Single Thoughts

So whenever I meet up with people I haven’t seen in a while...whether friends, old teachers, relatives or whatever...one thing they like is how’s the girl situation, seeing or talking to anybody, how’s the relationships? Or people will ask me like oh who’s that girl on your ig or your snap lol. For a while most of my closest friends were all in serious and long term relationships. I won’t lie, sometimes I do think about that kinda stuff...but honestly and for the most part, it’s something I haven’t really and don’t really think about too often. I mean life is just so busy with work, friends, family and trying to balance everything in between that there isn’t much time to think about that stuff. I mean when you’re in a relationship, a lot of your time goes to and should go to your significant other and I don’t know if y’all know it or not but it is a really big commitment physically, mentally and emotionally. I haven’t even been thinking about blogging too much because much hasn’t been happening, my mind’s just been in grind mode recently and it’s become kinda a routine...work, gym, chill with friends and family, me time, repeat. But 2 months ago around Valentine’s Day, I read something a friend posted and had the time to really sit there and think about this whole thing for a while and it inspired me to write this. I wrote it 2 months ago, but kept editing it the more I reread it. It got to a point where I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post it anymore, yet here we are...and here it is...enjoy

Single Thoughts
Lonely thoughts sometimes creep into my mind
I try to search for love and only lust is what I find
I try to preach patience but who really wants to wait
So I try to force the cards by going on random dates

I came pretty close, I thought I almost found the one
From first date to first kiss, something beautiful had begun
But time passed and feelings faded as they sometimes tend to do
I felt hurt and all alone when she left my heart in two

Sometimes the timing isn’t right, that’s just outta your control
I want it to happen naturally, like chicken soup for the soul
But it gets hard and it gets tempting when you see a pretty face
You start to think that maybe she’s the one to fill the empty space

But then that moment of realization hits you hard like a bus
You start to tell yourself damn, you really acting kinda suss
That’s when I catch myself, slow it down and take a step back
Entitle this single thoughts as it all fades to black

The Next Chapter

So you know when you read books you often tell yourself like oh I’ll stop at the next chapter and continue later on, cuz you don’t wanna stop at a random page and then pick back up, you wanna finish the chapter because that’s where you’re intended to pause or take a break, it’s the end of one part and the beginning of another. I remember when I would read books and have that mindset, but some chapters would feel waaaay longer than others...where I’d be like damn is it almost done yet, I gotta go to sleep or do something else. Whereas other chapters are hella short and you’re just like alright maybe I’ll just read another chapter or a little bit more. I’ve been thinking a lot about the people on my life (because that’s what I do, I think a lot) and in the same way that you go through seasons in life, in relationships and in friendships...some seasons seem way longer than others and some seasons seem way shorter than others. Also similarly how our Canadian winters feel waaay longer than they should be lol. So anyways I’ve been thinking about the people, the situations and the experiences in your life...how if your life is your own personal story, then each situation or person in your life represents a chapter in your story. How some situations are short, some are long, some are recurring and some stay with your forever. Same with the people in your life...some people are in your life for a chapter or two, some people feel like they’ve been in your life way too long and it’s kinda time to close the chapter on that part. Does that make sense? I say this because I feel like I have been closing certain chapters in my story and am making a conscious effort to do it more. Only reason I say this cuz I was gonna make a post about this topic but changed my mind, it’s about how you can spend a lot of time thinking about people and how they’re doing and that feeling isn’t reciprocated. Granted it’s like if I think about someone random from school I’m not gonna expect them to wonder how I’m doing. But when it comes to your friends or the people you care about and hope to care about you, you kinda hope or expect them to have you in her heart, wondering how you’re doing and all that. So I say that I’ve been making a conscious effort to close certain chapters in my life because I just wanna surround myself with people who care about me, enough to tell me, enough to reach out to me and all that Jazz. Thinking about this post now, not even rereading it, it probably sounds hella confusing, just one of those posts that makes a lot more sense in my head than it does when I put it on paper lol. Peace.

Do You Still Talk To Your Ex?

So I was talking to a friend (that’s how most of these posts start) a few weeks back and he was like hey remember that girl you were seeing that summer a few years back, do you still talk to her? And I was just like nah, not at all lol...I mean it wasn’t a bad break where you unfollow each other on all social media and cut each other off, but it was one of those things where we weren’t friends to begin with. She was someone I met, we hit it off and dated for a while. It’s something I’ve thought about very rarely, but it’s like would I hit her up and be like hey how’s it going, or like hey wanna go out sometime...and tbh the answer is no, like it didn’t work out and that was that, because we weren’t really friends to begin with we didn’t have any foundation or anything to fall back on. It’s like alright we’re not seeing each other so...there’s no point to keep in contact lol. Then that made me think about my other ex, one that after we broke up, we saw each other and talked quite a bit...and we were very on and off for a long while. But the difference with this one was that we were friends first, we had mutual interests, then we kinda caught feelings and went from there. It’s very interesting to think about cuz it’s that age old question of like oh do you or would you still talk to your ex and I think it depends a lot of the situation and the relationship that you have with that person. I was listening to a podcast and someone asked a question like oh my ex and I have been still seeing each other and hooking up but I’m trying to move on? Then the topic kinda shifted to like why do we keep the lines of communication open with an ex...the number one thing is familiarity, comfort, you’re used to them, the memories, the feelings and it’s hard to let that stuff go. Going back to them is like going to an old house, finding an old toy or something...there’s so much nostalgia and (mostly) good memories that you’re like wow this feels nice, it feels right. But yeah it’s again just interesting hearing from my friends about their breakups and continuing to talk to or cut off their exes. But anyways yeah, till next time...peace.

Let’s Be Friends, But Not All The Time

Hey so first of all, thanks for all the love and support for the previous post. I think it’s something everyone struggles with, no matter who you are or what environment you’re in.

So anyways, I feel like there are different tiers of friendships. Now I know I’ve talked about like your direct circle or friends then the other circles around or outside of that circle. But this is a bit different, for one there are the friends that you can see everyday...the ones that you can literally do anything and nothing with and still enjoy their company. Then there’re also the friends that you don’t necessary see that often, but your level of friendship remains the same...the love that y’all have for each other isn’t determined by how often you see each other. I have so many of these friends who are grinding/working in diff countries, diff cities, or just life has taken us on different paths and to different places that don’t allow for us to see each other that often, but when push comes to shove it’s all love and we got each other’s backs. Then there’re the friends that you care about, that you’re close with, but it’s a concerted choice not to see them on a daily basis. By this I mean like these are friends that you can only take in doses and see every now and then because if you did see them everyday, it’d be waaay too much. Whether conflicting personalities, views or y’all just get sick of each other, I think about this a lot because sometimes I get hella sick or annoyed at some of my friends...it’s not an angry feeling, it’s more like alright I’ve gotten my weekly/monthly dose of you and now I’m good to go, any more and I might punch you in the face LOL. It’s funny cuz I use to think completely different, I thought that the sign of a healthy and strong friendship meant you had to see each other as often as possible and do as much as you can together, but now my train of thought has changed. There are some friends that I love and I love seeing, but only once in a while, catching up, hearing how they’re doing and all the things they’ve done in the time I haven’t seen them and then we go on our merry ways until the next time we see each other lol. Do you have friends like that? Friends you sincerely care for and about but you can’t see them everyday because it’d be too much? Lol anyways, with that, I’ll see y’all soon!