Nights Like This Part 4

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3

So like 2 days ago, I went out for dinner and beers (iced tea for me) with my old teacher and 2 of my elementary school friends. This is the same teacher I've been volunteering with September and my 2 friends whom I've kept in general contact with throughout high school and university. It was just a real fun and cool night of talking, sharing stories, catching up and of course reminiscing. It's crazy to think I've known these 2 guys for so long...once since grade 4 and the other since like grade 7 and of course my teacher who taught me grade 7 and coached me throughout elementary school...it's crazy to think we've known each other for 10+ years considering we all graduated from elementary in 2006. I even remember him coming to my high school graduation, that was super dope. It didn't really hit me till my teacher was like man, this is still so surreal to me, to think you guys have been out of school for so long and here we are all as adults, having dinner and catching up together like friends. It made me think of even just my experience and opportunity as a volunteer, once a student and now I can possibly work beside him after teacher's college, that'll be crazy cool. It's funny cuz when you're a kid you could never imagine yourself being friends with a teacher...let alone doing things like going to his house for barbecues, going out to dinner with him, texting him on a regular basis lol. But, one thing me and my friends can never get used to doing is calling him by his first name lol, we still all call him Mr, Russell, I guess it's a sign of respect, but also cuz we still look at him as our teacher and our coach, even though he's our friend as well. These are the nights I really enjoy...sitting around with good company and just talking. My thing is I always believe it's who you're around, not what you're doing that matters more.

I Think I'm In Love

You ever feel like you're in love with someone or something, but then when you get it it's not what you expected or you shortly realized it's not really what you wanted. It's like when you're a kid and you see a kid playing with a toy and suddenly you want that toy cuz you see the joy and the excitement it brings him, but when you get it, it doesn't bring you the same happiness, that or you realize you wanted it because someone else had it. You realize you're in love with the idea of it...which brings me to right now. I feel like a lot of people are in love with the IDEA of being in love and sometimes I certainly fall prey to that. You see someone with their significant other, the happiness, the joy...and you want that, but when you do get it or are put in a position to have something similar, you realize it's not what you wanted or expected. I feel like all these shows, movies and simply the things around us have made us create an idea image in our minds of what it's like to be in love and to have a boyfriend or girlfriend and when we do end up dating and it doesn't match or come close to our ideal image, we don't want it anymore. Sometimes I find myself in that position way too often, being in love with the IDEA of being in love rather than being in love, it's kinda a hard concept to explain, but I hope you get me. Being in love with the idea of having someone always there for you to do whatever your ideal partner does with you...going on dates, watching movies, spending all your free time together. A lot of people are in love with the idea of being in love and when a girl or a guy comes their way and they are put in a position to have those things but it doesn't meet their standards, they're automatically turned off and either shut them down or go searching for the next person who may possibly meet their standards. I guess this is another reason why I'm really doing my best to be as patient as possible when it comes to love...and it also goes hand it hand with my motto as of late of going with the flow and taking whatever comes to me. Don't get me wrong, if the opportunity comes, I'll be glad to take it and it love decides to knock on my door, I'll answer with a smile...but what I'm saying is I'm not trying to find a girl just for the same of finding a girl. I wanna make sure I'm in love with her and not in love with the idea of being in love otherwise that'll be hella disappointing and unfair to her. I know all this may not make sense...but I hope you at least get the concept and don't fall into the trap of being in love with the idea of being in love.

