Nice Try, Shy Guy

So I actually wrote this post in a kinda different format, but with the same content...I didn't really like how it came across, so here I am trying to redo it. So everybody's perception of you is going to be different depending on how well they know you and I guess how much of yourself you decide to show to them. For the most part, people's first impression of me is that I'm a shy, quiet and for the most part reserved kinda guy. And I am...to a certain extent. Only my inner circle of friends and those who I come in contact with on a consistent basis and feel comfortable with have a good idea of the overall person that I am. I say this because I had a conversation with a friend who says they knew me pretty well and to put it plainly...they said my friends were a bad influence on me. Meaning that when I'm with then, I'm more loud, more obnoxious, more immature and not like how I usually an. That really made me think and kinda re-evaluate...well what kinda person am I? Am I really a shy, quiet guy...or am I relaxed, goofy, rebellious bad boy my friend kinda painted of me. My friend gave specific examples like snapchatting my friends play fighting in parking lots or just being really loud outside or playing tag and such...like doing 'kiddie things'. I started thinking to myself...well dang, are my friends a bad influence on me then? I started thinking about my other groups of friends that I chill with...you know what conclusion I came to? I do the exact same things...I'm still goofy, immature, funny and such...we still do stupid things like play cards for dares, be obnoxious and such. But at the same time all these things are just glimpses that I put out there for say snapchat. I then thought about that one friend and it made me realize that if anything...when I'm with 'those' friends or my other groups of friends doing 'dumb' stuff, that's when I'm truly myself...just having fun, with no worries about being judged or looked at weirdly. I was like well dang...if anything, when I'm with you and a few others....that's kinda when I'm not myself...all conservative, quiet, reserved and to myself. I don't really know where this post is going...or even what the point or theme or topic of it is. It seemed like a good idea when I first wrote it down. I guess I'll just kinda close by saying...that it's about finding balance. Everyone\s allowed to have moments of stupidity, immaturity and goofiness at times...I never wanna lose the inner kid in me...I think it's one of the things that makes me so relatable to kids. But at the same time, I know when the situation calls for maturity and respectfulness. I personally don't think my friends are a bad influence on me because they respect me and what I believe in and I myself have the self control and discernment not to join them in the things that I don't agree with. Us doing stupid stuff like play fighting, dares or just joking with each other...that's harmless fun with guys who've known each other since they were kids. What's fun to you may not be fun to us and vice versa. What you nay see as cool and fun to do, someone else may see as stupid and immature and vice versa. Ultimate, I know this friend came and shared out of love and care, which I appreciate for sure, but at the same time...I know who I am and what I believe in and I know who my friends are and the influence they have and may not have on me. So yeah...rereading this post halfway, I'm not even sure if it makes sense or not lol.

She Wouldn't Leave Me Alone

Hola friends, hope you're doing well, summer's over...and I'm pretty okay with that. Fall's probably my favourite season cuz it's sunny and chilly at the same time. I don't like calling it Autumn, sounds lame to me. But yeah, fall is dope cuz you get to layer up if you want...jeans, sweats, jackets, denim, hoodies, sweatshirts, beanies, love it. Now, on to our regularly scheduled programming.

