Changes

“That’s just the way it is, things will never be the same.” 2Pac - Changes

An all time classic and something that forever resonates with me. I know I seem to be always talking about change. But it’s forwver relevant. Change is inevitable, it’s constant...feelings change, situations change, seasons change. There’s been a lot of change going on in my life atm and all very suddenly and swiftly. My brother recently moved out, so it’s been weird to go from seeing my brother every single day of my life to like once in a while. Seeing his room empty and all his stuff gone, definitely really trippy and took some getting used to. Not talking to him every single day even if it was a few words about the littlest things is still kinda weird. I also started a new job and it’s been about a month and a half. That was definitely a big change in my life. Grinding full time and waking up super early and staying super late. Meeting lots of new people and being a new environment. When I first started, trust me when I say I didn’t think I’d make it past the first week, let alone a month. I thought about quitting every single day and I almost did tbh LOL. My friends will definitely attest to all my complaining and they’ve definitely seen me quit work after a few weeks or a few shifts. But feelings changed, I sucked it up and stuck it out and here I am a month and a half later...comfortable...and definitely more used to the grind. Just been reminding my self of 2 words, patience and perseverance. Seeing my friends go away for school or for work...change sometimes takes adjusting to, as humans change forces us to evolve and to progress otherwise we get left behind. Feelings change and seasons change...the feelings that I felt about work have drastically changed and the feelings about certain people have changed both for the good and for the bad. More importantly for me as of late something that I’ve really been meditating on is that seasons change. Periods of hardship, of struggle, of harvest and of growth. We all go through seasons of change and some are tougher than others. Like a garden of a field of crops sometimes it feels like nothing’s happening or nothing’s growing...seasons come and go and that’s what I’ve been reminding myself of. Knowing and understanding that yeah you might be going through a tough or difficult time right now, your season will come because seasons change, they always do...in time.

For My Brothers

"These my brothers I ain't even gotta say it that's just something they know..." - Drake

Today I got the chance to see 2 of my boys that I don’t really get to see that often that it was super dope. They both moved to different churches so I met up with them separately for lunch and dinner. Honestly it’s funny because we talked about very similar things. One thing being like when you’re really good friends with somebody, it doesn’t matter how often you see them or how often you talk to them because when you do get that chance to meet up and catch up, it’s always all love and nothing’s changed. How much you talk to them or how often you see them shouldn’t and doesn’t determine how good of friends you are. Granted I have friends who I see and talk to on a regular basis and that’s perfectly fine. Especially now that I’m working full time, it’s really hard to find time to chill with people in general...but as much as that sucks, I’m really happy to know all my friends are grinding and working really hard at school or at work. Like I wanna see my boys succeed and do well. A lot of my friends recently got new jobs, promotions or are starting school...and it’s just dope to see because you wanna see your friends succeed. My boy recently went to the U.K. to teach for a year and I’m super happy for him, I’m sad to know I won’t get to see him for a year but that doesn’t mean we’re gonna stop being friends. My other boy has been grinding his life away in San Francisco for a good year and whenever he does come back, it’s all love and we catch up and it’s a good time. Obviously the selfish part of me wants to be able to see my friends and talk to them on a consistent basis, but I understand the grind that is life and how life takes everyone on different paths sometimes. But like today for example, my 2 friends I was so used to seeing every week at church I now only see here and there and we have to really put in that effort to coordinate a meet up. I was telling my friend at dinner that when life gets more busy and you get older, all your time goes to like your family that it really takes a concentrated effort to meet up with your friends and it’ll be a true test of your friendship based on the people you reach out to you know? Kinda like when you’re in a relationship, when you really love and care for your friends...you want the best for them and their triumphs are your triumphs...loving them sometimes means letting them go, but also trusting that you’ll cross paths again eventually. So my boy paid for dinner today and it just reminded me or this conversation my other group of friends and I always have. Waiting for that day when we’re all financially stable enough to go out together and someone different always pics up the bill, we don’t worry about splitting the cheque and stuff. Dinner tonight was just a glimpse of that for me cuz I told my boy, guess I got you next time. So yeah...it was just a really nice reminder for me that despite having those friends that I do see and talk to on a consistent basis...how great of friends you aren’t isn’t determined by how often you talk or see each other. Till next time, peace.

I'm Not Good Enough

I think there’s a really big difference between being confident and simply having hope, having a belief in yourself. I think confidence can be easily misconstrued like oh chill dude don’t be so overconfident. That or confidence can easily turn into arrogance very quick. I’ve never really been a confident dude, I’ve always been a shy, behind the scenes kinda guy and I’ve grown to relish that role for the most part, it fluctuates depending on the circle of friends I’m around. But I’ve had the same thoughts that I’m sure a lot of you have had throughout your life...

