You Are Not Alone

It's 1 am atm...and if you're up reading this, know you're not alone. If you read this at a later time...what's on your mind right now...school, work, relationships, finance, whatever it may be, you're not alone. I remember in my 2nd year, I've told you the story of how I failed multiple courses and saw my life slowly spiral downward right in front of me. I was lost...did not know what I wanted to do in terms of school, staying in the same program or switching...and more so what ate at me really bad was what was I going to do after school. I've always told myself I didn't wanna be one of those kids who goes to university for one thing and finds a job afterwards that's totally unrelated. This post is inspired by a conversation I had a couple years ago....when I had taken the 2nd semester of that year off, to figure out things. I remember venting to a friend...after failing these few couples, I don't know if what I wanted to do going into university is what I still want or should do. The confusion and the feeling of being unsure of what I wanted to do after school ate at the depths of my heart to no ends. And as simple as it may sound...he comforted me by saying you're not alone. Other people feel this way...other people have doubts that what they're doing university is what they want to do for the rest of their life, other people have doubts whether they're in the right program, the right job, whatever. A lot of people will graduate and have completely no idea what they want to do for the rest of their lives. It made me think back to high school...grade 12, seeing everyone pick their majors...seeing kids who've known what they wanted to do since grade 9...and here I was, university applications due soon and I had no idea what major I wanted to take, what job I wanted to do in the future...and definitely no idea where I saw myself in 5-10 years. That conversation gave me so much comfort...and today,it gives me inspiration. I used to get super down when life tossed me some real hard obstacles...but everyone deals with hard obstacles...everyone fails, everyone falls, everyone gets pushed to the point where they're at rock bottom. I'm here to tell you you're not alone...whether you're in high school not knowing what you wanna do in university or you're in university not knowing what you wanna do post grad...it's okay. Heck, even if you've been working for quite some time and still sometimes doubt if your job is the right one for you, it's okay. If you're stressing about finding a boyfriend or girlfriend...or wondering if the person you're with is the person you're going to marry, you're not alone...everyone has doubts and worries. You're not alone, we all fear the unknown, that's apart of life..it's how we grow. I was listening to Wale's album The Album About Nothing and throughout the album he uses skits from the show Seinfeld as well as Jerry Seinfeld himself talking throughout the album...one thing he says is...growth is meant to be scary, you can't be ready for it...because it's growth, it's meant to be new. But that's how we learn, we learn from experience, by doing...so whatever you're struggling with today, know you're not alone...other people have been in your shoes and walked the same steps as you and you know what, they made it to the finish line...and so will you. Trust in the process, trust in the plan, trust in yourself.

Childhood Revisited

I was watching this episode of Recess...it's actually hilarious...called The Experiment. The gang hear a story about this dude's big brother kissing a girl and liking it and he's like oh that's the future and they\re freaking out that they're gonna end up liking the opposite gender hahaha. It kills me...but man...back in the day it was such an innocent time lol...back when guys did their own thing...girls did their own thing...but now the future really is here LOL...boys kissing girls, girls kissing boys. I actually love this show...brings back so many memories...like when someone would jinx you and you couldn't say anything LOL...or the rule about no snitching, NO MATTER WHAT. This show legit touches on everything you've ever wondered or thought about when you were a kid lol...what does the teacher's lounge look like? What do they do outside of school? It also reminds me how scared of the upper grade kids I was when I was young lol...also how picture day was such a big deal. Dressing up, doing your hair and looking all nice. One of the funniest but relatable ones is the episode of the new kid...just how hard it is being a new kid, leaving everything, no one wanting to associate you cuz you're the new kid. Man, I've seen this show so many times...but I love rewatching it, it's short and sweet, but so entertaining lol. And ultimately, like this show is titled...the most important thing when you were a kid is recess...just chilling with your friends and having fun.

What's Your Motivation?

So a couple weeks ago, I was at the gym working legs...and no lie, the weights were kicking my butt. I was doing squats...and I was hating every moment of it...wanted to quit so bad. That's when it hit me...I started thinking about my friends...about how competitive I am, wanting to constantly better myself and better than them, not in a boastful way, but in like an improving way you know. I look up to my friends...in a lot of things...working out, basketball, whatever...and it pushes me to keep up with them or surpass them. I then started thinking about my enemies...or the people I don't really like...I think about surpassing them in every way...I think about the hard work they put in, them trash talking me, telling me I'm not good enough...and that pushes me to push and give it my all. I think about all the times I've been told I'm not good enough, I didn't make the cut, to come back next time. I think about elementary school, not making the basketball team. I think about high school, not making the volleyball or basketball teams. I think about dislocating my knee. All these things push me and drive me to make myself better each and every day. To prove to everyone and more so to prove to myself hey, you're not only good enough, you can be head and shoulders better than everyone...IF you're willing to put in the work. I won't lie...I won't lie...my friends and the people around me give me so much motivation...and it's in a positive way...say basketball, I think about specific people, friends, peers...about pushing myself to get to their level, to be better than them . I think about coaches and teachers who told me I wasn't good enough...it pushes me to work hard and let them know they were wrong. So thank you...for doubting me, for not believing me...but more importantly for pushing me to become better.

