From The Heart: Leavin'

You know as exams finish and I realize that my first year went by way too fast, I have a bunch of friends in grade 12 receiving their letters of acceptance from universities and deciding which ones to go to, etc. In the midst of all this, I have friends who are dead set on leaving for uni, some dead set on staying home, and some confused about which to choose. My close friends seem to be confused about what to do, but are leaning more towards leaving. How can I....as a good friend, tell them to sacrifice their education and stay, just to satisfy myself. I mean, I've been talking to a bunch of friends today telling me I don't know whether to stay at home where all my friends and family are, or go to a school I really want to. How can I as a friend say.....oh this school is bad, you should stay home where all your friends are. How can I make them feel bad by saying I'll miss them or by saying that they promised they'd never leave. Right now I have a dilemma with 3 friends, bare with me here. Friend # 1 is deciding between my school, which she'll be here for a semester and in another country for another semester or going to a diff uni where she'll be back on the weekends, but living there. Friend #2, who I haven't really been talking to lately for who knows why....is going to a uni that is reasonably easy to commute back and forth, but I heard that she may res.....yeah it kinda sucks she didn't tell me and that I had to find out myself, but hey....we haven't been talking so, what can I do right. Friend #3, I just found out today got accepted by her top uni in Montreal a week ago and told me just today, yeah it kinda hurts but I'm not going to cry over it. Still following me with friends 1, 2 and 3. Well basically, I really don't know what to do, talking to friends 1 and 3 today, they were really confused about what to do. HOW.....can I as a friend who cares for them with all my heart....tell them to stay because I want them to, when I really should be saying, it's your decision and university is a big thing and a chance for you to meet new people. I feel pretty down at this moment like all 3 friends are leaving me alone to kinda just do my own thing and figure out.....life. Ok, you tell me, what would you do with friend #1......if she comes to your school, yeah you'll see her a for a semester, but then she's off to ANOTHER COUNTRY....for another semester, and prob the same routine the rest of the 4 years. OR.....(still talking about friend #1) she goes to a uni where she lives on res but comes back on weekends. I dunno about you, maybe it's me....but I really am not liking either option.....but HOW can I as a friend, tell her to choose one or the other, to choose me or her education. I'm feeling really down, but really selfish right now. Now friend #2.....I haven't talked to her in a while, but she is arguably the one I'm closest to of all 3. Am I hurt I didn't find out from her that she might live there....yeah kinda.....it's not that far, my friends go there and come back daily. But I dunno, maybe she wants the experience, or just to get out of Markham....you tell me what you'd do....she's prob one of the closest people I have, but she has a bunch of close people....so who cares if she loses 1 person....but to me....I feel like I'm losing a big part of myself. Now friend #3.....I think as time has went on, I've become really close to her, seen her grow, shared my life with her.....and now she's been accepted to a university in Montreal...it's a great university and it's her top choice and all she does is talk about how great it is....c'mon now....with her mentality like that....HOW can I tell her NOT to go to that university....but instead to stay home...and go to a lesser university, to please her friends. I'm feeling really down right now....both selfish, and sad at the same time cuz I feel like though there's a lot of time before university starts and they make a decision, I feel like they've already made their decision, their bags are all packed, but I'm the only one who won't acknowledge it. I dunno man, maybe friendship is just so hard to come by that I can't let this go...especially since I don't have many close girl friends...that this hits me even harder than it would if it were someone else. I dunno.....if you made if this far and actually had the chance to read this, I offer my humblest thank you.

PS. I know I said I'd be in full blogging mode today, but I woke up feeling pretty loaft and lazy only to start talking to 2 of the 3 friends and feeling more down. But yeah...I won't promise tomorrow I'll be all good, but it'll be a slow process, but the blog will be back to normal and up and running asap. Thanks for sticking with me. :)