God's Will vs My Will Part 2

Part 1

One thing I've learned as I've grown older and grown in my faith is that just cuz you want, think you're entitled or that you deserve something doesn't mean you're going to get it. This paired with the fact that anything can change in the blink of an eye, you have to be ready, adaptable and subject to change. Which is why I always tell myself to have a general plan, never a set one with every step planned out because things can change and if one thing changes, it messes up your whole plan. Volunteering as a teaching assistant has been super fun, it's making me feel more and more ready and equipped to be a teacher. My teacher ALWAYS tells me what a great teacher I'll be, how I HAVE to get into teacher's college. The other grade 8 teacher says the same thing as they're both always around each other and me and get to see me interact with the kids and have gotten to know me on a personal level. The kids think I'm super cool, super laid back and going to  be a fun teacher and have told me on numerous occasions. I've been told by so many people around me that I'm going to be a real good teacher, someone the kids can relate to and learn from. I myself feel like I'm ready for teacher's college, to take that next step. But if I've learned anything in growing in my faith...it's to never expect something, to never feel like you deserve something because things can change and just because you feel like something is meant to be, doesn't mean it's going to happen. Everything feels like it's falling into place...I feel ready to start teacher's college, other teachers think I'd make a dope teacher, kids like me...but it's not up to me...it's certainly in my will and my wishes to go to teacher's college and be a teacher, but if it isn't in God's will or God's timing, then so be it...I'm being very patient but also kinda just going with the flow with whatever God puts on my plate because I know everything will work in his timing. If I get in this year, that's dope, but if I don't that's okay too because I trust in the process and in the plan. If you know basketball, you know who Draymond Green is and I was watching an interview he did about being selected as an all star. He said yeah I think I deserve it and I think I've played at the level to be named an all star, my peers and everyone thinks I deserve it...but I'm not expecting it nor am I getting my hopes up because if it doesn't happen, then I'm going to be sad and bummed out, if it does happen, it'll be a welcomed surprise in a sense. Same kinda feeling for me goes into teacher's college, I've already applied, it's out of my hands, I'm not getting my hopes up because then if I don't get in, it'll be depressing. I'm just going with the flow, trusting that God has a plan for me every step of the way.

A Love Letter

I was going through my old computer and I found this...and I'm super glad I did because I completely forgot about it. I wrote this quite some time ago...February 1st was the finish date I believe, but I remember taking a long while to write this. I remember having the first verse written and complete for the longest time, but never finding the time or the motivation to finish it, this took me quite a few months if I remember correctly, It was written to Alicia Keys' Unthinkable instrumental, which still remains one of my favourite instrumentals, I've written numerous poems, songs and such to that instrumental. Maybe one day I'll perform this, it's definitely one of my favourites. Funny thing however...is I can't remember who I wrote this about...I mean I have a general idea of a few people, but I'm not certain lol, I kinda like it that way tho, enjoy. 

Feb 1, 2013

Our timing is wrong, but I’m steady tryna make it right
I said I’d give you the world, one day I swear I still might
I’ve said I love you in my head about a hundred times
Written it down into this letter full of love rhymes
I always think about how close we used to be
But I hate the fact you still don’t know how much you meant to me
You were the one I saw myself sharing my whole world with
But now I understand what a one of a kind girl is
It’s true you never really value something till it’s gone
I guess that’s why I’m writing to you in this love song
I hope you take the time to really understand
That you and me not working out helped me become a better man
I really hope you know, I never meant to let you go
The love was there, but my feelings were just hard to show
This is my love letter, hope that you accept it
To the girl of my dreams, hope you read this if you get it

And if you get it, my hope is that accept it
All these feelings poured out, man I never do regret it
Sometimes I wonder if you ever felt the same way
And if you truly did, what would your heart have to say?
Would you, say that you love me and you’ll never let me go
Or would you, keep it to yourself and never let me know
I use tell my friends I thought you were the one
Gave you all the feelings kept inside my heart till I had none
This empty feeling in my heart is really unfamiliar
Like there’s a void because what used to be doesn’t live here
Sometimes I think I fell in love with my best friend
Then I see I’m headed full speed down a dead end
How can you be so close to someone, then just let it go
How can you say you love somebody and not let it show
To love somebody is to put their needs above your own
To build each other up and watch over the seeds sewn
20 years old and I’m still learning on the fly
How to treat a woman right and be a gentlemanly guy
The most important thing I really hope she sees
Is she can count that I’m a be there anytime she ever needs me
The evolution to a man, I thought it’d never come
I hope I make my parents proud of the man I become
I’m cruisin’ down this road, tryna find my way
To the girl of my dreams, hope we find each other someday