The Funky Fresh Is Back In The Flesh

If you don't recognize it, the title is from Fresh Prince. When Will just moves to Bel Air and starts to get accustomed to the rich lifestyle, big house, fancy food and such...he realizes he's lost who he is and forgot where he came from and what he represents and believes in. This is kinda where I'm at atm...I know I've been mia...and when I am here...I'm still not really here...my posts were hella depressing...okay not depressing...but emotional...like damn, man the heck up. I'm sorry..I've been so slacks...I've been half hearted...and I've been all over the place. But the funky fresh is back in the flesh with a vengeance homie. For a short time being...I was sprung...hella sprung...this girl had me all emotional...I'm not going to get into it cuz it's honestly a really stupid story, I felt like I was in high school again. Catching feelings hard, falling flat on my face...hard, writing sappy poems, over thinking and over analysing...man, girls will made a guy do stupid stuff. I guess now I understand...well semi understand guys who'll go the distance and back to pleaser their girlfriends...who'll ditch their friends...or spend loads of money on them...girls have a weid power man...I dunno. But not even that...it's been a weird time for me...this whole softball thing has got me feeling all sorts of ways too...some days are good, some days are bad. It wasn't until today...sharing my devo and having my friend ask to pray for me...that I remembered...or was reminded...it isn't about the situation you're in...but how you handle it. So even if you're in a bad situation, make the best of it...find the positives in the negative. That's always been how I've tried to see things...but I've been so lost and blurred lately...everything has been super complicated...the only things I really understand in life atm are the gym and basketball LOL. It's always funny that summer, the time you're supposed to be the most care free and stress free gives me such a headache lol...school is just school work...but summer man...who knew there'd be so much baggage...but...I'm back, or at least I'm getting there...with the help of good company...and trusting that God will guide me through whatever the summer has planned for me. I'm looking at things in a new, but familiar light...trying to be positive with everything that's given to me...and patient with the things that I want and hope for. Thanks for bearing with me and thanks for always giving me that support by simply visiting this blog.

Peace

Take A Deep Breath

You know how in basketball, some people are considered 'clutch'...meaning they thrive in pressure situations, not only do they thrive, but they excel. For me...well depending on the situation, like basketball...I like pressure situations...things I'm good at, pressure situations don't affect me as much...I embrace it. But in other cases...well in most cases in my life...I don't like pressure situations, I like to approach things in a calm and relaxed manner...when I'm all nervous and excited, that's when I and a lot of people tend to make rash decisions. So many times in my life I've made quick and hasty decisions, then regretted it a couple days later or asked myself wtf were you thinking. So my thing...whenever I feel stressed or nervous due to a situation...is to take a deep breath. It's like when I walk up to the free throw line in a basketball game...first thing I do is take a deep breath, then go about my routine. In elementary school, when I was a serve specialist...I had mad confidence issues...so every time I went to serve...I took a DEEP breath...then went about my routine. And that's kinda followed me to present day...in pressure situations...I often take a step back, take a deep breath, then analyse my options and try to select an appropriate response. So that's where I've been trying to get back to...I've been so flustered as of late and my emotions have definitely been getting the best of me...I've been thinking with my heart, not my head...which isn't always a bad thing, but it can be. Right now...I'm not approaching anything on my plate...cuz I'm not really in the right state of mind...I'm taking a step back, taking a deep breath, going into my happy place...relaxing...and coming back at it...later, with a fresh palate.

Heart To Heart

Sometimes, when you're not in the mood to write, you're just not in the mood you know. I have a bunch of topics to talk about...from funny stories, encouraging topics, stressful situations...and all that jazz...but say I'm not in the mood...say I'm feeling super happy...I'm not gonna wanna write about a sad topic tho it's saved on my phone, I'll save it for another time. Same thing, if I'm sad or I'm hella stressed out, I can't just pick a happy topic that I have on my phone and write about it...my posts come straight from my heart...and if I'm feeling stressed or sad...it'd be hard to write about something happy wouldn't it. Man, it's a pretty rough time atm...and it's literally all in my head...it's literally about the stupidest thing ever. I always tell myself...other people...to not worry about things like relationships, girls...and that latter...and here I am...finding myself super vulnerable...super dumb...super obsessive compulsive...and totally over thinking and legit driving myself insane...over something and someone who (not to be rude)./..is just some girl you know.  I dunno man, all guys know the feel...oh she said this, what does this mean...oh she's taking this long to reply, what does this mean. Oh this, that, what does this mean, that mean, etc...especially me...I legit OVER analyse everything to the point where my brain is done. Oh she's into me...oh nah no she's not...like damn. Okay, I don't even know where I'm going with this...peace.

Intruder Alert, Security Breached

Man...I really appreciate some of the people in my life...like you don't even understand. Usually I'm pretty good at keeping composed...it's not very often that I let my guard down to people I just met or haven't know for a while. But as of late, I've felt pretty vulnerable...my guard's been completely let down...and my heart has been feeling so many emotions. This is when I'm glad I have friends to pick me up when I have fallen down...and I can't physically get back up myself. I'm so appreciative for friends who slap me in the face when I've completely let my guard down and allowed anything and everything to enter my life...friend's like that are like bouncers at the club...okay maybe that's a bad example...but it's like they watch out for you, you know...they make sure no one suspicious or dangerous enters your life and does you harm. Most importantly...these friends remind you of your priorities...of your morals and they just ultimately bring you  back down to earth. I don't even know lol...straight up, I'm kinda catching feelings...hard, and my boy didn't physically...but pretty much slapped me in the face to go YO, WAKE UP...relax, you're going against everything you've ever believed in...taking it slow, patience, like my wall is completely down atm...LOL, I'm thankful for friends who have my back though...it means the world to me.