as you are and as much as you want to have more...someone else would be so grateful to be in your shoes...appreciate what you have right, before time makes you appreciate what you had...true.