Somebody told me once this is life is really what you make it
And if the opportunity comes but there’s a risk, sometimes you gotta take it
High risk, high reward, but is it really worth it?
To put our friendship on the line and possibly hurt it?
The worst thing is going through life thinking what could’ve been
How the story of you and that special someone could’ve ended in
Trust your heart, it’ll never let you down
thebestyouneverheard.blogspot.com

Be Better, Not Bitter

Lemme tell you I debated not writing this post. I went back and forth quite a few times whether I wanted to write about this or not. When I woke up this morning, I felt compelled to write about this thinking about all those in my life who are hella sad atm. Then as the day progressed, I;m like okay nah...it might hurt some feelings, people might get upset, conflict, conflict, arguments, arguments, stress, stress. Then I thought it about more and I was like whatever...this blog has gotten me in plenty of trouble over the years...this definitely won't be the last time lol, so here we go. Lemme say that sadness is an ugly trait, but you know what's an even uglier trait...bitterness. Okay, calm down for a second, lemme finish. I'm not saying it's not okay to be sad...it's perfectly normal...it's not okay to wallow in that sadness, to let it consume you and to let it boil and turn into bitterness. I've always told you how I'm an on the fence guy, but if I had to choose, I'd be glass half full because I try to stay positive and see the good within the bad to the best of my ability. Lemme now say that I've been where you are right now before...I've been hella sad...over a lot of things...girls, school, friends, family. I\ve been at rock bottom, I know how it feels, so I feel it's okay for me to say these kinds of things cuz I wish I had someone there to tell me these things. The last thing you want right now in your sadness and despair and bitterness is someone to sugarcoat everything and tell you it's okay to cry it out and to be sad and to be angry and such. That does nothing but make you more sad and more angry. That might be okay for like the first little bit to EXPRESS yourself and to get those feelings OUT, but when all you do is cry and sulk and be angry and be bitter...how else are you supposed to feel about yourself, about life about everything besides bitter, sad and angry. What you really need...what I WISH I had when I was at that point in my life was a real good kick in the butt, no joke. A good reference would be someone ripping the band aid off rather than slowly peeling it off and letting the pain take it's time and it's course. I wish I had someone tell me HEY, STOP BEING SAD, simply put to man up I don't mean it that way, but I mean it in a way like...you have so many things going for you, stop focusing on the sadness and focus on the positives in your life. I know it's easy to be sad, it's comfortable...but it's also weak. It truly takes someone strong to tell themselves they're gonna stop being sad and CHOOSE to be happy, it's a choice. If you're sad, angry and bitter...are you gonna surround yourself with more sad, bitter and angry people? I really hope not. I hope you CHOOSE to surround yourself with people who'll be brutally honest with you , who'll tell you what you need to hear even if it isn't what you want to hear, those are your real friends, not waste people who sugar coat things and tell you it's okay to cry all day, that's garbage. I know it's easier said than done...but I've been there, I've been angry, I've been sad, I've been hella bitter...from friends so called betraying you, being heartbroken, family pissing you off, whatever it may be...I've been in your shoes. When you choose to be sad, when you choose be  bitter and angry...nothing comes out of it but more negative emotions and feelings. When you choose to be happy, choose to surround yourself with positive people...you choose to be better, to be strong. I know I sound like some hella lame infomercial or motivational guru, but I really mean what I'm saying. Choose to be happy, to be better.

