Take A Deep Breath

You know how in basketball, some people are considered 'clutch'...meaning they thrive in pressure situations, not only do they thrive, but they excel. For me...well depending on the situation, like basketball...I like pressure situations...things I'm good at, pressure situations don't affect me as much...I embrace it. But in other cases...well in most cases in my life...I don't like pressure situations, I like to approach things in a calm and relaxed manner...when I'm all nervous and excited, that's when I and a lot of people tend to make rash decisions. So many times in my life I've made quick and hasty decisions, then regretted it a couple days later or asked myself wtf were you thinking. So my thing...whenever I feel stressed or nervous due to a situation...is to take a deep breath. It's like when I walk up to the free throw line in a basketball game...first thing I do is take a deep breath, then go about my routine. In elementary school, when I was a serve specialist...I had mad confidence issues...so every time I went to serve...I took a DEEP breath...then went about my routine. And that's kinda followed me to present day...in pressure situations...I often take a step back, take a deep breath, then analyse my options and try to select an appropriate response. So that's where I've been trying to get back to...I've been so flustered as of late and my emotions have definitely been getting the best of me...I've been thinking with my heart, not my head...which isn't always a bad thing, but it can be. Right now...I'm not approaching anything on my plate...cuz I'm not really in the right state of mind...I'm taking a step back, taking a deep breath, going into my happy place...relaxing...and coming back at it...later, with a fresh palate.

Heart To Heart

Sometimes, when you're not in the mood to write, you're just not in the mood you know. I have a bunch of topics to talk about...from funny stories, encouraging topics, stressful situations...and all that jazz...but say I'm not in the mood...say I'm feeling super happy...I'm not gonna wanna write about a sad topic tho it's saved on my phone, I'll save it for another time. Same thing, if I'm sad or I'm hella stressed out, I can't just pick a happy topic that I have on my phone and write about it...my posts come straight from my heart...and if I'm feeling stressed or sad...it'd be hard to write about something happy wouldn't it. Man, it's a pretty rough time atm...and it's literally all in my head...it's literally about the stupidest thing ever. I always tell myself...other people...to not worry about things like relationships, girls...and that latter...and here I am...finding myself super vulnerable...super dumb...super obsessive compulsive...and totally over thinking and legit driving myself insane...over something and someone who (not to be rude)./..is just some girl you know.  I dunno man, all guys know the feel...oh she said this, what does this mean...oh she's taking this long to reply, what does this mean. Oh this, that, what does this mean, that mean, etc...especially me...I legit OVER analyse everything to the point where my brain is done. Oh she's into me...oh nah no she's not...like damn. Okay, I don't even know where I'm going with this...peace.

Intruder Alert, Security Breached

Man...I really appreciate some of the people in my life...like you don't even understand. Usually I'm pretty good at keeping composed...it's not very often that I let my guard down to people I just met or haven't know for a while. But as of late, I've felt pretty vulnerable...my guard's been completely let down...and my heart has been feeling so many emotions. This is when I'm glad I have friends to pick me up when I have fallen down...and I can't physically get back up myself. I'm so appreciative for friends who slap me in the face when I've completely let my guard down and allowed anything and everything to enter my life...friend's like that are like bouncers at the club...okay maybe that's a bad example...but it's like they watch out for you, you know...they make sure no one suspicious or dangerous enters your life and does you harm. Most importantly...these friends remind you of your priorities...of your morals and they just ultimately bring you  back down to earth. I don't even know lol...straight up, I'm kinda catching feelings...hard, and my boy didn't physically...but pretty much slapped me in the face to go YO, WAKE UP...relax, you're going against everything you've ever believed in...taking it slow, patience, like my wall is completely down atm...LOL, I'm thankful for friends who have my back though...it means the world to me.

Embrace Your Singleness

Embrace Your Struggle http://thebestyouneverheard.blogspot.ca/2013/10/embrace-your-struggle.html