I’m not good enough

I’m not smart enough

I’m not pretty/good looking enough

I’m not wealthy enough

I’m not cool enough

And I mean sometimes these feelings feel warranted because of whatever situation we’re in. Getting passed up for a job, failing classes, getting rejected, disappointing your parents, getting picked last or not getting picked at all, being left out. The situations that we face in life often dictate how we feel, as it should. But this is just a healthy reminder to you and of course always to myself...that it’s not just about what happens to you but it’s more about how you react and respond to that. Cuz you can choose to still be happy and content despite crappy things happening to you. I’ve learned and come to turns that that’s life...and I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason. That especially the bad things, the times in my life where I question the purpose of it...those moments especially are meant to help me grow, to learn and to become a man. I still go through negative situations, it still sucks, I still think negative thoughts at times...but I always move forward and remind myself that I can choose to react and respond however I want, I don’t need to let negativity drag me down...I can respond with positivity and contentment. Only reason I’m saying all this is because a couple people as of late were telling me how they appreciate and really like the “chill vibe” and just positive mindset I give off. I mean I’ve lived a long life...jokes LOL, I dunno...it’s just experience and the things that I’ve seen and heard from the people around me. It’s shaped me into the person I am today and the beliefs and mindset that I have as well.

The End Is Near

Hey y’all...it’s been a while, 3 weeks to be exact since I’ve posted. Definitely an unintentional hiatus, I’ve just been busy grinding and doing life...yeah I’ve been using that term as of late, “doing life”. I’ve been so busy with work and resting/catching up with everything else on the few days I have off that I honestly haven’t even been thinking about blogging these past 3 weeks. What’s more weird and kinda scary is that I even forgot I had a blog at some points. I mean it’s good and bad right? Good to know that just like with everything else...life goes on. I used to wonder what and if I could live life without this blog and if it would be any different. It’s good to know that life continues to move on. It’s good to know as much as I’m known for this blog, at the end of this day it doesn’t define me and my life y’feel? Now the bad...it’s bad in a sense that well maybe the end is near. This is my first taste of the true grind of life, that full time 40 hour week grind, where you hardly have time for sleep, let alone friends and family and then blogging and other stuff. I dunno...I don’t know if I’m ready to say goodbye, but I also don’t know if I have the time to keep this up at a consistent basis. Moving forward it feels like life only seems to get busier and the things on your plate may not pile up higher, but they do get more important and take more time to finish. So yeah, I don’t really know what the move is atm, I just wanted to catch y’all up on my life and what I’ve been up to. Been getting up at 5 am for my morning shifts and staying till 11 pm for my night shifts. It sucked at first but now that I’ve been there for a month and settled down, it’s gotten much better. Like anything in life, it’s a grind and it’s hard word. Perseverance is what I’ve been reminding myself as of late. Thank you for always sticking with me through my craziness and bs lol, till next time...peace.

The Learning Curve

Hey I know it’s been a while, I’ve been doing life...and you know, trying to be an adult. So tangent for a second...I was driving home and it was like perfect weather cuz the sun was starting to set so it wasn’t hot anymore but it was cool with a slight breeze. Just seeing so many kids riding their bikes, at the park and just playing outside with their friends...man it hit me hard lol. I’m not ready to be adult...and tbh I don’t think I ever will be. I don’t think anybody is ever truly ready for adulthood, no many how prepared you think you are. All you kids out there...cherish that ish, right now your biggest responsibility is just doing your homework and cleaning your room, your next responsibility is to just enjoy your youth to fullest cuz once it’s gone, it’s gone lol. Found this tweet way too relatable lol...