The Struggle Behind The Smile

Hey friends, hope you're doing well. If y'all aren't interested in my journey to becoming a teacher, then this post probably isn't for you lol, you've been warned. If you're interested in heartbreak, girl stories and such...then you're outta luck lol. As of late, I'm in a very good place mentally, emotionally, physically...it's funny cuz I seem to be surrounded by people who aren't in good places emotionally...but I'm doing perfectly fine. I'm in a really good spot right now, like really content...the things that I'm struggling with right now aren't really things that I would say are stressing me out...it's moreso me figuring it out, like doing a puzzle or something. So anyways, I was volunteering yesterday and I was marking this writing assignment the kids were doing about mental illness and depression. As of late, I've been very aware and sensitive to the people around me...that even though someone is smiling on the outside doesn't necessarily mean everything is okay. That just because you see their life right in front of you and it seems all good, they have things inside that they're struggling with. So anyways...the kids were assigned to write a letter to a friend about mental illness, what they've been learning and such...it could be writing to someone with mental illness or someone who knows someone with mental illness. So I was marking this girl's assignment and it hit me really hard because everything she said was spot on...and it felt like she was speaking from personal experience. So I told my teacher what she wrote about and how it really hit me hard and I felt really compelled to pull her aside and ask if everything was alright. He encouraged me to do so and gave me the green light. During recess I asked if I could speak to her, I told her I read her assignment and that it was really good, she really hit the nail in terms of being compassionate, supportive and empathetic and just asked how she was and such because it seemed like she knew a lot about this topic/had a lot of experience and she shared with me that she used to struggle with depression so the assignment hit close to home with her and we sat there and had a good talk. I told her I appreciated her opening up to me the way she did and she thanked me and told me that she thought I would make a great teacher one day. Geez...my heart sank man cuz she got pretty emotional talking about her friend, it was a moment is all I can say. I'm not even saying this to boost my own ego...I'm saying this because looks can be deceiving...when I read her assignment, it's something I would have never expected because she seemed like such a happy go lucky girl...she gets good grades,she's on the basketball and volleyball team...but again, looks can be deceiving. This isn't me telling you I'm a good teacher, this is me sharing with y'all an experience I won't forget anytime...but moreso that no one has it fully together...if it seems like it does, all it means is that they're good at covering it up and putting up a front. Everyone has problems, things they struggle with and suppress internally. Even looking at my close friends who I know are struggling...other people tell me they see my friends and are like wow they look so happy and cheerful all the time, but in my head, I'm like if you only knew.

Sidebar...I love my relationship with my teacher lol. We were joking about teacher's college and stuff and I said something and he was like man, if you said that to any other teacher, you'd probably get in trouble LOOOL. I was like bro (I said bro), if I was with any other teacher I'd be totally different, definitely more reserved and less chill and more professional lol. So I'm definitely thankful for this opportunity because I get to be myself...it's literally like talking to my friend (I said that to him) lol.

But yeah, nobody has it 100% together, some people are just better at covering it up than others...I feel like I'm in a the middle depending on the circumstance and situation,. Sometimes, it's blatantly obvious on my face that I'm sad or going through something...other times you'd never know I go through problems cuz I'm always smiling and laughing obnoxiously loud LOL. Hope y'all enjoyed reading this, if not...sorry not sorry, PEEEEEACE.

That One Kid In Class

Looking back at old posts and I remember I titled a lot of them very similarly so it would be easier to search..."From The Heart", "Real Talks Of The Moment", LOL Of The Moment", etc. But when I was looking back at all the old posts, man it's hard to tell what's what cuz all I see is like 13 "From The Heart" posts lol so I'm definitely glad I changed it up and started giving each post it's own unique title. The beauty of that is some titles will appeal to some people while other posts will appeal to other people, it'll hopefully broaden my audience if someone sees a title that catches their attention, ya feel. Another thing, you know what's hella irrelevant and kinda annoying...when people tell me that they don't read my blog or don't/didn't read certain posts cuz the title didn't appeal to them or something like that. Like that's nice and all, but how's that helpful whatsoever, if you don't like something, keep it to yourself, I don't need to know nor do I care that you didn't want to read my post because it didn't catch your attention, that's your ting and I'm fine with it, what does voicing it to me really do for you?