Hey friends...wow it feels like it's been forever since I've talked to y'all. I don't even have any excuse...time literally flew by, it's been a busy couple days. I feel like relationships and marriage and such have been the topics as of late...at least around me. I've been talking to a lot of people about relationships, being in a relationship, relationship problems, marriage, engagement, life...all that jazz, you know you know. I like to have conversations with my friends and ask them what kinda girl they see me with and vice versa and we just talk about things like that. We talk about like marriage...how we know a lot of people getting married like early 20's...is that considered too early and such. Since it's been a while since I've posted, I wanted the first post I made coming back to be a good one, not just one I slopped together, which explains why days kept passing and I kept loafting...cuz the good posts take time to make lol. But yeah...any ways, as much as you know yourself and what you like and look for in a partner, it's always interesting to see how other people perceive you and what they think you like and who they imagine seeing you with. However, same thing I told my friend...I don't hold those things to heart...meaning I don't have a check list of a prototypical girl and if she doesn't match all those requirements, I won't date her. I feel like you close a lot of doors and opportunities if you say oh, I'm looking for a girl who plays sports...or oh I'm looking for a girl who loves to workout. Me...I don't like to close doors, I like to keep my options  open because anything can happen, you could end up with someone who is the completely opposite of you and hates everything you love. But that would be rare considering majority of us tend to stay in our own lanes and associate with people similar to us or people not that far off. Any ways...I've been telling my friends how I've been torna s of late...50/50...one side of me loves and embraces being single...being able to have time to myself, chill with the boys, be free, be me. But the other part of me sees couples, imagines myself doing couple-y things and it makes me want to be in a relationship. Which brings me to a conversation with my teacher and how he's like yo...take your time...embrace your singleness...you're only young for so long, when you get married...you legit have NO personal time. It made me think yeah he's so right. It made me think about how some people think they NEED to find a partner in order to be happy...making their happiness dependent on someone else. It makes me think what if that person were to leave or pass away...their happiness would be gone along with them. It formed my opinion of embracing your singleness...finding happiness and contentment in and with your own life...letting love come to you...finding a partner is just added happiness. Along with that...some people don't realize the burdens that come with having a partner...speaking more so to the guys here...you're technically in charge or another person's well being...emotionally, physically and most importantly spiritually. Which ultimately brings me to where I am right now...content and happy with my life...with being single. I'm open and welcome to a relationship...but atm, I'm not actively searching it out, more like passively searching it out. I'm not neglecting it completely, but if a cute girl comes by way, I'll made conversation and see where it goes. But I'm not dependent on another person to make me happy...my happiest moments are chilling with my boys doing stupid stuff and making jokes. I'm patient and hopeful that God has prepared a woman out there for me...and I'm not sitting here idly waiting for her to pop up in front of me...but I'm not like cutting down pushes and climbing mountains to go find her...passively pursuing...and enjoying my life in the mean time.

Random Ski Stories

So I've only been skiing like 5 or less times in my life. One like last year and the rest were legit in like elementary school I think? Maybe like once in high school, can't remember. So I remember in elementary school, we went skiing a couple times and I remember like one time...I stayed indoors for the majority of the time LOL...my mom had given me money and I remember going OFF on the vending machines...like cnady and chocolates. Getting like poutine for lunch and like hot chocolate LOL. What a waste...sorry mom. I also remembering never leaving the bunny hill LOL...I dunno whether I was scared or just too lazy to progress and take the test or something. I remember seeing everyone on like the green and blue hill and here I was still on the bunny hill, but I was having a blast lol. I remember taking the LONGEST time to pass the test where you learn to stop...like doing the pizza french fry thing....LOL I couldn't consistently do it so the guy wouldn't let me leave...fricking cheesed me LOL. What else...oh right...so this is all still on the bunny hill...I remember ditching my poles cuz I saw other people do it and I felt I didn't need it. I remember like racing my friends down the hill...it was so fun. So I remember going down the hill one time by myself...don't know what happened...all I know was it's clear in front of me...then suddenly there's a pole with like a pile of garbage bags or random bags there...I legit ski right into it and I do this like front flip LOL...I get up and one of my skis is still attached, my other ski apparently flew pretty far away,...I got up and surprisingly no one noticed LOL. So now fast forward to my most recent skiing adventure, like last year or the year before I think...my friend asked me to go with his family and my other friend...I haven't skied in YEARS keep in mind. Him and his bro are pretty good...my boy decided to try snowboarding for the first time...so he ended up staying on the bunny hill for the majority of the day while my friend, his brother and I moved on. I was so nervous, scared and excited cuz they took me on the next hill which was pretty steep...but it was so exhilarating to go faster, more turns and stuff instead of a straight line. I come down and they're like yo that was soft let's go to a bigger hill...I'm like uh...I'm fully content with this one, I think I could have a lot of fun on this...they're like nah let's go...so they take me to this other one...much wider, steeper, longer and faster...wasn't that bad...it was real fun...hit this real sharp turn and ended up calling for the first time that day...but it wasn't a bad falll...it was like wow that was cool....so we moved on again and went to a deeper hill...this one pretty much a straight like down, a sharp turn and another steep downhill...it was STEEEEEEP...I was pretty scared....seeing my friend and his bro go first and it was like driving downhill and having your foot on the break to make sure you don't speed and go too fast...they were going downhill and were like stopping here and there cuz they were going pretty fast, so I did the same...MAN it was scary. They're like yo you're doing pretty well...ket's go BLACK DIAMOND...I'm like EXCUSE ME WHAT...black diamond is like for experts...at least that's what I remember from when I was a kid...they\re like yo don't worry you got this...SOMEHOW THEY CONVINCED ME TO GO SEE IT...so I saw it...DUDE THIS THING WAS STEEEEEEEEP...I see my boy's brother go down with ease...my boy goes down...I legit said a prayer...took a deep breath and went for it....dude I was going SOOOOOO FAST...as I hit the turn, I saw like the corner was blocked off by a pretty flimsy wooden fence like thing....and behind the fence was like NOTHING...like if you fell...it'd be over...and I came pretty close to that wooden fence....but I was braking the whole time so I wasn't going full speed thankfully...but I was going PRETTY DANG FAST...oh man...after that tho...we went back to the bunny hill to find our friend and took him on like semi bigger hills and just chilled there for the rest of the time...man that was so fun, something I'd definitely do again...but maybe stick to something less dangerous, but more thrilling than the bunny LOL....

