From The Heart: Strangers Again

Relax....let it go....get over it....move on....these are the things we say....when we're faced with a problem....or a person...and we just don't know what to do. We don't know how to fix it, how to approach them, what they're thinking, what they're feeling. Lately I've been up and down....having fun, smiling....then thoughts of you flash before me. Usually in these situations....you would be the one I would talk to...you would be the one I would call....I would talk to and ask for guidance....for comfort. What's going on and happening between us lately...is a blur....sometimes, it feels like a dream....sometimes I just wanna approach you....and talk to you...because it feels like nothing's wrong....but then reality hits me....and I see myself standing across the room from you....looking the other way. Is anybody out there......are you reading what I'm writing right now....do you understand how I'm feeling, or are these just empty words to you? My heart....my mind....is all a blur right now....I don't know who's going to read this....and I don't know if you're going to read this....but this blog....is my diary....so I'm going to say everything I need to say. I don't even remember why we fought....I don't even remember why I began to feel the way I did. All I know is....we aren't seeing eye to eye....and I can't just start talking to you like everything's okay....because everything's not okay. All those posts about you...thoughts about you....all those nights of heartache and sleepless nights....thinking of you. Please....don't get me wrong....this is not a crush....I just really value my friends....and friendship. I can honestly say you were...the closest person I had. I told you everything that I could....I gave you everything that I could. I just felt like....it wasn't reciprocated...it hurts....it's like loving someone who doesn't love you back. It's like telling a person how you feel....and them saying what? Can you repeat that...I didn't hear you. What we're going through right now....I don't even understand anymore....it's over my head.....are you mad at me? Am I mad at you? Why aren't we talking? Do you think about this like I do? Do you miss me like I miss you? Are you trying to live life and ignore it as I am? What we're going through....I don't even know.....as weeks pass by....and I see you....I know you see me....but you look the other way. Weeks continue to pass....as we grow further apart...the only thing keeping the existence of our friendship are our memories. We're going downhill and it's only getting faster...we're slowly....becoming strangers. Is anybody out there....can anybody hear me.....you were that person...that I would run to....you were that person...I could confide in. As the weeks pass....and we move on with our lives....I don't know what's going to happen...I don't know where we'll end up....I don't know all the answers, I don't know the future. I've been thinking about this way too much....have you? I hope.....I hope that....that somehow....someway...this whole thing....is a dream...and that me and you....are still friends...are still good...are still laughing...talking...smiling...sharing. I hope that...I'll wake up from this one day...and it'll all be good.....we'll have no wall between us....no tension between us. I hope that you and I can mend all this....can put all this aside. As we slowly become strangers....I hope that we take this time to grow as individuals...and learn about ourselves and about each other....and I hope we meet again...on better terms.....and start where we left off. I don't know if you'll ever read this...or if you'll ever know how I feel....cuz I don't even know....until we meet again....we'll continue on our opposite paths, slowly drifting apart.