Practice What You Preach

It's always funny how I have a bunch of topics ready to talk about and suddenly I'm hit spontaneously with random topics and I just go with it. I really hate not being able to take my own advice sometimes...well I think it's something a lot of people do, but as of late, it's really been affecting me greatly. I tell myself it doesn't and it shouldn't matter who or how many people read my posts...but it's something that's been on my mind a lot. I tell myself it doesn't and shouldn't matter how I come off to people, but it is something that's in the back of my head. I tell myself it's only the people in your inner circle who really matter, everyone else is irrelevant...but I find myself looking outward of my circle a lot...for approval, for respect, for attention, for whatever you know. A lot of things have been getting to me lately...and I'm in one of those moods where I only feel comfortable and happy with certain people or certain groups of people. I told you guys I've grown to be very comfortable with silence, with solitude and with being alone...even in a group setting...small or large...I'm fully comfortable with being outside looking in...with just doing my own thing...cuz that is one thing I've been able to do...that's one piece of advice I've been able to practice...that it doesn't matter where I am or who's around me...I can fully just do myself and know that I have people that care about me at the end of the day. I know what I just said kinda contradicts the above...but I guess I'll give you some perspective...and this is me being super honest...telling myself that no one reads my posts to give myself an illusion that I'm just talking to myself...it helps me be super open with my thoughts. Plain and simple, I feel like an outsider on my softball team...at practice today, I was pretty much in my own world LOL...sitting by myself or away from most people...literally in my own zone. Now it's not like I push people away...if people approach me, I fully welcome them with open arms...but I dunno...there just isn't a specific group or person that I really gel with you know...and all these guys know each other pretty well...so I'm kinda outside looking in...but I'm perfectly content with it. I'm comfortable sitting by myself, being in my own little world. I dunno...I have many thoughts and feelings towards softball this year, which I won't get into cuz that's too much of a tangent. I don't even know where I'm going any more lol...the little voice inside of me is like what if someone from the team reads this post...but atm, I'm just like eh...it's whatever.