Practice What You Preach

It's always funny how I have a bunch of topics ready to talk about and suddenly I'm hit spontaneously with random topics and I just go with it. I really hate not being able to take my own advice sometimes...well I think it's something a lot of people do, but as of late, it's really been affecting me greatly. I tell myself it doesn't and it shouldn't matter who or how many people read my posts...but it's something that's been on my mind a lot. I tell myself it doesn't and shouldn't matter how I come off to people, but it is something that's in the back of my head. I tell myself it's only the people in your inner circle who really matter, everyone else is irrelevant...but I find myself looking outward of my circle a lot...for approval, for respect, for attention, for whatever you know. A lot of things have been getting to me lately...and I'm in one of those moods where I only feel comfortable and happy with certain people or certain groups of people. I told you guys I've grown to be very comfortable with silence, with solitude and with being alone...even in a group setting...small or large...I'm fully comfortable with being outside looking in...with just doing my own thing...cuz that is one thing I've been able to do...that's one piece of advice I've been able to practice...that it doesn't matter where I am or who's around me...I can fully just do myself and know that I have people that care about me at the end of the day. I know what I just said kinda contradicts the above...but I guess I'll give you some perspective...and this is me being super honest...telling myself that no one reads my posts to give myself an illusion that I'm just talking to myself...it helps me be super open with my thoughts. Plain and simple, I feel like an outsider on my softball team...at practice today, I was pretty much in my own world LOL...sitting by myself or away from most people...literally in my own zone. Now it's not like I push people away...if people approach me, I fully welcome them with open arms...but I dunno...there just isn't a specific group or person that I really gel with you know...and all these guys know each other pretty well...so I'm kinda outside looking in...but I'm perfectly content with it. I'm comfortable sitting by myself, being in my own little world. I dunno...I have many thoughts and feelings towards softball this year, which I won't get into cuz that's too much of a tangent. I don't even know where I'm going any more lol...the little voice inside of me is like what if someone from the team reads this post...but atm, I'm just like eh...it's whatever.

I Hate Basketball

Yes you read that right...no that's not a typo. Before the days of ball is life and basketball never stops...there was a period in my life when I hated basketball. Like any kid who's forced to do something by his parents...whether piano or martial arts or whatever...if the parents keep pushing and criticizing and such, the kid eventually begins to hate it...whether actually hating it or hating it because their parents push them and they don't like it. Back in like late elementary, early high school...when I used to live across my high school...I had a basketball net on my driveway and I used to play every single day. Like my boy who lived close to me used to come over unannounced at the most random times and be like yo let's play ball...and we'd play till sunset or dinner time. So the times when I would be outside by myself shooting around, my dad would sometimes join me and he would make me do like fundamental drills. Like he would make me do layups, shots, passing, hook shots, shots off the backboard...and he would criticize me real bad. If you've ever seen the movie He Got Game, it's like Ray Allen's dad Denzel Washington teaching him how to play ball and pushing him around at the same time. My dad would do that to me...we would play one on one or during the drills...he would be very vocal or just be very physical with me and I got very annoyed multiple times. I remember one time, I threw the ball really hard at him and walked back inside...actually now that I think about it, that's happened on multiple occasions lol...not walking away, but just throwing the ball really hard at him and being vocally upset at him. Now tho...I like and embrace that kind of coaching and helping, it pushes me and fuels the competitor in me. I actually prefer that as to a coach who's like oh good job, you're doing great and stuff...I'm weird I guess. But yeah...all that hassle and bassle and negativity from my dad definitely made me hate basketball lol...for a short time at least...but I look bad now and I love moments like those haha.