So anyways, with anything new or with any change...often comes a learning curve, a brief point in time to get used to whatever it is that’s in front of you. Whether it’s learning to ride your bike, learning a new language or learning to drive a car, it all comes with a period of learning. Now obvs each person differs in their learning curve, some people learn faster than others but also some things are easier to learn than others. I always wanna throw out there that some people are just better and faster at learning certain things than other things. I feel like I pick up on sports and video games every quickly because I have that muscle memory. I have a friend who learned a language through watching dramas. But see not everyone can do that. Some periods of learning are harder than others. When I made the transition from playing NBA Live to NBA 2K, the transition was hard at first but it was short. However when I was taking Stats in university, I knew absolutely nothing about it and the learning curve was harder and the period was longer. What I’m saying is that hardship is part of the learning curve, you’re gonna make mistakes and you might not get it on the first try. For someone like myself it sucks cuz I like being a quick learner and I like getting it right as soon as possible. I hate being stuck in the beginner stages constantly having to do introduction or beginner tasks...but that’s all part of the learning curve, building a foundation that will allow you to really grasp whatever it is you’re trying to learn. I think it’s easy to get unmotivated or to want to give up when things aren’t going your way or it’s harder than you expected. And that’s kinda what led me to where I am today. I started a new job recently and the first little while was absolutely brutal and there was a single passing moment where I didn’t think about quitting. I’d wake up every morning contemplating it, no lie...my friends kept telling me to grind it out, grind it out, this is what being an adult is all about. But man it was hard to silence that thought in my head of wanting to quit. But I stuck it out, persevered and I’m still here thankfully. It hasn’t really gotten easier, maybe slightly, but it’s moreso been me getting used to it, getting over that learning curve and proceeding to normality. For some people and for something....the learning curve like I said is easier or it’s shorter. For things you enjoy or are good at obviously it’s easier to learn than for something that’s foreign. For me...the learning curve I’ve been facing lately isn’t just this new job but it’s becoming an adult, being responsible, embracing hardship and grinding it out. I mean it isn’t easy and as much advice as you can get from friends and family, it’s still up to you to do and live your own life and each individual operates differently, things that work for one person may not work for another. So yeah, here I am...facing the learning curve of life, taking it one step at a time, trying my best to become a grown up lol. I wonder if all of this made any sense...oh well, till next time...peace.

Retreat 2018

Retreat 2014

Retreat 2015

Retreat 2016

Retreat 2017

Y’already know what it is, so every year my church has a summer retreat where we go away for a weekend of like worship, games, fun and fellowship. Retreat is always something I’ve looked forward to, but this year was much different. I can safely say that this year, I honestly didn’t wanna go. Like some years I’ll feel like man, I’m not gonna have fun but I’ll suck it up...this year I just straight up didn’t wanna go. But something inside of me was like “hey Rod, just give it a chance.” I just remember sitting down with my friend as the retreat was about to start...seeing a bunch of kids and teens sitting around us...my friend and I looking at each other like wow why’re we here, man we look so outta place LOL. But as the weekend progressed, my mentality and my feelings changed drastically...and God really hit me hard and answered a lot of the questions I’ve been having for a real long time (but I’ll talk about that another time).

For one...the theme verse for this years retreat...James 1:2-4. It may or may not be familiar to you, but for me...well that’s the same exact verse I have tattooed on my arm, it’s also my first tattoo and the one that means the most to me. Right then and there, seeing that that was the theme verse for the retreat, I knew for sure that was no coincidence...that was God hitting me with the “bruh, c’mon now” face. So the whole retreat, we kept going back to that verse and it was just overall really refreshing...a reminder that trials are necessary, to look past them and see the purpose and end goal. To find joy knowing that if there’s trial, there’s something so much better that were being prepared and refined for.

To sum this retreat up...it was honestly being able to talk to, chill and hang out with people I don’t normally and never get the chance to. The first day, I came a bit early...so my boy and another guy I don’t really talk to that often chilled in my room for like 2 hours just playing board games and talking. After the program had finished, the night was ours to just chill and hang out. So first we went to McDonald’s and we made my boy do the ‘In My Feelings’ challenge LOL. It somehow blew up and ppl who didn’t even follow me on Instagram saw it. But lemme tell you the highlight of the retreat was definitely water pong, this stupid kid (LOL) asked me beforehand hey let’s play water pong at retreat (beer pong with water) and I was like bruh, whatever I don’t mind, wondering if he was semi joking. So I see him at retreat and he’s like yo I brought cups and ping pong balls LOL. I’m actually glad he did because it was really fun and brought a lot of different people together. Apologizes to the cleaning lady tho lol. So it was maybe like 12 or 1 ish and I was going back and forth between rooms just chilling with different people when I saw one of the kids walking by herself so I was like oh hey why don’t you join one of the rooms and like chill with them. She didn’t really seem bout it so I asked if she wanted to go play pool and talk or something. We ended up chilling for like 2 hours...it was super random, fun and personal all at the same time lol. We both just kept asking each other random, personal and dumb questions. So thank you for that, it was a good time. So after that I went back to my room and my boy was still awake so we ended up talking for another 2 hours just about life and how we’ve been and what we’ve been up to cuz we haven’t caught up in a while. I had to be like yeah we should sleep cuz it was 5 am and we had to get up at 8 for breakfast lol.

