Full Circle

So last week was really busy just because I had 2 assignments due and 2 presentations as well, so I kinda had to manage my time effectively and plan my assignments accordingly cuz it was literally group presentation on Tuesday, assignment due midnight Wednesday, presentation Thursday, assignment due Friday midnight, but I also had work in the evening lol. So it was kinda a stressful time, not because the work itself was super hard or complicated, but just cuz it felt like there was a lot to do and I felt a little overwhelmed. Anyways, so I did my 2 presentations last week and I felt really great about it and I also did really well on them also. The reason I bring it up is because after my first presentation, a bunch of my classmates were like wow you're a real good speaker, this one girl was like yeah you speak really well, like a teacher LOL. So fast forward to my presentation on Thursday, after I finished, again a different set of classmates were like yeah you were super engaging and charismatic, you're a really good speaker LOL. The only reason I bring this up is because when I look back at myself in high school, university...even maybe a couple years ago, I would never consider myself a good publi speaker, nor would I ever describe myself as engaging or charismatic lol. I think back to my brother's wedding and giving the best man speech, a lot of his friends were like yeah you were super engagin and your speech was really dope. Some of my friends and coworkers have literally told me like yo you should vlog or something, you have that vlogger voice LOOOL...I've also heard like “yo you should start a podcast, you have a really good voice” LOOOL. Okay, so I'm not telling you this to hype myself up...even tho it was pretty joke s to hear all these things...nor am I telling you there's a podcast on the way or that I'm gonn start vlogging lol...it's just really cool to be able to look back at the shy, nervous and timid kid that I was...and now, a still kinda shy, but more confident man. Part of my presentation, I said like hey...I'm still super shy and quiet, but when given the opportunity to speak, to present or whatever, I don't shy away from it and it doesn't really make me that uncomfortable anymore to do presentations or to speak in public. So it's like...I don't outwardly seek these situations out...just cuz I'm shy and i'd rather not...but like if I'm put in a situation where I have to...I don't really mind it lol. It's just funny looking back cuz I was that kid during presentations who'd read off the slide or read directly off my notes y'feel...but for my presentations last week, I made an effort to know what I was talking about, be able to glance down at my notes which only contained key words, then just go off on my own. What I'm trying to say is...it's always refreshing and humbling to see your own personal growth. When life hits you hard, when you feel drained and exhausted...take a look back at the journey you've been through to get to the point you're at right now. Personal growth is so much more than just physical and mental....but it's emotional, it's psychological. It was really cool hearing my classmates say that about me cuz it's something I've never really seen in myself, so for it to be acknolwedged was really cool. It's kinda like a caterpillar evolving into a cocoon and eventually a butterfly...you see that slow growth and improvement in yourself and it's a really rewarding feeling. And again, growth comes in all shapes and sizes...it's all about progress...whether babysteps or significant improvements...everyone grows and progresses differently, but eventually it all comes full circle.

Practice & Preparation

I don’t think you can ever fully be prepared for anything...an interview, a first date, orientation, first day of class...it’s nice to be and feel prepared, but I think one of the most important qualities is being flexible and being able to adapt on the fly...because things can change really fast or you might get hit with something you didn’t prepare for or weren’t expecting. As much planning as I’ve done in my life for certain events and situations...sometimes you really do have to just go with the flow and kinda wing it you know. I understand some people need order and organization and direction...but that only gets you so far is what I’m saying. Some people are the kinds of people to follow instructions to the letter...like say cooking or baking, but sometimes you kinda have to eyeball it or go by taste. Or what if you don’t have an ingredient and the stores are closed, a lot of life is about adapting to your situation and surroundings and making the best of what’s around you because not everything is going to go exactly the way you plan and prepare for it. There’s no ‘formula’ I can give you for life...or trust me I’d memorize that shit...life is about just taking what you get and making the best of it, adapting yourself to your situation. Rejection, failure, heartbreak...that’s all stuff we never really expect or prepare for, but it happens and it’s important to be ready and to be able to adapt to whatever comes after.

Edit: So I wrote this a couple days ago and it’s just funny how nervous people get...or how nervous I get before important events. The night before my placement interview I was super jittery and I couldn’t sleep. Just yesterday I kept rereading my presentation notes to make sure I was ready. This morning I was going to go over it again on the bus and I was like NO...you’re ready for this, you need to relax...you’ve done enough practicing and preparing, when the time comes just do it. It’s just funny that feeling we get of nervousness and anxiousness and that overwhelming feeling of being unprepared lol. Isn’t that why we like go over things in our head, do a double take in the mirror to make sure we look good, reread notes, all these things, it’s just funny lol.

