Things I Should’ve Said

So this is something I started probably 2 months ago or so and it was something that got harder to write as time passed cuz it was harder to rechannel the same emotions, feelings and thoughts so I just left it alone. But every now and then I'd try to get in the mood, channel those emotions and slowly chip away at it. It's funny cuz it took a long time to write cuz I'd write a little bit then be like okay this is too sad or I'm not feeling it, let's switch gears lol. But once I found a groove and saw a clear finish line, I channelled my inner Marvin's Room and finished it. 

Things I Should’ve Said
I hope you feel some type of way when you read this shit
I hope you’re thinking to yourself like “am I this chick?”
Like did I have a good thing but then I let it slip
Cuz I was scared to commit to a relationship
I know you didn’t want the title, but you wanted all the perks
Friends with benefits, but nah that ain’t how this shit works
I hope this eats at you for all the stress you put me through
And all the wasted time I spent chasing after you
Try to hit me up again but I’ve moved past your ways
Blowing up my phone like don't you miss the good old days
I was looking to the future, you were looking for some fun
I saw potential in you but I’m also prone to jump the gun
Honestly, there were moments where I thought you were the one
But I see a little clearer now that it’s all said and done
You were a blessing and a curse, but I learned about myself
The importance of communication and my own mental health
I learned to know what you want and never settle for less
I don’t wanna be with somebody who’s not willing to give their best
I should’ve known better when I was sitting waiting for your call
I learned to know when to cut ties when the writings on the wall
You didn’t wanna be a blog post, but I’m sorry here you go
All my heart, hurt and pain just in case you didn’t know
Leftover bitter thoughts, I had to let it all out
This is to and for you just to clear up any doubts
I hope you’re good I wish you well, I wish you happiness and health
I hope you take the time you need to really focus on yourself
I thought about you all the time, put it all into a rhyme
It was the only way I knew to help me get you off my mind
I don’t like these bitter thoughts and I don’t like this bitter place
These are all the thoughts you never let me tell you to your face
Words I never said, words kept deep inside my head
I’ve said all I can say so now I’m moving on ahead

RT

What Do You Think?

“Missin' out on my days, scrolling through life and fishin' for praise. Opinions from total strangers take me out of my ways.” Drake – Emotionless

So I was at work a couple weeks ago and I asked my work mom I was like what do you think of this shirt? She's like you wanna buy it, I'm like yeah I'm thinking about it. She\s like well do you like it and I'm like yeah. She's like well then it doesn't matter what I think, as long as you like it. I walked away and ended up buying it a week later. But that same day, for some reason what she said really hit me and it sat with me until now as I'm writing you this post lol. Cuz then I was at the gym one day and this Drake song came on and this lyric hit me hella hard too and I thought back to what she said about well if you like it why does it matter what I think. I dunno about you, but for me like I'm someone that loves to ask for opinions and thoughts on things...on if I should buy this, on what I should do in this situation or in that situation...it's always nice to hear different views and perspectives...but the thing with me is I\m always easily swayed or like sometimes I'll change my mind about something after hearing someone's thoughts. It made me think about how easily and often I and maybe you are affected by what other people say, think or may think. Like for example...if she had said oh got damn, that shirt's hella ugly or damn that wouldn't look good on you, I wonder if I would've still bought it...maybe yes, but it would have certainly weighed on my decision. It's kinda like how sometimes I've already made up my mind on a decision but I'll still ask for input and advice just to hear people out or maybe seek validation, who knows. So thinking about what she said and the Drake lyrics as well...I obviously started thinking of social media...and how that shit can be as toxic as it is fun and fulfilling. Scrolling through life and fishing for praise...I know so many people who post shit just for the likes and the comments and to show like yo yeah I be going out and stuff all the time. Don't get me wrong I'm definitely guilty of that too. Opinions from total strangers take me out of my ways...social media makes me super sensitive and you overreact to criticism...bro I'm so guilty of that. Like especially when I can see like how many people view my stories, are clicking my profile, or sharing my stories...that's a big one cuz my initial assumption is always that people are talking shit...cuz I think about when I share stuff to my groupchats, we're usually roasting people or just like hey yo look at this lol. So because of all this...the whole fishing for praise...and opinions from total strangers affecting us so much...it made me thini...DAMN, this really prevents and hinders you from living a happy life. Like obviously I could say well just get rid of social media and you'll be good...that's a great idea, but I know it's not realisitic for everyone. I think about for myself and for some people...how much time and thought goes into posting the right story, making the perfect caption, posting the right picture out of the 50 that were taken, getting the right filters, lighting, edits...all that stuff. I can't count the number of times I'll be like nah I'm not posting that, that's dumb, or nah I'll just take that down. But why do I feel that way tho...for one it might just be stupid...but a big part of it is like well nah people will think it's dumb or people will think it's stupid so I'm not gonna bother posting it. And if you think about that in like a life context...damn that really prevents you from living a life you want cuz you're so busy thinking about how other people might respond. So now I try not to judge what people do, post or say on their social media...unless it's like hella offensive of course...I mean like if you wanna post your dog, the painting you made, the food you cooked, the nails you did...you do that. Do what makes you happy, post what makes you happy. The more I think about it, I don't think I would've bought that shirt if she said it looked ugly...and that really irks me for some reason...cuz I'm like damn, I went in thinking it was dope, imagining dope fits...and someone elses opinions can totally sway my perspective on it...that's crazy to me. In that same sense man...not even just from a social media standpoint anymore...from a life aspect...do what makes you happy, do what you love...take opinions and advice with a grain of salt...especially when it comes from people who's opinions and thoughts aren't that important to you. I know this post is draggin on a bit...but y'all wanted longer posts lol and I just thought of like a bunch of random instances in my past where people's opinions stopped me from doing what I wanted to do. Like when I was in elementary school, I loved to play yugioh, but my friends didn't think it was cool. One day at recess I decided to play yugioh with these so called \nerdy' kids and I remember my friends seeing me, coming over and laughing at me...after that day I never brought my cards to school or played in public ever again. I took food and nutrition back in high school and dudes made fun of me cuz they said it's a 'girl\ course, dude I almost dtopped out of that course cuz of that...but they made cookies on the first day and I was like BET I'm staying. What I'm trying to say...is don't let people change your mind or your opinion on something when it's already set a certain way...now obvs it depends on context, but I hope you kinda get where I'm coming from. Do what makes you happy, do what you love. I have so much respect for people who can just do whatevery they want with no regard for how they come off to people...cuz they're so carefree, not in an ignorant way...but like, they're just living their life, they don't care what you think or how you see them. With that ALL being said, I hope thi wasn't too long...I'll see y'all soon, PEACE.