So I kinda held off on this story for a bit...like a good couple months...only cuz I knew this person read my blog pretty consistently...now I'm pretty confident they don't...in fact, they deleted me off alll forms of social media LOOOOL. Btw, shoutout to you for reminding me about this story...about how to approach someone you're not really interested in and how to respond/react...you know who you are...pretty sure you'll find this post very a-peel-ing LOOOOL. So I met this one girl through a friend...she was chill, we hit it off, texted and such for some days in a row. We ended up going on like 2 dates and yeah that was kinda it...the interest slowly died down and I guess I just wasn't really feeling it anymore and couldn't see myself pursuing this. Now I told a couple of friends this story, if I didn't tell you...it's honestly not that big a deal...just something that didn't work out lol. So anyways, because we already had multiple conversations and went on a few dates...I didn't wanna be like yeah, this isn't gonna work out, bye, So I did what people naturally do...replies get shorter, they start to take longer, conversation gets slower...to the point where it kinda dies down. So that's what I kinda did...and I'm positive she could sense I wasn't really feeling it anymore, but here and there she would double text me (when you don't reply to the person's initial text, so they send you another one). So I would keep going with the very short and slow replies with eventual progression to not replying at all, judge me how you will...but based on the situation, I chose to do that instead of telling her straight up, I have my reasons...and as I continue the story, you'll probably agree that was the right course of action, probably. So, some more backstory would be that after we exchanged numbers she added me on facebook, instagram and snapchat...all at the same time. So once I stopped replying to her, I was like alright...that's over now...she started sending me pictures on snapchat...like multiple at a time...so I first I didn't open then, but it got to a point where she kept sending them, so I would open them and not reply. Here's when she started texting me again...she's like I know you see my snapchats, why don't you respond. She would keeeeeeep texting, you don't understand. So it finally stops...eventually. So I'm chilling one day, playing 2k...my phone rings...SHE'S FACETIME CALLING ME...I'M LIKE BRUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I don't pick up...SHE CALLS 6 MORE TIMES....at this point, I'm like okay...my life may possibly be in jeopardy. So I remember writing something somewhere about some annoying girl calling me nonstop and such right. She texts me like moments after saying oh I know you think I'm annoying, but I didn't mean to facetime you, it was an accident...BRUHHHHHHH. Again, I didn't respsond, cuz I was like YO SHE CRAAAAAAZY. The facetime calls stopped, but here and there she would voice call me...again I wouldn't pick up. Eventually, she got the hint and I realized she also unfollowed me on instagram and such...funny tho she would add me back on instagram here and there and watch my snaps LOL. If you've ever seen the movie Gone Girl...yeah, this was pretty close...LOL.

You guys are LUCKY...I did some digging and found some screenshots I took when she wouldn't stop face timing me LOOOL. I had changed the name on her contact list to represent it more accurately ,I also still hare her number in my phone interestingly enough. This was a long while ago, but I couldn't find actually date and time stamps, so this will have to do. See my boy Harrish with the 6 missed face time calls...yeah I told my friends this story and he wouldn't stop annoying me LOL. Here are some screenshots I took way back when.

My Parents Were Right All Along

You guys are probably already used to my loaft-ish ways...loaft-ish...dang. Random tangent, you know in class...there's always students who like speak hella eloquently and intelligently, they use like big words, they speak all professionally and such. I always feel like such a dummy when I hear them explain or answer things. People are always like yo Rodmond you're such a good writer...I don't think so tbh, I've never really done amazingly well on essays, but then again are essays the ultimate decider of if you're a good writer or not? Who knows? I think I have good ideas and creativity when it comes to words and expression...but y'all can tell by my grammar and punctuation and love for using the '...' that I kinda just write as if I were speaking to you face to face. Anyways, let's move on...

So this post kinda follows the previous post...and was also meant to be posted much earlier, but life got the best of me and now here we are a week later lol. So I'm slowly easing my way back into the grind of school and such. Rereading the previous post reminded me of this post and I came to the conclusion that my parents were and always have been right. Hmm...only took me 24 years to come to that realization LOL. It's just interesting...how 2 of my friends said the exact same thing to me and I really took it to heart...then I realized it's been what my parents have been preaching to me my entire life. To do my best...and whether succeed or fail, as long as I did my best, that's all I could really do. If I succeed, that's great, but if I fail...at least I fail knowing I did the best that I could and maybe it just wasn't meant to be. My parents knew that all along...and they never pushed me or had super high expectations, they just wanted me to do my best and that's it.

Another random tangent cuz my mom just walked into my room and started asking me about what time I'm going to school tomorrow and if I got all my books yet and I was kinda like yeah yeah, don't worry (cuz I was focused on writing this post), she went away and walked in again like 5 minutes later and asked me if I wanted food and in that moment I like thought to myself what a dick I was 5 minutes ago and kinda reevaluated myself and talked to her like a civilized human being. It's crazy...how much effort I...we...put into talking to our friends and such...but when it comes to talking to my or your parents, there's so much attitude or our tolerance is so much lower. It's always something I see in myself and realize it after and have to kinda slap myself and be like yo, that's not nice and such....I've always and I still do really make a conscious effort to be more patient and tolerable with my parents and speak to them with love because everything they say or do is out of love. Anyways, this post took all kinds of turns, so...peace.