Random Thoughts

Is it weird to feel like I don't have enough time and I have too much time at the same time? Somebody put that in a verse, it sounds fire. Anyways, if you follow the blog this is something I did back in the day to just kinda spitball at you guys...lately, the blog's been slacking yeah yeah we get it...but fam, the well is empty, it's dry...I honestly have nothing to talk about lol, nothing major's been going on. So instead of just going ghost, why not just hit you guys with everything that I HAVE been thinking about, but not enough to make a post about lol. For one, I'm taking it that there's only a month left in my first semester at college, time literally flies. I feel like time moves really fast when you think of it in alarger context...like in my one semester for one course, there's only 12 classes...take that in, yeah it's once a week over a 3 month period but to think that you digest everything, do all the tests and projects and assignments in 12 classes is pretty crazy. And at work they give you your schedule like a few weeks or sometimes even a month ahead, it makes you look at time in a larger context. Speaking of school, looking for a placement is probably the only thing I'm really stressed about atm because I gotta find one for December. Searching for placements has reminded me that rejection is a natural and healthy part of life. I had an interview for one yesterday that I really wanted but I found out today I didn't get in. It's funny cuz I don't really get too nervous about the actual interview, I've gotten gotten comfortable with it...but yeah, I was kinda bummed at first, but at the end of the day it is what it is and I just gotta get back on the horse and keep searching for placements...rejection is a natural part of life. Oh yeah, so on the flip side of not having enough time...I feel like I have so much time on my hands in the sense that I find myself thinking a lot...about random people, events, situation,s, circumstances. I think about people a lot...and of course memorably events and situations...which are often linked to people. Sometimes I miss people, I think about what went wrong, what changed. I think about fun road trips, nights out and great conversations. On the flip side to change...it made me think about how much stays the same, consistent, it just evolves. I think about being at my current job for over a year and seeing all the faces that have come, gone and are still here...I think about my parents or people I know who;ve been with the same person for a lengthy amount of time, it's crazy when we think about change we forget how crazy it is that some things can stay the same for a long time too. So my car battery recently at a gas station with my parents and long story short all of our friends were busy or didn't know how to help that we started asking people at the gas station for help and this young boy in high school helped us out no questions asked. It made me think of the other time my car battery died...calling all my friends and they were busy, my parents didn't know what to do, I was stuck by myself at the mall. I called my friend and he said he could help, but he was in north york with his girlfriend, he said to call him back if I couldn't find anybody...I tried, but couldn't...so this guy left his girlfriend and drove from north york to help boost my battery, damn. It made me think of the time I got a flat tire and literally like 5-6 of my boys and I are standing around looking up and watching videos on how to fix a flat tire lol, we even called over another friend who lived nearby to come help us out. I think back to that time my friend had a flat tire and I went to go help her even tho I wasn't too sure what I was doing, but I did it and I was dang proud I did it myself lol. I've had a lot of time to think about life lately. Maybe it's cuz at school I zone out and at work I definitely zone out so I'm always daydreaming or thinking about random stuff LOL. Anyways, I've been thinking about life lately...and you ever feel like you're going down the wrong path, like you know it's the wrong path...but you still keep going. It's funny cuz I feel like growing up, whatever your parents, religion or school teaches you...you're taught to think of what is right and wrong and like whether you're on the right track or not...but like I've been learning in social service work...everything depends on the person and the situation. I dunno where I'm going with this...but I'll end with it...I just feel like I'm lost right now, wandering aimlessly...and I know I shouldn't be...but I don't know which is the right direction I should be moving in. I feel like I'm lacking a lot of guidance and direction in my life right now lol...till next time, whenever that is...peace.

Time, Effort, Energy

So this is one of those posts I had saved in my phone from a long time ago and I'd add to it every now and then when something inspired me along the same lines, but I never got to actually writing it..until now. So I was working on Saturday and we do this thing before every shift called team talk where the manager and people will go over the previous day's sales and random stuff they want us to know about. So my manager, some Japanese dude who's english isn't great and speaks with a hella high voice (just for context and your imagination) starts going on some inspirational Coach Carter speech as if he's trying to win game 7 of the NBA finals LOOOOL...the dude starts going off about valuing your life and your time and putting in the best effort at work or some random shit...in my head I'm just like got damn, if anything...the speech really motivated me to be like well shit...maybe I should be investing my time in something important to me...and it sure ain't this place LOL. If anything it really made me think about whether I see this place in any sort of aspect in my future...which is a hard no to be honest lol. So anyways...let's flashback a couple months, I was in a random section at work folding clothes, daydreaming about random stuff, wondering when the store would close down...you know, the usual stuff LOL. I had a moment where I was like damn...if I put as much time, effort, energy and thought and love and care into this job as I do say like my blog for example...imagine the possibilities LOL I mean I laugh now...but it was a real thought lol...imagine I took all the effort and energy I put into this blog...and put it into something practical, 9 years of work, of my life, of dedication as some people like to tell me...imagine if I transferred that into a career or something, It was a sad thought that I had when I was folding clothes, cuz I'm usually sad when I'm at work cuz it drains you of your soul lol....but it was a real thought that I had lol. That then made me ask the age old question...am I still gonna be doing this when I'm like 30 (blogging I mean)? Like what do I really have to show for this...900,000 views, 9 years worth of posts...some people think it's hella dope...but at that time I was like man can I even consider these like real accomplishments or achievements in comparison to other people who like make a huge sale, close a big deal, earn a huge salary...things some people would consider 'legitimate' milestones. I think the real question I had in my mind at that time was at the end of the day...what do I really have to show for it...is it just the view...at the end of the day it's just a bunch of words on a page...a collection of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. Again...these are all thoughts that I was having when I was standing there in a random sections (M6 for my coworkers) folding clothes lol. With 1 million coming up and 10 years fast approaching...it's made me wondering about the purpose of this blog. I've mentioned the inevitable choice of me one day quitting this blog, but as of late...it's kinda been where I've been finding purpose, it's been the one constant thing in my life as of late. I thought about life without the blog...without this outlet to share and express myself and it made me feel kinda empty...lonely even. Obvs y'all are gonna say well just talk to your friends...yeah, but it's a different kind of expression if you get me. Honestly...a thought I had to myself...when I see myself stopping is maybe when I settle down and find a wife and start a family...because then my wife will be that outlet for me...to share and express everything as I do on this platform...she'll be that purpose y'feel? I mean who knows...maybe I'll take my friend's advice and switch up the blog to like a family blog and tell your boring stories about the stupid stuff my kids do LOL...we'll cross that bridge when we get to it...till then, see y'all soon...peace.