So I originally wanted to title this 'Things I've Learned From Casually Dating' but I decided to stick with just 'dating' cuz it sounded better. But for context, these are just things I've learned and experienced through casually dating. I've also never been in a 'serious' relationship (which I might save for another post), but the word serious also depends on your perspective and how you define it. Lemme also go ahead and say that these are things that I've learned and experienced for myself, they're in no way things you have to follow or do for yourself lol, feel free to take away what you like but this is just based on own experiences, perspectives and observations. So I'm kinda in a phase of my life right now where I've just been casually dating, meeting new people, learning about life and learning about myself. Like I said I've never been in what I consider a serious relationship but I'm definitely open to it if it comes along but I'm not gonna force it which explains the whole casual dating, but yeah a short description of that for me would be like obviously both parties are committed and exclusive, you've been together for a certain/minimum amount of time, they've met my family...that's a big for one me, but ultimately it's really just a feeling. I think this is def something I'll save for a future post, it's definitely a feeling an varies from person to person. But back to the topic at hand, things I've learned from casually dating. I think it's extremely important to know what you want...whether that's a relationship, meeting new people, something casual or just chilling...make it known so you're not wasting each others time. Another extremely important thing is to communicate with one another...is this potentially serious or casual, are we seeing other people, do we wanna go on a second date or not? It goes back tot he first point about not wasting each others time. BUT I also understand like oh if things just don't work out, you had a bad time, I understand if you're like well I don't owe it to the person to explain myself...yes I do get that, but I think it's also nice to not be left in the dark. Like I've been on both sides where I've been ghosted and I've ghosted people, I think it's the mature and respectful thing to do to let people know it didn't work out, doesn't have to be super elaborate and descriptive, but it's like a courteous thing to do, but I get it's not for everybody The next thing is to also have fun with it, be yourself, it's all a learning experience at the end of the day. It's one of those things where the more dates I went on, the more comfortable and confident I became, I had like a routine but also stayed flexible to the person and the situation. It's like a job interview, it's nerve wracking at first but the more interviews you go on, the more comfortable and used to it you get. That applies to dating or even just meeting new people, you learn to communicate more effectively. Next, when you know what you want, don't compromise that. I'm not saying be stubborn and stingy like yoooo she has to like basketball or she haaas to like mac and cheese or something. By all means if that's your thing more power to you lol, like be open but if there are spectic things that you want, don't compromise that because you'll end up unhappy or vent trying to change that person. Something very specific is like I would never purposely date a girl who's a smoker, but I ended up dating this one girl then finding out later she smokes cigarettes and I really tried to like ignore it or suck it up but it really bothered me lol. Something different would be like there was a point with this girl where I knew I wanted something more serious but she wanted something more casual, I didn't communicate that and instead tried to compromise and make it work and it stressed me out and made me unhappy and I ended up ending things with her. Another example but like the flip side is there was this girl that wanted something serious but I wasn't but I kept it going trying to compromise and she wasn't happy and ended things with me. So I know I said not to compromise, but it really depends what you're looking for tbh. I will say to be open to newness, new people, new cultures, new foods...this girl was a foodie and suggested this Egyptian restaurant to which I was not feeling lol, I ended up going with her and the food was fireeeeeee, so yeah be open lol. The next thing and this is something I feel really strongly about which you may not...be chivalrous, be a gentleman, do those corny things in the movies LOL. I'm def a firm believer in paying for the first date, it's really nbd unless she tryna go to like Red Lobster on the first date and someone once told me if you can't afford to pay for the first date, you probably shoudn't have asked her out or something like that lol. But hey it’s 2021 and like I said you might feel the exact opposite. I will say that like probably 70% of the dates I’ve been on, I’ve paid on the first date. A lot of times girls will like try to hand me cash and I’m like chill it’s cool, which is nice to see rather than the *fake reach into bag* LOOOOL. There was one time where the bill came and I picked it up to look at it and the girl like tossed her carb on the table like a frisbee and said I got it LOOOOL, so I said alright bet. Most other times girls will offer to split which I’m cool with as well depending on the situation, this one girl was suuuuper adamant that everything was split down the line, we had ordered a bunch of small foods to share so that was understandable, but then we went to bubble tea and she asked to split that too lol. You’d think that would mean she wasn’t bout it but we actually went on a bunch more dates after that LOL. But yeah back to the whole chivalry thing, usually I’ll also offer to drive/pick them up and most girls are chill and down, some are more cautious like yo I don’t wanna give you my address which is perfectly understandable lol. So when I do pick a girl up, I’ll like be waiting outside my car or on her driveway to greet her and like open the car door for her. Again, to each his own but please don’t be one of those dudes who honks their horn for the girl to come out LOL. One time it was raining and I walked to this girls door with an umbrella and walked her to my car then opened the door for her and she was so shook, she’s like yo no ones ever opened a car door for me before LOL. I’m also someone who like waits for you to go inside before I drive away, just in case you know, but I do that for all my friends too, it’s something I’ve always seen my parents do so it just came naturally. The last important thing I wanna reinforce is communicate, Commuicate, COMMUNICATE. Maybe because this is something I’ve learned and really value and want in a relationship or any kind of friendship. If things aren’t going well, even if they’re going good, if you didn’t like something they said or did, if you’re feeling a way, let the person know. People aren’t mindreaders and we can’t and shouldn’t assume people will know what we’re thinking or feeling. Again I get it’s not for everybody and I’ve been in that position many times where things didn’t go well or work out and I was left in the dark with no explanation or anything lol. I’ve ghosted many girls as well just cuz I wasn’t sure or didn’t know how it maybe was even scared to be straight up and say I wasn’t feeling them or whatever, it always felt easier to just go ghost until they left me alone. But yeah all of my experiences have really taught me the importance of communication. And I think that goes for a casual or serious relationship, communicate with your partner. Tell them how you feel, what you want, what you’re looking for, all that jazz. It makes things so much easier when people talk things out rather than keeping it in or expecting the person to just know. But yeah those are a bunch of things I’ve learned through dating and I’m super appreciative of the good and bad moments because it all adds to like my lived and learned experiences and also helps with future encounters as well. So yeah, till next time, PEACE.
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