Never Give Up

So I told y'all about all those notes saved up on my phone and how I could fully crank out posts everyday if I wanted to, but there'd be no motivation, passion or heart in the posts. So I kinda hold them of until something sorta triggers or inspires me to write about that post or somehow re-evokes those feelings that I had when I first wrote that post down. This is one of those times. So school just started for me, yep, back again...even tho I just graduated. I'm back for a year to get another degree with the goal of getting a high enough average to be able to apply to teacher's college next year, if I don't, well that door kinda gets closed and it forces me to walk through other doors, but I have a general idea like I've said of the paths that lay ahead of me in a short term aspect at least. So yeah, school just started and it's like a whirlwind of stress just hit me in the face...and it hasn't even been a full week of classes yet, classes just started on Thursday. I've been hella stressed tho, just with my schedule and wanting to get into certain classes and drop other classes. To give you a glimpse, my Mondays are just horrible...my class starts at 10:30 and my last class ends at 10 pm. So I really wanted to do some switching around and such. Not to mention most of my classes are now seminars...gone are the days of huge lectures with like 100+ people, now my classes are no more than 15 people and it's a seminar, pretty much 3 hours of group discussion, I mean it keeps me engaged and awake, but dang, some days you just wanna loaft and let the prof talk y'feel? So yeah, I've been feeling really stressed about that and of course the pressure that this year puts on me academically...you know how people always say you can't go into the battle with the attitude of oh what if I lose cuz then you'll have already lost. I mean I constantly preached that to my one friend when we would play 2k LOOOL...yet here I am coming into this school year very nervous and scared...even doubtful of it I can get that average that'll allow me to apply to teacher's college. I mean, I have backup plans...but like some days I start thinking more and more about those backup plans as if my main plan is already going to fail...and it's a horrible mindset to  have. Which brings me to the post saved on my phone...my favourite youtube is Timothy Dela Ghetto if you know who he is...he's funny, down to earth and just hella relable y'know. So I watched one of his vlogs and he talked about like perseverance and such and I was like okay cool, dope and went on my way. A couple of days later, I was talking to my friend about teacher's college and not getting in because my marks were just below and such and he was like man...I just watched this vlog from Timothy Dela Ghetto and it really hit me hard and he's like you gotta have that kinda attitude. Timothy Dela Ghetto was talking about how he has a bunch of meetings, auditions and such for a bunch of roles and he doesn't get all of them. He's like yeah you gotta mess up a bunch of times before you finally make it...that's what life is all about, falling down...but getting back up and trying again. The fear of failure is scary, but it makes success so much more satisfying...I know these are all lessons and philosophies that are preachy and overused and easy to understand...but it really is so real...and applying this and having this kinda attitude towards anything and everything in life is tough sometimes...yeah it's easy to say all this until you get hit with failure. I guess I'm thankful to have people in my life to help constantly remind me of these things when I forget or get so overwhelmed...sometimes it's nice to have people push you back on the right track or give you a helping hand when you're having trouble getting up. Failure is apart of life, it's inevitable no matter how hard you work or how good you are at whatever...it's how you approach it and what you do after that differentiates people...I'm thankful to the times I've been reminded of this. I know you might read all these lessons and whatever and be like yeah yeah, I know. But hey, if I in some way helped you get back on track the way my friend helped me stay the course, then I'm happy and thankful I was able to help. The bottom line? Never give up.