Breakups & Dating

So y'all really enjoyed the last post lol, a bunch of y'all hit me up to ask me follow up questions or just to roast that girl LOL. But moving on...a lot of people around me have been going through breakups lately. Now there\s two kinds of relationships, correct me if I'm wrong...there's the ones where you start off as friends then progress to dating and there's the ones where you start off as strangers (or acquaintances) and go straight to dating. Now strangers doesn't have to mean complete strangers, y'all can have mutual friends, maybe you're classmates, coworkers, the point is you're not friends and you go straight into dating. So back to the point about being around and having conversations with people who have been going through breakups lately...it made me think of this...what happens when couples break up in each of those scenarios. What happens when friends start dating, then they break up...and what happens when people who aren't friends start dating and break up? I feel like when you're not friends and you go straight into a relationship, it makes it (kinda) easier to move on and cut it off because y'all (for the most part) don\t have mutual friends and have no real ties to one another other than physical materials and like obviously the emotional attachment especially if you dated for a long time. I feel like when you're friends first, then you go into dating, it leaves room for a lot of possible awkward scenarios. Obviously the biggest one is like well do you stay friends or not...and there's obviously a lot of variables to consider. but like the question of whether to remain friends or not is probs the biggest issue. .Then there's like well what happens if y'all have the same circles of friends, do y'all chill together, do they have to split their time between people, it makes it awkward for the friend circle too. For the friends that I talked to...one of them who wasn't friends with their ex said that it made it a little easier to get over them because they knew they wouldn't see or bump into them at all. I'm also friends with a couple that broke up and have shared circles of friends which makes it really awkward when we're hanging out and there's a lot of he said, she said and picking sides and literally like I said, splitting time between people. I have another friend who has dated or seen a lot of girls on dating apps and when it doesn't work it, it's super easy for them to just cut it all off, block them on social media, or even keep them on social media cuz it is what it is and y'all were never friends in the first place. I can't count the number of random contacts on my phone, random friends on facebook, random followers on instagram that I'll be like yo who the heck is that??? Then I'm like ohhhh I met them on tinder or something and we went out a couple times LOL. Breakups are never easy and they're not supposed to be...I just had a little thought LOL, I'm literally that meme where it's like that one friend who's single but is always giving dating advice LOOOOL smh. Anyways lol, I have a friend who all his past girlfriends were girls he went straight into dating and he said it makes it less complicated if it were to not work out, which is an interesting perspective. I feel like for me...and this is also why I know dating apps aren't for me...I need that emotional connection...like I need to be able to vibe with you. And that's kinda where I've been at lately, great segway  I know. I was listening to a podcast and this dude who's like 35 or something, tall and super good looking, he's like yeah I've never taken a girl home from a bar or a club (not saying he wouldn't)...but for him he's like it's all about the vibe, the chemistry an the energy. He went onto say when the chemistry is right, it opens up everything else...and I really resonated with that. The question always comes up at work oh would you date a coworker...in general and ppl ask me specifically as well lol. It's interesting because back to the whole vibe and chemistry thing...as of late, when you meet someone or like are around them for a good enough amount of time...you kinda categorize them into either they're a homie or I would see myself dating them...now obviously that could change over time....but it's something I've noticed myself doing with people I meet or get to know. Just based on like the vibe, our chemistry and stuff...it's like alright they've got dope vibes, but they're just one of the homies...or it's like okay they've got a really dope vibe and I could see myself dating or pursuing them. But anyways...not sure how or why I segwayed from break ups to dating and vibes and chemistry LOOL...I'll see y'all soon, School just started so I'll probs hit y'all with an update on life soon, PEACE.