Anyways, on to the real post...so remember in class when you had a question, but were too scared/lazy to ask it, then someone else ended up asking the question for you and you were hella relieved cuz you got the answer. I feel like a good portion, or some at least...of my readers are that kid in class who wants to ask the question, but is scared/lazy to...and I'm the kid that asks the question for you. What I mean by that is...lately, couple of people have let me know that they really related to my posts and really took away from it...either that or they gave me their own advice regarding the problem. It's really cool and encouraging that other people are in the same boat as me and can take away from my experiences and learn from it. Or in other cases it's even more comforting that other people have experienced what I've been through and offer their own encouragement and advice. That's all I really had to say...I'm really thankful if I've ever been that kid in class who helped ask that question for you. I hope you'll in turn do the same for others who may be struggling with the same situation you once did and lend them a helping hand

The Life Of A Teacher Part 2

Part 1

So even tho I've already applied to teacher's college, I'm gonna keep volunteering till the end of the school year...cuz it's fun, I get experience and I get to get to know other teachers and the principal. Let me tell you, it's so cool being able to get the full teacher experience. My teacher lets me run full on gym and literacy (english) classes, I love all the little things that come with being a teacher...marking, going out on duty for recess, supervising kids in the gym, all that jazz. You also see things from a totally different perspective when you're a teacher...seeing the stress and anxiety from the students before they're about to take a test or present something and I'm all calm, casual and chilling. At the same time you also notice the stresses of being a teenager...arguments over group assignments, picking partners and seeing kids get left out, kids eating together with their friends and other kids eating by themselves, you notice it all as a teacher, it's pretty cool. It's been really cool seeing myself open up and get more comfortable with the students as my teacher lets me teach more lessons...it's super humbling and convincing hearing my teacher tell me what a great teacher I'd be cuz he sees that I actually care. It means even more coming from the students when they tell me wow, you're going to be such a chill and cool teacher or when they thank you for teaching a gym or literacy lesson. This continues to be such a learning and growing opportunity for me...I'm learning so much about myself, my teacher, the students, what it means to be a teacher and all the work and effort that goes into it...and I'm growing as a man, a future teacher (hopefully) and a student of life. Lemme tell you teachers put in a lot of work...school doesn't end when the bell rings...marking really does take it's toll on you, report cards and all that jazz are a pain, but also things that must be done,. But the rewards that you get from teaching make everything worthwhile...and I'm not even talking about the salary. I'm talking about the smile on a kid's face when they receive a good grade, the fun and comfort they're feeling in  your class because they like you and the trust they have in you to confide what's going on in their lives inside or outside of the school...and of course seeing graduated students come back to visit you because you mean a lot to them...those kinds of things can't be measured, but they make this job so rewarding and satisfying. Seeing my teacher's board of class pictures, pictures with former students, cards, gifts and stuff signed by former students...it's so dope knowing that I may possibly have that one day. If this is really the journey that I'm meant to be on, then I'm very excited to take you with me and share it with you guys, thanks for reading. PEACE.

Real Friends, How Many Of Us?

So my brother and I both play this game that involves like leveling up and such and strategy and all that jazz, like any game. So I started before my brother, so I'm a bit ahead of him and got him introduced to everything and stuff. So as I've been telling him about the tips and tricks of the game, part of me was like hmm...maybe I shouldn't tell him everything, like all my tips, otherwise he might pass me and become better than me. The more I thought about it...dang that's a pretty messed up mentality to have, not just in a game but in life. People, your friends...wanna see you succeed, but only to a certain extent. They wanna see you do well, but not better than them. It just got me thinking about my life and I hope it gets you thinking about your life...how people are towards you and how you are towards other people. Genuine friends should be happy to see you succeed...your joy should bring them joy. If I'm getting an A in math class and you're getting a C and you ask me for help or tips/strategies that I use...I should be doing my very best to help you strive to get an A as well, not  try to help you improve but only up to a B because I don't want you to surpass me...or even worse gt upset when you get an A+ and I only have an A. But yeah, back to the game...so I've been really trying to help my brother improve, cuz I wanna see him get better...so I share all my tips and tricks and whatever with him...and try to fix any problems I see that he has. I hope that's the kinda person you are...or at least strive to be...to help your friends genuinely succeed, even if it means them doing better than you...who cares, they're your friend, it's not a competition. When all is said and done, if they're your real homie, you should be hella happy for them if they get a promotion, a high mark, or in general something nice. Don't be that shady friend who smiles but talks ish the minute the person turns their back. What kinda friend are you? And also, what kinda friends do you have in your life?