The Luxury Of Closure

I feel like I'm somebody who always likes to ask why and sometime that feeling of always wanting to ask why gets me into trouble or it makes me seem like I have a problem you know. A long time ago at church, I would always wear birks (sandals) to church and these adults would always be on my back about how I'm not looking my best or something like that and it would irk me to no ends and I would always be like well what's the problem, why can't I wear sandals to church in the summer. Another instant is like when they told us we couldn't play basketball at church anymore and I was likek well why and I remember them distinctly being like why can you just listen when we tell you something, why do you always have to ask why. Like I swear I don't have a problem with authority, but it's just this need to know like well why, tell me why this is happening or why this can't happpen, why did you say this, why did you do this you know. So when ti comes to girls, and specifically girls that don't end up working out, the natural question is why, and the need for closure for me at least is like super high. And I've always been like that, whether it's girls who I saw and dated once or maybe saw and went on multiple dates with, if or when it didn't work out, there's always that need to be like well why. When my best friend didn't like me back, it's like well why and that bothered me growing up for the longest time cuz I just never got that closure. But as J'm getting older I'm kinda adopting the mentality and learning and reading a lot that well sometimes you don't always get that closure and you won't always get to know why and that's perfectly fine, you just keep moving forward. I dunno I'm always just so curious when say something doesn't work out with a girl, well why...like was it chemistry issues, something I did, something I said, someone else. But see all these things are also why I try to tell myself getting invested in things like dating apps are probably the worst thing for me cuz it's literally surface level (for the most part) and hardly ever do you really get to find out why things don't work out cuz people go ghost or just let you know it's not working out. Someone told me one time that you kinda have to go in with the mentality that she's probably talking to and seeing other people, which makes sense cuz I'm definitely doing the same thing too. But yeah sorry don't wanna tangent too much. I feel like I'm just starting to see closure as like a luxury, something that you aren't necessary owed but something that would be nice to have. Like at the end of the day, if I don't like someone, I don't really owe them an explanation as to why it didn't work or maybe there was no reason. That's kinda how I'm seeing things lately, where if say a girl goes ghost, or maybe things are going well then she suddenly uts it off, yeah it would be nice to know why and I probably would still ask...but they don't owe you anything, from my perspective like yeah it would be super dope and the respectful thing to do but not everyone sees it that way and that's perfectly fine. You don't always get closure and that's okay, you also shouldn't let it keep you from moving on and moving forward from whatever it is. The more I think about it now, the more I feel strongly that closure really is a luxury, asking why and getting a proper response as to why something doesn't work out or isn't working is always nice, but certainly isn't owed. That's just just something I've kinda had in my mind for some time, but was definitely triggered and brought to light recently lol and by recently like right now LOL. See y'all soon, peace.