In a person's lifetime, they will meet a lot of people and lose a lot of people. In elementary school, that's when you form the friendships that you do and you take the majority of them with you onto high school. After high school...that's when things really start coming to reality, more than half the people you are graduating with...you'll never see again...or hardly see again. You'll only be taking a slight handful of your high school and close friends with you onto university. In my lifetime....I've met a lot of people...I've gotten to know a lot of people, now I'd say that I'm cool with a lot of people, can have an above average conversation, not just hi how are you, etc. But the people that i'm close with...well the circle is pretty small, I won't get into detail, but you know how there's different circles. Like your innermost circle is your fam, then best friends, etc, etc. Basically....what I'm trying to get at right now is that...well i've lost or at least seen a lot of my close friends come and go. Some were preventable and some...weren't...people moving, me moving, etc. I dunno. The first time it really hit me that a friend was leaving would be somewhere in my high school days, me and this girl had liked each other and we had this whole up and down thing where I liked her, but she didn't feel the same, she liked me, but I didn't feel the same, etc, etc. We were really good friends and after that whole rollercoaster...things just weren't the same. We started to drift away from each other and started to talk less, to the point where we became acquaintances. I dunno....where i'm going with this....this happens to me a lot...where I rant....and I don't really know where I'm going with it. I dunno....there have just been too many instances in my life where i've drifted away from friends...whether it may be my fault, the other person's fault or a mutual thing. And it's hard....when you're in the midst of a fight...and you don't know what to do. I'm usually good with this stuff...well at least when it comes to helping other people at least...I know what to say....what to do, how to fix the situations, etc. But with you....I get weak....speechless....I dunno....I've thought about this....about you...way too much....I know I should lighten it...and stop it....because I just KNOW.....that you don't care or feel the same that I do....I know this is borderline me liking you...but I assure you it's not...I just really care....and you ARE the closest girl in my life....scratch that, were...I guess....I'm scared of you...even when we use to talk....I'd say yeah....you're one of....one of...my close friends. I know you misinterpret a lot of the things I say or write cuz I come off strong...but I just care a lot...and I'm sensitive about these things....again....I dunno where I'm going with this....but um...I just had to get some of this off my chest...specially since I was watching Wong Fu's stranger's again....and if you put it into a friendship standpoint...there aren't that many places a friendship can go when it's at the top....some friends can handle it...but some people...might get bored of each other...or something like that...I dunno....lately I've been thinking about this...about you too much....I promise to myself...that I'll think less about it....about you....and let God do his thing....and whatever happens....happens. He has a plan for us both and is using this situation to strengthen us...whether that may be with....or without each other. I feel like i'm blowing this way out of proportion and you're just chilling. I have so many feelings and assumptions...I dunno....okay...I'll stop....I really am....going to do my best to leave this in your hands God.
Dear God,
I pray that in this tough time in my life, you will show me the light. You will bring me back to you, use this and use her....to guide me towards you. Help me seek a Godly relationship with her. Help me draw nearer to you as I have drawn near to her. I ask for strength and guidance as I know you have a plan for me, I ask for strength for her...because I know she has a lot on her plate as well. I pray that you allow her to understand why I care as much as I do...and allow me to have patience with this Lord and to trust in you fully...and to put ALL OF....my faith into your hands. I thank you for being such a forgiving, loving, caring and patient God...and I pray all of these things in your most precious name.
Amen
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