Thank You Mr. Miyagi

There are very few people in this world that I genuinely look up to, as in like I would go to them for advice of any kind and I really take it to heart. When I was a kid and yearbook time rolled around, you start filling in all the information you want in your blurb...favourite memory, favourite class, role models...people (I included) would always put down like celebrities or favourite athletes. I remember I put down Vince Carter as my role model, but realistically, I've never nor will I probably ever have a conversation with Vince Carter, so what kinda role model really is that for me? To me a role model is someone you look up to, whether it's their character, their attitude, their personality, all that jazz. Off the top of my ahead and aside from my parents, there's 2 people that I can confidently say I look up to and really listen to when they give me advice. One would be my old teacher and the other would be my old pastor. It's funny cuz after elementary school, leaving my old teacher and going into high school...I really tried to replicate the relationship I had with my elementary school teacher with other teachers. I thought it would be possible and boy did I try and force it really hard. It wasn't till I was older till I realized these are things you can't force or manipulate, it just happens. It's just crazy to think that these 2 people have seen me grow up...literally since I was 13-14 years old and now here I am 24 years old. My old teacher...it's crazy to think 10 years later, I'm still great friends with him, I've been in his classroom and had the privilege of teaching his children and having him really back me in being a teacher, I'm pretty sure he wants me to be a teacher more than I do...and that means the world to me. Then there's my old pastor...the fact that she graduated university in the States and came to Canada at 22 and started counseling us and pastoring us...and now here I am at 24 doing similar things to what she was doing for the youth when she was my age. Literally...it's like the student has surpassed the master...not literally of course, just an illustration that I'm now doing for other kids what my mentors and role models once did and still continue to do for me, it's mind blowing. It maes me really happy...still keeping in contact with these amazing human beings and them being able to see the person that I've become because of their  teachings and guidance and now pouring all that knowledge and experience onto others...it's a really humbling and comforting feeling. Yeah, I just thought I'd share that with y'all...if there're people in your lives you look up to, let them know how much you appreciate them, cherish them...time moves way too fast nowadays.

I Made Him Cry

So flashback to sometime ago when I was in elementary school (already I know people are like BRUH, thought this would be a current story, tough tomatoes fam), I kinda wanna say like grade 4 or 5. I was best friends with this one kid. Back then, birthday parties were LITTTT...I'm talking food, cake, games, loop bags, presents...man it was fun. So it was his birthday and he invited a bunch of guys to this like crazy game place. Like it was hectic, there were trampolines, basketball nets, this one huge pit to have water balloon fights, ice cream, a place to have food and open presents...then there was this one room...you know those mats you use in high school, or the ones you see in gyms...the really thick and cushion-y ones...imagine going into a room where the floor was those mats and so were the walls...what I'm trying to get at is it was a really soft and 'safe' room lol. So the game was tag or something...who even remembers...it's not even important. What's important is we played this game in the dark, they were like hey wouldn't it be fun to turn off all the lights and play whatever game we're playing. So picture this...a big, soft, cushy room...like 15 rambunctious and hyper boys, then you turn off the lights...clearly nothing could go wrong. So if you know me, you'll know I love wrestling, I've been watching WWE (formerly WWF) since I was a kid. One thing on my bucket list is to RKO somebody LOOOL. So back when I was a kid...I used to watch wrestling...I used to go to my parents room cuz they had a big bed and wrestle with those long body pillows. I would fight it, jump from the top of the closet onto the bed and pretend I was a wrestler. So going back to my friend's birthday party...we're playing some random game in the dark...for WHATEVER reason, in my head, I'm like...alright, I'm gonna spear (tackle, but they call it a spear in wrestling) someone. So the next time they turned off the lights, I ran full speed and tackled some random kid, I couldn't see, I just knew I tackled someone and I heard him crying LOOOL. The lights turn on...IT'S THE FRICKIN BIRTHDAY BOY....aka MY BEST FRIEND LOOOOOOOOL. I just tackled the birthday boy and made him cry. The coordinators of the game start going off like WHO DID THIS...I like fade to the background like uhhhhhh...all I remember is he stopped crying, the game ended, we finished the party with ice cream and I went home. What's the lesson in this story? Well you know how in all those wrestling commercials they EMPHASIZE "don't try this at home"...yeah, I guess they say that for a reason LOL. Sorry man, hope you're all good, wherever you are now.

Tell Me How You Really Feel

Summer's over, just like that...wow. Kinda bittersweet, seeing everyone go back to school, seeing kids start high school, seeing kids start and/or go off to university. It really is bittersweet, I'm praying for so many of my fellow brothers and sisters out there, for strength this coming school year...in all aspects...physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Be strong kiddies.