Fight Or Flight

So it’s been a while lol...I figured might as well come back and hit y’all with a funny story at least. So I work in retail and there’s been a few thefts lately at my store, we call them Code 11’s so when we say it on the walkie talkie, people won’t hear us go “yeah so someone just stole a shirt”. So anyways this was definitely a long while ago, I was having a conversation with a coworker in the fitting room and she’s all mad about something. For context, she’s like this really short 18 year old girl. So she’s all mad about something, I’m like what’s up. She’s like these 2 guys stole a shirt in the fitting room and I’m mad because I wanted to chase them down. She was like NO ONE steals from me. I was like first off, relax lol why do you care so much (I know eh I’m a great employee LOL). She’s like well I hate that it was on my watch and yada yada. She kept insisting on wanting to chase them down to confront them or like beat them up or something LOL. So I was like hold up...first of all, you’re like 5 feet tall and hella unintimidatihg. Second, there’s 2 of them and 1 of you and you don’t know if they have like a weapon of some sort. So here’s where the conversation gets good...but also a little concerning LOL. She’s like I don’t care, no one steals from me, I would’ve stopped them. So I started painting scenarios for her...I’m like okay, LISTEN, you’re telling me if you go and confront these dudes and say one of them pulls a knife on you, what’re you gonna do? I SWEAR I CANNOT MAKE THIS UP...she goes “I’ll take it away from them.” LOOOOOOL bro...I was dying but also super concerned for this girls potential well being. For more context, no she doesn’t know any kind of martial arts, she wasn’t trained by Ip Man and she isn’t related to John Wick or anything, she’s just some regular little girl lol. So I’m like hold up...you’re gonna take it away from them, what do you mean, how’re you gonna do that? She’s like I’ll just take it away. I honestly don’t think she was getting it LOL. So I literally changed the situation and was like okay what happens if someone tries to mug you on the street and pulls a knife or better yet A GUN on you, what would you do? My friends...I kid you not...she goes “I’ll take it away from them.” At this point I literally feared for her potential safety cuz I’m like if this girl ever faces a situation like this, she really gonna think she’s Batman and try to be a hero LOL. At this point I was like okay, let’s physically play out the scenario, in the middle of the fitting room where customers could walk back and forth (but thankfully didn’t) LOL. I grabbed a hanger and I stood like a meter away her and I’m like imagine I’m a robber, I’m pointing a gun at you and I’m telling you to give me your wallet, how’re you gonna take this from me? She literally tried to walk to me and take the hanger from my hand, I was like STOP, bro you’re dead. I had to end the convo cuz we were in the middle of work but I was like YO, just know and remember...if someone ever pulls a weapon on you and asks you for whatever, don’t ask questions and don’t do anything besides give them what they want. She was literally like are you sure????? I’m like BRO...if you take anything away from this conversation, it’s that if anyone ever tries to rob you, give them whatever they want. Don’t resist, don’t talk back, don’t try to call Batman, just give them what they want and go. I was like any material thing that you own can’t be worth your life. I walked away from the fitting room and I was like holy...I may have just saved a life LOL...if this girl (knock on wood) ever goes through something like that, she would’ve literally put herself in serious danger. Somehow a funny conversation about theft ended up becoming a serious conversation about fight or flight and knowing when to pick your battles LOL. Sorry I’ve been mia, I’ll see y’all sooner than later, PEACE.