So day 2...lemme tell you I was so excited for breakfast cuz my friend kept hyping it up saying there was hot foods and stuff. BRO, there was muffins, toast and cereal...I could’ve slept in for another hour, hella cheesed LOL. Lunch was cool cuz these 2 kids asked to sit with my boy and I and yeah, I never really talked to them that much so it was nice being able to sit down and chat with them about random stuff. The day was definitely a blur cuz I was running on 3 hours of sleep...napped here and there, water pong here and there. Then it was dinner and it was cool sitting in a booth with like 6 of us guys just chilling...it reminded me of like when my boys used to come to retreat and we would squad up. So yeah that night, again I was really back and forth between rooms cuz I wanted to chill with as many different people as possible. My friend wanted to show me a book she was reading and it really hit me the segment that she wanted me to see. I won’t go into super detail, maybe I’ll save it for another time...but one thing it said was how we focus so much on the differences we have with people in church rather than the similarities, rather the most important similarity that we love God. That really hit me cuz coming into retreat I was all like man...none of my friends are going, I’m older than everyone, they’re all kids, what am I gonna talk to them about and just all these questions and worries about how we’re so DIFFERENT that I didn’t really think to see that we might have a lot in common as well.

Retreat this year was honestly such a good time, well I guess one reason is cuz I had low expectations, but God really used this opportunity to speak to me. To take me away from my friends, my comfort zone, put me in a new, scary and different environment and challenge me to really be there and make the most of it. It also wasn’t until yesterday night when I was in bed thinking about this post that it really, really hit me. Everything that I’ve been questioning and thinking about had suddenly become much, much clearer. Where I am, where do I wanna be? What is my calling? Is this the place for me? So yeah, that was my weekend...it gives me hope and excitement for not only next years retreat but just everything leading up to it...seeing where God leads me and this church. So yeah, till next time...peace out.

The Worst Neighbour

If you need more affirmation that I'm a terrible neighbour, read about the time "I Broke Into My Neighbour's Backyard"

So you know those stereotypical neighbourhoods in movies...where like someone moves into the neighbourhood and everyone’s like hella friendly and some lady named Betty or Sue will probably ring your doorbell with a pie or some sort of dessert? I’ve always lowkey wished to have that LOL. But unfortunately I’m probably like the worst neighbour ever. For one, I’ve never really gotten to know any of my neighbours, outside of like saying hi whenever we see each other outside. So before I got my own basketball net outside my house, I used to sneakily play on one of my neigubour’s nets LOL. I legit never saw him use it, I don’t think he was even into basketball, so I would always be peering through my upstairs window waiting for their car to leave and I would run outside and shoot around for short spurts of time in case they case back LOL. I guess one day I was having too much fun and lost track of how long I had been there and next thing I knew I saw their van pull up and I had to awkward move to the side and stand there and watch them get out of the car. I was like uh...sorry...and they’re like oh it’s cool you can use our net anytime LOL. So fast forward to when I actually got a basketball net, I lived in a town house, so it was attached to another house and our backyards were connected. So this neighbour loved to garden, I’m talking clean cut grass, hella flowers and flowerpots everywhere. So me with my new basketball net and young hoop dreams, I’m out there shooting around every single day and as a result, like trampling all over his grass, the ball rolling onto his flowers, BUT...and this is very important, he was ALWAYS super nice and cool about it. So one day I walk home from school and I see this huge fence separating my backyard and his backyard LOOOOL. Like man your neighbour must really hate you if he builds a big fence so he don’t have to see you ever lol. Anyways, so back to my hoop dreams, so picture this...the basketball net, behind it is the fence (lower than the net but taller than my head), and behind is his backyard. So of course, there’s gonna be a few...actually more like a lot of times where the ball went over the fence and into his backyard. And for the first little while, I was very respectful, would walk all the way around, ring his doorbell, apologize and go get the ball. After a while, I just started hopping the fence because the door was all the way on the other side. So there were PLENTY of instances where the ball would go over and I’d hear glass shatter or I’d hear his voice say something and he’d throw the ball over LOL. The funniest was when I hopped the fence one time, trampled a couple of flowers, pick up the ball and see this man standing behind the screen door staring at me and shaking his head LOOOOL. So one day, I walk home from school...excited to play some basketball, and I see this envelope taped to my door. I open it and written on it says “stop playing basketball” LOOOOL...I’m laughing now, but yooo when I got that letter I was sooooo cheesed, my inner like Batman came out and I was like YO, who put this on my door...I’m gonna search this whole neighbourhood till I find out LOL. Thinking about it now, it was probably the dude who’s flowers I kept stepping on lol. Then I moved and I never saw him again, the end lol...I also got rid of my basketball net recently since I never really use it anymore, the end of an era forreal.