I always talk about how things have changed, how I've changed, how this blog has changed. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, it all depends on perspective. Back then, some of my friends would always joke with me, for example when they asked me how I felt about a certain topic of situation and I would give them an answer, they would be like oh let's just go on his blog later and see how he really feels. Or when an argument or some sort of conflict happened, the other person's initial reaction is to check my blog to see how I feel and what I'm thinking about the whole situation. It's kinda like they thought I never shared the truth with them. It was more like I never really shared EVERYTHING that was on my mind for fear of causing more conflict, either that or it was one of those things where you think of so many dope things to say after the argument is done, ya feel. But yeah, the good thing about the blog...well kinda, is that I'm so loaft. Again, perspective right lol...the positive in this situation is that because I'm so loaft, that same course of action doesn't really work anymore because I'm so loaft with putting posts out lol. Tbh right now, I don't even know what direction this blog is heading in atm...a lot of the posts on this blog lately have been like stories or old experiences. I wanna keep it fresh, current, without being too boring you know. So bear with me, I've been doing this for 6 years, but I'm only just beginning to figure things out. Honestly, I didn't even really start blogging with passion till like a couple of years ago, if y'all know the story, I won't go into detail. 2011 or so was when the blog started gaining more attention and it was there I started taking it more seriously. So even to this day, I'm still trying to figure things out and plan the next couple steps for this blog. But I am excited to share this journey with you guys, till the next post, peace.

Where Have I Been?

Hello friends, it's been a long time, too long...I apologize. My friends recently started this thing where if someone tells a joke and no one laughs, you have to apologize LOL. I feel like with the amount of times I kinda go mia for a while, y'all would be like...apologize, so I'm sorry. I don't got no post for y'all today, well I mean I do, but I kinda wanna just talk to you guys for a sec if that's okay, update y'all with what's been going on in life and such. It's back to school season, some kids are already back to school...so Rodmond, what're you up to? Well if you've been keeping up with my life, I recently graduated (finally). But ya boy is going back to school, for one year...at least lol. The plan is to go back to school and get another degree (it'll only take one year cuz of transfer credits). What happens after all depends on how well I do this school year. I have a general plan/idea of the paths that lie in front of me after this school year...but y'all know my perspective that motives, feelings and such can change at any given time so I always do my best to stay flexible. Summer has been very interesting...for the most part, I don't really feel like I did anything amazingly productive, more like little things here and there. Technically I've been off school since like January, so it's been a LONGGGGG summer...tho I did do things in between like volunteer and such. Life has been good tho...peaceful, stress free, happy, joyful, purposeful. It's been real nice...usually I'm always coming to you guys with like oh man I got so much school work, oh man there's this girl, oh man there's drama here, drama there...today, I come to you, just wanting to talk, catch up...and let y'all know what I've been up to for the most part. It's been a lot of me time that's for sure, A LOT of me time. I'd say life's been moving very slow as of late, and I've been embracing that with open arms and taking whatever comes to me at that given moment. But I'm kinda ready for life to quicken up the pace and I'm pretty sure that's gonna happen with this coming school year. To sum up life as of late, the perfect word would be autopilot LOOOL...I've literally been coasting, feeling like life's been going at 40 mph...it's been nice that's for sure, it's given me lots of time to reflect, to learn, to enjoy and to relax. I'm definitely ready and have already begun filling my plate with things to do and responsibilities to carry. I'm turning 25 next year...adulthood seems to be knocking louder and louder on my door as time passes. One thing I've always promised myself is to always have that inner child in me...you know how some people are like, once you're a certain age you have to grow up and mature and you're not a kid anymore. I get that, but I always wanna have that kid in me for certain occasions...I still wanna be able to make stupid jokes, play video games and such. Just cuz you're an adult doesn't mean you have to be boring. One thing I've always felt about myself is that I was pretty relatable and approachable when it came to the younger generation...and I hope to never lose that side of me even when I'm older. But uh, yeah...I guess that's kinda what I've been up to and where I've been at as of late, if you cared enough to read this far...then thanks lol.