Letting Go Of Things That Are Holding You Back

You know how they say that everyone's house has like a distinct smell and it's not something you yourself are aware of cuz you live in that house so you're like accustomed to that smell, it isn't until you go to someone else's house that you're like oh there's a distinct smell in this house and that person will probably be like what, what're you talking about cuz they're accustomed to that smell in the same way you\re accustomed to yours. Is that a thing? I feel like it is lol or maybe I'm way off here. Or just imagine this, say you work at like the garbage dump where all the trash goes. Your first dat on the job you're probably like got damn this smells absolutely horrible, this is unbearable. By the time you're a month in, it might not be a pleasant smell still, but you'll have definitely gotten accustomed to it and built somewhat of a tolerance to it...you got used to it essentially so it's not as bad as when you first smelled it. Man sometimes I feel like my analogies are so weird lol but I hope it makes sense...similarly, when you're in like a toxic relationship or friendship, you're not really aware of how toxic or how bad it is for you when you're in it. Or sometimes you are aware, but you're so comfortable and it's so familiar that you kinda just keep going. I think back to this toxic relationship that I literally had to pry myself away from and cut the other person off...I wanted it to work so bad I literally ignored all red flags. I remember my friend telling me you gotta end this and I was like yeah I know, but in my mind I'm like okay but I don't want to LOL. Even when I was about to send this long ass corny message to her like oh this just isn't healthy for me, I wrote it in a way where it was like oh but maybe we can pick it back up or maybe we can try again...my friend had to literally edit it to a point where it was super blunt and straight up like yo, this is not good for either of us...we gotta say peace. And even when he sent it back to me..,I went back and forth with him like nahhh lemme send my version LOOOL...why are we so attracted or just like unwilling to let go of something WE KNOW is not good for us.Then I came across this song called Lose by Niki and this video where she's explaining the song and the concept of being in a toxic relationship and how it's a lose-lose situation. She says like what's familiar is what's comfortable, no matter how toxic or how bad it is you don't really care...and I really felt that when she said it cuz it felt like those words were coming from my own mouth. She was like it's human to stick to what's familiar. It made me think of a few conversations I had with some friends going through similar things...stuck in toxic relationships, wanting to let go but also finding themselves constantly going back to that same person, that same toxicity even when they know it's not good for them. One thing she says that I really liked is that when you work on yourself and they work on themselves, then you have room for growth. She goes on to say that closure is a luxury and that’s something that stuck out to me cuz I feel like I've always heard that but like it really eats at me when things aren't properly like acknowledged or addressed you know, like I always wanna clear things up so everyone or at least I can kinda have a clean slate. But Niki's like part of growing up is realizing that as much as you really want closure, sometimes it's not an option and sometimes it's not there. And it may not even be on you, it may be on them. You need to learn to be okay with not having closure, with things ending abruptly or things not ending the way we want them to. Man that just makes me think back to all the girls that I've dated or seen that just didn't work out for a variety of reasons and it left me kinda asking why like what happened cuz I never really got a clear cut answer or we never really got to sit and discuss things. But hearing her talk about closure...it's like well you don't always get that, sometimes you just gotta pick yourself back up and keep it moving. But I just wanted to end with this, I think this year with school and with work and learning about the things that I'm learning, it's definitely made me more aware and putting more effort into being more empathetic towards people. Like oh you're in a toxic relationship and you know it, just leave then...but like especially going through something similar myself it's kinda made me realize nah it's not that easy, as much as you really want to...it's like an internal struggle of wanting to let go beacuse you know it's not good and also wanting to keep holding on cuz it's familiar and it's comfortable. But yeah, I always find it interesting how the most randomest things, conversations, people or in this case videos can trigger blog posts lol. Here's the video I'm referring to btw...till next time, peace!