Can we all just take in that tomorrow is December??? Holy guacamole…we’re almost there y;all, we made it. I dunno about you, but 2020’s felt like 2 years crammed into one…it feels like so much has happened but it also feels like nothing has happened at all. You know that meme where it’s like imagine at 11.59 on December 31, instead of January 1 you see December 32 LOOOOL. Take in we’ve literally been in quarantine/lock down for ¾ of the year, since like March/April ish, which is WILD to even try to wrap your head around. School is literally like the LAST thing on my mind right now, but here I am about to finish my first semester of my last year…but I’ve literally just been going through the motions. Like I’ve been loafting and procrastinating much more than I usually do. How I kinda illustrate it to ppl is that it feels like I’m literally on cruise control for school. I just don’t really care lol…I had a week to do an online exam and I saved it till the last hour LOL. It was due at 5 pm, I started at 4 pm and it actually took longer than I thought, it was like 4:50 and I was like yo I’m not gonna make it, I might have to submit whatever I have lol, I ended up finishing it and got a 90% -_-. We’ve been working all semester on this seminar that’s supposed to be 45 min that we present to our classmates, I’m presenting next Monday and haven’t started LOOOL. Don’t worry, that course is a replacement since I’m not doing placement this year, so it’s literally a pass fail course, so nothing in that course is being graded, including that 45 min seminar. So ppl in my school chat are stressing like yo what font should I use, what should I talk about…I’m like bro why’re you stressing it’s pass or fail fam. Anyways, even tho I said I’m loafting hella hard, surprisingly I’m still doing really well in school…and that’s not to say that college is super easy or anything, but having been in and graduated university…college is kinda easy LOL. Like I don’t think I’m a super smart kid, but I just know my work habits (most of the time) and I know how to kinda manage my time and stuff (pre covid). Well that’s my little rant about school…what else has been going on lately…I got a car LOL. Literally a long time coming…and it’s funny that it took an argument with my dad about the car we all share to finally push me to get it. It’s such a dope feeling just having the car there, not having to ask if anyone is using the car, anytime I need to go anywhere I can just go. Driving home from the dealership was such a crazy weird feeling…I was like yo, this is mine lol. Work has been kinda dead even tho it’s supposed to be like busy since Christmas is around the corner. Been having a lot of thoughts about quitting cuz there’s part of me that’s feeling like I’ve overstayed my welcome y’feel? Been there for over 2 years, lots of people have left, lots of new people have come in…just kinda feels like an hourglass and the sand is almost all drained, is that a weird analogy LOL.
I’ve been struggling to find people to confide in, I don’t really know why I’m sharing this. I guess this is a place where I’ve started to come to when it feels like no one else gets me or no one else is listening. I tend to keep things to myself when I feel like people don’t/won’t care or don’;t/won’t get it. Like most of my friends aren’t in school so they won’t really get what I’m feeling in terms of feeling like I’m coasting in school and kinda just going through the motions. A lot of my close friends are also in serious relationships or married and won’t/don’t really get when I’m talking to or seeing random girls. There’s that and also sometimes it just feels like they don’t care, so I don’t bother lol. Another thing is that like sometimes when I go to people, and I share something with them or I ask them for advice and it isn’t really what I expected, I’m kinda just like oh true…alright lol. I don’t wanna make it sound like I’m hella nitpicky, but you ever get that feeling where you’re looking for something, you go to a friend looking for advice and it’s just not what you expect. It’s funny because (and I’m not even 100% sure about this) I feel like most of my close friends don’t read the blog LOL. You might be like NO WAY, but tbh I don’t really blame them and at the same time it is what it is. I don’t really know what it is I’m looking for tbh, I’ve ben struggling to find people to talk to about how I feel about school, girls, life and random stuff in general…I’ve found myself confiding to random people or people I didn’t think.I would normally want to confide in.
I don’t really know where that all came from lol, I was writing, started thinking about it and it just came out. Still can’t believe tomorrow is December…I usually try to do a post every single day for the month of December (tho I don’t think we did that last year), but I’m not even gonna bother trying this year cuz I know I won’t be able to follow through lol. What I can say is that I’m gonna post as often as I can in December, let’s aim for 10? If I go over that’s dope, if I don’t then damn lol. The blog’s 11th anniversary is coming up, damn. 2020 definitely has had me thinking a lot about life, feeling a ton of ways and I’m sure I’m not the only one. This year has been a crazy one and COVID has definitely amplified and made people feel a lot of ways. So much importance has been placed on like self care and mental health cuz we’re living in some crazy times that’s for sure. I just wanted to hit you with something that my friend reminded me of…that you’re not the only one going through this. Other people are here with you, fighting the same fight, going through similar struggles, so don’t feel like you’re the only one or that it’s getting to you. When you do feel like that, tell someone and I guarantee you’ll find that a lot of people are feeling similar and y’all can be there to support and encourage one another. That’s all from me for now tho, don’t even know if I updated y’all much on life or just went on a random tangent lol, PEACE.
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