The End Is Near

I had a conversation with a friend and I brought up the question...what if blogger shut down...and all the blogs that are apart of blogger were gone tomorrow, done. My friend asked me like do you have your posts saved on your computer or anything...nope, everything that's on here is on here, that's it. Now I'm pretty sure blogger is owned by google and it's been in existence for a LONG time...and will most likely never die unless google goes out of business or something which I doubt. But it was a good thought...and legit, if that happened...and this blog disappeared tomorrow...I'd be pretty devastated...for a day maybe. Legit tho, I wouldn't stress too much, it wouldn't be the end of the world...I wouldn't cry, it would suck...but I'd be pretty okay with it. It'd be more of like oh wow all of the effort, time and love I put into this blog is gone within seconds. But at  the same time it's like...what's done is done...everything I've ever written on this blog...is apart of the past...and as nice as it is to look back, there's no way I'm gonna sit down one day and read through all 3000-4000 posts...legit it's like writing in a diary...I'm just sharing my thoughts,the past is the past, I'm content with the present and just living and enjoying it. If there blog were to disappear, it was a nice a run, it was nice to get my voice out there, it was nice to have people read my thoughts and opinions and share the same feelings. It was nice to have inspired and encouraged people, it was nice to have had an impact on at least one person's life with my words. Realistically and truthfully speaking tho, the end really is near...because I can't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. Unless I become like a famous blogger like Perez Hilton or some sort of celebrity, I can't see myself and I wouldn't want to do this for the rest of my life. As I get older, when i have a family, have kids, work full time...I wouldn't have time and I probably wouldn't want to share everything going on in my life. I wouldn't be all like oh my wife did this, I'm pissed at her...or going deeper...I wouldn't be like oh man, my kid really disappointed me, sometimes I wish he was a girl or vice versa, you know. Like that ish is really personal...I could see myself doing things like oh my kid did something stupid today or oh he bought me this for my birthday. It's funny cuz when I just scroll through random blogs, majority of it is adults with kids sharing their lives, but they don't blog that often or ever. So who knows...my feelings may change...but legit, the end may be near. Every anniversary that happens, every year I get older...could possibly be the end of this blog...nothing lasts forever...but who knows...we shall see where the future takes us...and if the end really is near, it's been one HECK of a ride.

THE CHASE

I hate the chase

I hate being in this emotional place

I hate closing my eyes and seeing your face

And opening them to see an empty space

I hate the games you play

I hate over-analysing every word you say

I hate constantly checking my phone for your name

I hate wondering to myself if you feel the same

I hate that you aren't really real

I hate not knowing how you feel

I hate the pain and stress that you cause

I hate nitpicking at every one of my flaws

I hate that I might not be the only one

I hate that you might just be doing this for fun

I hate that I let my guard down for you

I hate how I'm so emotional and vulnerable too

I hate all these feelings that come with the chase

But somehow I always end up back in this emotional place

A Week Of Pain...Jokes

So I had my wisdom teeth taken out last Monday...sorry I've been mia lol. It's been an interesting week lol...had 4 teeth removed. A little scary thought...the dude was like yeah your bottom wisdom teeth are close to the nerves, so there's like a 4% chance that if we go too deep, there may be permanent damage to your lip lol...he's like you just won't feel as much as before, it'll be slightly numb, but it'll still look the same, he's like but it'll get better in a couple years, so it's not permanent really lol. But that was a 4% chance and he's like we won't go too deep, we'll see if the root is stuck or something we'll cut it out. Any ways, I guess it went good cuz I feel fine lol. So I went to the office..they decided to start me up with the laughing gas...it didn't work for like the first 10 minutes...eventually, I started laughing and I couldn't realize why LOL...then I found out it was from the gas. After, they gave me a heavy dose of the gas, then I don't remember anything after that. Woke up feeling very disoriented, couldn't walk or put on my jacket. My teeth were out lol...it was interesting...I've heard many stories that it's SUPER painful. But my week was more annoying than painful. There was hardly any swelling...I slept perfectly fine. Just eating was annoying lol...having to eat super soft foods...yogurt, ice cream, mousse cake, congee, macaroni...but I healed pretty fast. By like the 4th day I was back on rice, eggs, sausages...today got a check up and I\m like 95% good...just waiting for the sockets to close...eating normally, went to the gym today...it wasn't that bad of an experience. My friends were like it was SOOO painful, couldn't eat or sleep...so I'm thankful my week was only annoying and not painful lol.